"𝓞𝓱 𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓷
𝓛𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝔂
𝓘 𝓪𝓫𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰
𝓘𝓽 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝔀𝓼 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓭𝓪𝔂
𝓔𝓷𝓭𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓲𝓷 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼"

Jaemin walked up on his way to his home after finishing his duty on cafe. Feeling happy with the time spent there with his best friend,he walked on with the memory flashing through before his eyes. He slightly shivered with the air blowing around making him rub his skin to create some warmth. He jogged feeling heart race up and a bit of adrenaline rush through him. He felt warm yet breathe less the time he reached his destination.

He opened the door and felt warm air and aura surrounding him contrasting the atmosphere outside. He smiled and shouted, "mom!!!! I'm home! " And peacefully closed the door allowing himself to be invited by the warm atmosphere of his home. "Oh honey! You're here. ", his mom exclaimed pecking the both sides of jaemin's cheeks smiling through the process. " You can go up and change honey. Dinner might take a while so take ur time and be ready alright? I'll call you down when the dinner is ready", his mother said looking at his child adoringly. "Alright mom I'm going. I love you", said jaemin. And with that he leaped up feeling way too much excited to get a rest.

Jaemin showered up and wiped his body with a towel in the process. He was about to choose his normal clothes when he saw a box; soobin's christmas gift for him to be specific. He had the urge to open the box and use the material inside it. He softly took the box and opened with with quite care. Pink, that's what he could see peeking through the opened box. There was a beautiful pink skirt that jaemin adored with his whole heart. "Wow", was all that was heard from his lips allowing him to adore the fabric in his hands. He could see another rose pink crop top placed inside the box along with few lace ribbons, a pair of stockings and a lip gloss. His eyes were twinkling with joy; his eyes gliterring more than the lip gloss itself. His body arched and yearned for the touch of the soft fabric kept delicately inside the box.

Jaemin slowly made his way decorating his petite body with the beautiful and delicate fabric. He slid up his stockings and his pink skirt. He admired his legs for a while. He liked it; he liked how good his legs looked with those clothings. He slowly wore his crop top; he felt good, he felt amazing in a way he couldn't put it in words. He made his hair the way he liked delicately styling every strands softly. He felt giddly. He then looked up in the mirror trying to paint his beautiful lips. He used the same lip gloss and colored his beautiful glistening eyes and his rosy cheeks making them more rosy than they were already. Jaemin then satisfied with his work stood up to his final product. His breathe hitched. "I-i l-look so p-pretty", he swilred around with happiness. He did look really pretty. He touched the fabric on his body and checked out himself. " S-so b-beautiful. S-so c-cute. I-i l-look so b-beautiful!! " Jaemin was in the verge of tears liking the way he looked right now. He felt alive and refreshed like birds flying up with the soaring wind, like the cold chills in the snow covered mountains. He looked so pretty. He kept on staring his reflection, smiling with whole heart.

"Oi soobin", jaemin said calling the taller boy. " Hmm? ", was the reply from the taller. " Thanks", said jaemin. "For what? ", soobin asked finally looking at the smaller with his eyes reeking of curiosity. " For the gift u dumbo, I really appreciate it", replied jaemin with his eyes shining through the process. "Ayee this is what friends are for right? ", said soobin messing up jaemin's hair in process having the taller later run for his dear life.

»»——⍟——««

" Jaemin dear the dinner is ready please come down and have dinner with us alright? ", said his mom knocking his door. Jaemin wide eyed quickly slid down his precious dress and hid it in the box as it was before. With his heart beating frantically he could feel the pain while wiping the makeup he put on with so much love and effort. His tears slid down while removing his true self and later joining the peaceful yet heartbreaking dinner with his family.

He remembered the time when his father had disgustingly talked about not being the person the society sets you to be. He vividly remembers the time when his father had disgustingly remarked a tomboy walking through the mall, poor jaemin even couldn't look up. Even though the remarks were not dorected towards him yet still he could feel his heart clenching in fear and pain; his head hanging low for being the person he is now. He felt disgusted yet he couldn't help but be hit by euphoria whenever he tried those dresses and tops and adorned his beautiful face with makeup making it more enhanced and enchanted. He just couldn't. He slipped himself in the blankets wetting his pillows with his tears of fear filled with hope in process.

The morning arrived in a blink. The golden rays peeking through his window hitting his face making him even more beautiful. Jaemin looked happy from outside and that's what people assumed him to be along with his parents. Only he knew what he was alongside with soobin. He wanted to live freely without being disgusted of himself.

It was hard for him to love himself.

He tried to... but it's hard

Guilt there will always be guilt within him; within us as a whole

He remembered the time when he voluntarily showed himself in front of soobin waiting for a disgusting remark but instead he was wrapped in a warm hug and an adorning smile that said "be yourself". Jaemin remembers how he cried in Soobin's shoulder feeling safe and accepted. He wanted his home to be like that. For now soobin's embrace was his home where he felt safe, loved and accepted.

He knew sooner or later his family will know. He was afraid, he was already holding the pain of both being himself. It was painful. It grew painful  everyday. The pain grew in front of his eyes everyday making him cry and wanting him to give up. Sometimes he felt like the whole world was against him. But for now at least he has Soobin, his best friend ;his home.

Guilt only brings misery but he couldn't help but feel guilty.

Guilty for wearing clothes he wasn't intended to.

He can keep it to himself
No one needs to know
Noone