Tw- just general dark topics??? Not sure what to label this as. But Ls being all morbid in this chapter.

The clock was well and truly ticking now. Flights to Japan booked, blue ship case in full swing, you had about a week to get L out of his slump and able to work again. He had gotten better since he first fell into it, but he was still kind of... out of it. But at least he was getting out of bed now.

"What? You're leaving AGAIN!"

"It's only for a while and we will be back" you said.

Mello sighed, clearly not wanting you to leave again so quickly after LABB.

"How long will it take?" Matt asked.

"Not sure exactly, but if no complications come up maybe a month"

"Thats so loooonnggg"

These boys were very attached to you weren't they? Well, not surprising since you'd practically raised them.

"I'll bring you all something back from Japan. It'll be over before you know it. Plus, we may have new kids to bring back to wammys if the Japan foster care system doesn't want to take the boy... still don't know his name" you explained.

"When do you leave?" Near asked.

"Next week, so we'll still be here for a while. Don't stress it guys, we always come back safe and sound with presents for you and a story to tell about the case"

They didn't want to see you go, even if it was for a month. But they knew you had to. But they'd definitely be clinging to you all the way up until you leave next week thats for sure.

"How's L?" Mello asked.

"Better, he'd actually getting out of bed and doing things but is still all gloomy and not motivated enough to work. I better to talk to him actually" you replied.

"You're his girlfriend, if anyone can fix him it's you"

"Damn right, we all know who the boss of this relationship is... well I'll be back, gotta go talk to him"

You left the boys to continue their school work and headed back to your room to find L starring blankly at the computer screen. Clearly trying to work, but his brain is stubborn and won't let him find any motivation.

"Sweetheart" you said.

He turned to face you, looking a bit sad.

"I've sorted flights. Don't stress blue ship until it happens ok? Now talk to me"

"About?"

"Whatever it is thats bothering you. I know that part of it is the sheer weight of suddenly knowing you're a child abuse victim... but what else is on your mind?"

He was silent for a moment, hesitant.

"L I'm your girlfriend, and we've known each other since we were five, it's ok" you added.

"I guess it's just all these past things are suddenly making sense. All these symptoms I didn't know were symptoms are connecting in my head and I feel like I don't even know who part of me is anymore..." he began.

You expected something like that, you had to admit once you found out about the abuse and put two and two together and connected he likely had PTSD, you noticed dots connecting too. His little shutdowns he had as a child were most likely panic attacks or flashbacks. His hyper vigilance with loud noises, why he always found it hard to work on cases involving abuse, his gloomy periods being depressive episodes and his insomnia being... well, insomnia.

It all did kind of fall into place once you read his file. And he was probably feeling the impact a lot worse since he was the one recalling all the trauma.

"I'm... glad I know. Because know I know what happened to me it makes sense why I act the way I do and do things the way I do things... but all these repressed memories keep coming back and I feel like I don't even know my own past. Only JUST remembered not being allowed food outside dinner, only now I remember that in my 20s. I know why loud footsteps coming up the hall always freaked me out now. Because when I heard that as a child it meant I was going to get hurt. I understand why my first day here I fought off all the other kids when they tried to hug me, because I associated touch with violence..." he rambled.

You stayed silent, just listening, he needed to get it out and clear his mind.

"I'm glad that I know the source because now I can work on healing from it but... at the same time I wish I didn't know because knowing just... hurts. It's such a double edged sword, knowing I'm a victim in this situation and that it left me with trauma means I have an explanation for why I'm anxious, why I'm sad at random times, why I had so many body image issues, why I found it so hard to trust people, why I was so obvious to the fact you loved me, because I didn't know what real love was until I got older and formed actual healthy relationships. It all makes sense now but at the same time I... I hate knowing because I have to live with the fact it happened. Sure I can heal easier now I know what happened but I'll just be sitting around minding my own business and suddenly I'll remember some terrifying thing that happened to me and then I have to process that... it's all so much to handle at once..."

You felt kind of bad being the one that had to tell him what happened since he'd blocked it out so hard completely forgot. Because now he knew he was having trouble letting it all go. But it was necessary. He knows now, so he CAN let go. He CAN get past it now. It will take a while, maybe even years, but he will get better eventually.

"(Y/n) remember when we were little and you taught me how to make a flower crown?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"I was turning 6 that day, you told me my birth flower was a marigold and we went to the garden to pick some and weave them into crowns. You put it on my head and crowned me the birthday king of marigolds"

Where was he going with this? But yes, you did remember that.

"Yeah, god we were such a cute couple even as kids before we knew we even loved each other" you smiled at the memory.

"I remember so distinctly feeling a weird warm, fuzzy feeling when you put that crown on my head... all these years later I realise it's love. It makes me wonder... how many other times did that feeling happen and I didn't know because I was too skeptical and out of touch with my emotions thanks to years of abuse to see it?" He pondered.

"Stop beating yourself up. Yes you're the victim, no it's not your fault. You were a child L, you couldn't control the situation at all. I know recalling all these events and living with the weight of them is hard but you're already making progress by talking about it. And you're so much more in touch with emotion nowadays it's amazing how well you've dealt with everything so far. None of what happened is your fault" you replied.

"But... my mother said I was the one that ruined the marriage..."

"Fuck your mother! She ruined the marriage by cheating in the first place. And from the sounds of what you remember your father wasn't exactly helping with all his abuse at home and long periods away from home. You were always the victim, and it's never been your fault. You were less than 5, how can someone THAT young who can't even do basic math yet ruin a marriage?"

He was silent, your words sinking in. You were right, he was a child... how could he have been the one in the wrong?

"Yeah... I am the victim" he said.

"Exactly. You've acknowledged it, now you can work on dealing with the baggage no matter how long it takes. Feel better?"

He knew it'd take a while to get through everything fully, but for the moment, he felt better. He'd gotten all his current thoughts out there and off his chest, he felt lighter. Not magically cured completely, but better. Maybe he did have some motivation in his body buried under the mess of thoughts.

"Yeah... a bit better" he sighed.

"See? Talking is good. You've learnt to cry, you've learnt to identify emotions better. Now learn to talk. You're getting there"

You felt a wave of relief seeing the smile you missed return to his lips. There was good old exited to investigate L.

"There's the smile I love" you said, pulling him into a hug.

He gladly accepted and wrapped his arms around you, your hug like a charger for his mental battery. You placed a kiss on his lips, one he returned without hesitation.

"I love you" he smiled.

"I love you too, take a few more days to relax. Then let's get into this case"

"But I wanna look at it now-"

Well his motivation came back quick. Seems all that was left to get him out of the slump was a good chat.

"Nope, don't push yourself. A few more days, then you can look more into it. After that we go to Japan anyway" you said.

"Fine"

"Although you better go talk to the boys. They're not too pleased we're leaving again. I keep saying we're coming back with presents but they aren't having it, they want us to stay longer"

"It's natural for a child to miss their parent" he said, getting up to go see them.

"So yobe accepted the fact they've claimed us as their parent figures huh?" You asked.

"Yeah, I don't mind being a dad if it's for them"