something is seriously wrong with josh.

it's not normal for him to obsess over tyler as much as he has been the past few days.

he's been trying to blame it on the fact that tyler's been distant. he's barely responded to any of josh's texts and has used every excuse in the book for why he can't hangout.

josh doesn't know what he did wrong, but it's obvious that he did something. he's spent days thinking about the last time they were together. overthinking everything, like usual. did he say something wrong? or was it something he did?

it's been eating away at him. he hates distance, hates getting the impression he did something wrong without even knowing what that something is. all he wants to do is beg tyler to tell him what's wrong, but he can't.

his brain is so messed up, there's always the chance it's really nothing and he's been obsessively checking his phone for no reason. he would die of embarrassment if he confronted tyler about it only for that to be the case.

there's no reason for tyler's absence to be affecting him as much as it does. josh is sick. he's a fool. he wishes he could break through his ribcage and tear his own heart out so he doesn't have to feel this way anymore.

he misses tyler so much it can't be healthy. he's barely eating... barely sleeping. the torment is brutal and unrelenting. he wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

is any of this even worth it? if he's always feeling like a heartbroken, wounded animal dragged through thick mud, what's the point of even trying?

...

and, you know... so what if he's sitting outside tyler's house right now?

yeah, okay, he's been cowering in his car for the past ten minutes, hands shaking, heart racing. he doesn't know what his plan is, or what he was even thinking when he got in his car and started driving. he wasn't thinking, really. he wasn't thinking about anything other than how badly he misses tyler.

it wouldn't be the first time he's shown up at tyler's unannounced. probably won't be the last time either. it's really not that big of a deal... at least, it wouldn't be if it hadn't been nearly fifteen hours since tyler last responded.

josh exhales a shaky breath before exiting his car, the glaring sun only half the reason why he's sweating through his shirt. his knees are weak, legs wobbling as he takes small, timid steps up to tyler's front door.

he frantically searches the front windows as he approaches, half-hoping he sees tyler inside and half-hoping he doesn't. he'd hope tyler wasn't home, because then at least he'd know he tried, but the man's vehicle is parked in his driveway and the door is unlocked, so he's definitely there.

josh knocks as he enters, calling out, "tyler? you here?"

there's no response. dread punches him in the gut.

oh god, what if he's dead?

josh quickly shakes the thought away, rolling his eyes at himself. what is his deal? why does he always jump to worst-case scenario? he should be medicated, probably. he's ridiculous.

tyler's nowhere to be found, and the house is eerily still. josh's anxiety only grows as he meanders down the hall towards his bedroom.

the door is closed, and as he grows closer he can make out distant, low murmurs on the other side. is someone else here? frowning, he pauses as he places one hand on the doorknob. he presses his ear to the door, holding his breath.

it's tyler's voice he hears first.

"i need you to touch me so bad. so bad, j. please. 'm so hard for you."

then, his own.

"yeah? so hard for me? is that right?"

"yes, so fucking hard for you. only you. please. need it so bad."

"such a good boy. so pretty like this, all worked up for me."

josh is dumbfounded.

his entire body grows hot, a furious blush creeping up his neck. this isn't happening, right?

what the fuck is he supposed to do now?

he opens the door just a crack. just to confirm what he's hearing.

"yes, love it. don't- fuck- don't stop. so good."

even hearing it loud and clear, josh still can't believe it. with the door no longer muffling the sound, he can make out heavy breathing and low groans beneath the audio of the video.

he has to do something, right?

the only thing on his mind is tyler, tyler, tyler as he throws the door open, hiding his amused grin behind his hand.

"josh!" tyler gasps, his eyes wide as saucers. he quickly covers himself with the bedsheet, his face flushed, phone gripped tightly in his left hand. the audio cuts out abruptly. "oh my god!"

"tyler," josh says, nearly doubling over with laughter at how ridiculously absurd this situation is. "are you jerking off right now?"

"no!" tyler squeaks, pulling the sheet tighter around himself. he's not doing himself any favors, only makes it easier for josh to see the outline of his erection beneath the thin, white fabric.

"and to a video of us, too?" josh continues, a huge, satisfied smirk on his face as he stands at the foot of the bed.

"i was not, you freak! oh my god. get out. i hate you."

"your dick says otherwise."

josh climbs on the bed, holding eye contact with tyler as he crawls towards him. he half-expects tyler to yell at him, or at least try a little harder to act like he wasn't jerking off to one of their videos, but that doesn't happen.

instead, tyler is still, his eyes searching josh's as if he's in a silent debate with himself.

then, in one swift motion, he's tossing his phone aside, reaching out to grab the collar of josh's shirt, and pulling him in. their noses bump as their lips crash together, josh's heart pounding so heart it's bound to bruise the inside of his ribcage. every brush of tyler's lips against his own makes him feel alive, and his entire body suddenly aches with need.

the kiss is messy and heated, and josh can't help himself. one of his hands wanders, trailing down the skin of tyler's bare shoulder, chest, stomach. he's been craving every inch of him and he can't get enough. his hand trails lower and lower until he's gripping tyler's cock through the bedsheet, rubbing it between the underside of his hand and the uppermost part of tyler's thigh.

he swallows tyler's low groan, deep and needy, his tongue brushing past parted lips and searching his mouth for more, more, more.

he's settled on his knees between tyler's thighs, his free hand coming to rest on the back of his neck while the other palms him softly. the tips of his fingers toy with the ends of brown locks, twisting and pulling gently to elicit another soft hum.

tyler's hands lower beneath the hem of his shirt, running up his bare sides, bunching up the fabric. josh shudders involuntarily, letting their kiss stall for only a moment as tyler pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it on the floor. for a brief moment, their eyes lock, and josh can barely breathe under the intensity of it.

their lips find each other again with a burning hunger. tyler's hands are warm and soft as they slide over his shoulders and rest at the top of his back.

josh's hand leaves tyler's cock, chuckling at the annoyed whine he gets in response. his hand settles against the small of tyler's back, fingers splaying over warm, dewy skin. his lips remain on tyler's as he carefully guides him to lay down, firmly pressing him into the bed as his body settles on top of him.

the bedsheet is sandwiched between them, the only thing covering tyler's dick as josh rolls their hips together, unable to resist. the moan tyler breathes into his mouth is delicious. it's sweet and sultry and makes his head spin.

"josh," tyler mumbles, fingers digging into his shoulders.

josh only hums in response, too consumed by the kiss to think of anything else. it's been days without tyler, like he's been stranded in a desert, dry and withering, his throat raw with thirst. and now that he's tasted just a drop, the smallest hint of what he's been desperate for... it's not enough. he needs the entire ocean, wants to drown in it.

"josh," tyler repeats, more firm, voice strained. he presses his fingers harder into him, nudging him back just enough to break their closeness. he's breathless, lips slightly parted as he searches for air. his eyes are wide—frantic.

josh frowns, his breath ragged and matching tyler's. "what's wrong?"

tyler hesitates, his eyes searching josh's. for a moment, his expression shifts—fear, raw and unguarded, flashes across his face. josh feels a knot tighten in his chest.

why? what did he do wrong? tyler kissed him first. he doesn't understand. he never does when it comes to tyler, not with the way he hides behind every unspoken word.

he just wants to understand.

"we- the- fuck," tyler sighs, frustration spilling over, averting his gaze to the ceiling as he drops his head back onto the pillow.

a strand of hair falls into his eye. without thinking, josh reaches out, brushing it away, his fingertips grazing tyler's brow and lingering a moment longer than necessary. he waits, giving tyler time to find the words, willing to wait forever if that's what it takes.

"we can't," he says finally, his voice low, the words heavy on his tongue. he shuts his eyes, exhaling deeply, as if the very air around them is too thick to breathe. "the... the rules."

the rules.

those fucking rules. always there, an invisible barrier between them, stupid and suffocating. josh hates them. hates how they complicate everything, how they hold them back when all he wants is this—tyler.

"i don't care," josh decides, his voice laced with a desperation that he can't fully explain. he slides his hand beneath tyler's head, lifting it gently, forcing their eyes to meet.

tyler blinks, freezing like a deer in headlights. he gulps, quiet for a moment as he deliberates, chewing on his bottom lip. "josh... we just- they-"

his grip on josh's shoulders is bruising, digging into his skin as if trying to pull away from whatever is pulling them closer.

"tyler," josh says softly, his heart pounding in his chest. his brow furrows as he leans in, inching closer, willing tyler to hear him. really hear him. "i. don't. care."

tyler's breath hitches, his eyes flickering down to josh's lips, then back to his eyes, like he's torn between wanting to pull away and wanting to just let go. "but..." tyler trails off, the word lingering in the air, heavy with everything he can't say. he inhales shakily, his voice faltering, unsteady. "but..."

"rules are made to be broken," josh murmurs, leaning in.

he hesitates, their foreheads resting together, then the tips of their noses brushing. testing the waters. breath mingling with tyler's. he waits. he gives tyler time to pull away if that's what he really wants. if it's too much.

but it's not. it's not nearly enough.

tyler's hands slide to cup the back of his neck. josh's chest tightens at the touch, his pulse quickening as he feels the pull in every fiber of his being.

tyler is the one who closes the gap first.

josh responds immediately, working their lips together with a new fervor. for a fleeting second, he wonders if this is a dream. if he's finally being allowed what he's been aching for—tyler, without the camera.

he moves with tyler as his head rests back on the pillow, one hand roaming, exploring every inch of his beautiful skin. it slides down tyler's chest, feeling the warmth, the steady thrum of his quick heartbeat beneath his fingertips.

they kiss until they're breathless again, chests heaving, lips swollen and raw. then they're both quiet, breathing together, the space between them charged with everything they're both not saying. neither of them quite ready to fully acknowledge what's happening or what will happen after.

josh is quick to distract himself, his lips lowering to the skin below tyler's ear, in the crevice of his jaw. he sucks a nice bruise into the spot, relishing in the stuttered gasps tyler breathes.

tyler's hips buck against his, earning a shared groan between them. josh presses against him fully, letting his body relax as tyler desperately grinds against him, one hand lost in josh's curls, the other clawing at his back.

"josh- hnng... fuck. oh fuck," he mumbles, his head tilting back as josh works his lips down his neck. "please. please, please, please."

"so needy," josh teases, words muffled against his collarbone. he sinks his teeth into it, pulling tyler's skin between his teeth before soothing his tongue over top. "please, what? tell me what you need."

"please, please, please, please, please."

josh raises his gaze, chuckling at the sight of tyler lost in a frenzy. he grips his hip, firmly pressing it into the bed, holding him down. tyler whines, blowing out a frustrated huff. "come on," josh urges, "tell me and it's yours. anything you want."

"want you, j. need you. please, i- please."

"where do you want me, baby?" josh swallows thickly, his thumb rubbing circles over tyler's hip. he's driving even himself crazy at this point. he doesn't know how much longer he can play dumb, but he needs to hear it—needs to hear tyler say the words.

"wanna feel you inside me," tyler murmurs, so quiet josh would've missed it if he wouldn't have been holding his breath. then, less timid, "want you to fuck me. god, please, need it so bad."

josh can't help himself. he kisses tyler again, and again, and again.

and tyler lets him. no resistance, no hesitation. just complete surrender, total submission.

josh still isn't fully convinced he's not dreaming.

"i'm yours," he assures, inhaling the sweet scent of tyler's skin as he trails kisses across the black ink on his chest. "all yours."

he means it in more ways than tyler probably understands. the weight of the words lingers between them, and josh's chest tightens as he realizes just how much he's willing to give without hesitation.

part of him wants to say it, to admit that he has feelings for tyler, to confess that he wants to be his unconditionally. but another part of him pulls back, unsure if tyler is ready to hear it.

before he can say something he regrets, he's kissing tyler again.

tyler tugs at his waistband, a silent question. josh hums against his mouth, savoring the feeling of his plush lips for another moment before he sits up. he slides out of his pants, dragging his boxers down with them, grinning at the way tyler's eyes wander down.

before he settles atop tyler again, he makes sure to grab the bottle of lube from his bedside table. the thin sheet of the bed is positioned haphazardly between them when josh lowers back against him, scrunching up with one agonizingly slow roll of josh's hips. 

"josh," tyler hums, back arching off the bed against him. "c'mon."

"that desperate?" josh sits back on his heels, tugging the sheet away. his breath hitches at the sight of tyler—rock hard, leaking, twitching. "mmm, guess so."

it's not anything he hasn't seen before, but this time is different. this is just for him. this moment will always be just for him. there's no audience, no viewers. he doesn't have to share tyler—exactly as he is in this moment—with anybody else. 

he's entirely his.

"shut up. can't help it," tyler huffs.

josh grins at that but doesn't respond. he scoops his hands beneath tyler's thighs, spreading them slightly as he pushes his legs up towards him, folding him in on himself. "hold 'em."

tyler does as he's told. his hands hook beneath the underside of his knees, pulling his thighs to rest against the outer edges of his stomach, a few small rolls forming. josh nearly moans at the sight, unable to resist splaying his fingers over tyler's stomach and digging his fingers into the skin. "so pretty, y'know that?"

tyler's eyes are half-lidded, the flush of his skin turning his warm tan a deep shade of pink. it might just be josh's favorite color. "you might've mentioned it," he murmurs, top teeth meeting his lower lip, smiling softly.

"and i mean it, too." josh knows it's probably too much. tyler probably thinks he's being strange, but he just can't help himself. he leans down, trailing featherlight kisses against the inside of one of his thighs. he mumbles against the skin, "especially like this."

"like what? naked?" tyler chuckles. josh pats around at the bed, aimlessly searching for the bottle of lube he just had. tyler bats it towards him, humming at josh's quiet thanks.

"yes, naked," josh confirms. a soft pop resounds through the room as he uncaps the bottle, squeezing a generous amount over his fingers. he spreads it with his thumb, a lame attempt at warming it up a bit. 

"you're weird," tyler says, and for a brief moment, josh's heart stalls. the words ring in his ears, heavy and sharp. he opens his mouth, about to backtrack, ready to cover the moment with some lame joke, but before he can, tyler adds, "but you look pretty like this, too."

his gaze slides over him, never meeting his eyes but studying him with an intensity that leaves josh's skin burning. one corner of his lips quirks into a half-smirk, and it sends a wave of heat directly to the center of josh's chest. 

his mouth hangs open, but nothing comes out. his thoughts are scrambled in a thousand different directions. he's frozen, incapable of deciding how a normal person would react to that. 

pretty. tyler called him pretty. 

the words buzz in his head, but all he can do is release a shaky exhale, desperate to hold it together. what is he supposed to say to that? anything he could say feels too real, too exposed. it would be like ripping open his chest and letting tyler see the mess inside.

you look pretty like this, too.

he must be dreaming. this can't be real.

josh lowers his mouth to tyler's thigh again, feeling the heat of it beneath his mouth. if he keeps his mouth open any longer, he worries the confession he's not ready to make might spill out. his hand rests against the underside of his thigh, pressing open-mouthed kisses against the inside of it, the index finger of his free hand circling tyler's hole.

he's almost certain tyler is reading too much into his lack of a response, and he's desperate to pull himself out of the rapidly sinking grave he's digging himself in. "y'ready?"

tyler holds his gaze for a moment, and josh holds his breath, wishing he could just read his mind. it'd save himself so much trouble. thankfully, tyler's eyes flutter shut as he drops his head back on a pillow, murmuring, "mhm. been ready."

josh rolls his eyes at that. how tyler manages to be so bratty, even all exposed like this, is beyond him. he gently sinks his teeth into the soft flesh of tyler's thigh, simultaneously easing his index finger half-way into him. he's focused on the way tyler reacts, watching the furrow of his brow and the purse of his lips.

tyler hisses, his hand leaving his thigh and settling in josh's hair instead. josh is quick to replace it, using his free hand to push tyler's thigh back against himself while the other slowly works at him. 

tyler's fingers thread through josh's hair, urging him closer as his teeth graze over the warm curve of his skin. he bites at another spot closer to his knee. it's sharp. greedy. josh wants to see the red indents of his teeth all over tyler's creamy skin. 

the taste of tyler is intoxicating—salty, soft, alive. each clamp of his teeth sends a jolt of electricity through his veins, the way tyler's flesh fills his mouth making his head spin. 

"more," tyler urges, the single word breaking josh from his trance. 

his index finger is buried inside tyler all the way to the knuckle at this point, so he carefully pulls it out, now adding his middle finger. he slides both digits in slowly, slowly, drinking in the lewd whine he earns in response. he fingers tyler lazily, more concerned with marking him up at this point.

he continues covering tyler's flesh in bruising bites, only stopping when there's a tug on his hair and a weak, "josh."

josh hums, drunk off the taste of him, eyes lingering on the bite marks he's left. tyler's thigh is decorated in them, skin furiously red with a few splotches of purple. josh's chest burns with possession, his cock throbbing unbelievably hard just from the sight of them. he presses a soft kiss against the newest mark, feeling the small notches beneath his lips.

"that is extremely hot, but stop getting distracted," tyler whines, absentmindedly twisting a stray curl of josh's around his finger. 

josh grins, sheepish. "sorry," he mumbles, coming back to earth, realizing his fingers are buried motionless inside tyler. he scissors them gently, stretching him further, not able to resist sinking his teeth into tyler's thigh one more time. 

tyler writhes beneath him, hips bucking towards josh, desperate for more. "touch me."

"not yet," josh shakes his head, twisting his fingers as he glides them in and out of tyler's hole. "you can wait."

"no," tyler groans. "can't wait. hurts, j. please."

"but i like hearing you beg," josh murmurs, lips curling into a sadistic smirk. 

tyler goes to respond, but josh interferes, his eyes locked on tyler's as he wordlessly buries a third finger inside him. "i- ohhh, fuck."

"what was that?" he teases, studying each fine line of tyler's face as it contorts in pleasure, committing every detail to memory. 

"i hate you." tyler's voice is high-pitched and whiny, halfway between a moan. 

josh swallows the words that claw at his throat, urging them to retreat back into the deep, dark cavity of his chest. i love you, too.

he tries not to have an internal freakout over those words even being on his mind right now. he presses his nose against tyler's skin, deeply inhaling his comforting scent to quiet the rush of panic in his chest.  

tyler was right. he is so weird. 

josh chooses not to respond with words, but with pulling his fingers out of tyler instead. he huffs a breathless laugh at the disappointed noise tyler releases. "wanna be inside you."

"'bout time," tyler grumbles, his legs slotting around josh's waist. 

josh squeezes more lube into his palm, slicking his cock in the cool, thick gel. a deep, low groan emits from the back of his throat at the feeling, and he almost debates jerking himself off for a minute and leaving tyler hanging, but he just can't. not with the way tyler is looking at him as if he's made of something holy. 

he positions himself at tyler's entrance, lightly tapping the tip of his cock over his hole. "good?"

"mhm," tyler nods, inviting josh in.

josh pushes in slowly, watching the head of his cock bury inside tyler. the sight is obscene and absolutely insane, and it takes every ounce of josh's strength to not break tyler right then and there. his hands replace tyler's, pressing the man's thighs down against his stomach as tyler's hands fall to grip the pillow beneath his head.

he uses tyler's thighs as leverage as he eases his length into him, ever so slowly, settling once he's buried to the hilt. tyler is breathless beneath him, fisting the edges of the pillow, a thin layer of sweat glistening over his forehead. 

"kiss me," tyler whispers.

josh would rather die than say no. 

he doubles over, his hands lowering to hold himself against the bed, and his biceps now pressing in the slot of his knees. he lowers his chest to tyler's, both of them enclosed on either side by tyler's thighs. 

tyler cups his face and pulls him in, eagerly filling the space between them with a searing kiss. josh moans against him, his hands sliding beneath his shoulders, fingers curling around them, and nails digging into the skin. 

nearly every inch of his skin is flush against tyler's in some way, enveloped in his warmth. it's overwhelming, almost too much to bear. he can barely breathe, not just because his lips are preoccupied with tyler's, but because he swears he can feel the rush of the blood in his veins, the rapid drum of his heartbeat reverberating through his chest.

"more," tyler mumbles against his mouth, his arms wrapping around josh's neck, hands settling on his back. 

josh obliges, pulling nearly completely out of tyler before slowly sinking back in. he lets out a deep, guttural moan at the feeling of tyler's tight hole clinging to him, wrapping him in a familiar heat. "god, baby, you feel so good."

"you- ah, fuck- you too," tyler strains, blunt nails marking up josh's back as he settles into a steady pace. 

he thrusts into tyler slowly, deeply, breath shuddering as his eyes screw shut and he buries his face in his neck. he nips at the sensitive skin below tyler's ear, loving the soft grunts and quiet gasps that pour from him. he could devour them, could survive off them alone for the rest of his life.

"josh, can you- please, can you touch me?"

he snickers at that, lifting his face from its resting spot, pressing their foreheads together. he holds tyler's stare, finding it amusing that he can barely stop his eyes from rolling into the back of his head, yet he's asking for more. "yeah? want me to touch you, baby?"

"please," tyler insists, his fingers tightening in the hair at the nape of josh's neck. 

josh moans at the feeling, his hips unintentionally snapping against tyler's in one hard thrust, making both of them inhale sharply. "you'd like that, huh? want my fingers wrapped around your cock? want me to jerk you off?"

"ohmygod," tyler whines, tilting his head back against the pillow. "please," he repeats.

josh scoops a hand beneath his head, fingers tangling in his hair as he lifts it back up, forcing their eyes to meet again. "look at me," he murmurs, fighting a smile at the way tyler's eyes lock onto his. "mhm, good boy. want you to keep begging. sound so pretty."

he presses their foreheads together again, his fingers locked tightly around his hair, holding tyler's head in place. his thrusts are quicker now, his skin slapping against tyler's with every rut of his hips, filling him deeply. 

"please, josh," tyler pleads, his voice cracking, strained with desperation. "need you to touch me. wanna feel you. please."

"come on, baby. is that all you got?" josh coaxes, encouraging him on as he fucks into him. 

they're both coated in sweat, their skin damp and slick where they rest together. josh never wants this to fucking end. he's absolutely reeling, his senses overloaded with everything tyler. he wants this forever—never wants to stop fucking him, never wants to stop hearing his delicious whimpers. but, unfortunately, a familiar heat is slowly creeping into the deepest cavity of his stomach.

tyler whines in frustration, and his eyes catch the light just right that josh notices they're wet with tears. his breath hitches in his throat, nearly cumming at the sight. tyler is perfect. he's beautiful. he is the one made of something holy.

tyler, fighting back tears, rambles frantically. "josh, i- fuck- i can't. need you so bad. wanna cum so bad. please. pleasepleaseplease. can't take it anymore. please."

josh, also unable to take it anymore, caves. he straightens at the waist, his hands finding tyler's hips and gripping them tightly, holding him in place as he thrusts into him. "that's a good boy," he purrs, "want me to make you cum, hm? think you deserve it?"

"yesyesyes," tyler chants, a moan interrupting him before he says, "please. 'm such a good boy. your good boy. please, oh my god."

"my good boy," josh repeats, testing the way the words feel on his tongue. he grins, bringing his palm up to his mouth to spit into it before he wraps his fingers around tyler's needy cock. he tugs, earning a loud moan. "feel good?"

tyler's back is arched off the bed, his fists white-knuckling the bedsheets, head thrown back in complete euphoria. "oh fuck, oh fuck. feels so good. fuck. not gonna last."

josh knows the feeling. he's been teetering on the edge for longer than he'd like to admit, but it's completely tyler's fault. "yeah? you gonna cum?"

"yes," tyler confirms, the features of his face twisting in pleasure as he exhales a shuddered moan. "i want- oh god- want you to cum with me, j. inside me."

"right behind you, ty," he murmurs, his hand gliding over tyler's length as he thrusts into him relentlessly, seeking out his own pleasure.

"i'm gonna cum. oh, fuck. i'm- josh!" 

tyler cries out as he cums in josh's hand, coating the man's fingers and his own stomach in his warm climax. josh follows a moment after, humming a deep moan as he releases, buried completely inside tyler. he slows to a halt, his chest heaving as he attempts to catch his breath.

his eyes settle on tyler, admiring the sight of him completely blissed out, relaxing against the bed. he leans down on instinct, capturing tyler's lips in a soft, lingering kiss before sitting back up. tyler sighs as he pulls away, but josh can't quite place if it's out of contentedness or something else. 

he tries not to think too hard about it, willing himself to ignore the gnawing anxiety that bubbles in his chest now that they've both come out on the other side of whatever lust-driven craze they were both in. 

both of them groan lowly as josh slowly pulls out. he settles back against the bed, taking a moment to catch his breath before retrieving a towel. he gently cleans tyler up, trying to ignore the way his eyes bore into him.

his eyes are piercing, searching—demanding answers josh doesn't have. they burn with a thousand unspoken questions, too many to count, but josh feels each one like a weight pressing against his chest. there's an ache in the pit of his stomach at the realization that they did something they can't take back, something irreversible. 

the silence stretches long, thick with the weight of the intimate moment they just shared—one that neither of them had planned but neither could undo. 

tyler's lips twitch, just slightly, as if he's trying to say something, but the words don't come. josh can't speak either. not when everything he's feeling is an utter mess and he's not ready to  acknowledge any of the unspoken words hanging in the air they breathe.

josh discards the towel, watching quietly as tyler covers his naked frame with the bedsheet and turns onto his side, facing away. the silence between them is deafening, hanging heavy. it's suffocating. josh can feel it crawling under his skin, tightening his chest. his stomach churns, the tension so thick it almost feels like a physical weight pressing down on him.

a minute stretches on, unbearable. just when he can't take it anymore, right when he's about to say something, anything, to break the silence, tyler shifts. his brow tightens in a frown as he glances over his shoulder. 

"you gonna lay down?"

josh blinks at him, his heart hammering in his chest. the nausea twisting in his belly sharpens, turning into a knot of confusion. is this really happening? he can't believe he hasn't jolted awake yet, ripped right out of this beautiful dream.

he swallows hard. "do you want me to?"

tyler's lips twitch into that familiar half-smile. there's something behind it, a flicker of something josh can't quite read. tyler rolls his eyes. "yes, stupid," he mutters. it's playful, not unkind. he pats the empty space beside him, a silent invitation. "come on."

josh sucks in a breath, releasing it slowly as he tries to calm his racing heart. he nods, even though tyler can't see him, and climbs into bed with him. the bed is too quiet, too still, as he slips beneath the sheets, the cool fabric pressing against his skin.

tyler is still facing away from him, and josh isn't really sure what to do with himself, like he's too aware of every movement. does tyler want him to hold him? does he just want the company? does he really even want him there at all? the questions tumble over each other in his mind, growing heavier by the second.

why are they still pretending like nothing's changed? like they didn't just do something that can't be taken back? will they ever talk about it?

as if tyler can read his mind, he slowly rolls onto his other side, his face resting a few inches from josh's. so close josh can almost taste him. tyler's expression remains unreadable, closed off, but his eyes betray him. they're softer now, searching, like they're trying to find some unspoken answer in josh's face.

josh swallows, his throat suddenly dry. he would kill to know what's happening inside tyler's mind right now, to understand the turmoil that's clearly building beneath his usually guarded exterior. 

he wants to scream, wants to grab tyler by the shoulders and yell in his face that he is so in love with him and to open his fucking eyes. 

tyler's lip twitch into a small smile, causing josh's stomach to flutter. then, knocking the breath out of his lungs, tyler curls his arms around josh's bicep, nuzzling himself closer, chin resting gently on his shoulder. such a simple gesture, yet it feels scarily intimate—like it means something, like it carries the weight of everything neither of them is saying. josh's heart starts to race in his chest, matching the rapid rate of his thoughts. 

what the fuck is happening right now? did he finally manage to break through the impenetrable walls tyler's built up around himself? why had he been shutting josh out the past few days, pushing him away only to... this?

what changed?

the question sits heavy on the tip of his tongue, burning incessantly inside him. he's about to do it. he's about to get the clarity he knows he deserves, but before he can even open his mouth, tyler's voice interrupts him, soft and nonchalant, as though nothing is wrong at all.

"well, that was fun."