After John, Jade, and Jake left, all fully clothed, Dirk turned to Dave. There was a long silence. Dave took off for the stairs, trying to dodge Dirk on the way. Dirk grabbed him by the waist. "Not so fast, you little pest." They fell over. Dave started using his hands to drag himself forward, but Dirk stood up and Dave dangled, doubled over. "I know what you did."

"I'm sorry. You just both needed a life." Dave whimpered. He started kicking Dirk in the shins.

Dirk let go of Dave with one hand and grabbed his sword from behind the couch. Dave shrieked. The door burst open.

A tall man with spiky hair and anime shades walked in. His katana was resting on his shoulder and leaned past his neck. Lightning crackled behind him.

Dirk dropped Dave and they both bolted for the stairs. Dave reached them first. He kicked Dirk in the chest. Dirk grabbed his foot and flipped him over his head. Dave grabbed Dirk's ankle. Dirk tripped and Dave climbed over him and up the stairs. Dirk got up and followed him to his own room.

Dave dialed John on his phone. John picked up on the third ring. "Hey, man, I cant talk right now-"

There was a gunshot and a British accent yelled "YOU LITTLE VERMIN."

John hung up.

Dave reluctantly put his phone down on his bed. It vibrated. He picked it up.

Dirk

Yo.

What?

Thanks.

For what?

.......

YOURE GAY FOR JAKE

SHUT UP OR I WILL
MURDER YOU IN
YOUR SLEEP

Dave internally squealed. He quickly opened Jake's messaging.

Wait.

Should he really be doing this? What if he didn't feel the same about Dirk? He closed Jake's messaging and opened Jade's.

Jade

Howd it go?

He bought us ice cream.

.......

What?

I called John.

And?

And I heard gunshots shots...

He dropped Jake's ice cream.

Dave felt a lot better. Thank god! He sat at his computer desk and opened PesterChum. He hadn't been on it in a while. There were a few new messages from Karkat.

--carcinoGeneticist began trolling turntechGodhead at 8:14 PM--

CG: DAVE
CG: IDIOT
CG: ARE YOU THERE?
TG: yeah, im here Nubs McShouty
CG: DONT FORGET WHO CREATED YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO ON A DATE?
TG: with who?
CG: WITH ME NUMBNUTS
TG: sure
TG: why not?
CG: MEET ME AT THAT STEAK PLACE TOMORROW
CG: AT FIVE
TG: works for me
TG: see you there
CG: SEE YOU THERE

--carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling turntechGodhead at 8:25 PM--

Dave set up a reminder on his phone for tomorrow at four thirty.

Something slid under the door. Dave walked over to it. It was a pack of Pop Tarts. A few small drops of blood slid around the foil wrapper. He heard running and a door slam down the hall. He walked over and picked them up. The blood fell to the floor. Looks like this was dinner. He opened them. Blueberry, his favorite. He silently ate them on his bed and soon fell fast asleep.