LILLY

My hands were trembling. My heart hammering in my chest. My heart felt heavy behind my breasts. Everything felt too slow. The world felt too slow. I was too slow.

He was kneeling on the floor in front of me, keeping his weight on his calves, his palms laid flat on his knees and his head bowed down. Silent tears streamed down his face and dropped down from his chin to his chest. He doesn't flinch at the tears. He doesn't move at all. I had to hold all my movements, hold in my breath, to make sure he was still breathing by watching the rise and fall of his chest.

He says, "I shot her in the heart. She said that it was mercy killing but," he looks up at me with eyes red, "but why do I feel like a murderer, Lilly? I killed my mother. I killed the woman I loved the most in my life. I killed the woman who could've left me with my father but she stayed, tortured by that monster just so her child wouldn't turn into his villainous father." He choked back a cry, "Lilly, she stayed."

He leans forward and presses his brows to my knees, his back shaking as he cried hard, "Lilly, she stayed for me." I look up at the ceiling, holding back my tears, and then I fold myself on him. Rubbing my hand up and down his spine. My face pressed to his shoulder blade. I don't know what words to use to comfort him. I didn't know what to do except be there for him.

I kiss the nape of his neck then I kiss behind his ear, whispering, "I love you." He wraps his arms around my waist and presses his face to my stomach, gently kissing me there, and then he looks up. I cup his cheek lovingly and he leans his face into my hand. I wipe the tears from his eyes and sigh. He looks at me as if he's confused as if he won't believe my words. But I mean them. I mean every word.

I press my lips on his and whisper, "I love you, Carter Romano." He doesn't take another moment when he pulls me down on his lap and kissed me with hunger. I taste his salty tears between our kisses.
He inhaled a breath and I take the opportunity to push my tongue inside his mouth, I kiss him like there was no tomorrow. I kiss him like I was starving.

He pulls back for a second and I brush my thumb over the tattoo on his chest. He looks down at it and I say, "Is that the meaning behind the tattoo? Killed by my own heart?" He looks down at my finger brushing across the tattoo and then looks up at me, swallows, his Adam's apple bob, then he gently nods, "My mother- she always used to say that she never gave her heart to my father, she gave it to me. And..." he didn't have to say anything else because I knew what he meant. I understood it exactly too well.

He holds my face gently and looks me in the eye, he didn't look like a mafia leader or the guy that tormented me. He looked like a vulnerable young boy as he says, "You love me." It wasn't a question, it wasn't him being cocky, it was validation to himself. It was him telling himself that someone loves him.
I brush his hair away from his eyes and he bites his bottom lip most adorably, "You love me." I nod, "Yes." And smile. He says again, "You love me."

"Yes."

"You love me."

"Yes, Carter."

"You love me."

"Yes, Carter Romano, yes."

"You love me."

I chuckle and say exactly what he wanted to hear, "I love you, Carter Romano." Then I'm being kissed all over my face as excitement sparks inside his soul and mine. Then when his lips hover on mine, he whispers, "I love you, darling." I press my lips on him, kissing him hard, not caring if his lips hurt or mine. He's so calm as he lets me do whatever I want. He lets me kiss him however I want.

He lets me do whatever I want to do to him.

♡

CARTER

I am an idiot.

I kept making her say I love you for hours and hours last night and she didn't even get annoyed. Not even once. She kept saying it even as she fell asleep, even if her words were slurred. She fucking loves me.

"What are you smiling about?" I look up and my smile fell. Fucking Nico. He looks at me suspiciously. I casually shrug and put my hands inside the pocket of my slacks, "The imagination of your funeral just makes me happy." He rolls his eyes and straightens his leather jacket, muttering under his breath, "Fucking bitch." I let it slide. I was in a good mood after all. He says, "Your father looks for you." I raise my brow, "Why?"

"The fuck would I know?"

"Don't fuck with me. You always know."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Fucker."

"Why don't you go and see for yourself?"

"Where is he?"

He smiles, "Where your Lilly is."

I don't even breathe for another second as I'm running back to my corner of the house. I run like crazy.

Shit. Shit. Shit. FUCK!

♡

LILLY

I woke up a little late than usual. He was gone.

With a smile on my face, I went to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth, then I was down the stairs. I wanted to make something for him for tonight. Something nice. A dinner date maybe. We never went on dates.

I grab myself a glass of water first and as I drink it, the door bursts open. I turn around, hoping to find him but my heart stops beating when I see who it was. Rafael Romano. He's angry, he's like a dragon breathing out fire. When his eyes land on mine, I lower my gaze. I can't make eye contact with the man who let his wife be raped.
I feel uncomfortable wearing shorts and a tank top, I feel very exposed. I know he stares at me up and down and my body shivers.
My gaze goes to his hand and I see he's clenching a piece of paper.

He asks, "Where is he?" I answer meekly, "I don't know." He notices I was wearing Carter's ring on my finger. Rafael Romano makes his way to me and when I look up at him, he grabs me by my neck and pins me toward the sink. His grip was like steel on my neck and he leaned closer to my face, his breath smelled like alcohol that made me want to puke my guts out but I gulp it all down. His grip tightens around my neck and I'm having trouble breathing. I grab his arm, trying to pull away from his grip. My eyes roll up and I know I'm losing consciousness. And I barely hear him say, "Who-" and then suddenly he's pulled away from me.

Carter screams at his father and I'm on the floor, coughing my lungs out. Trying to get some air back into my lungs. Rafael Romano speaks, "What the fuck did you do?!" When his father tries to come towards me again, Carter holds him back and says with his voice low yet deadly, "You don't speak to my wife like that."

"Your wife? Are you fucking with me? I know you're not married! You lied to me!"

Carter doesn't speak for a second, then he says, "I will fucking kill if you ever touch her again. If you wanna talk to me, you call me. If you wanna ask me something, you call me. You do not come to my house and attack my fiancée like." Then he says, slowly and low, "Se non prendo in mano una Pistola da sei anni, ciò non significa che non la prenderò affatto. (If I haven't picked up a gun in six years, that does not mean I will never pick it up at all.)"

Then suddenly, Rafael Romano pulls out his gun, aiming at Carter. My heart is in my throat again as I watch the scene unfold.
Rafael Romano says, "You do not speak to me like that, boy. You do not speak to your leader like that. You work for me, blood or not, and I own you." The gun goes off and I scream, he didn't shoot Carter but he shoot the cabinet behind me. My ears ring and my heart is too fast for me to keep up with it. Carter's body is shaking and I know he will panic but I can't help it. I can't stand up. My limbs are shut down for some reason.

I cry, "Carter!" Carter doesn't turn around and he doesn't even look at me. Rafael Romano looks crazy at this moment. He looks like a crazy man when he looks at me, smiles, and aims his gun at me. I hug myself, shivering with fright. Tears of fear escaped my eyes and ran down my cheeks. Carter puts his hands up and says with his voice shaking, "Put the gun down." Rafael Romano shakes his head, "I have an idiot for a son. A weak piece of shit!" The gun goes off again and this time on the wood floor, closer to where I was. I cover my ears with my hands and scream Carter's name.

Rafael Romano says, "Open your fucking eyes, Carter! I thought all your weaknesses would be gone after I eliminate them one by one. First was your mother, now her. Maybe this will make you into the man you should've been. The real mafia leader. But you're weak, pathetic, and fucking dumb!" Then he says to me, "And you... what the fuck do you want with him?" I cry loud, begging, "Make it stop! Carter, make it stop."

Rafael Romano says to Carter, "You were stronger after you killed her. You were getting better, faster, and deadlier. She comes into your life and everything goes to shit in my mafia! My trusted men die by your hands! My enemy is after us! My business is drowning because of you, Carter! Because of your fucking weakness." His voice calms down but he's still pointing the gun at me, "I can't find shit on your woman. Lilly Hastings- she doesn't exist!" I cry loud, couldn't keep the fear in anymore. At this moment I was freaking out. I cried so much that I couldn't breathe.

I look up at Carter and his hands are shaking. He's shaking. Can't even stand up straight. His chest heaves and I'm more worried for him than for my own life. Rafael Romano makes a face of disgust, "You're fucking weak." His finger stays on the trigger and my eyes go wide when he's about to pull it.
The gun goes off for the third time and I scream, putting my hands to my ears. I'm dead. I know he shot me.

I'm dead but I don't feel pain. I don't feel pain because my adrenaline is rushing into my veins. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.

I'm- I hear something drop and I open my eyes. I feel no bullet, I feel no pain. I feel only terror inside my chest and that's about it.
I look up slowly at Carter heaving, barely able to keep balanced. His arm held straight and right in his shaking hand was a gun. He pulled the trigger on his father.
Rafael Romano is dead on the floor with a bullet in his cheek. Dead. Finished.
I suddenly feel sick to my stomach and I open the cabinet under the sink and spill my guts right in the trash can.

When I know there isn't anything more coming out of me, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and look back at Carter. His eyes are wide as he stares at his father's dead body. I say, "C-C-Carter?" The gun falls from his grip and then he lowers his hand.

One second he's standing and the next he's down, his legs giving out from under him. I take no time in crawling to him and pulling his head to my chest. He shakes and heaves. His body shivers violently. He's in shock but he's panicking. I can't control my tears either.

I turn his face so he can look at me instead of that man, and once his gaze land on mine, he lets himself go. He lets himself cry in front of me by wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his face to my chest. He cries.

♡

I don't know for how long we stay with the body. But Carter finally calms down, he's drowsy and tired suddenly.
He looks up at me and says, his voice scratchy, "I killed him." I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what should I do.

Then something glossed over his eyes, "12 down, Lilly. 12 down." The hurt is completely shadowed by fury, and then he says with a broken smile, "Possa la sua anima riposare. (May her soul rest.)"

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

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Love, Hope
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