Chapter  the Ace of Pentacles

Ace of Pentacles (garden of reflection and refuge surrounded by a wall), 10 of Swords (time for convalescence to recover after a trauma, the Emperor 04 (patriarch protector)

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Days turn into weeks and except for visits from Miss Elizabeth and being introduced to Nick's grandparents, Cassie spoke to no one face to face. Doc McConnell was running a DNA test for breed but he was almost certain that Miss Priss was at least part Maine Coon cat. Cassie was grateful that the old veterinarian was willing to look after her cat while Nick and Erin helped her set up a recording room in the bedroom with removable sound buffering panels. The bedroom door was replaced by one with a large cat flap for Miss Priss so she could enter and exit the bedroom without Cassie having to open the door. Hjalm spoke with her via the Internet at least once a week. Her friend and sound engineer was determined to help her establish herself as a common voice. She was working and making enough to modestly support herself reading copy for advertising and making audiobooks. Time seemed to stop for Cassie as she slowly recovered but then the early apple festival happened in Pagosa Cliffs and the calmness she felt faded away like the snow melting on the mountains.

"Cassie come away from the window," Adeline scolded.

"I'm sorry," Cassie moved away from the living room window only to go to the one above the sink in the small kitchenette. Her hands shook as she filled a tea kettle. Adeline took the kettle from her and let down the blinds, admonishing, "You're not making any more valerian tea. Stop looking outside."

"I'm sorry," Cassie responded again with a small sob.

"Stop saying I'm sorry," Adeline scolded.

"I'm... I can't help it," Cassie stammered.

"Yes, you can. you have the power to tell your fear it doesn't own you, Cassandra." Adeline chided, "Focus on real things in the room with you."

Doing her five senses exercise Cassie tried not to scowl at her grandmother as she mentally recited three things she could see while she traced the cold smooth tile then the grout line followed by the grainy wooden edge with her fingertip. Inhaling slowly, she could still smell the tea she made earlier and still taste the honey and valerian root in her mouth. When she got to hearing, her tension returned. Outside, she could hear traffic, people talking as they walked by, and the live music from the park she had never been brave enough to visit in the day. A knock on the door sent her fleeing to her bedroom

Adeline face-palmed before she opened the door. "Hello, Erin. Your sister just locked herself in her bedroom... again."

Erin hugged the woman who had saved him from spending his teen years as a ward of the state. "I'm sorry, grandmother. I didn't mean to scare her."

"You're not to blame, it's her mind. Her fear has made her irrational and unstable. She would rather hide than work to overcome it." Adeline patted his cheek. "She isn't strong like you were."

Erin wanted to argue that what happened to Cassie was different, but Adeline looked so tired, instead he offered, "Why don't you have a rest or go enjoy the festival? Nick invited Cassie to the ranch, it's quieter out there."

"Getting her out of the cottage would be an excellent idea. She only leaves to creep around the town between 3:00 and 4:00 AM in the morning like some kind of ghost." Adeline knocked loudly on the bedroom door. "Cassandra, your brother's here."

"Thank you grandmother." It took a few minutes before she unlocked the door.

Adeline walked in without being invited. "Change into jeans and sturdy shoes. Nick invited you out to the Rocking M."

"I... I can't."

"You will," Adeline announced imperiously. "Erin, are you parked on the side?"

"No, but..." Erin started, however, Adeline gave him such a glower he looked away in silence.

Cassie went to her dresser and pulled out jeans and a hoodie. There was no use refusing her grandmother. Erin walked out so she could change clothes, saying over his shoulder, "I'll move the car to the side."

Adaline followed him outside. "You don't agree with making her go?"

"No... She needs time and more than 90 minutes of virtual therapy a month."

"I am a licensed psychotherapist and sociologist," Adeline snapped at him.

"I know, but other than me, you haven't had any other patients with PTSD from sexual trauma nor anyone with anthropophobia," Erin retorted angrily then he lowered his voice at Adeline's gasp, watching her press her hand over her heart. "I'm sorry, grandmother, you do great things with people from disaster zones, but Cassie wasn't in a tornado. I don't agree with the way you are trying to force Cassie to recover so quickly. She needs a year or two." He turned and walked away from her.

Adeline panted for a moment then hurried into her cottage. She dumped her purse on the counter then holding a small red bottle to her open mouth, she sprayed two pumps under her tongue. Looking out the window, she watched Cassie sprint toward her brother's car and dive into the back seat. As Erin closed the door, he saw her standing there and waved. Pocketing the sublingual nitroglycerin bottle, Adeline waved with the other hand.

As her grandchildren drove away, Adeline answered aloud to no one, "But I don't have time."

~~~~

Cassandra crouched in the back seat of her old car. It wasn't really hers anymore, she'd given it to Erin after a panic attack almost caused her to wreck. Erin reached over the seat and squeezed her hand.

"It's OK... we'll be out of town soon."

Cassie let go of his hand so he could drive. After she sighed loudly for the third time, Erin ask, "What's wrong, sis?"

"Do you think grandmother is disappointed in me?"

"Grandmother is very different from you or me. She's been to disaster zones all over the world. She's tough and she gets over things quickly. The kind of PTSD she treats people for has to do with earthquakes, volcanoes, and severe storms, not people who have been hurt by other people because they are cruel or evil or delusional." Erin slowed down when he turned onto a dirt road. "I'm going to stop, move up front with me."

"I... I can't."

"Please, sis. I want us to have a drive like the old days. There is no one around and no one at the ranch or at the clinic except Nick and his grandfather," Erin said as he stopped the car.

Hesitantly, Cassie got out, she looked around cautiously as she opened the front door and got in the passenger side. "What does Nick want to do today?"

Erin grinned at her as he started driving. "I think he is going to take us horseback riding. That tarot card you pull every time he visits, the one about the walled garden, he says he knows where that place is."

"Really?" Cassie sounded skeptical.

"I'm not kidding. He thinks your tarot reading is cool even if it is witchcraft."

Cassie giggled, shaking her head, "Tarot isn't witchcraft. It's cartomancy."

"Cartomancy? I thought that was how they make maps."

"That's cartography, didn't you learn anything in high school?"

"If it wasn't boys or biology, I wasn't interested," Erin answered cheekily.

"Don't you mean zoology because your room always smelled like the backroom of the zoo?" Cassie teased.

"Better than the backroom of Nick's grandpa's barn." Erin retorted as they turned onto the Rocking M ranch. "Besides your room always smelled like a lemon and eucalyptus cough drops."

Cassie laughed, and for a moment she seemed like her old self, as they drove through the rugged and beautiful valley toward the ranch. She didn't notice any people near the few houses they passed, but there were many cows, horses, and llamas. "Why are there so many llamas here?"

"They aren't llamas, they are called alpacas and people raise them for their wool. They do better at this altitude than sheep," Erin explained. He grinned as she used her phone's camera to take pictures of the fluffy, long legged animals.

"They are so cute," she exclaimed in a high trill.

Erin pointed toward a large rock cliff on the opposite side of the car from her. "That is the ridge from the Ridgeline Ranch it goes all the way around this side of the valley at different heights." He pointed ahead of them, "In front of us is part of the National Forest and over there is the Rocking M ranch. It takes up the whole corner of this end of the valley."

"How much land is it?" Cassie asked in awe.

"I don't know, miles, but the only other ranch as big is the Ridgeline. Nick told me the two ranches take up a sixth of the county that isn't National Forest land. The next biggest ranch is the Bar UK but the owners have been selling off property to developers for years. Nick said that none of the Ursick family grandchildren want to run their ranch so after their parents pass away. His grandfather Cordell doesn't know if it will still run cattle."

Erin parked in front of the McConnell Veterinary Clinic for large and small animals. Grandpa McConnell and Nick came out onto the porch. They waited for Cassie to have the courage to get out of the car on her own. Erin stood patiently by the front of the car until she could join him.

Cassie apologized profusely, "I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me."

"You don't need to apologize, darlin'," Nick assured her.

Grandpa Cordell nodded in agreement, "You are always welcome on the Rocking M, Cassandra."

He led them around to the back of the building where the corrals and stalls held many animals. There were three horses saddled and waiting. Cassandra petted the animals and cooed to them that they were beautiful as Erin smiled.

Erin whispered to Nick and grandpa Cordell, "I don't know how to thank you for this."

Nick chuckled as he said, "We'll see how much you thank me for it tomorrow."

Then louder he announced, "Let's get you up in the saddle." He helped Cassandra get on a mild-mannered chestnut mare named Caramel while Erin mounted a dark roan called Chester.

Nick got on his Palomino and turn to lead them away from the veterinary clinic. Grandpa Cordell waved after them, calling out, "Be home by sunset, Grandma Fern has a roast in the oven."

As they rode across the lush pasture of the Rocking M ranch, Nick named all the mountains around the ranch. Cassie twisted this way and that looking around at the majestic beauty of the mountains surrounding them. The air smelled sweet and fresh with a slight hint of cattle musk. Nick led them down a well-worn trail and into the narrow entrance of a box Canyon. The back of the Canyon open to give it the shape of a spoon. All around them sheer cliffs created a barrier between Canyon and the outside world. there was a quiet sacredness to the place with birds singing and sunlight pouring between the trees. They stopped in the center on a hill. Nick helped Cassie to dismount as Erin stepped down from the roan's saddle and stretched his legs.

Sitting on the hill surrounded by the stone walls with a tiny Creek on one side of the spoon-shaped canyon, Nick admitted, "I always wanted to put a house here." He grinned sheepishly at Cassie. "It reminds me of that ace card you're always reading to me the one that symbolizes a garden surrounded by a stone wall."

"It does," Cassie agreed but she didn't sit down next to Nick and Erin instead she wandered around looking at the trees and the birds. She picked flowers then froze as a black and white butterfly landed on the back of her hand.

"That's called a Weidemeyer's Admiral," Nick announced from behind her.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Cassie turned slowly to show Erin as he sat down beside Nick.

He grinned at his sister, nodding. "It is. Why don't you sing it a song?"

"I can't sing here," Cassie refused.

"Why not, darlin'? You've already got a butterfly on your finger, you're practically halfway to being a Disney Princess. Sing for us," Nick encouraged.

Giggling, Cassie inhaled laughed again then had to calm herself before she started singing. Her voice drifted around them and echoed off the stone walls like a concert hall. Erin leaned against Nick shoulder as Nick murmured to him, "She sings like an angel."

"Yes... she could have gone on to be a famous opera singer if it wasn't for that night," Erin whispered back.

Cassie didn't hear them she was turning this way and that to listen to her voice and how it echoed in the small spoon-shaped box canyon. The acoustics reminded her of red rocks, a place she had longed to sing at in concert, but those days those dreams felt too far away now. As her voice rose and fell with each new song, tears leaked from her eyes while the awareness of what her fear caused her to lose leached the joy from her soul. Suddenly, she collapsed to her knees weeping bitterly. Erin and Nick rushed over to her. Holding her in his lap Erin tried to soothe his distraught sister.

"It's going to be OK, you are going to be fine."

"No, Erin, no I'm not, it's never going to be OK again." She looked up at Nick with tear-soaked cheeks. "I'm sorry. I love this place I didn't want to cry here."

Nick held her hands, "It's OK, darling, I've cried here my fair share. My family for the most part was very accepting, but some of my cousins or their wives were very cruel to me. It doesn't matter though, I have Erin now, and I know wherever he goes, you'll go. I'm happy to have you near us. I talked to my grandfather, and he said he would sell you this place if you felt safe here."

Cassie looked up at him in awe, "I couldn't possibly afford it."

"You can't, but we can. The three of us together can make this your new home, Cassie."

Erin hugged her, "I told you; Pagosa Cliffs is a good place filled with good people. We will build you a house this summer, but Nick and I have to finish school. You can stay here, and we'll visit as often as we can."

"How will I work? I need high speed Internet to do my voice work," Cassie reminded.

"We will have to run power lines two here anyway. they can lay high speed fiber optic cable to the valley, and we'll branch off to the vet clinic to take half the cost," Nick responded. he and Erin for a grinning like they had already figured out all the details.

Cassie hugged Erin's neck then reached over and hugged Nick too. "I want to stay here. It feels safe it feels like a stone walled garden." Then she frowned, asking, "But what if I need something? I can't ask grandmother to give up her tenure at the university to live in a crack in the cliffs."

"My Grandpa Cordell said he and Grandma Fern could bring you anything you needed, and the deliveries can be made to the clinic. No one can drive into your little valley without crossing the Rocking M. All the land beyond here is owned by my family or the National Forest service," Nick revealed with a broad grin. "No people can come here."

"I don't know how to thank you," Cassie gushed.

Erin and Nick side hugged each other as Erin asked, "Sing at our wedding after graduation? And be my Best Maid?"

"I'd love to," Cassie wept.