Okay... I kinda wanna do a little skit of me being a comedian... lemme know if I should turn it into a regular thing for this randomness book or not.

(Any racial jokes made are just that, jokes. They are not meant to offend anyone and if they do, I'm truly sorry and I didn't mean any harm by it.)

"I grew up in a Mexican-American environment, okay?"

"What I mean by that is..."

"In my house, we had all kinds of food. From traditional Mexican food to McDonald's. 😂"

"Speaking of McDonalds, when I was a little kid, that restaurant was my shit! I was obsessed with McDonalds. Specifically Happy Meals. I was a kid okay? And besides, you get a toy and food! Is that a deal or what?"

"The only thing that was bad about growing up with bilingual parents was... you couldn't cuss!"

"I had friends and cousins with parents that only spoke one language! They got to say all kinds of things in their homes."

"Notice how I'm not saying any names or what specific words because I see my parents in the crowd and I ain't getting an ass-I mean-donkey whooping tonight. 😂"

"And for my cousins of my Spanish side of the family that are watching... probably with my aunt and uncle, I'll say this: Tía, tío, solían llamarte: perra, bastardo, estúpido, idiotas, retrasados, imbéciles, hijos de puta (Aunt, uncle, they used to call you: bitch, bastard, stupid, jerks, retards, assholes, motherfuckers) haha, sorry mom, dad."

"I used to get away with saying all kinds of shit because I was the baby but the minute my brothers said it, bam!, get soap in their mouths haha."

"Being as light skinned as I am, everyone is shocked to hear my name."

"Yeah, "Carmen Rodriguez", is an usual name for someone of my skin tone."

"Don't even get me started on when they tried to pronounce my name. I've gotten called Mariadel (pronounced "Mary-Adele") so many damn times, I'd have a million dollars if I charged them a penny for every time I've been called that."

"Don't even get me started on my friends."

"Whenever I show them a picture of my dad, it's always shocked faces and questions of "That's your dad?" And I swear if my life was the Mean Girls movie, someone would ask "If your dad's Mexican, why are you white?". It's getting old, guys."

"Besides, I've seen "pure" Mexican come in lighter shades than me. We come in this color too people!"

"Another question I get about my dad: "Why is he angry?". Guys, my family, we have what I like to call: "A resting mean face". Yeah, it sounds ridiculous but it's true! I look mean! All my friends always say: "When I first met you, I thought you were a bitch. You just looked so mean.". No guys, I'm really nice. Sometimes. Piss me off and you'll get the stereotypical "crazy Latina"."

"Mexican women might look like we're not dangerous, but piss us off, and you'll find that we're not only stronger than we look, but, we have amazing accuracy with la chancla, okay? We go American Sniper with that shit. But it's Mexican Sniper haha."

"In all seriousness, Mexican women are very dangerous creatures and are not to be angered. Lives will be lost. 😂."

"You guys have been a wonderful audience, thank you and goodnight, Wattpad!"

*cue my theme song*

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

(For those that don't wanna wait, the lyrics start at 0:23-ish)

Well. That was fun. And like I said at the beginning, the racial jokes aren't meant to offend anyone! Carry on my wayward readers!

Always crazy,

CasHasSass

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