XI.

DAHAN DAHAN ako sa paglalakad patungo sa kusina dahil hindi ko pa rin lubos maisip na mangyayari ang ganito.

Ludwig and me? Joining together for breakfast? This is impossible but it's really happening.

"Sit down."

I gulped as I sat on the dining chair. Lord, may nagawa ba akong maganda para i-trato ng maayos ni Ludwig today?

"Uh, Ludwig..."

"Coffee?"

"N-No. Water lang. Thanks." Sagot ko.

Bitbit niya ang coffee niya saka umupo sa dining chair. Magkatapat kami sa hapag at lalong lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

"Are you sure you don't like coffee?"

"Ah, masyado akong maraming nainom kagabi and hindi pa maganda ang panlasa ko. That's why I want to drink water na lang."

"Yeah. You're so drunk that you will end up sleeping with some fucking guy."

I frowned. "What?"

Pinaglagyan niya ako ng fried rice sa plato ko. This is really freaking happening. Ludwig being this nice to me!

"What, what?" He said.

"With some fucking guy. Who are you talking about?" Tanong ko. E sa pagkakatanda ko siya ang katabi kong matulog kagabi.

Nang malagyan niya ng fried rice ang plato ko ay isinunod niya ang two strips of bacon and sunny side up egg. Ganitong ganito noon sa akin si Ludwig noong mga panahong masaya pa kami.

"Really. You don't remember? What if I didn't fetch you last night? You'll sleep with that bastard."

"Wait. Are you talking about Dave? Don't call him bastard."

Napalitan ng inis ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya. "Really."

"Nasa harap tayo ng hapag kainan, Ludwig. Can we just eat?" I asked. Medyo masakit pa kasi ang ulo ko at para bang wala ako sa mood na makipag argument sa kaniya.

Nagagalit na naman siya kay Dave.

"Eat." Aniya.

I started eating. Ganoon rin siya. How I wish we can be like this forever. Iyong magkasabay na kumakain. Ngayon ko mas napapagtanto na isa lang naman talaga ang pangarap ko, iyon ay ang makasama si Ludwig habambuhay but well, life to me is unfair. Malabong mangyari 'yon.

But on the other side, I need to know kung bakit nag-iba ang treatment niya sa akin. Gusto ko ang nangyayari, of course but I can't let this happen. Ayokong masanay na naman si Ludwig na okay kami. It's not what I wanted. Swerte ko na maranasan ang ganito but I don't want to cross the line. The only purpose that I stayed here and came back is to just be with him in this house. That's all.

Natapos kaming kumain nang hindi nag-uusap. Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong sabihin.

"Can we talk now?"

"H-huh? Ah, yes. Yes."

May pag-uusapan pala talaga kami.

"Wait for me at the living room." Aniya.

I nodded at him. Tumayo na ako habang siya ay inaayos ang dining table. He's really treating me well. Pero hindi pwede 'to. Hindi ko pwedeng hayaang lumambot na naman sa akin si Ludwig.

Ang tanga tanga ko kasi.

Umupo ako sa sofa. Maya maya pa ay kasunod ko na rin si Ludwig.

"A-Anong pag-uusapan natin?"

"Us."

Tumikhim ako. Bakit? Bakit namin pag uusapan ang kami? Oo, nung mga nakaraang araw bumibigay ako sa kaniya at naiisip ko ring maging maayos kami. But I need to stick with my reason for staying here.

I composed myself. "What about us, Ludwig?"

"I have no girlfriend."

Iyong puso ko ang lakas lakas ng kabog.

"If you're thinking that I have a girlfriend. Wala. They are just a fling. I just hang out with them an—"

"Wait, Ludwig. Why do you need to tell me these? Hindi mo naman kailangang ipaliwanag. I told you before, hindi ko pakikialamanan ang private life mo. I won't meddle with your affairs and everything. I mean, you don't have to tell me that. May girlfriend ka man o wala, wala na ako do'n."

Nakatingin ako sa mga mata niya. I bit my lower lip as I felt my eyes became teary. Huwag ngayon, please.

Mukhang naguluhan siya sa response ko. Sa totoong buhay, gustong gusto ko ang katotohanang wala siyang girlfriend at flings lang ang mga 'yon but I am not in the situation to be happy with that.

"Let's get back together. Forget what I've told you. Yeah, I hate you for leaving me but this fucking heart... loves you so much that I can forget what you did." He said with his soft eyes. "Russia, I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend that I don't care. Fuck, let's make up."

Bigla ay parang nahulog ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. This is not what I expected. No, hindi pwedeng mangyari 'to. Hindi pwedeng bumigay siya sa akin.

Napatayo ako. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Masaya dapat ako e. Pero kung kasiyahan ko lang ang iisipin ko, paano naman si Ludwig? Magiging masaya na naman kami tapos one of these days, masasaktan ko na naman siya. I can't bear to make that happen again. Ayokong masaktan si Ludwig. I sacrificed everything for him. Hindi ko pwedeng hayaang magpadala na naman sa puso ko.

Pero kasalanan ko 'to. Sa kagustuhan kong makasama si Ludwig, magkakaroon na naman ng pagkakataon na masaktan ko siya.

"L-Ludwig... sorry but this is not what I want. No... we can't get back together."

He stood up. He looks confused. "What are you talking about, Russia?"

"Let's just stay like this, Ludwig. Please? Living in the same roof, iyong kanya kanya. Walang pakialamanan. Iyong magkasama lang tayo dito sa bahay, that's enough for me. Okay na ako do'n. Hindi mo kailangang patawarin ako o balikan, Ludwig. Please."

"I can't fucking understand you. You came back. You live here with me. And that's because you want me back. Right? You fucking love me, Russia. Kaya ka narito."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko.

"N-No... I mean, yes. Yes, mahal kita Ludwig. Kung alam mo lang kung gaano kita kamahal. But that's not enough reason for me to accept what you want. Hindi ako bumalik so we could go back together. The only reason I have is because I wanted to be with you."

"Then let's go back together. Tangina, Russia hindi kita maintindihan."

Para bang nagkaroon ng bara ang lalamunan ko. Never kong na-imagine na dadating kami sa ganitonf sitwasyon.

He really wants to get back together.

After what I've done in the past? "Iniwan kita noon, Ludwig. I freaking left you before our wedding! You should resent me! You can't ask me to get back together because I might do that again!"

Hindi ko naiwasang magtaas ng boses. Nag-uunahan ang mga luha ko sa pagpatak mula sa mga mata ko. My heart is breaking. As much as I wanted to be with him like we used to be, I can't do that.

Ludwig looks confused.

"I can't fucking understand you, Russia. Putangina, kinalimutan ko ang pride ko. Tinanggal ko ang galit sa dibdib ko. I tried to fucking forget the fact that you left me without valid reason. I accepted everything! I accepted your petty reasons! But why?!"

Pilit kong pinapakalma ang sarili ko. I want to cry more but I don't want to show it.

"Let's just stay like this... just living in one roof. Minding our own business...."

"And do you really fucking think that I can do that?!Putangina, Russia. Halos isang buwan akong nagtiis. You, living here with me made me insane! You thought I am fine not talking to you? Not hugging or kissing you while you're fucking here with me? You don't know how much control I had just to pretend that I don't care!"

Hindi ko na alam ang isasagot ko sa totoo lang. Ayokong maging mahina. Ayokong bigyan ng pagkakataon si Ludwig na masaktan ulit.

"Did you believe it when I told you I don't love you anymore? Putangina ikaw lang ang laman ng puso ko hanggang ngayon, Russia. Mababaliw ako. Fuck, mababaliw ako kapag pinagpatuloy ko pa ang pagpapanggap na wala lang sa akin ang lahat. Every lottle thing about you made my heart sank. Every little things you did made me crazier. Every little talks we had made me fucking want to own you. Damn it."

Sasabog na ang puso ko. Paano ko siya matatanggihan when he's eager to have me back?

What should I do? I can't say yes. No. I really can't.

"L-Ludwig, no. Sorry but—"

Hindi ko na naituloy ang sasabihin ko nang siilin niya ako ng halik. I am here again at the position where I can't freaking resist his kisses. I love him so much that kissing with me made me feel like I am in heaven.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. As much as I wanted to push him, I cant. His kisses is my weakness.

He continued kissing me aggressively—deeper and harder. And I responded with the same intensity.

Dahan dahan niya akong inalalayan habang hinahalikan ako. He sat on the couch and led me by sitting at his lap facing him.

His both legs are between my legs while sitting at his lap. I could feel his hardness. Nababaliw na naman ako kay Ludwig. Can I let this happen?

Actually, yes. I can't get back with him together but I can't neglect his physical needs. Aminin ko man o hindi, gusto ko 'to. I love his touch, his kisses, everything. Sa madaling salita, magpapaka-pokpok nalang ako kay Ludwig.

Lumalim pa lalo ang paghalik ni Ludwig. He started to touch my boobs under my blouse. Damn him! This feels so good. Mababaliw ako sa ginagawa niya.

He groaned as he bite my lips gently while his hands are busy with my boobs.

Ludwig, no... yes... ugh no! But damn I can't stop him anymore.

Kapwa kami hingal nang maglayo ang labi namin. We caught some air but his eyes are glued to mine.

Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang bewang ko saka bahagyang iginalaw dahilan para mas maramdaman ko ang katigasan niya.

I gulped. Hindi ko maitatagong nasasarapan ako sa ginagawa niya.

Mabilis niyang pinunit ang suot kong damit. Damn him! Walang ring kahirap-hirap na inalis niya ang bra ko. He's expert with it.

He is now looking at my breast. His eyes are glowing.

"Fuck, Russia."

I suddenly moaned when he started sucking my breast. May pag-iingat sa bawat galaw ng bibig niya.

He started licking my nipples and planting kisses around my boobs. I played his hair while savouring the moment. Inalalayan niya ako habang abala sa dibdib ko.

Bawat pagdiin ng bibig niya sa dibdib ko ay ang pagdiin din ng hawak ko sa ulo niya. Halos masabunutan ko na siya sa sarap na nararamdaman ko.

Kanina lang ay umiiyak ako dahil nasasaktan ako sa sitwasyon namin but now I am crying for pleasure.

Lumipat ang labi ni Ludwig paakyat sa leeg ko. He's freaking great at these. I can't stop myself from moaning na para bang lalong nagiging aggressive si Ludwig sa bawat pag-ungol ko.

He held my waist again at pulled me closer to his body. He is so hard that I wanted him inside me.

"You want this?" He asked with his husky voice. He's talking about his dck. He's guiding my body to feel his manhood against mine.

"L-Ludwig..."

Nasa check list ko ba na okay lang talagang makipag-sex kay Ludwig kahit wala na akong balak pang makipagbalikan sa kaniya?

But I can't say no to this. Dinidiin niya ang katawan ko sa katawan niya. Paano akong hindi mababaliw?

"One yes, Russia and I will show you what heaven feels like."

Fine. This is just sex but for me, it will be make love.

Mabilis akong tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo sa kaniya saka hinubad ang suot kong manipis na shorts kasama ang underwear ko. Now, I am standing in front of him—naked.

"Fuck." Mura ni Ludwig saka mabilis ring naghubad.

He is also naked and damn his hard dck made me gulped. This will be the first time that we'll do this again after years.

Hinila niya ako at inalalayan na muling maupo sa kandungan niya but this time he slowly guide his dck inside me.

Napapikit ako nang maramdaman ang kirot sa pagkababae ko. I am not a virgin pero ilang years na mula noong huli kong pakikipag-sex? And it's with him. With Ludwig.

Nang maramdaman kong naipasok na niya iyon ay dahan dahan niya akong inalalayan sa paggalaw sa ibabaw niya.

I can't contain what I am feeling right now.

"Oh, fuck." He moaned.

"Ludwig!" I shouted his name while moving against him.

Sabay kaming umungol habang pabilis nang pabilis ang paggalaw namin. Our body moves in unison.

Maya maya pa ay itinayo ako ni Ludwig. He carried me. Inalalayan niya ako sa paghiga sa couch. He positioned his self on top of me and yes, mababaliw ako sa kalakihan niya.

He thrusts faster, deeper and harder.

Hindi ko na alam kung gaano kalakas ang sigaw at ungol ko habang patuloy siyang gumagalaw sa ibabaw ko.

"Russia, I love you." He said and continued thrusting.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang katigasan at kalakihan niya. We both moaned as we enjoy pur body being one.

Mas bumilis pa ang paggalaw ni Ludwig hanggang makaramdam ako ng kakaiba. He's about to cum. He's reach his climax.

He thrust harder and faster until I felt him explode inside me. He buried his face against my neck and the next thing I knew, he is kissing my lips again and this feeling.... this is the feeling that it is just the start of this freaking making love. He's ready for round two.

And I am doomed for not accepting his heart but accepting his dck. Nakakaloka.