a/n: TW for emetophobia at the end of the chapter. 4.4k words for your reading pleasure

for as anxious of a person that josh is, you would think that he hates the bar scene. the music is loud and usually queued up by insufferable college students. it's hot and stuffy and everybody is sweaty. moving through the sea of bodies is impossible without taking a few elbows to the abdomen.

all of these things would usually make him want to rip his hair out, but being at the bar means he can get wasted, and being wasted means josh is not anxious. it helps him forget all of the things he'd typically be worrying about. he'd drink every single day of his life if he had no self control and hated life in general, just so he'd stop feeling so anxious all of the time. unfortunately for him, he does have self control and he doesn't completely hate his life, so becoming a rogue alcoholic isn't an option, and he has no choice but to deal with his anxiety.

that's not the case tonight, of course, seeing as he's already five beers and two shots deep.

it was mark's idea to come out tonight. it's been a while since they had a night out together, and tyler said yes so of course josh said yes. that was before tyler shared that he had something going on and would be joining them later, otherwise he probably would've just stayed in. he's glad he came anyway, though, because mark and chris have been buying his drinks all night and he enjoys their company (even if he feels a tiny bit empty without tyler there too).

"that girl over there." mark nudges josh with his elbow, nodding in the direction of the bar. josh follows his gaze, spotting the one he's referring to. "is she cute?"

she's got dark auburn hair that ends in a blunt cut just above her shoulders. she's in a black top and blue jeans, drink in hand as she laughs with her blonde friend. her smile is radiant and her eyes are gleaming. she's definitely cute. "yep. out of your league."

"damn, you think so?" mark sighs, frowning for a moment before pointing at the blonde friend. "well, what about her?"

"also out of your league," josh decides, laughing at the way mark rolls his eyes and mumbles something under his breath. "what? you want me to lie?"

"yes, actually. let me down gently."

"i think josh is more likely to win one of them over... and he's gay," chris chimes in, earning a shit-eating grin from josh and a death glare from mark.

"aw, you think so? thanks, chris. means a lot to me." josh places his hand over his heart, grinning smugly at the scoff mark lets out. he takes a sip of his beer before deciding to change the subject. "either of you heard from tyler?"

"nope," chris shrugs, already turning his attention back to scanning the room.

"think he should be here soon. why? we're not good enough for you?"

now it's josh's turn to roll his eyes. "didn't say that. i was just wondering."

he checks his phone for like the fiftieth time since they'd gotten to the bar, but still nothing from tyler. mark does the same, turning his screen so josh can read the notification he has saying that tyler will be there in a few. he tries really hard not to let it get to him that tyler texted mark instead of him, but jealousy has already sunk its claws into his stomach. he wasn't good enough to be the one he texted? was tyler even thinking about him? he's been on josh's mind all night.

he swallows down the hurt with a few gulps of his drink, nodding in acknowledgment at mark's phone. it's hard to focus on whatever mark tries to talk about next when all josh can think about is that tyler hadn't texted him all night. the dull pain in his chest feels silly in comparison to the butterflies he also has in knowing tyler will be arriving soon.

what's tyler going to be wearing? josh definitely put a little bit too much thought into his outfit for the night knowing that tyler was going to be there to see him. he also probably put on way too much cologne, but he's grateful for it now considering his shirt is clinging to him with sweat.

had tyler overthought what to wear like he did? where has he been all night? is he going to be sober when he shows up, or will he be just as drunk as josh is? he really hopes it's the latter because josh is sure he's going to say and do things tonight that he'll regret, but tyler being equally as drunk would make it a little easier to deal with. the thought of tyler telling him things he might not otherwise has also definitely crossed his mind a time or two or five.

mark is deep in the middle of whatever josh is supposed to be pretending to care about when a hand on his shoulder gains his attention. tyler has a sloppy grin on his face. his eyes are droopy and his cheeks are red like they get every single time he drinks. he's in a three-quarter zip shirt, the white fabric contrasting against his honey skin. it's arguably josh's favorite shirt of his, and he's told tyler that dozens of times. josh is already fighting the urge to grab him by the face and kiss him.

it's going to be a long night.

"tyler! you finally made it," josh smiles easily, not hesitating to wrap his arm around the man's shoulders and pull him closer. he's not sober enough to care if it's weird.

"josh!" he reciprocates, resting one hand on the small of josh's back. the action sends a jolt of electricity directly to the tip of josh's dick. how is he going to survive tonight?

"nice of you to join us," mark greets. josh is glad he doesn't comment on their closeness, yet mark's just as inebriated as he is. probably more, honestly. to him, it's just typical josh and tyler behavior.

"yeah," tyler hums, leaning into josh. "sorry it took me so long. i was-"

"tyler." an unfamiliar voice comes from behind them. at the sound, tyler is immediately peeling himself away from josh and retreating his hands into himself. josh frowns, half-confused and half-pissed at whoever ruined whatever was just happening. he already misses tyler's warmth beside him.

"hey! there you are," tyler greets him. it's somebody josh has never seen before. he looks to mark, but he seems just as lost. tyler wraps his arm around the guy's, taking the drink he offers. a twang of jealousy surges inside josh like a threatening storm, his eyes narrowing at the stranger. "guys, this is ian. ian, this is josh and mark."

"hey," the guy, ian, says, nodding politely. he holds a hand out to mark, who accepts it with a firm shake. he tries with josh, but josh is actually really thirsty all of a sudden and decides right now just so happens to be the perfect time to finish his beer.

he hears ian mutter something about him being rude, but he couldn't give less of a shit. who is this guy and why is he with tyler? why would tyler bring him here?

"wow," mark laughs as josh empties the contents of his cup. "you just got that."

josh just shrugs, crushing the cup in his palm and wishing it was ian's face. "guess i need another."

"good thing my timing is impeccable," chris says, approaching with two more cups of beer. he hands one to josh, and he begins gulping it down without hesitation. he's definitely not drunk enough to handle whatever kind of fuckery tyler is putting him through. "jeez, josh. bad day?"

"something like that." josh burps, swishing the contents of his cup. there's half left, at best.

chris introduces himself to ian and shakes his hand while josh ignores tyler staring at him. he opts to turn to mark instead, turning his back on the others. he asks in a low voice, "who the fuck is that guy?"

"i dunno. ian, i guess. seems cool. must be tyler's date," he says casually, not having the slightest clue at the way his words completely infuriate josh.

date? a fucking date? didn't he deserve at least some kind of a heads up from tyler? like a, hey i know we've been hooking up but i'm bringing somebody else out tonight so this is your warning to not be a dick and also don't worry it's not to make you jealous and this doesn't mean we're not still hooking up, or something. that would've been nice, but no. josh had no idea this would be happening and he feels like a fucking idiot. he is a fucking idiot. a drunk, jealous idiot.

the deep breath he takes does little to ease the anger simmering beneath the surface, but it allows him the chance to fake a smile and turn back to the others. "i didn't know you were bringing a date tonight, tyler. how'd you guys meet?" he asks, completely interrupting whatever ian was in the middle of telling chris.

tyler's eyes narrow as if josh has done something wrong, but josh doesn't have it in him to care. he's too drunk and too pissed off. "tinder. we met on tinder."

"oh, really? i thought you said you deleted tinder? something about too many guys with small dicks and even smaller brains?" josh tilts his head to the side, furrowed eyebrows contrasting his smug grin. the offended look ian gives tyler replaces his anger with satisfaction, but only momentarily.

"well if that was the case, it sounds like tinder would be a great place for you, josh," tyler shoots back, his gaze not wavering from josh's, challenging him.

josh's initial reaction is to smack tyler upside the head and tell him he's a bitch. his second reaction is to grab him by the front of his shirt and shove his tongue down his throat to remind him that he's never had anybody like josh before and his dick is, in fact, not small. tyler would know that better than anybody. yes, he's definitely drunk, but thankfully he has yet to lose his common sense, so he doesn't do either of those things.

instead, he extends his arm, holding a middle finger to tyler's face. the man grins, thinking he's won, and that pisses josh off more than the comment itself. he only won because josh let him, like always. he could say something about how tyler didn't think his dick was small when he was fucking his brains out the other day, and he's lucky he chooses not to.

"calm down divas," mark mutters, swatting josh's hand away from tyler. although it's unlike them to argue, neither mark nor chris comments on it any further. they go back to talking, tyler goes back to playing dumb, and josh goes back to downing his drink.

he can't stop watching the way tyler ogles ian, or how big he smiles when ian makes him laugh, or how ian eyes him like prey, or how their arms are still linked together. it's completely ridiculous. tyler is evil. he's a horrible friend. josh still can't get over the fact that he didn't mention anything to him about it.

it drives him crazy to think that he has no idea how he actually met ian. how long have they been talking to each other? the whole time? what were they doing together before they came out, and what are they going to do after? josh has a pretty good idea, and the thought hits him in the stomach like a ton of bricks. he's nauseous all of a sudden, unable to shake the image of the two of them in tyler's bed together.

he's not sure what he hates more: the idea of ian's hands on tyler or tyler's hands on ian. the thought of tyler's pretty lips wrapped around anybody that isn't josh is infuriating, but thinking about anybody else making tyler feel good? that's just downright painful.

josh finishes his beer, wiping a stray dribble from his chin onto the back of his hand. he burps, loud and obnoxious, blowing it in tyler's direction. "be right back."

he doesn't wait for anyone to stop him heading in the direction of the bar. not that tyler would, but mark and chris know just how much he's drank tonight and that he's very quickly approaching his limit. josh is playing a dangerous game. he knows that, but he can't find it in him to give a shit.

carefully making his way to the less crowded end of the bar, josh is lucky he's able to snag a seat just as a girl gets up. he slides onto the stool, resting his elbows on the bar and putting his head in his hands. he needs a minute to just breathe.

he is extremely angry at tyler. a deep, sober part of him knows that it's irrational, but the current, drunk part of him says it's not. what, he's not good enough for tyler? he needs somebody else to get him off? to josh, this just confirms that tyler has not been feeling any of those similar weird feelings in the slightest. josh is just another body.

as he lifts his head, he catches the bartender sliding him a cup of water. josh smiles, grateful someone is looking out for him even though he's not going to drink that shit. "thanks. can i get a beer, please?"

"you got it."

the smile slowly fades from his face as he zones out staring at the bar top. tyler's an asshole for doing this to him. it's all his fault. they could've had a great night, but no. josh is going to spend the rest of it being pissy and hoping he blacks out so he doesn't remember anything tomorrow.

"hey." tyler appears beside him, hair disheveled and cheeks burning bright as ever. no sign of ian.

josh sighs, not having the patience for whatever it is he wants to say. he thanks the bartender as they slide a cup of beer to him, handing them cash in return.  "can i help you?"

"what's your problem?" tyler shoots back, propping an elbow against the bar as he leans in to josh.

"you're asking me what my problem is? are you stupid? i thought you were smarter than that."

"i'm not stupid, you dick. you're stupid. why're you being such an asshole? you don't like ian?"

a dry laugh escapes josh. as if tyler actually gives a shit whether he likes him or not. "no. i don't."

"why not? you don't even know him."

"don't need to. don't like him," josh decides. is it just him or is his beer starting to taste like water? "you're playing dumb, tyler. you know what my problem is."

tyler studies him for a moment. he takes a drink before saying, "no, josh. i don't. enlighten me."

josh glides his tongue over his top teeth in irritation. is he seriously going to make him say it? "just thought i'd be going home with you tonight s'all," he murmurs.

"so you're jealous." it's a statement, not a question. josh half-shrugs.

"nah, not jealous," he lies. damn right he's jealous. wouldn't tyler be if the roles were reversed? "just mad."

"josh," tyler laughs. the sound makes josh's blood boil. "i don't know why you're jealous. we never agreed on anything exclusive."

"i just said i'm not jealous," he replies, grinding his teeth. "i don't give a shit who you let stick their dick in you. just wish i knew ahead of time. would've been trying to find someone to go home with." the lie comes out easily. thank you, alcohol. "what's so special about ian, anyway?"

"nothing." tyler rolls his eyes. josh can't stop staring at his lips. "it's just business. good to change things up. people get bored."

"you're bored of me?" it stings more than josh would like to admit.

"i didn't fucking say me," tyler mutters. "it's not personal, josh. it's my job. you're going to be mad at me for doing my job?" he's getting angry now, too. josh is glad they're finally on the same level.

so that's what it is, then. tyler thinks he needs to switch up who's fucking him to keep his audience interested. that's the stupidest thing josh has ever heard. "yeah, maybe i am. no fucking way anybody's interested in what that ugly prick keeps in his pants."

tyler scoffs, straightening his posture and retreating his arm from where it rests besides josh's. "what is your fucking deal? i told you it's not personal. if you could just mind your own fucking business, then-"

"well it feels personal," josh interjects. "and don't tell me to mind my own business. your business is my business, dumbass. especially now that i'm sleeping with you. better make sure pretty boy over there uses protection."

"you're an asshole," tyler states flatly. even with the fire raging behind his eyes, he's as beautiful as ever.

"takes one to know one." they're both acting childish, josh knows this, but he'll be damned if he lets tyler think he's won again.

tyler's jaw is set, a vein on the side of his forehead protruding slightly. josh isn't sure why he thinks he has the right to be mad when he doesn't. he should apologize. josh definitely isn't going to, he doesn't need to. tyler should. he would if he cared about josh at all. it's all his fault.

tyler doesn't say anything, though. his nostrils flare, his chest rising and falling for a few moments before he simply turns on his heels and walks away. josh grins at that. victorious. he takes a minute to sip his beer before peeling himself from the bar.

once back on his feet, he realizes he's a lot more drunk than he was when he sat down. that makes him giggle to himself, quietly chuckling under his breath as he slowly stumbles through the crowd back over to where he spots chris's head. he can't wait to spend the rest of the night tormenting tyler and his date.

maybe if he pesters them enough, ian will get annoyed and leave. yeah... that's a good idea. a great idea, actually. if he can get ian to leave, tyler's all his. god, he's a genius! why didn't he think of this earlier? grinning at his bright idea, josh rejoins his friends, head whirling with all the possible things he could do or say to get ian to go. his stupid smile slowly fades and is replaced with confusion as he finds only mark and chris.

"hey," he greets. "tyler?"

"left," chris shakes his head.

"gone," mark confirms, half-paying attention as he types on his phone.

josh's heart sinks. he's nauseous again. he did not. that little bitch did not already leave with ian.

"ian?" deep down, he already knew this was going to happen. he just wanted to believe tyler would change his mind.

"gone," mark repeats.

"left with tyler," chris adds.

josh is glad they're both too busy on their phones to notice the way he clenches his jaw so hard his teeth might crack. fucking tyler. what is he doing to him? josh feels like he's going crazy. he doesn't say anything else. he inhales the rest of his beer, tossing the empty cup on the floor, and pulls out his phone to send him a couple of nice texts.

you're a bitch

i can't stand you

have fun, asshole

stuffing his phone into his pocket with a huff, josh starts scanning the bar. a guy with fluffy brown hair catches his eye. he's short, slim, and tan. not tyler, but close enough. he leaves mark and chris to do whatever it is they're doing, greeting the man with a smile.

"hey, let me buy you a drink?"

the guy looks him up and down. his friends watch closely. "what's your name?"

"josh. you?"

"charlie," he says, the corners of his mouth lifting into a small smirk. he raises the cup in his hand. "i already have a drink, josh."

josh lets out a frustrated breath through his nose. he's not patient enough for the small talk of it all. "okay, i'll be honest. i'm not here for a drink, i'm here for you."

it's bold and direct and not josh's usual approach. charlie's cheeks turn bright red. he turns to his friends, telling them something josh can't hear over the music. it must've been something along the lines of "get lost" considering they all giggle and scurry away.

"you've got me. now what?"

it's dark, but the neon signs lit around the place produce just enough light for josh to be able to tell charlie's eyes are blue or maybe green. not brown. they don't hold the same sparkling temptation as tyler's. they don't make his heart race in the same way tyler's do.

josh is sick of feeling some type of way over tyler.

he reaches out, sweaty palms cupping charlie's jaw as he leans in, brushing their noses together. "can i kiss you?"

charlie's breath hitches, a soft puff of breath blowing over josh's lips. it doesn't make him tingle. doesn't even make his dick hard. "please."

he slides a hand to the back of charlie's head, gently tangling his fingers through his hair. his other hand rests firm on his jaw as he closes the gap between them. his lips aren't as full as tyler's. they're not as soft. they aren't as sweet either, even with the lingering taste of pineapple juice.

it's not as fluid and effortless as kissing tyler. josh has to actively think about how to move his lips, where to run his hands, which way to turn his head. charlie's fingers grip the front of his shirt, pulling him in with one swift motion. their bodies press together, his hands now flat against the small of josh's back, pressing him closer.

charlie's hard-on is evident. it's resting firm against josh's thigh. josh tries not to think too hard about how he's definitely not hard and charlie can definitely tell, just tries to focus on kissing him instead. as much as he wants to pretend like it's tyler he's kissing, he just can't. it's all wrong. tastes wrong. feels wrong. feels like josh is committing some sort of sin.

the kiss ends as sudden as it started. hands on his chest push josh away slightly, a confused and maybe even slightly offended charlie studying him.

"are you even into me?" he doesn't sound as mad as he looks.

josh just blinks at him. what is happening to him? he's never had this problem before. he used to be able to fuck two different guys in the same night.

he suddenly feels sick. the hot, humid air inside the bar is suffocating. his stomach hurts, he's nauseous, and he can't breathe. as his throat closes and mouth begins filling with saliva, josh's eyes widen. he clamps a hand over his mouth, shouldering his way through the crowd towards the front door.

the cooler air shocks a breath into his lungs, but he's only able to make it as far as behind the building before the beer starts to come back up. bent at the waist, one hand against the brick wall to hold himself up, josh vomits all over the ground. his throat burns and his eyes sting with tears.

tyler is at home with ian. he couldn't care less about what's happening to josh. probably in the middle of getting fucked right now.

his stomach lurches again. this time he doesn't lean far enough forward to avoid his shoes. he can't do anything other than puke and cry, the latter of which only worsens as he feels a hand on his back and mark's voice from behind him.

"the uber is on its way. i'll go get him a water. you stay with him."

josh lifts his head just enough to see that it's chris beside him, warm hand on his shoulder, smiling sadly. "you okay?"

his response is to dry heave. there's nothing left in his stomach. he's not sure how to feel, but "okay" is definitely not it. all he wants right now is tyler. he's the only one who could ease the aching in his heart.

"here." mark returns with a cup of water, offering it to josh. he sniffles, taking a few shaky breaths and swallowing down the lump in his throat. he wipes his wet eyes on the back of his hand first, followed by his nose and mouth before he takes a sip. he nods gratefully, nursing the water while chris and mark share concerned looks.

"i'm fine," he says finally, voice hoarse and unsteady. "just drank too much."

chris looks unconvinced, but mark nods. "gonna throw up in the uber?"

"don't think there's anything left for me to throw up." mark chuckles, josh half-smiles. chris just keeps looking at him like a wounded animal. "is it almost here? wanna go home."

mark checks his phone. "a mile away. let's go wait out front."

josh worries his puke-shoes are going to stink up the car, but he doesn't say anything. he just nods and follows behind mark, head hanging like a dog. chris has a hand on his back, guiding him as if he's some fragile item doomed to break at any second. josh wonders for a split second if chris has some sort of idea what's going on, but he's too afraid to ask. too afraid to even let himself consider it.

the three stand on the curb to wait for their ride. mark won't shut up about some girl he met. chris won't stop patting his back like he's a sick child. and josh still can't stop thinking about tyler.