LILLY

It was a bad meet-up with Josh. I couldn't meet him yesterday after what went down in my apartment because he had a day off but today, as soon as he walked in through those doors, I felt like my heart climbed up to my esophagus and stayed there, blocking my airways till I try to gulp it down my chest again.

Oh, Josh. I keep messing up with him. Maybe we're not meant to be together. Maybe we're not good together but I think otherwise because Sarah keeps telling me we're perfect together. We're the best together. She even made our ship name. JILLY. And I think it's beautiful.

I wave at him but he walks past me without even noticing me and I felt a stab wound to my heart that cannot be stitched up anymore. It can't be healed anymore. It won't heal anymore.
I want to cry, I want to lay on the bleached hospital floor and throw a tantrum like the child in room number 06. I want to cry so loud that everyone pays attention to me and my broken heart. I wanna tell everyone how much I like Josh. I wanna tell everyone that he likes me back but I doubt it now. I wanna tell everyone that I, Lilly Hastings, the curvy girl with wide hips, like Josh.
I want to bang my fists up and down on the floor, cry loudly, and let the snot run down my nose and into my mouth like a five-year-old just so Josh can know that I like him a lot. I liked him since medical school. I had a crush on him since I saw him.
My secret underwear model Josh.
Josh, Josh, Josh.

I break out from my Josh chant when Sarah pinches my butt "Snap out of it. He's gone." I sigh a sad sigh "Why is life so unfair?" She snorts "Unfair to you? Bitch, you have a hunk that's in love with you." It takes me a moment and she was talking about stupid Daniel. She goes on "If it were a competition between him and Josh, I would pick him. Have you seen those wide thighs? And don't get me started on that ass. You got a man that was carved by god himself."

"You know, the way you keep complimenting Daniel, he's nowhere near what you think."

"Bitch, please! He kissed the back of my hand when he met me." She points to the back of her left hand, "Right there. I bet his kisses are good. I bet he's a tongue man." I scrunch my nose up "Stop it." She shakes her head "I will not. Is he a tongue man?" I thought of it and I realized that Romano never kissed me. We've kissed twice. Once when those guns went off and one in the cell where I begged him with a kiss and one... my mind clicks to the day when he passed water in my mouth through his, his tongue swiping against mine. My throat went dry. My body seemed to still remember it and my hand goes to my lips. Sarah nudges me with her elbow "He is, isn't he?" I gulp "Get back to work!" She scoffs "What has got in your panties?" She wiggles her brows "Don't tell me it was Daniel." I grab her shoulder and push her behind the counter "We will not talk about it." She grabs my wrists "But I wanna know. I need details. I need sex details. A single woman like me needs to know everything that happens to my best friend. Tell me! Was your first time good?"

My first time hasn't even happened yet. And Russo— I shivered whenever I think about Russo. My body goes stiff whenever I remember the way he held me down in that cell, the way he choked me, the way he was ready to take me. God, I need my memories to wipe out. I need them gone. I need to forget the last eight months forever. My soul needs this cleanse.

Then I see Josh coming at us. Sarah smiles at me and I smile at Josh. He smiles and shows me his pearly white teeth. The dimple. I swooned at him. The way he tucks his scrubs in his scrubs pants, his tiny waist but his broad shoulders. Those biceps. God, those goddamn biceps.
I need to touch those biceps. Then I feel a tingle all over my face. The way he kissed between my brows outside my apartment and I kissed under his jaw. I don't know how the hell did I have the courage to kiss him under his jaw but I did. I had the courage and I took the first step.
He stops at our counter and puts his hand on the slab, smiles. I look down at his gorgeous hands. Everything about him was gorgeous. His blue eyes sparkled under the fluorescent light and the way his dimple digs into his cheek— god save me, I'm having fantasies while staring at the man.

The stab wound in my heart healed with just his smile. But then I remember, I waved at him and he walked past me.
Sarah smiles "We're thinking of going out to drink. You coming with us?" Josh smiles and asks me "Are you going?" I look at Sarah and mouth "What?" She winks.

When did we ever plan on drinking tonight? Sarah has a late shift. Then I realize. She's setting up a date.

I look back at Josh and smile "Yes, I will. Been craving those virgin mojitos." Because I'm so damn a virgin myself. He smiles "It's a date." I smile back.
He says "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I nod and look at Sarah. She winks "I'll be okay. Go."
As soon as I'm near him, he takes my hand and links his finger with mine "Can we talk outside?" I nod and he pulls me with him outside the door to the concrete seats outside.
We sit down and I feel chilly. Night was falling already. I've been on my shift for more than nine hours. One more and then I'm going home. I don't want to. I don't want to go home anymore. I don't want to see Romano anymore.

Josh sits close to me and asks "You okay?" I smile "Why wouldn't I be?" He shrugs "Everything okay, right?"

"What's wrong, Josh?"

He sighs "I've been so angry these days, Lilly. Not at you, at myself. The day before yesterday, when I came to pick you up, I was nervous. I wanted to tell you things but then I saw him near you. I saw how his hands gripped your hips. I was so angry." He turns to me and takes my hand in his "I like you, Lilly, and I want us to try this out. I've liked you for so long that I don't think I've ever felt like this for anyone." He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckle ever so gently "Lilly, would you go on a date with me? I don't wanna ask you to come over to my place, I don't wanna ask you to spend time. I wanna go on a date with you. Do couple things. I wanna be your boyfriend and I want you to be my girlfriend."

I smile and in just a second my gaze goes past his shoulder and I furrow my brows at a guy running away from something. In black jeans and a black shirt. A black mask on his face and then suddenly everything becomes fire. Everything blows up. There's a loud sound of a car blowing up and I grab Josh by the back of his neck and pull him down on my lap and I'm pressing my face to his spine, saving ourselves from the screams and cries of everything and everyone.

Josh is shivering on my lap and I am as well. I let him go and the building next to the hospital is on fire. People screaming and crying. Some are stuck in the building. My heart drops to my stomach and I look at Josh. His eyes are wide.

And then, another blow. Behind me. I turn to look at it but I'm met with a scrape of metal to my head that makes me pass out while the world just burns.

♡

CARTER

I cut off his third finger. He cries loudly but soon as his mouth opens, I can't help but be disgusted by his severed tongue.

My shirt was bloody and I knew I had blood on my face too. Twelve hours and still I could find nothing about him. Nothing at all damn it.
I say "Come on, man. What are you getting by keeping quiet, huh? You have seven fingers left. Are they worth giving up?" He's red all over his face and down to his neck. Tears ran down his face as if they hurt. The thought of my Lilly being dead was motivation enough to cut all his fingers off but I held back.

Elijah held me back.

"Anything?" Elijah walks in with a sigh. His tie loosed around his neck. He looked tired. I shake my head "Bitch is too quiet." Elijah is sarcastic "Maybe he left his tongue at your girlfriends house." He pauses for dramatic effect "Oh wait, he did!" I roll my eyes "Found anything?" His smile wipes when he knows I'm not in the mood "I can't find anything on him. It's like he doesn't even exist." I huff and look at the man "Who the fuck sent you?" He stays quiet, just crying in agony at his fingers that were under my boot. I stand up exasperated and I'm grabbing my knife and grabbing his hair, pushing his head back "Maybe you'll speak if I take your eyes out." I hold the pointy end of my knife above his wide eye and as I pull the knife back, my phone goes off.

I sigh and smile "You think about it while I take his call." But there's a sudden smile on his lips. I find it weird. I hold the phone to my ear and wait for the other person to speak "Stop torturing the poor guy, Carter." Luca. "He knows nothing. He doesn't know who sent him and he doesn't know who he was sent to kill. He was given some money and he was ready to kill or fight whatever came his way." I clicked my tongue "Tsk, tsk, tsk, very sloppy, Luca. Sending a low life to do your dirty work. I thought you were sophisticated. Elegant. What happened to the stories I heard about the great Luca Giovanni Donario?"

His voice is calm yet bored "What stories have you heard, Carter?"

"That you like doing the dirty work yourself. You like to hunt them down and then tie them to a chair. You like to cut into their skin slowly and shove rock salts under it. What happened to that? Sending this piece of shit for your dirty work has put a black mark on your reputation."

He chuckles in my ear "My stupid little enemy, you know I do the important dirty work. I like torture but there's something I like more than that."

"Which is?"

"Blowing things up."

I scoff "No shit."

"She's pretty, you know. I love when wears her scrubs. Makes her look so damn sexy. Makes my fantasies run wild. So much innocence to her face and you're ruining her. I don't blame you. I would wanna ruin her too."

My grip tightens on my phone, my heart stops "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how she's sitting outside the hospital, holding the hand of this guy, smiling at him. And five, four, three, two, boom!"

I hear the blast on the phone and my eyes go wide. Elijah is staring at me confused. People screaming. It was chaos. I grit my teeth "Listen to me, you little shit—" he cuts me off again "Five, four, three, two, POOF!" Another blast. He hisses "This was near the hospital too, Carter." My throat goes dry and I want to scream. He chuckles "You want me to check if she survived, Carter?"

"Don't you dare!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, temper, oh temper. Always so angry. Always screaming. Just like your bitch of a mother. Ciao."

Then he hangs up the phone.

I'm running out of the room, grabbing my jacket and Elijah's keys. He doesn't protest. I run out of the garage and I'm in Elijah's stupid car, putting the keys in the ignition and I'm pulling off the driveway and onto the road. Lilly's workplace was an hour away and I was fucking screaming at people to move.
I try her phone three times but she doesn't pick up. I try Sarah's phone but she doesn't pick up either.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

FUCK!
Please be alive.
Please be alive.

Lilly, please be alive.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

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Love, Hope
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