(There will a couple sad moments throughout this chapter. Lots of mourning. I'm going to put <3 at the beginning and end of those scenes in case anyone would like to skip them. As you read, if you think I need to adjust or add hearts please let me know. Please be safe.) 

Ryan had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was he needed to get away. Once he left the hotel, he caught a cab to the airport and now he found himself standing in front of a familiar house. He hadn't moved since he got out of the cab. If you asked him how long he'd been standing there, he wouldn't be able to tell you.

His body tensed when the front door opened. An older man stepped out, twirling keys on his finger and whistling a random tune. Though it'd been a while, Ryan let out a small gasp when he laid his eyes on the man he hadn't spoken to in years.

"Dad?" The man looked up, giving Ryan the chance to take in how much he'd aged. He had some grey hair and deep wrinkles around his eyes and forehead. Ryan wouldn't consider his dad old, but years of extreme stress hit his father fairly hard.

"Ryan," the voice was just as deep as Ryan remembered. They each took a hesitant step toward each other before rushing into each other's arms. Ryan abandoned his bag on the sidewalk when he fell into his father's embrace.

"This isn't happening," George breathed in disbelief. "Let me look at you." George grabbed the sides of Ryan's head and held him steady as his eyes scanned Ryan's features. Ryan saw tears in his father's eyes and couldn't help forming some of his own. "You look so grown," George hiccuped.

"It's been almost eight years," Ryan reminded him. George pulled Ryan against him into another tight hug.

"Is this real? Are you really here?" Ryan's heart broke at the sadness in his father's voice. It had been so long, he guessed his father hadn't expected him to ever come back home at all. After a moment, they pulled apart.

"Come inside. Your mother will be so excited to see you again." Ryan grabbed his bag off the floor before getting pulled into his childhood home.

The reunion with his mother was a lot longer and involved more hugs and tears. Eventually, Danielle got him to sit at the table as she began to prepare his favorite dinner from when he was younger.

"So, who do we owe this surprise visit to?" Ryan chuckled nervously and dropped his eyes to the table. He came to get away from all that and wasn't ready to talk about his situation just yet.

"I just needed a break," Ryan started and ran a hand through his hair. "Needed to be away from work to clear my head." He glanced up to see his dad watching him expecting him to elaborate. Ryan was relieved when he didn't press the issue.

"Well, whatever the reason, we're glad you came. We missed you, son." Ryan took a deep breath and smiled.

"I miss you too." He did. He missed his family so much, but he didn't know if it was worse to come back to the now incomplete family or stay away completely. He came out of pure desperation and nowhere else to go. Being here with his father and mother, he could see the positive.

After Ryan heard what his parents had been up to the passed few years and his mother forced him to eat a second plate of dinner because he was too thin for her likely, he excused himself to his old room.

"I think I'm gonna head to my room. That is unless it's been turned into a home gym," Ryan joked. George's eyes widened and he shook his head quickly.

"No, no. Of course not. We've kept it just how you left it." Ryan frowned slightly at the fact that his parents left his things alone after his horrible departure. "We wanted it just how you had it in case you ever came back," George added giving a small smile. Ryan nodded and grabbed his bag.

He moved down the familiar hallways leading to his room. He stopped outside another door. He wondered if his parents left its content untouched in case its owner came back too. He shook his head and continued down the hall to his old room.

He pushed the door open and threw his bag on the bed. He peered around, cringing at his teenage decorations. He didn't have a problem with the band posters or stacks of cds littered around the floor. It was the half naked woman and vulgar stickers stuck to his dresser that he didn't like.

He pulled down the poster, not caring that it tore and simply ignored the ridiculous amount of 'fucks' plastered on the dresser. He wasn't a bad kid, but he remembered giving his parents a hard time occasionally for a little teenage rebellion.

He dropped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. It felt oddly comforting being back home after so long. He let his eyes close as he pushed away his thoughts. After some time, he was able to fall into a thoughtless sleep.

˜˜˜

It'd been a couple days since Ryan arrived back home. He'd managed to avoid his father's questions about his sudden want to come back. He was helping his mother out with anything and everything, just as long as he didn't get stuck alone with his dad too long.

George found his son laughing in the kitchen with his wife. The two were deep in a conversation, so Ryan didn't noticed George until the man cleared his throat. Him and his mother looked at George. Danielle offered a wide smile while Ryan dropped his eyes to the bowl in front of him.

"Ryan, can I talk to you?" Ryan knew what the conversation would be about and he didn't feel ready to open that door yet. He was having a great time spending time with his mother. He didn't want to ruin that with his reality.

"Can't. I'm helping mom make dinner." Ryan grabbed a masher and began squishing the potatoes in the bowl.

"I'm sure your mother will be fine." Ryan's hand gripped the masher tighter as his movements grew more forceful, ignoring his dad. "Ryan."

"I'd rather not," Ryan said lowly.

"George," his father snapped. Ryan slammed the masher down and glared at his dad. He didn't like being called by his first name. The father and son stared at each other. Ryan felt his mother's hand on his shoulder and he relaxed a bit when he turned to her.

"Why don't you go with your father, sweetie. I can handle dinner." Ryan could see the worry in her eyes. Him and his father didn't have a terrible relationship, but when they did get into bad arguments, she was always the one who had to stand between them and keep the peace. He didn't want to be the one giving her that stress anymore.

He looked back at his father and walked to the door. George led him outside, neither saying a word. They went up to the garage door that had a padlock on it. Ryan didn't understand why they were going there. His parents renovated the house ages ago and had a perfectly good garage attached to the house now. He thought the old garage wasn't used anymore.

"I understand why you left," George finally spoke up. Ryan rolled his eyes. He didn't want to have this conversation again even after all these years. "I know how angry and upset you were with me." George pulled a key out of his pocket.

"Do you now," Ryan asked sarcastically.

"You didn't understand Ryan."

"Didn't understand?" Ryan clenched his fists. "You gave up. What else was there to understand? You gave up on her." George shook his head.

"Ryan, please." His voice was calm while Ryan's got louder.

"No! She was murdered and you ended the investigation. You gave up trying to close your daughter's case. You didn't care enough about your little girl to give her that peace. Tell me how I can be okay with that?"

"Enough, Ryan!" Ryan scowled, but kept his mouth shut. That was already the second time his dad snapped at him within the past ten minutes. His father wasn't much of a yelling man. George's hands shook as he slowly shoved the key in the padlock.

"A year had already passed and there was nothing left we could've found."

"I never gave up. It may have seemed like a dead end, but I kept going."

"Just because I decided it was best for your mother and I to move on and heal doesn't mean I didn't care about Gaby." George pushed the door open and flipped on the light. Ryan's anger fled his body as he watched the florescent light shine down on an old, powder blue buggy.

"Bessy?" He looked at his dad in shock. "You kept her car?" George nodded, keeping his eyes on the car.

"I promised her I'd fix the thing before she got her license." Ryan nodded, remembering how his sister fell in love with the car that wouldn't even start and begged their dad to buy and fix it.

"Did you get her started?" Ryan asked hopefully. His dad spent so much time trying to get the old clunker to turn on and abandoned it a few months prior to her death. George shook his head.

<3

"I neglected it for a while, but was determined to get it going. I thought maybe if I get it started... maybe if I kept my promise to her that she..." Ryan turned to see George wiping away tears from his cheek.

"There's no greater pain than losing a child and it's a very difficult thing to come to terms with. I needed to stop the investigation for the sake of your mother's wellbeing and my sanity. I realized that it didn't matter if the car started... if the person who did it was put behind bars... she's still gone.. and she's not coming back home." George turned to Ryan.

"You didn't understand that or if you did, chose to ignore it." Ryan blinked away his own tears as he listened. "You were so consumed with pain that you let it turn into anger and it controlled your actions. This obsession won't change the past." Ryan shut his eyes and let the words sink in. He needed to hear them. "You didn't allowed yourself to grieve, Ryan."

"I still don't think I have," Ryan murmured honestly. He looked back at the car and moved toward it. "So why'd you keep it? If you weren't gonna fix it, why not just get rid of it?"

"I thought maybe if she couldn't bring one of my kids back, maybe she could bring the other back home." Ryan gave his dad a sad smile.

<3

"I'm sorry I just left. I should've stayed." George shook his head and let out a sigh. They both looked back down at the car.

"You know.. I couldn't get her started, but maybe someone else can." Ryan turned when his dad put his hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. George had on a small smile and nodded to the car. "What do you think?"

"Me?" Ryan pointed a finger at his chest. His dad nodded. "I-I can't fix her car." George pulled away and opened the hood.

"Sure you can. As much as I hate to admit, you were always a better mechanic than me. Spent a lot of your free time with that Walker fella at the auto shop downtown." Ryan smiled at the memory. His mother used to be upset when he came home covered in grease and dirty oil.

"I remember how much you wanted to be a mechanic and start up your own shop." Ryan let out a small laugh.

"Now, I'm an FBI agent."

"Talk about a career change." Ryan laughed with his dad. He missed the closeness he used to have with his family. Even though every now and then he acted out, they were a close family. The two stood in a comfortable silence in the garage.

Any anger he'd been harboring toward his father the passed seven years disappeared. He ran a quick hand through his hair as his eyes scanned the engine.

"Do you still have my old tools somewhere?" Ryan asked and saw a smile spread over his dad's face.

˜˜˜

George and Danielle were sitting on the backyard patio, enjoying the peaceful morning. The sun was just high enough to give them a cozy warmth as the birds chipped softly. They took small sips from their coffee mugs.

The peace was soon shattered with the sound of metal clanging to the floor coming from the garage followed by a clear 'son of a bitch'. Danielle turned to her husband with a worried look.

"George, he's been in there for days. What's he doing?" George turned and gave her a comforting smile.

"Healing," he answered softly. Danielle jumped and looked back the garage when she heard a loud thump followed by a long stream of curses. George chuckled softly and continued drinking his coffee.

˜˜˜

Ryan sat in the driver's seat, his left hand clutching on the wheel with the other holding a key in the ignition.

"Please, please, please," he whispered with his eyes shut. He turned the key, his grip on the wheel tightened a fraction. The car gave a short chortle before purring to life. Ryan snapped his eyes opened.

The dash was lit up and a random song started on the radio. He never thought he'd be excited to hear Cyndi Lauper singing Girls Just Want To Have Fun in his life. He let out a breathy laugh and had on a wide smile.

"I did it," he whispered with a hint of disbelief. He laughed again and ran his hands through his hair. "I did it," he repeated more confidently. He hurried out of the car and toward the house.

"Dad! Mom! I did it!" He ran through the kitchen, not seeing anyone. "I got Bessy started! Mom, Dad, Gabes!" He slowly came to a stop. The smile slipped from his face. All the excitement drained from him as he frowned and started looking for his dad.

He walked down the hallway and stopped at an open door. Peaking in, he saw his father standing in the center of the room with his back to Ryan. He wasn't doing anything but standing with his hands in his pockets.

Ryan let out an uneven breath and stepped into the room. Looking around, he saw that it was exactly how he last saw it. There were various drawings taped onto the walls, an acoustic guitar collecting dust in the corner and perched in the center of the bed was a stuffed rabbit doll.

"Dad?" George pulled a hand out of his pocket and went to wipe his face before turning to his son with a force smile.

"Hey, Ry."

"I got Bessy start." Ryan's voice was now absent of any joy and pride that it had before.

"You did?" There was a small hint of hope in his voice.

"Yeah," Ryan said with a nod.

"I knew you'd be able to. I should've had you help me with it before..." George trailed off, but Ryan didn't need to hear the end of the sentence was.

"Better late than never," Ryan said in hopes that it wouldn't help lighten the mood. George nodded. He eyes were closed as he took a deep breath. Ryan took his father's posture in. He looked tired and older than he really was. The effects of losing his children, one by the hand of death and the other to ignorance, had taken a major toll on him.

The man standing in front of Ryan was very clearly a man still holding onto past pain. Ryan didn't say anything and let his father have his moment of silence. After a minute, he opened his eyes and gave Ryan a small smile.

"You should take her out for a spin. I'm sure your mother will have dinner ready when you get back." Ryan tilted his head in confusion.

"Where to?"

"I think you know where." Ryan stared at him before the realization came over him.

"Oh." George nodded and walked to the door. Ryan watched him stop at the doorway and turn back.

"Better late than never," he repeated Ryan's words. Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. George gave the room one more scan before leaving. Ryan soon followed suit, shutting the door behind him.

˜˜˜

<3

Ryan was sitting in the parked car, nervously gripping the steering wheel. His eyes were closed as he whispered to himself.

"You can do this... You need to do this... It's going to be okay... You can do this..," he whispered in a continuous loop until he forced himself to open the door and step out. He pushed himself forward onto the little path and kept walking.

He glanced up every so often to read the faceless names. In the distance, he saw a bouquet of fake daisies perched up against a stone slab. He knew that was it. Daisies were her favorite flower and she never cared for real flowers. "They die too quickly," she used to say. He came to a stop in front of the stone, skimming over the carving.

Gabrielle Lynn Ross

With a shaky breath, he moved forward and sat down. He turned and leaned back against the stone with his legs bent up. He let his arms hang over his knees. This was the closest he could ever get again. He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting against the tears. His breathing picked up and he struggled to keep it steady.

"Hey, sis," Ryan whispered. Of course he wasn't expecting a response, but it still hurt when he didn't get one. "I'm sorry I haven't visited you." He paused, letting the silence resonate around him.

"I'm sure you think I'm a terrible brother, not coming to visit, not bothering to show up to your funeral." Ryan forced his eyes to close tighter, but a couple tears slipped out. "It's just been really hard... dealing with this. I still think you're just gonna walk back through the front door with that stupid grin of yours and sweet talk your way out of a punishment." He scoffed lightly.

"I fixed Bessy." He finally opened his eyes and looked up. He followed the movement of a cloud inching across the sky. "She's stubborn, but strong... like you. You picked a good one." Still, no response. Ryan groaned in annoyance. He ran a hand aggressively over his face, wiping the tears in the process

"Your car's so stubborn," he huffed. "It was so difficult and complicated and it didn't listen when I needed it too. If it'd listen, it would've started a long time ago. If it'd done what I said, I wouldn't have to get so mad. If you'd just listened to me, I wouldn't have to be here do this right now." Ryan's voice was aggressive, but the pain was evident in his words.

He brought one hand up and gripped the side of his hair. He dropped his head as the damn of emotions broke, spewing out in the form of tears. His breathing was labored and he occasionally hiccuped between breaths.

"I told you you couldn't go out," he said through gritted teeth. "I told you to stay home." He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. "You're so stubborn, Gaby." His voice was much soft, almost a whisper. He shook his head.

"I should've made sure you were still in your room before I went to bed. I should've convinced you that going out would've been a bad idea. I should've.." He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and sniffed.

"I didn't give up though." He pulled out an old folder from inside his jacket. He watched tear drops decorate the front. "I was so angry with dad when he stopped trying. I know I wasn't the best brother, but after dad, I vowed to never stop trying to make your death right. I didn't try hard enough that night, so I spent years trying to fix that mistake."

"You know what I realized?" Ryan shoved a hand in his pocket and pulled out a small lighter. He fiddled with it in one hand and gripped the folder in the other. His eyes moved back and forth between the two. There was a constricting pain in his chest. He sniffed again.

"Solving your case won't make it okay... I still won't see you playing your guitar again or hear your laugh or feel your warm hugs... Solving this case does nothing for me. The pain will still be there." He shut his eyes and swallowed. "I love you sis... and I miss you more than you'll ever know... This world was too ugly for someone as beautiful as you. I really hope you're at peace now."

He opened his eyes and flicked the wheel of the lighter, igniting the flame. He watched the flame dancing from the tip. "I need to move on now," he murmured. His hand moved slowly until the flame crawled over the folder.

"Please don't be made at me. I tried my best, but I think it's time that I move on." He stood up carefully to keep the fire far enough away from his body. He stepped onto the path and dropped the remains of the folder before the fire could touch him. He stepped on the burnt papers to extinguish the left over flames.

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life that I wish I could take back." He shoved the lighter back into his pocket. He looked up from the ashes at the tombstone. "I know I can't fix them all, but I'm gonna try to fix some." He turned and took a couple steps back to the car. He stopped and moved back to the grave.

"I promise to visit more often, okay?" He kissed the tips of his fingers and pressed them over the top of the headstone. "Bye, Gaby." He turned and made his way to the car.

<3

When he was back in the driver's seat, he wiped his face free of dried tears. With a deep breath, he felt years of pressure and guilt lift off his shoulders. With a final glance over at the tombstones, he turned the car on and drove out of the cemetery.

˜˜˜

The next morning, Ryan was slowly packing his things. When he thought about it, it was the first time he ever took this much time completing the task. The first time had been after the fight with his dad that led him to leave home. Most of the time, he was full of stress due to the case he was traveling for. The last time was at the hotel room.

He folded up his shirts and carefully organized them into his bag. He was in no rush this time. There was nothing giving him the need to run out of his parents house. He decided to take the moment to relax.

"So, you're really leaving again, huh?" Ryan glanced over his shoulder at his father. He gave a small grin with a nod.

"Yeah, I think it's time I stop running from my problems." George came and sat on the bed, looking up at his son.

"We're gonna miss you, your mom and me." Ryan frowned at his dad's sad tone.

"I'm gonna come back and visit again soon."

"You are?" George's eyes widened with hope and excitement. Ryan pushed back his guilt and nodded.

"Of course I am. I don't think I can stay away for so long again. I miss being back here." George gave a big smile. Ryan continued packing before his dad spoke up again.

"So, what kind of problems were you running from that brought you back here?" Ryan sighed and opened the side zipper of his bag. He pulled out the pictures and handed them to his dad. When the man's eyes moved down to the last picture, he gave a surprised 'oh'.

"I was too busy to notice what was going on around me. I was forced into reality and I got scared." Ryan looked down at his bag, but he wasn't packing anymore. "Everything felt too real, so I ran." He gave a shrug.

"What's his name?"

"Brendon," Ryan said with an unconscious smile. "I was with him before I came here. He told me this whole case I was doing was a lie and..." Ryan sighed and shut his eyes. He pictured Brendon's guilt filled face sitting across the table back at the restaurant. "He was trying to apologize and I wasn't even really upset about the lie necessarily. It was the fact that he knew and was going on with it and still let me open up to him. I began wondering if any of our time together way a lie. I was feeling things that freaked me out, so I left."

"Does he know that you like him?" Ryan let out a laugh. Like. What a small and insignificant word compared to how he felt. George eyed his son thoughtfully, taking in the reaction and coming up with a conclusion.

"I'd like to meet him some day. Your next visit possibly?"

"Maybe," Ryan sighed. "That's if he'll talk to me again."

"You never know," his dad stood up. "Love is a powerful thing." He handed the photos back to Ryan and patted his back. "I'm sure things will work out for you."

"Thanks dad." Ryan watched his dad leave before looking down at the photos of him and Brendon. He really hoped it wasn't too late to make things right.

---

A/N:

Did I just spend almost four hours typing and editing this chapter? Yes.

Should I have read the four chapter I have for homework? Probably.

Do I regret my decision? Not really.

Was it worth it? Hopefully! Let me know what you think of the chapter!!