Chapter 6- Reversed Three of Swords

Three of Pentacles, Ace of Wands, Reversed Three of Swords

Erin stood with his fellow students in the lab, but his exhausted mind would not focus. The last few months were a harrowing experience as his sister had descended into a paranoid fear of everyone. He, their grandmother, and his new boyfriend Nick were the only people she was not afraid of. The doctors said she had acute PTSD at first, now they were saying that had become something called Anthropophobia. He and his grandmother were wearing themselves out trying to help her cope but every time she had a new nurse or orderly, or a doctor she hadn't previously met entered her room, she had a panic attack. With the ones she did know, she would hide in the bathroom with the door barricaded. They started giving her, her meds through the door in the bathroom wall used to pass urine specimens when Erin or his grandmother weren't there. She was supposed to come home this afternoon and the only suggestion the psychologist has was either to let her stay in her room in the house where their friend was murdered which may or may not aggravate her condition. Or take her to the place that made her happiest in the hopes she would come out of it. That meant going to Pagosa Cliffs. He hadn't had a chance to tell Nick because he had barely arrived in time for class this morning.

"Erin?" His lab mate was shaking his arm. Alana said his name again, but the world compressed to a dark tunnel with just a pinhole at the end. The classroom looked so far away. The metal dissection tool tray crashed to the floor as she shouted Nick's name while Erin felt like he was punched in the jaw.

Erin inhaled and exhaled slowly. Someone was pressing on his jaw and neck uncomfortably. He reached up to push them away, but a familiar strong hand caught his.

"Easy, darlin', you cut your chin when you dropped." Nick slow drawl was a balm to his worries, and he stopped struggling. "Open your eyes, Erin. Let me see those chocolate diamonds."

It felt like it took every ounce of strength Erin had to drag his eyelashes upward. Tourmaline blue like the Colorado spring sky watched him with worry.

"There he is." Nick smiled down at him gently, "Just relax, the paramedics are on the way."

"I'm fine." Erin moaned as he tried to push Nick's hand away.

"You're going to need stitches, Mr. King," the instructor announced.

"They're here," Alana announced, leading in two men in blue uniforms.

As his vitals were taken and his chin bandaged, Erin heard their professor dismiss class. Dr. Finney and Nick were talking earnestly while he was wheeled out on a stretcher. They put him in an ambulance. Nick followed carrying both their backpacks, but the paramedic stopped Nick from getting in the ambulance.

"Sorry, you can't come with us."

"But I'm his boyfriend," Nick insisted.

"It's the rules, you're not family," the man insisted then he closed the back of the ambulance before Erin could protest.

Nick just stood there for a moment, clenching and unclenching his fists as he glared after the ambulance, he was about to sprint to his truck when his professor pulled up.

"Get in, Mr. Ballard, or we will fall behind."

"Thank you, Dr. Finney." Nick got in, putting his backpack on the floor between his feet and Erin's on top of it.

The veterinary medicine doctor hummed in acknowledgement then asked, "Nick, you are one of my brightest students and I am certain the lifetime you spent at your great-grandfather's clinic helps. I am happy to have one of Cordell McConnell's children as a student but, oh how do I say this other than to just say it... Do you think Erin has what it takes? He is often late, falls asleep in lectures, oh his test grades are excellent but there is more to being a veterinarian than book smarts."

Nick bowed his head, "Dr. Finney, Erin is the smartest person I know, and he is a natural with most animals. He is just... distracted by family matters."

"Really and what such matters are worth risking his whole future?" The instructor demanded.

Looking at the lights on the ambulance in front of them, Nick asked, "Do you remember the girl who was murdered in her home and her roommate barely survived?"

Dr. Finney nodded, "Some kind of party happened, and all the evidence was ruined, I read about it."

"Erin's sister was the survivor. She as developed an extreme fear of people. Erin and his grandmother are exhausting themselves trying to care for her and it is only going to get worse because their family insurance only pays for three months of psychiatric in-hospital care a year." Nick begged for the love of his life as they pulled into the hospital emergency room parking lot. "Please Dr. Finney, Erin loves vet medicine, this is his dream. Once we get his sister settled, things will get better. Thank you for the ride."

Dr. Finney put his hand on Nick's arm before he could get out. "Nick, take care of him. His grades need to be perfect between now and the end of the semester or the financial committee will not offer him an additional scholarship. If he wants his career, he may need to leave his sister to sort herself out. Talk to him."

"Yes, sir." Nick got out and closed the door. He rushed inside as he dug through Erin's backpack for his wallet.

He was surprised when the second paramedic met him at the desk as he said to the receptionist, "My boyfriend was just brought in."

"I'll take him back, Amelia." The paramedic guided him back into the triage area, apologizing, "Sorry about my partner."

Nick discovered as soon as he came out that his choice of whom to love meant he was a second-class citizen. Blond curls, blue eyes, and tanned skin never gave him the white privilege he had heard about and even in his liberal state where the LGBTQA community was supposed to be able to live openly and even get married, he was often looked down upon. His western cowboy twang didn't help how people saw him either, like country folk were less intelligent. He remembered his grandfather's words about the high trail choosing him so he would have to pick his battles carefully. He couldn't go on a rant right now, the man he loved needed him. He breathed in then out slowly as he tried to remain calm. "It's fine, it happens. Thank you for bringing me back."

"Next time, say he's your husband, then they can't refuse. Here he is, he needs rest. He is extremely exhausted. I had to keep waking him up, don't let him sleep until the doctors clear him from having a concussion." The paramedic left Nick outside a door with a quick word to the nurse as to who Nick was to Erin.

Erin's eyes were closed so he jerked awake as soon as Nick took his hand.

"Hey, Nick."

"Hey. Did you sleep at all last night?"

Erin looked away.

"Erin, darlin', you need to rest," Nick implored.

Erin pulled his hand away, refuting him, "Cassie needed me."

"Your grandmother..."

"Grandmother Adeline needed rest more than me. I... I think she's having heart problems again." Erin was about to tell him he could leave, when a prim knock was followed by a young woman entering with a tablet. "Come in."

"Hello, I'm Heather from registration, I am here to get the patient's information." She glanced over Nick in his lab scrubs and smiled, "I'm sorry, doctor, I didn't know you were already with the patient."

"I'm not his doctor, I'm his boyfriend," Nick announced as he pulled Erin's wallet out, then he pulled out the drivers' license. While looking for the insurance card, a strip of carnival booth photos from the Western Livestock Show and Rodeo fluttered to the floor. She bent to pick them up as he pulled out the card. Disappointment flashed across her face for a moment as she looked at them clowning around and kissing before handing it back.

She held out the clipboard to Erin who took it with a shaking hand then dropped it. Nick caught it as it clattered off the bedrail.

"Let me."

"I'm sorry, sir, but only a family member of the patient can fill out the forms," she said as she reached for it. "It's hospital policy."

Again his temper poked at him but his grandfather's calm words made him give her his best smile instead as he revealed, "I will be his husband soon enough, that makes me family."

Her mouth twisted into an unhappy line, but she nodded, "Dial 236 when you're done." She left.

Erin just stared at Nick as he tapped all the places he knew Erin would mark then he handed it over, "Did I get it all? That's all I could remember from the night we took each other's medical history to practice patient intake."

Erin stared at him as he held the tablet to his chest. "What did you just say?"

Nick's brows furrowed with worry. "I asked if I marked," he started.

"No, before that, before Heather left."

Sucking his lip in for a moment, Nick breathed out through his mouth then murmured, "You heard me, and I meant it."

Wiping a tear, Erin shook his head, refusing, "You don't want to be stuck with me."

"I know it's too soon, but it is how I feel. The men in my family don't love frivolously, we pick one person and hope to love them for the rest of our days. My cousins Tim and Lloyd are the only two divorced people in my family's entire extended clan and that's only because they married the same selfish woman." Nick took a tissue from the box on the bedside table. "The things you remember your parents telling you, don't get to decide for me if I am going to love you or not."

Erin looked over the paperwork, noticing that Nick had signed the financially responsible party line.

Nick Ballard-King

He deleted it and signed his own name, resisting the urge to add hyphen Ballard on the end. "Nick, I can't say yes right now, my life with my sister is too big of a mess. I don't even know if I will be in school after summer break."

Nick slumped for a moment then he straightened his spine. His voice was firm and calm. "Fine. I will ask you until you say yes or tell me to ride off into the sunset." He reached out and took the tablet. "And I don't care about your sister's struggle being a burden. Hell, she can come with us to the Rocking M after we get married and take over my grandfather's vet practice."

Erin laughed tiredly, "So you have our whole lives planned?"

Nick smirked so handsomely Erin thought he would swoon for a moment. "You bet your damned boots."

"I don't own any boots," Erin reminded with a laugh. "And I've never ridden a horse."

"Don't ya'll worry, I am gonna fix that too, Darlin'," Nick drawled sounding more cowboy than usual then the doctor came in.

After the doctor left from putting four stitches in and several pieces of steri-strips on Erin's chin and ordering an MRI, Nick asked, "Since you can't sleep, how is Cassie?"

"She isn't good. Her insurance runs out in two weeks, so Grandmother is taking her home today. I need to head down there as soon as I get out of here," Erin revealed.

"We'll Uber back to the school and I'll drive you." Nick held up his hand before Erin could refuse. "I ain't letting my future husband drive with a concussion and get in a wreck... Don't look at me that way, you didn't say no and I ain't gonna stop asking. I am going to tell them we need your MRI as soon as possible because your sister is in the hospital too."

"But..."

"It isn't a lie; she is still there." Nick grinned roguishly and went out to use his charm and good looks to get his way.

Erin started to shake his head and immediately regretted it as his stitches pulled.

~~~~

On the drive to Golden, Nick told Erin what Dr. Finney said about the school's concerns. Erin was expecting it. There was nothing he could do, except study harder and look at taking out even more student loans, so he turned the topic to the reason for everything. Finishing with, "So we have no choice, the medications are barely working and we need to save the last two weeks in case she has a really bad episode." Erin rubbed his hands on his jeans to keep from rubbing at the tape holding telfa pads over his chin.

"Do you want to call my grandfather and see if one of the ranch hand houses are empty?" Nick volunteered.

"Maybe later, we are staying with Mrs. Robertson at The Wild Anemone. Grandmother rented one of the cottages for a month. Do you know of it?"

Chuckling, Nick revealed, "Everyone in Pagosa County knows Miss Elizabeth and the Anemone. She's practically famous. There are so many stories about her." As they drove, he told his boyfriend about the time, Miss Elizabeth may or may not have fed her second husband to a bear and then buried the bear that ate him after it was found dead. "The grave marker actually apologizes to the bear for its fatal indigestion."

Erin chortled. "That sounds so much like something she would do. She is such a character. She has known Grandmother Adeline for decades."

Glancing over at him, Nick asked, "Do you want me to drive you down?"

"I think Adeline had the van tuned." He held up his phone, showing a text, "She said they had to sedate her like they did when they moved her from the hospital to the mental hospital." Erin reached toward his jawline and the itching tape, then dropped his hand. "I hope this doesn't freak her out too bad. We can't tell her I collapse because of exhaustion."

"I don't like to lie but I understand. What do you want to tell her?"

"I tripped on a curb sprinting to class?"

"That could happen," Nick agreed then asked, "Was I there?"

"Nope, you were there when I woke, that way you don't have to lie that much. You're a terrible liar." Erin laughed as Nick huffed, then Erin leaned forward slightly against his seatbelt. "There's Grandmother Adeline's van."

Nick sped up a little to catch up so they would arrive at the house at the same time. Before the engine was off, Erin was already out. No neighbors were outside so with Nick and Erin flanking her and Adeline holding her hands they were able to get her inside the house. 

Everything was clean and tidy but Cassie whimpered as they climbed the stairs. "What happened to your chin?" She asked Erin as she froze on the stairs.

"It's okay, sis. I just tripped on a curb running for class." Erin hugged her to his side adding, "You know I'm graceful."

Cassie tried to laugh but it sounded like a sob. "I shouldn't be here. He might be out there. They are out there."

Nick encouraged her, "No one can hurt you. We're here and you're safe."

Jerking away from them, Cassie sprinted up the stairs and flung open the door to Shivonne's now empty room. She panted in terror then began searching the floor as they watched helplessly.

"There's no one here, there's no one here," she chanted to herself in her musical voice before rushing into her room and slamming the door. They could hear her sobbing through the wood.

"I thought she was medicated extra to come home," Nick murmured in a low voice.

"She is, but her fear is stronger than the medication," Erin revealed.

Adeline seemed to slump, "I am glad I asked the neighbors to stay inside until we got her in. We almost didn't manage to get her in the van."

"Ma'am, will she be okay to travel?" Nick asked in concern.

"The doctors said to take her to her favorite place. To show her the world and the people in it aren't all bad. Pagosa Cliffs is the best place I know. Come downstairs," Adeline ordered. In the kitchen she reached up and turned Erin's face, then looked at his hands. She didn't believe them. "Tripped on a curb? Looks like you dropped on the edge of a counter. What did the doctor say?"

"I have a concussion and need rest, but I can't go to sleep until after 9PM tonight," Erin admitted.

"I see." Adeline scowled then glanced at them both, "You are welcome to stay here for the rest of the semester, but I am taking Cassie and Miss Priss to The Wild Anemone tomorrow. I don't know how long we will be there. Miss Elizabeth said we could stay as long as she needed."

~~~~

Cassie sat down with her back against the door, she was sweating and shaking. Miss Priss mewed and jumped down from the bed. She climbed into Cassie's lap, turning in a circle and kneading her paws.

"Stop making biscuits on my thighs," Cassie sobbed out trying to scold her old cat. She held her tightly against her chest. She was grateful for every Sunday that Adeline brought her to the hospital and that the large gray tabby suffered nothing more than a few bruised ribs when the cat attacked the man who killed Shivonne and raped her. She lost track of time sitting there until a knock came.

"Cassie, sweetie, can I come in?"

"Just a minute, Grandmother," Cassie stood up and put Priss on the bed. She took three deep breaths, counted three things in her room and tapped the doorknob three times before grasping it and twisting the knob. She opened the door slightly at first, bracing herself to see someone else. No one but her grandmother stood there.

"The boys are heading back to school after dinner, they have an exam tomorrow and labs the next day. Do you want to come and eat dinner with them before they go?" Adeline's voice was so soothing. "They promised to come down next weekend and take you out to see Nick's grandfather's ranch. Only six people live on the whole ranch that covers miles of land. Would you like that?"

Without answering, Cassie hugged her grandmother and walked with her down the stairs. She gulped air as she glanced in all of the rooms they passed. Erin and Nick looked at her hopefully as they sat at the table. Cassie sat down next to Erin and across from Nick.

"Nick, sweetie, tell Cassie about your grandfather's ranch while Erin serves the salad."

~~~~

Pushing back the tapestry her grandmother brought back from Turkey, Cassie looked at the repaired door. Erin searched all over the internet and in antique shops to find one the same as the old one. Nick who broke the old one to rescue Cassie, installed it. She had never met him before he helped Erin save her from her fear, but she couldn't imagine life without the tall blond cowboy now. He loved her brother so much.

She looked over at her daily Tarot cards. The curl of the small dragon around the wand on the ace, enthralled her with the idea of a new creative venture, but the three of swords reminded her she was a prisoner of her fear and pain, in her favorite deck, the reversed position meant the refusal to leave a painful situation. She put her hand on the door and pushed it inward. Her safe place, her sanctuary waited for her. She slipped inside. It was time for her morning skype with her professors, they were giving her the final early because her grandmother was going to take her away from Golden today. Taking virtual classes from the hospital, saved her degree plan and she would graduate at the end of the semester. Hjalm had also been kind enough to direct voice work to her while she was hospitalized for her anxiety and PTSD. She felt horrible that she panicked when he came to visit her and locked herself in the bathroom before only being able to talk to him through a crack in the door. The irrational part of her fear whispered to her that he knew about the stranger in her home and had sent her to die. He sat in a chair outside the door and talked to her about a contract with an audiobook production company. His guilt for sending her home in an Uber instead of taking her himself made him do so many things to help her, despite the assurances of Detective Stonewall that he couldn't have saved either Cassie or Shivonne. The case had hit a dead end because the murderer took Shivonne's laptop and all Cassie could remember was that Shivonne talked about someone named Ike and the man who attacked her was wearing a white half mask with a powdered face and dark red lip paint.

She tried not to think about that night as she greeted her professors.

"Cassandra, please sing Marguerite's Jewel Aria from Faust." The instructor trio watched her.

Standing very still, she hit play on the soundtrack. Her voice flowed from her, rising and falling like waves, trilling like a songbird in summer. Too soon the music was over, her voice climbed to the peak, tumbled down then vaulted up for the last note. Breathing deeply, she waited for her criticism but none came.

The woman who had been her voice coach since high school dabbed her eyes. "Just beautiful. My dearest Cassandra, when you get over your nervousness, I look forward to seeing you on stage."

Cassie shook slightly at the idea of being on stage but bowed her head so they wouldn't see the fear as she thanked them then she sat down with her cello between her knees.

"Bach's Second Cello Suite in D Minor," Her stern Symphonic Music instructor demanded.

Cassie sighed, inhaling deeply before she began the melancholy piece. She disliked the moaning nature of the Second's Sarabande. The Second's Menuet felt like cords and truly she only enjoyed the Second's Gigue with its playfulness on a rainy, gray day feeling. She had wanted to do the Fourth Suite in E-Flat Major, but the coin flip picked the piece, and she played the best she could.

Her instructor scowled then gave her a curt nod. "Your written exams were excellent. The aria was appropriately bird-like, however your cello was lackluster. We will notify you of your marks at the end of term. Congratulations on achieving your master's degree." Then his face softened. "Try to get well, Cassandra, your talent is too great to be lost to such a petty thing as stage fright."

Shocked at their complete misunderstanding of her trauma, Cassie only bowed her head. "Thank you, professors. I will try my best," She lied.

After the call ended, she played Bach's Fourth Cello Suite just for herself with tears running down her face and dripping onto the polished wood. The Fourth felt like the pull between dusk and dawn or despair and hope. The Fourth's Courante was an early spring thaw wavering and flitting to and fro against the Colorado winter. The Fourth's Sarabande was like watching a lightning storm at night as it rolled across the plain moving east and flashing its wrath in sudden strobing movements between growling echoes of distant thunder. The morning came with the Fourth's Bourée like bees flitting among the waterlogged flowers as the sun warmed the world. Bach's Fourth Cello suite held something her heart and life had lost. It held hope and she couldn't feel it anymore. She wept in great heaving sobs as she dropped her bow. With trembling hands, she locked her cello safely in its hard case, then she shrieked her grief over everything that night took from her. She began destroying her recording room, clawing the soundproofing off the walls until her nails broke and bled. Her grandmother rushed in and dragged her out before she had the chance to smash her expensive sound equipment. Laying on her bed in her grandmother's arms, Cassie cried herself out.

"Grandmother, I don't want to live here anymore. I know he is still here. I can still hear him laughing and saying he wants me for his collection. He's going to come back." Her fear made her whimper.

"Okay, where do you want to live?" Adeline asked as gently as she could. She would sell her home tomorrow to buy something or someplace to heal her granddaughter's soul.

Cassie looked up at her with leaking russet-colored eyes. "I don't... I don't know."

~~~~

A/N 4.1K long chappie, enjoy.