CARTER

She took care of me day and night. She didn't have to. Even when I tell her she doesn't have to, she doesn't listen.

She has a good heart, I don't deny that, and she wasn't wrong that I don't have one. I haven't had one since I was thirteen. I haven't had one since my father locked me in a room with a fourteen-year girl and made me fuck her dead so I can become a man. Then he made me put a bullet between her eyes. That's when my first gun was placed in my hand. That's when I, according to my father, became a true Romano.

I still remember her name, that girl, Stacy. She was sweet, autistic, crying, and screaming. He made me hold her down and fuck her thrice. He made me shoot my load in her thrice, then he made me put a bullet in her head thrice. Each bullet for a fuck. I didn't have a choice even when I cried that I wouldn't do it. My father threatened that if I don't, he will do it himself and then I will be closed in that room with her body. I was even more scared of that. I didn't want to be closed in a room with her. I didn't want to be near her.

People who steal your choices are your enemy.
My father becomes my enemy at the age of thirteen.

I watch her pace around my room, cleaning things up, setting things in places, and putting out the right medicines for me to take. She hasn't talked to me in four days. She hasn't spoken in four days. She hasn't looked at me in four days and I dare say, it was getting to me.

I was getting better, the wound on my stomach and the back of my thigh was healing way faster than I anticipated.
She would sit beside me, change my bandages, and silently lets me play with the ends of her hair. I liked playing with her hair. I liked how thick and long her hair was. How soft it was. How it smelled like my shampoo. I liked how she dressed in my clothes, and I liked even more how her hips looked in my sweatpants. I couldn't help myself but fantasize about biting her there.

I was glad she was taking care of her bruises too. The bruise on her cheek was gone but the one on her neck took some time. The one on her breasts- I don't know about those.

She gently sits beside me and holds up a little plastic cup with medicines in them. I knew Elijah had his eye on her and on what she fed me so I didn't have to worry. I'd take poison even if it meant she'd be giving it to me like that.
She puts the plastic cup at my lips and I open my mouth for her. She tilts the cup and I feel the medicine inside my mouth. Then she holds up a glass of water and I drink, pushing down the medicine in my throat while I rolled her hair between my thumb and forefinger. I liked how her eyes were mostly on my tattoos, especially the one on my chest where there was a saying across it. She stared at it every day. I say "Ucciso dal mio stesso cuore." Her eyes flicker to mine "What?" I translate "Killed by my own heart. That's what the tattoo says." She clears her throat and pulls off the bandage on my stomach "I didn't ask."

"No, but you keep staring at it every day."

"I don't stare."

"Eyes do not lie, Lilly, and it makes me annoyed that you do."

Her hands froze for a second because I lie but they continue doing their work. She says to herself mostly "The wounds are healing but they will leave a scar." I scoff "Do you think I will care about a scar?" She says without looking at me "It makes me annoyed that you stare at me like that too." I chuckle "How much annoyed?" She puts on a new bandage "A lot." I say with my voice low which I knew always got me a reaction from her "Lilly, look at me." She ignores. I curve my finger under her chin and lift her head, she'd rather look down her nose than look at me. I sit up and by the little vibration under my finger, I know she gulped. I lean closer and press our foreheads together and I say softly "Look at me with those pretty blue eyes, darling." She lifts her gaze to meet mine and as I see those blue eyes, a shiver runs down my spine. Big blue eyes filled with innocence and purity. Softness. I wanted to destroy it. I wanted to wrap myself around it like a snake and squeeze till it bled.
I whisper "Mi chiedo se hai un sapore dolce (I wonder if you taste sweet)." Then I spoke, "If I ask you something will you be honest?"

I ask away "That day when you kissed me in that hotel room, was that your first kiss?" She leans back and says "No comment." I laugh and lean closer even if the stitches hurt "A girl that has never been kissed, never been touched, never been fucked- how does Josh keep himself sane around you?" Her eyes go wide when I say his name and she stands up abruptly "Never speak his name." I let blow out a breath with my eyes closed "Defending that man- feisty." And start laughing. I liked how it got to her and I loved how she stood there without words until she said under her breath "You're a heartless man."

Shit like that made me lose my cool. I abruptly stand up, fuck the stitches, fuck the pain, she gasps and takes a step back. Pretty blue eyes wide and frightened. "You know what I want to do sometimes, Lilly?" I take a step closer and she takes a step back. My goal was to press her to the wall behind her and it was fucking working.
I continue "I wish I could tell Josh about you that day. Shouldn't have left with a warning but actually should've told him about it. How you have orgasmed twice now with my hands in your panties." I look at my right hand and show it to her "My middle finger just rubbing a soft circle on that little spot of yours. Interesting, right? How the right strokes on one small, swollen clit can get you to orgasm like that. Sometimes I'm blown away. I still am blown away." She gulps "Stop it." I don't. I keep taking steps forward and she keeps taking them back.
I take one wide stride and now her back is pressed to the wall. She gasps that she's against it and when she makes a move to go the other way, I'm pinning myself on her, trapping her in. I lean closer to her face "I press lightly on it and you're wet in seconds, shaking with anticipation. I know the first time you didn't expect it but the second, you never fought me to stop. You never fought me or screamed." I grab her hips and her body tenses, her breathing gets heavy. She does everything to avoid touching me, and looking everywhere but at me.
I curl my finger under her chin and lift her head. Her eyes meet mine and I have the bad urge to fuck her against the wall. On the floor, the bed, the couch downstairs, in the tub, the fucking shower, the floor- the fucking floor.
I whisper against her lips "You loved it. You came on my hand."

I push my knee between her legs and she whimpers at the way her cunt rubbed against it. Lilly was sensitive everywhere. With the right intimidation and a couple of dirty words, she was easier to turn on. Silly and simple.

I scrunch the hem of her shirt and push my hands in, resting them on her pelvis. I feel her thighs try to close by they can't because of my knee. "What if I were to tell Josh all about it? I know he likes you, that was clear enough." Her eyes sparked with something when I tell her this and I hated that it was a spark for him.
"If I tell Josh that Lilly is a dirty little thing, tell him how she moans before she cums, tell him how sensitive her virgin little cunt is, you think he'd wanna fuck you after that?" Then her eyes speak something louder and I playfully gasp "Don't tell me, you naughty girl. You've been wanting to fuck him for long haven't you?" I chuckle when her lips purse. Oh, this was gold. "Be honest with me, Lilly. How many times have you fantasized about him?" Pressing my forehead on hers, I grip her hips and slowly guide her to work them. She lets out a whimper at how her cunt rubbed on my knee but she tries to stay strong.
I whisper in her ear "How many times have you played with yourself while thinking about him?" She grips my wrists but she doesn't let me stop. She doesn't even push me away.
A soft sound escapes her throat and I smile wider, running my lips down the side of her neck. She bites her lips to hold onto that moan, desperate to win and I kiss the soft spot where the neck meets the shoulder. She lets out the cutest soft moan and I know she's close.

She covers her mouth with the back of her hand and turns her face to the other side completely. I stop. She lets out a shivery breath and looks at me. I smile "Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't tell me to stop, did you?" Her eyes were filled with tears "You're disgusting, Romano." I keep listening to her as I push a strand of her hair behind her ear "You're vile, disgusting, heartless, cruel- you're a bad man."

"I'm the bad guy?"

She nods. God, when those blue eyes were teary, they did something to me. Something dangerous to both of us. I grab her by the back of her head and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her closer. I lift my knee slightly to press it under her and she cries. Instead of guiding her hips, I use my knee to make her cum. She cries on my lips and I grunt "That's right, Lilly. I'm the bad guy. Carter Romano is the bad guy." She whimpers my name "Carter," she pounds her balled-up fists on my chest and throws her head back, moaning while beautiful tears dripped down her cheek. She came. I feel her body shiver, I feel her wetness soaking through her sweats on my knee.

She catches her breath, her chest heaving.
She looks back at me again with blue eyes red and countless tears dripping down her chin and onto her T-shirt. I hold her face between my hands and lick the thick tear beside her lips "My Lilly," she grunts and pushes me away. I let her and watch as she wipes her tears with the back of her hands, holding herself so she won't break down in front of me.
She looks up but she isn't strong so she starts crying, saying with her teeth clenched "You're the reason why I want to take my own life. You're the reason people around you die." And then she runs out, then I hear the door bang close.

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling. Shit.

I'm the reason people around me die.

♡

LILLY

I spent hours crying in the room. It wasn't his fault that I just can't stop myself from moaning. It's my fault that I can't push him away. I hate him so much and yet... yet I let him do whatever he wants. He was right, I never pushed away. He was right, that I never told him to stop.
God, why I never stopped?

This isn't me. I can't find momentary pleasure in the bad man's arm. No, it wasn't me. It was something else. It was not me.

I clutch the cross necklace in my hand and let the corner poke into my skin. I let it hurt as much as it could hurt me. Even if it could pierce through my skin, I want it to.

♡

The door opens and I gasp, waking up. I was in the corner of the room and Romano looks at me with a brows raised and jaw clenched.

I fell asleep. I didn't know. My T-shirt was wet on my chest and my face felt scratchy. But I look up at him and he cocks his head "Up. Now." He wore a black shirt with black slacks. Sleeves folded up. I slowly stand up and he watches as I walk out. He stands there, watches me as I pass him, and then look back at him again in confusion. I didn't know what he wanted.
He grabs my wrist and drags me down the stairs. Hardly gives me a second to put on my shoes and then drags me out again.

He pushes me inside the back of the car and gets in through the other side. His driver drives and there's this thing inside me that tries to eat me alone. Where were we going? I don't know. I did have a bad feeling about it.
I know Romano is staring at me but I don't move my head to even look at him. I just look down with my hands on my lap, playing with the hem of the shirt he gave me the first time.
He says "Lilly," I slowly look at him as he leans to take my ponytail in his hand, smoothing it down from the base and wrapping the end around his finger. It always distracts him for some reason, "aren't you gonna ask me where we're going?" I stay quiet. He says again "Fair enough. Listen to me carefully because I am going to say this only once. If you ever, I mean every fucking word, ever tell anyone about this, about me, if you ever go to the police or speak because you got yourself drunk," he leans closer and I try my hardest to stay in place "it isn't hard for me to find you again. If you fuck up, I will find you, and I won't give you a swift death. Remember that. What you experienced in these sixteen days will be nothing compared to what I will do to you if you do something stupid."

The car comes to halt and I look up. The place was familiar. I look left and right and I knew this place. I live here. He grabs my jaw and pulls me to face him "Listen to me when I'm talking to you. If you do something shitty, I will fuck you up. Do not take this threat lightly or it will be your funeral."
He lets my face go and I ask "You're letting me go?" He smirks "You wanna come live in the cell forever?" I shake my head instantly. He leans close, close enough I could feel his breath fanning my lips. I hear something and there's a breeze against my back. He whispers on my lips "Get. The fuck. Out." I look behind me and saw that he had opened the door. I get out quickly.
As soon as I do, he says "Ciao." And then bangs the door close. The car droves off.

I stood in the middle of the street for a couple of minutes and then I was running inside the building, ran up the stairs to the sixth floor, and stood in front of my apartment. I mindlessly search my pockets for a key but I should know better that it wasn't here .
I gently pulled out the frame of the doorbell and pulled out the copy of my key and unlocked the door and walked in.

The smell of my apartment hits me, the smell of coconut, and my eyes go to the candle on the table. I had left the candle burning for days. The wax was gone. Thank god, it didn't burn down the apartment. I lock the doors and I'm walking to my room and jump on my unmade bed. Just as I left it. Then I cry out the exhaustion until sleep takes over me again.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

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Love, Hope
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