Reviewed by Key Keeper Kat CaliKat000

Author: Lorettamz
Title: Zara the Phantom
Genre: Short Story

Cover: 1/5

Your cover seems a bit dull and so void of color to me if I saw the cover of your book I don’t think I would click on it based on its cover. Also, your font on Phantom really blends and mellows out the cover even more. One rule, I have as a graphics designer, is that I use the same font for the title unless requested otherwise. It makes the title look tacky unless done correctly. When I see your cover with the title I imagine the words fading away or in a smoky font.

Blurb 4/5

There are a few grammar mistakes, as well as, confusing phrases within your blurb. Go through and proofread to make sure it makes sense. I think your blurb could have been longer but seeing as it is for a short story I understand why it's not. Other then the few mistakes I think it gave a nice brief overview of your short story. It foreshadowed nicely and has a good attention getter. I think you would get more attention on the book if the book was published as its own book and not a short story. You can always add more chapters to do so.

Title: 3/5

You state in your blurb that Zara is a hero and get her name from escaping NDE but in general, her name sounds like a villain's name. That's just my opinion. The title is named after the main character of the story, and just like any other superhero/villain movie or book, yours is the same. I was hoping for something more creative, like something to do with the letter to Kitty, maybe.

Plot: 9/10

I really like your idea of involving the letter throughout all the action in part 1. I would have liked to know how Zara could have written that letter before she drank the vial though. She had no time to write it when she was surrounded and she couldn't have written it beforehand because of what the letter obtained. Anyway, I liked the idea. Also, I wish you had involved how she got into the mess and ending in the cell. I thought your story had a great plot! I would definitely read more of it if you kept going and added in the backstory of how she became the phantom. Oh, and Kitty's letter is cute! I ship it!

Character Development: 10/15

Jason has this vibe, I don't know what it is but I think he is so very sweet and funny. I think he is my favorite character. Zara, on the other hand, seems so fragile through her writing, bt is so on edge in person when she is with Jason. Haha, poor Jason, I feel for you. I think you should describe them a little better and maybe develop their backgrounds so the readers understand the characters better.

Spelling and Grammar: 9.5/10

When writing a letter, like you do to Kitty, the first line in a letter starts with ‘Dear, Miss, Ms’ or ‘Mr’ followed by the recipient's name and a comma, then go to the next line and begin your letter.

Other than fixing the beginning of the letter your spelling and grammar are amazing.

Overall: 9/10

Other Comments:

I really liked your story. The plot was in constant motion and you made lovable characters. I wish you would have added in a more developed villain though. Maybe if you continue… Will you work on that? As well as the backstory and some more detail.

Kat<3 <3