He walked down the lonely street, at that time of night, there weren't really many people walking about.  He was walking out in the cold autumn air because he didn't know where to go.  It'd been that way ever since Frank had started dating some girl.  Gerard would still go seem him when ever he could but now with her around, his chances had been dwindling.  Without Frank, he felt lonely.  So Gerard did the one thing he could think of to numb the pain, he drank.  He started going to a little irish pub, he started going there so much, that everyone there knew him.  Even with how much he went to the little pub, Macintyre's, Gerard still had limits.  He was sober a lot of the time, he just drank a lot whenever Frank was with his girlfriend instead of him.

But this night, he was walking to the pub but just couldn't just make himself go inside.  He didn't want to drink away everything that troubled him, so he decided to keep walking in the cold night.  He had just seen Frank earlier that day and he didn't want to forget everything that happened.  He still loved Frank and he knew that Frank loved him too, it was just that he had to blend in.  Gerard hated the whole of it, but he knew why Frank had to hide.  Gerard had to hide for the same reasons, he just hid it at the bottom of a pint of beer.  But tonight, Gerard didn't feel like hiding, he wasn't going to go around announcing everything to the world or at least the small town where they lived, he just didn't want to change himself.

Gerard wanted to remember the feel of Frank's clean-shaven cheek under his fingers.  He wanted to remember Frank's warm lips pressed against his and the feel of Frank's warm body snugged tightly against his own.  It had been so amazing and Gerard didn't want to leave, but he had to.  Yes, he wanted to remember Frank's sweet goodbye kiss right before Frank's girlfriend was supposed to come.  That was where he was right now, with his girlfriend.  Or at least Gerard assumed so, since that was why he had to leave.  With that on his mind, Gerard kept walking, he wandered the little town.

It was the town that he and Frank had grown up in.  They'd known each other their whole lives, friends ever since they met at elementary school.  Neither of them had really left the town, not for more than a day.  It was their home, where their memories were and neither Frank or Gerard liked the idea of leaving those behind.

It wasn't until they were both in their 20s when they became romantically involved.  He and Frank always tried to keep it secret, and in such a small town, that was hard.  But somehow over the years they did, no one ever would guess the reality of the relationship of the two men.  Gerard had always assumed that it was because Frank had a girlfriend, so no one ever questioned him.  But then that would make Gerard wonder why people didn't really question him.  He didn't really date anyone (besides Frank) and he only occasionally hooked up with some girl when he was drunk enough.  He only ever did it to keep up a pretense and he knew that was what Frank had to do with his girlfriend.  Just sometimes it felt real between Frank and his girlfriend and that scared Gerard, he couldn't lose Frank, he had never known anything else.

Soon it was starting to get light and Gerard was finally tired from all his walking, so he went home.  He slept well and without blacking out which felt good for a change.  He couldn't sleep long because of his work in the day, at least today he wouldn't have a hangover at work.  He worked fast so he could see Frank after, but when he went by where Frank worked, they said he wasn't there.  No one would tell him where he was so with nothing else to do, Gerard decided to go the pub.  He was annoyed that he didn't find Frank or that Frank didn't make an effort to find him.  So he drank away his annoyance with beer after beer.

The next morning, Gerard woke up at home, his head pounding.  It was halfway through the day and too late to go to work, so Gerard stayed where he was, half naked lying in bed.  After a while, a knock came at his door, so Gerard begrudgingly stood up and answered it.  Sure enough, Frank was standing there.  He looked at Gerard and quietly said, "I looked for you, why weren't you at work?"

"I looked for you yesterday, why weren't you there?" Gerard retorted.  He wasn't going to let Frank go unexplained for his absence.

Frank sighed and with his shoulders sagging, he looked up at Gerard.  That was when he could see the dark circles under Frank's eyes.  He looked like it had been days since he slept.  Frank finally said, "Gerard.  I need to talk to you about something."  Gerard stayed silent, waiting for Frank to continue.  After a minute, Frank said, "I don't want to talk about it out here."

So Gerard gestured inside, still not saying anything.  He waited while Frank walked in and took a seat close to the door.  "Gerard," Frank started tentatively, "I..."

"Just tell me," Gerard looked at Frank seriously, he wasn't usually so uneasy about telling Gerard things.

"You know I love you right?" Frank looked into Gerard's eyes.  Gerard could see the worry written across his face, what had him so upset?

"I do," Gerard answered shortly, he wished that Frank would stop stalling and just till him what he needed to.

"I have to leave," Frank finally spat out.  The words were quick and took a minute to settle in for Gerard.

Gerard looked at Frank in shock and after a moment of silence, Gerard quietly said, "Leave?"

"You see, my girlfriend, she's... she's pregnant and I have to marry her," Frank explained.

Gerard was shocked, how could this really be happening?  Not too long ago, everything was fine, normal, as it should be.  But now with this?  Gerard didn't want to believe it.  He hung is head to hide his quickly reddening eyes from Frank.  Gerard managed to say, "But we can still..."

Frank sighed as he said, "But we can't... she wants to go be nearer her family.  And, and that's not around here.  It's over the sea."

Gerard quietly laughed, the kind of laugh when you're trying to deal with an unhappy situation.  Gerard couldn't say anything, he just stood up and went to his fridge.  As he left the room, he managed to clearly ask, "Want a beer?"

"A little early isn't it?" he could hear Frank call.

Gerard returned with one bottle of beer and sat down across from Frank.  He weakly smiled as he said, "No, my head is pounding and I'm losing the only person I ever cared about.  I need something to help."

"You won't be alone here," Frank sat forward on his seat, about to reach for Gerard but deciding against it.

"There's no one left, but you know that," Gerard said quietly.  It was true, all the friends they had in school had either moved away from the town, deserting them.  Or they had died from various substance and depression problems.

Frank was quiet before looking to Gerard again.  He tried to console Gerard, "It won't be that far."

"But it is," Gerard leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, "I have no means of getting there."  Frank stood up, looking at Gerard before heading to the front door.

Before Frank opened the door, Gerard called, "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow," Frank said without turning to face him.

"Can you stay for now?" Gerard asked tentatively.  He figured Frank's girlfriend would probably need him, but he wanted Frank to stay longer.  Gerard closed his eyes, waiting for Frank to say that he had to leave, that he would never see Gerard again.  But instead he felt Frank's hand touching his cheek.  He opened his eyes to see Frank kneeling next to him.

Frank's eyes were tearstained as he said, "I'll stay as long as I can."  He paused before gently kissing Gerard.  Gerard rested his hand on Frank's head and wished that it would always just him and Frank, that Frank would never have to leave.  Frank pulled apart and leaned his head against Gerard's and whispered, "I don't want to leave you."

The rest of the day and the night, they stayed together.  Never separated from each other for more than a moment and that was how Gerard liked life.  But soon all of that was going to change and Gerard knew it.  He cherished every moment with Frank and tried his best to make them last longer.  But soon came the time when Frank had to leave and go back to his girlfriend.  It came too fast and before Gerard knew it, Frank was going out the door, not to come back.

Gerard just wanted to stay home and remember every moment of the last day and night.  But he couldn't, he had to go to work today or he would be looking for another job.  It was all he could to do get himself out of his house but he made it to his job looking horrible.  The day at work was long and felt like cruel punishment after Frank leaving.  Somehow he made it through the day and to the pub at night.  He didn't want to cry and he didn't want to drink alone, so he stayed at the pub all night and drank until he couldn't remember anything.

Many days passed similar to this.  Gerard would stumble into work and drink at night at the pub.  The days blurred together and weeks passed that way without Gerard ever really being present for a lot of it.  On a cold day one week, he got a letter from Frank.  It was the first contact he'd had with Frank since he left, just looking at the letter made Gerard feel like crying.  He promised himself he wouldn't, but he didn't go to the pub to drink away his sadness.  He went home and sat down and read the letter.  It made him miss Frank and all the times they had here.  He wished that he had Frank back here instead of across the sea.  If only Gerard could just sail across that sea and be with his Frank.  But it wasn't Gerard's luck to be able to get to Frank.  All he could do was write to Frank, Gerard felt like that was so inefficient, but what else could he do?  Gerard had to write, he had to let Frank know that he was always with Gerard.  Writing his response to the letter made Gerard cry despite that he promised himself he wouldn't.  Thankfully there was no one there to see it, Gerard still never let anyone else besides Frank in.  And without Frank here, this town felt so much more... empty.  Gerard had no friends left and all his family had long since passed on.  It had always been Gerard and Frank but now it was just Gerard.

Gerard kept up a letter correspondence with Frank as time passed.  It helped fill the void, made it feel like maybe Frank was still near.  But he wasn't and Gerard still felt the distance wearing him down.  At least the letters kept Gerard more aware of how drunk he was getting and he got better at not blacking out every night.  Life continued like that, Gerard didn't like it that way but at least he could manage it.  But life wasn't finished taking its toll on Gerard.  Time would go on and the letters would get more sparse and a year after Frank left, they stopped altogether.  That's when Gerard couldn't manage anymore, he drank more and finally decided to leave the town.  He just took what he could carry and left.

He went from town to town, doing what ever work he could get.  He always found a pub and never broke the habit of going to one.  Eventually he made it to the town where Frank had said he went to.  He hadn't consciously decided to go to Frank, he just found himself there.  Gerard stayed around the town a day but never saw Frank.  Despite himself, he decided to go to Frank's home where all the letters had come from.  Gerard didn't have a plan, he just walked up to the door and knocked.

Sure enough, Frank's girlfriend, or now wife, answered.  She was older but Gerard knew it was her.  Although she didn't seem to recognize Gerard, so he made himself smile as he introduced himself, "Hello.  I'm Gerard, an old friend of Frank's."  He paused waiting for some sort of response from her.  He got none, so he finally asked, "Would it be too much trouble if I could see him?"

"Oh yes, please come in," she finally said in a friendly but guarded voice.  She gestured for Gerard to enter so he stepped into the house.  She looked tired as she smiled at Gerard, "Come with me."

As they were walking down the hall, she asked, "What brings you to Frank after all these years?"

"I was just in town and thought it'd be good to pay him a visit," that was all Gerard could think of to say.  He knew that was most of the truth but there was just more to his reason to actually bother to find Frank, he just couldn't tell Frank's wife.

Just then a child about the age of five ran down the hall.  The kid squealed, "Mommy, Mommy, Daddy's coughing again."

Coughing again?  What had Gerard missed?  Frank's wife kneeled down, "Why don't you go up to your room, I'll get the doctor in just a minute."  She looked up at Gerard and said, "Frank isn't well, good thing you're here to see him now."

She stopped at a door and knocked.  She must've heard a response that Gerard missed because she opened the door and let him in.  Gerard was nervous to enter, he hadn't spoken to Frank in a few years and he hadn't seen him in even longer.  As soon as he entered, the door closed behind him.  When he went in, he was instantly back home in those beautiful hazel eyes.  Gerard smiled, "Frank?"

Frank smiled and with effort stood up from the desk he was sitting at.  He went up to Gerard with tears in his eyes, saying, "Gerard, is that really you?"

Gerard nodded and hugged Frank, holding him close and tight.  Frank took Gerard's face in his hands and kissed him.  He kissed Gerard for a long time, not letting him go.  Gerard held Frank even tighter, trying to make up for all those years of missed time together.  When Frank finally did break the kiss, he leaned his forehead against Gerard's and whispered, "I thought I might never see you again."

Gerard wiped a tear that cascaded from Frank's eye onto his cheek.  Gerard looked into Frank's eyes, "I should've come sooner."

Frank pressed his lips to Gerard's again, enjoying being back in his lover's arms.  Gerard pressed back into Frank and the rest of the world melted away around them.  Gerard reluctantly pulled back and looked into Frank's eyes which were now red and freely leaking water.  Gerard held Frank's cheek in his hand and wiped away Frank's tears with his thumb.  Frank finally managed to say, "I never should've stopped writing... I'm sorry."

"Please don't be," Gerard could feel his own eyes begin to water, "No matter what, you're always with me."

"I'm glad you came," Frank leaned up to whisper in Gerard's ear, "I needed to see you one last time before..."  Frank couldn't finish the sentence, he just stayed there in Gerard's arms with his chin resting on Gerard's shoulder.

Gerard remembered the little boy saying how daddy was coughing, Frank must be really sick.  There was nothing Gerard could do so he tried to say something brighter, "I saw your son.  He looks so much like you."

Frank leaned back to look at Gerard.  He tried to smile through his tears as he said, "You saw my little Arthur?"

Gerard's breath caught in his throat, that was his middle name.  Frank named his son after him?  Gerard couldn't help smiling, "He seems like a precious child."

"He reminds me of you," Frank smiled genuinely.  He leaned back and wiped the tears from his eyes.  Looking at Gerard, he quietly said, "Let me get him."

Frank crossed over to the door and opened it.  He leaned against the frame and called, "Artie, come down, I want you to meet someone."

Arthur came running down the stairs and immediately went to hug his father.  The sight made Gerard smile.  Frank tousled his son's hair and then gestured to Gerard.  Smiling, he said, "This is my old friend Gerard."  Arthur scrunched his nose as he looked at Gerard.  Frank prompted, "What do we say when we meet someone?"

"Nice to meet you," Arthur said in his sweet child voice at his father's command.  Arthur kept looking at Gerard and finally said, "You don't look that old."

Gerard smiled and knelt down to be at Arthur's level before saying, "He just means we've known each other for a long time.  Did you know that I've been friends with your dad since I was your age?"

"Wow, that is so long," the little boy's eyes widened.  The color of Arthur's eyes just matched the hazel of Frank's eyes.  In fact Gerard thought that Arthur looked just like Frank did at that age.  Arthur shyly looked away and back at Frank, he said, "Mommy said that the doctor was on its way."

"Thank you Arthur," Frank smiled down at his son.  Frank looked so happy that Gerard almost didn't realize how gaunt Frank looked.  He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked pale.

Gerard couldn't help asking, "What is the doctor for?"

"Oh just a routine check up," Frank tried to brush it off.  But Gerard could always tell when Frank was hiding something.  Gerard stood up and looked Frank in the eye, waiting for him to continue.  Frank looked down at Arthur, "Do you want to go play outside?"

Arthur nodded and ran out of the room.  Frank watched him go before he closed the study door again.  He turned to Gerard and finally said, "I'm ill and not getting better."

Gerard went over to Frank and held Frank's hands in his.  "Oh Frank," Gerard rested his head against Frank's, "But you will get better... you have to."

Frank smiled and brought a hand up to caress Gerard's cheek.  Finally, Frank whispered, "I want to, but... but I've been sick for a while and I'm just getting worse."

"Don't say that," Gerard pleaded, "Surely you will get better."

Frank gently pressed his lips to Gerard's.  Gerard pressed back, never wanting to let Frank go.  Frank pulled back and wrapped his arms around Gerard's neck.  Leaning his head on Gerard's shoulder, Frank said, "I wish that you had been here over these years.  Without you, I felt like I wasted my time when I had you.  But when you weren't there, I realized how much I needed you.  How much I still do."

"I'll always be here for you," Gerard whispered in Frank's ear.  He wrapped his arms tight around Frank and squeezed his eyes shut.  He wished that he had been with Frank the past five years too.  Gerard was happy that he was with him now though. Gerard finally said, "I'll stay around here, try to find permanent arrangements."

"Thank you," Frank whispered, "It makes me so happy to have you back, if at least for a little while.  I didn't want to leave this world without seeing you one last time."

"Don't talk like that," Gerard felt desperate in his plea, "You're going to get better."  He didn't want the love of his life to be ripped from him so unnecessarily.  Frank was still young, he shouldn't be sick, he shouldn't be dying.  But he was and Gerard was wishing with all he had for things to be different.

"I hope you get to know Arthur better," Frank kept going, "he could use someone strong to guide him."

"Everything will be alright," Gerard could feel tears falling down his cheek as tried to fight reality.  Gerard moved his hand to run his fingers through Frank's hair.  Looking at him, Gerard whispered, "Please Frank.  Please..."  Frank just smiled and leaned up to kiss Gerard.

Gerard stayed around the rest of the day even after the doctor came.  As the doctor left, he could tell that things were bad.  He knew that Frank was getting worse but he just didn't want to accept it.  He wanted to help in any way possible but Frank wouldn't let him do much.  Gerard stayed around longer, he didn't want to impose on Frank's family but he couldn't leave Frank.  He didn't want to say goodnight to Frank and come back to a cold room.  He feared losing Frank, this was worse than five years ago.  At least then Frank had just moved away, Gerard could still talk to him, go see him.  But now with this, he would lose Frank forever.  It left Gerard with an empty feeling like never before.  But he tried to stay positive because each morning Frank was still with him.

Time continued on like that for a while.  Gerard was often around the house and almost always with Frank.  Gerard drank less and less while he was there with Frank.  He didn't want to get drunk and forget the irreplaceable moments with Frank.  As time passed, Gerard did better acquainted with Frank's family, even the doctor that came almost every day.  Gerard liked spending time with Arthur because of how much the boy reminded him of Frank.  There were quiet days where everything felt like it would be fine and Gerard wanted to hold onto that, he wanted it to stay like that.  But one day, Frank fell asleep and he didn't wake up.  Gerard tried to wake him, they called the doctor over but it was too late.

After Frank's body was taken away, Gerard went and hid himself in a room.  He couldn't let Frank's family see the tears he was shedding.  All alone, Gerard cried heavily and uncontrollably.  Now he was truly alone.

Soon they had a wake for Frank.  Gerard went and despite himself, he drank.  It was a long night, talking about times with Frank.  He never told any of his own memories of Frank.  None of the people here knew about Gerard and Frank and Gerard decided to leave it like that.  It wouldn't be right to say anything.

The following day, Gerard went to where they had buried Frank.  Gerard went to the grave even though that wasn't how he wanted to remember Frank, he felt like he hadn't been able to say goodbye properly.  Even with all the time in the world, Gerard didn't think he could ever find just the right words.  So Gerard found himself staring at Frank's headstone.  Gerard tried to smile as he remembered Frank's voice but he couldn't help tearing up.  He finally said, "You should've survived your wife...  Hell the way I drink, you should've survived me... So why are you the one six feet under?"

Gerard knelt by the headstone, afraid to lose his balance.  With his head down, he kept talking, "So why is it you that's down there?  It should be me.  You have a family, people who care.  I'm sorry, I wish I could change this but..."

Gerard stayed by the grave a while, his eyes closed just remember Frank's soft touch and warm spirit.  He wished that he could change things, but there was nothing he could do.  Gerard stayed with Frank's family a little longer.  He was glad to know Arthur because he always reminded Gerard of Frank, the way he looked, his personality, even his voice sounded like Frank's.  And that always made Gerard smile.  The whole time after Frank's passing, Gerard barely drank, he wanted to stay sober and healthy for Arthur.  But Frank's widow didn't want strangers around and didn't want her son to really know Gerard.  Gerard was forced to leave, it broke his heart to leave behind Frank and everything he had left behind.

After that, things got bad.  Gerard broke down and started drinking again, not just every night like he used to but everyday too.  He would keep drinking and rarely be sober.  It got rough, he kept drifting and could barely work.  As time passed he started getting sick, he was drinking himself to death.  Gerard had no way of knowing and there was no one to tell him what was happening, so he kept drinking.  As he started getting seriously ill, he found himself back where Frank had lived.  Gerard had often wished to have Frank back with him, back home where they had grown up, away from all this.  But Gerard couldn't go back, he just kept going forward.  

Arthur had gotten older, he was 10 now, but still remembered Gerard, he would go see Gerard when his mother wasn't around.  Because of Arthur, Gerard decided to stay around and did his best to survive in one place.  He still drank most of the time but he tried to stop at least for times when Arthur was around.  It made Gerard happy to know that Arthur remembered him and every time he looked at him, he saw Frank.  Because of that resemblance, Gerard would tell Arthur stories of things he and Frank had done back when they were kids.  Arthur was always happy to listen, he liked hearing about his father since he himself hadn't been able to know him for long.  Gerard told Arthur almost everything and when he knew that Arthur was accepting and could be trusted, Gerard told him the full extent of his relationship with Frank.  It came as a surprise to Arthur and for a little while, he didn't go see Gerard as often.  It saddened Gerard, Arthur and Frank's memory were the only things keeping Gerard alive.  One month, Gerard didn't see Arthur at all, and Gerard could feel himself slipping more.  

But Arthur did come back one day.  It was that day that Gerard told Arthur the last story his about Frank.  Before Arthur left that day, Gerard handed him a sealed envelope.  He said, "If you come back and I'm not here, please open this."

"Sure," Arthur was a little confused, but he promised Gerard that he would.  He had to ask, "Why wouldn't you be here?"

Gerard smiled weakly, "I may be going away for a while... I don't know when."  When Arthur didn't say anything, Gerard added, "So if ever you come and I'm not here, please open it."

"I will," Arthur took the envelope.  He hesitated before leaving that day, he didn't quite understand what Gerard had meant by if he wasn't there.  But he took the envelope and planned to return the next day.

The next day, Arthur did return and like Gerard had predicted, he wasn't there.  Arthur looked all around the outside of the small house, trying to look through the windows.  After a little while, he got a neighbor and they went inside.  They found Gerard dead in his room.  Arthur was shocked, he didn't want it to be true.  He had gotten to know Gerard better and knew he would miss him.

Arthur did as Gerard asked and he opened the letter.  It read:

Arthur,

You're an amazing boy full of promise, your father would be so proud.  I wish you couldn't known him better, you're father was an amazing person.  I loved him more than life itself, I'm surprised I survived so long after he passed.  Thank you for listening to my tales of him, I'm glad I had someone to remember him with.

If you're reading this, it means that I'm gone too.  Grow up strong, your would want it.  If it's not too much to ask, I have just one request.  Please bury me next to him, it's time for me to be by his side again in the afterlife.

You're a good son, stay strong.

Gerard Arthur Way