ゼフィランサス
autumn

Seokjin sat at the counter of his shop, watching his two employees wander around the store. While he couldn't fault the fact they were both more productive than ever, he couldn't handle the heavy atmosphere that hung over the place. Neither had spoken a word to the other, outside of business exchanges, and interacted with each other as little as possible. Occasionally, Taehyung would cast wistful glances at the younger, or vice versa, but he'd quickly look away if he thought he was being watched.

When Jungkook left for his lunch break, Seokjin decided to get some answers from his cousin. He was met with a heavy sigh when he asked, signalling that this was going to be one hell of a story. To Taehyung, at least. So the older male got comfortable, although he tried to make sure he still looked like he was listening intently ― the younger would get upset if he was doing anything but.

"The other day Jungkook told me he was scared of being gay and worried about how people might think if he is and that it's not right to be gay." Taehyung said, scratching his finger across a scratch on the counter. He frowned at it like it was the cause of all these problems, like it had some sort of blame. "And now I'm just hurt because does that make everything about my very being wrong as well? And is it wrong for me to love him so much it hurts? Because I sure as hell don't feel wrong. I tried acting normal around him but I just kept thinking about that and getting worried that he might be secretly judging me."

"So you've been avoiding him instead?" The pink-haired male nodded, which made Seokjin sigh and run his fingers through his hair. "Ay yai yai, I never thought floristry would have so much drama. First he's avoiding you, then you're avoiding him."

"Well I didn't ask for this." Taehyung retorted. "I don't particularly like all this drama in my life."

"I'm not saying you do just..." The older male sighed, this was even starting to frustrate him. All he wanted was for his cousin to be happy ― and right now it didn't seem like that was going to happen. "Gosh, I can't even use the workplace issue against you two because you're both working better than normal. Just figure it out."

ーー＊ーー

Another evening came and Jungkook sat at the table with his family, eating his dinner. It was hard to stomach most of his food, too much turmoil shaking his up. All he could think about was Taehyung and his feelings and his parents' and grandmother's feelings ー it was combining to create a rather unpleasant experience. It wasn't that dissimilar a feeling to the one he'd felt months ago, when he'd thrown up at the flower shop. This worried him; he didn't want to be sick again.

"Hey, Grandma," Jungkook, rather awkwardly, asked the older woman at the head of the table. The curiosity was getting a bit to much; the countless what if's rushing through his head, to the point where it was hard to think of anything but. He looked at her, before he realised he didn't have the confidence to maintain that sort of eye contact and dropped his gaze. "What would happen if, like ― hypothetically speaking, of course ― I, um... I―"

"Spit it out, Jungkook."

"Sorry. Um, what would happen if I... if I dated a boy. Like, I'm not saying I will, it's just―"

"You'd be disowned. Immediately." Grandma Jeon responded, a harshness in her voice that just hurt the brunette internally. The sick feeling intensified, worsening with the anxiety this whole ordeal was bringing. Every hopeful what if was quashed, only to be overpowered by the loud, pessimistic voice that kept telling him there was no way he could ever date the pink haired florist. "I didn't raise you to be gay ― no, if you started dating a boy, you'd be kicked out straight away."

"Ms Jeon, don't you think that's a little harsh..." Jungkook's mother said quietly, casting a wary look at the older woman. The blazing glare was turned to Mrs Jeon, staring her down. While his mother seemed to have a little bit more confidence than her son, even her gaze dropped submissively.

"My house, my family, my rules. If Jungkook wants to taint the family name by doing something like that, then he can suffer the consequences."

"Oh, I wouldn't. I was just curious, is all." The boy quickly spoke up, before he sunk back into his chair again. He regretted even opening his mouth, wishing he could have just been left with his imagination. It was better than having it all confirmed; the reality was causing even more confliction inside of him. On one side, his family had been with him for the entirety of his life and can he really give them all up for a boy he'd known for less than a year? On the other, Taehyung was probably the only person he'd ever felt strong feelings of something (what, exactly, he still hadn't quite determined ― or accepted) towards ― what if he was the only person he felt that strongly for ever? Could he really sacrifice something that could possibly blossom into love for the sake of pleasing his grandmother's prejudicial beliefs and expectations?

This was really too much to be asking of him.

"I think I'm going to be sick." He muttered, pushing his chair out and rushing from the table without asking to be excused. He figured that would okay, just this once ― better he leave impolitely than vomit all over the table.

Jungkook wasn't sure if it was the burning sensation of bile rising up his throat combined with the pain that each retch wracked his body with or if it was the sharp and foreign pain in his chest ― like someone was slowly stabbing his heart with something ― but he found himself bawling as he sat in front of the toilet bowl. The vomiting eventually stopped and he stayed there, not caring for germs or comfort; he didn't have the energy to care. He just sobbed his little heart out, exhausting himself further. His father had to come in and clean him up, carrying him to his bedroom as though he was a small child. He certainly felt like one.

The brunette was tucked into bed by the older male, barely managing to suppress his tears. His eyes were clamped shut, wet eyelashes clinging together. He felt a large hand gently stroke his forehead, pushing his fringe off it. It was warm and comforting ― a sign that his father still loved him.

"Don't worry about what your grandmother says." Mr Jeon said softly, almost conspiratorially like he was worried they might be overheard. "If you ever choose to date a boy, your mother and I won't abandon you like that. Just ignore her, okay?" Jungkook nodded his head, just a little, and he liked to think his father had a pleased smile on his lips. The hand left his forehead and he felt the weight on his bed lift ― Mr Jeon was leaving the room. "Rest up, and don't forget what I said."

While Jungkook gave his father a small affirmative nod, he wasn't quite sure if he could follow what his father said. It seemed rather impossible to just ignore the most authorial person in his life, to go against the rules and expectations that had been instilled into him since a young age ― a feat to big for a boy so small. He sighed and rolled over onto his side. He'd worry about it tomorrow; for now, he'd just sleep. That seemed like an easier option.

Outside his room, his parents watched with worry. Mrs Jeon chewed on her bottom lip, concern shining in her eyes. She looked up at her husband, whispering, "That was a cry for help, I'm sure of it."

"Maybe, but there's nothing we can do. Mum's right ― it's her house and family. She makes the rules." The resignation in the older male's voice was clear. This worried Mrs Jeon as she stared at him, feeling as though she was looking at one of Jungkook's possible futures. "If we do anything to upset her, she could disown us all and then where would we be? Homeless, jobless, money-less... She's got everything." He sighed. "No, we just have to wait. Wait until she's long gone and I have control of everything."

"But what if it's too late by then?" Mrs Jeon looks back at her now sleeping son. "What if it's already too late?"

――＊――
note : so i've kinda been a bit impulsive/impatient and published this ahead of when it probably should be published. coz of that, it's only been checked by me (hopefully everything's alright, i've read through it twice to check)

but i don't think i'm very good at this sort of stuff... angst is 100% not my forte. i think we're all gonna just have to accept that this isn't going to be any tear jerker, but that's okay. the meaning's still there.