Shisui sighed, pulled his fingers through his hair. He had always liked the feeling of his large hands in his curls. The length of his hair varied from time to time to quite long and unruly, to short and wavy, but the curls were what really made him him. He loved then.

And HE loves them, too, Shisui thought.

"Where do your thoughts go?"

Itachi looked up at the woman in front of him. She had long, brown hair, a soft body and a long, black skirt and cream cardigan. Her eyes were intense, her nose quite long.

"My fiancé", Shisui said, twirling his ring.

"What about him?" his doctor asked.

"That if we... That if you and me do what you say we should do, and it turned out the way you think it will... Then I would think he deserves better."

"Why do you say 'I would think he deserves better' and not 'I think I will leave him'?"

Shisui looked up at her. "I don't want to leave him."

"Would he want you to leave him if things turn out the way you say?"

Shisui looked down. "I don't know", he said sullenly.

He suddenly felt dead inside. The weekend in the cottage had, despite his fifteen hours of sleep a night, rekindled something within. He'd not only fucked Itachi seven times in less than forty-eight hours; he'd also eaten with a ravenous appetite, as if his body tried to catch up on all of the energy he'd deprived it of for so many weeks. But now, he felt that spark for life disappear once more.

He continued:

"I'm afraid he'll want to leave but that he'll stay only to be kind to me."

"Would he do such a thing?" his doctor asked.

Shisui thought. Had she asked him four years ago, he would've said yes, believing Itachi was too kind for his own good. Itachi was kind, mind, and sometimes it got the best of him, but Shisui had grown to learn how much self-respect Itachi had. He set boundaries with ease, and was never afraid to let you know when he believed you had treated him unjustly. Just like when I scolded him for going out without me, Shisui thought.

"I don't know", Shisui said. "Or, rather, he might not want to, but he might desire to want to. Does that make sense?"

"Yes", his doctor said. "I don't know your partner personally, of course, but what you say makes perfect sense to me."

Shisui had been surprised at this skill of his doctors. During the four more structured sessions they'd had so far, she never took sides, but more than once Shisui had said 'It doesn't make sense' and then she'd told him that actually, it did. Shisui didn't know it that the time, but this little reassurance would raise his confidence in his own emotions endlessly.

"Does he know you're here?" the woman asked.

"No", Shisui said. "He knew I went here that first time to get checked. He doesn't know I continued."

"Why not?" she asked.

"After our weekend in the cottage..." Shisui looked to the side, couldn't help but blush a little when thinking about how hot they had been for one another. But there was also something else. He looked back up at the doctor in front of him. "I told him about the bullying. He didn't seem all that impressed."

"What do you mean?"

"He seemed surprised that that was the cause of of this."

"Do you want to do it?" his doctor asked. "What I suggested you and me should do?"

"I want to marry him", he said, fingering his ring. "I proposed during our graduation in June. He gave me my ring at the cottage. I don't take an engagement lightly; I want to marry him. I want to be his husband. I want him to be mine."

"Usually, when it won't change anything, I actually discourage my patients to do what I've suggested. But with you, I think there is a point. I believe you will get a lot out of it. You give me the impression of being a person who can deal with a situation better if you know exactly what reason lay behind it. The reason I'm asking you to do it is because I share your fiancé's confusion."

Shisui tried to let what the woman was telling him sink in. "Are you saying I'm overreacting?" he asked. He was genuinely confused. Had he not trusted the doctor, he might've become angry.

"No", she said calmly. "You're reacting appropriately. Your feelings are your feelings. You have the right to them. But I believe there's a reason behind your reaction."

Shisui looked her sternly into her eyes. She looked sternly into his.

"Do you want to do it?" his therapist asked again.

He looked up at her, determined, brows furrowed.

"Yes. Yes, I want to do it."

Shisui hated watching the light in Itachi's eyes die.

And Shisui hated seeing how Itachi blamed himself for being disappointed.

Itachi had gotten his hopes up after their trip to the mountains, Shisui could tell. But after his latest conversation with his doctor, Shisui clammed up.

His emotions entirely disappeared.

The king-haired man was incredibly worried by now. Was Shisui taking antidepressants now that numbed his emotions? Itachi desperately looked through the bathroom cabinet, the bedside table on Shisui's side of the double bed they shared, his coat pockets and other possible and impossible places where his curly partner could've hidden them, all the while in a state of dread; if Itachi found Shisui had been hiding pills from him he didn't know what he would make of himself, or of them.

But he found nothing.

It was now unbearable for Itachi. Shisui would come home and plant a kiss on Itachi's cheek like on auto pilot. He would put an arm around Itachi when he came to bed, usually a couple of hour later than Shisui now, but never hold him like he used to.

"Shisui?" Itachi asked one Saturday morning three weeks after Shisui clammed up as Shisui was shoving sugary cornflakes with milk into his face, visibly struggling not to fall asleep over his bowl.

"Mmm?" Shisui said, mouth full.

"Why don't you tell me you love me anymore?"

Shisui stopped chewing, his brows furrowed, looking out into the air, confused.

"Oh... I guess you know that already?"

"That didn't stop you from telling me every day for five years."

"Yeah..."

Itachi realised the gears in Shisui's mind weren't oiled, yet he snapped.

"Shisui, is there someone else?"

Shisui just stared at Itachi.

"What?"

"Is there someone else? Are you seeing anyone behind my back? Because in that case please tell me so I can make a decision."

Shisui looked dreadfully tired then.

"Itachi, with all due respect. I'm always asleep. When the fuck will I be able to see anyone behind your back?"

He had a point, Itachi thought.

But his answer still truly got to Itachi.

Because it was contentedly void of emotion.

His fiancé hadn't even become angry, or surprised, or horrified that Itachi would suggest such a thing.

It made Itachi clam up to.

Until a few weeks later, they both snapped.