I slowly trudged to my car, dragging my feet along the parking lot pavement. I didn't bother to hold back the warm tears that spilled down my burning cheeks. As soon as I unlocked my car, I stood there still for a moment, just staring at my car door. My chest only ached more as I entered the car, and I sniffled loudly. I dropped the bouquet of flowers into the passenger seat. Grabbing my phone out of my pocket, I threw it down with the bouquet as well.

I didn't want to feel any more vibrations from my phone, no more beeps, no more notifications, nothing. I couldn't even focus on my hands resting on the steering wheel in front of me. My glasses were too foggy to see through, and my chest felt too tight to breathe normally. I gritted my teeth, and shut my eyes tightly. Get ahold of yourself, Peridot. You've seen plenty of deaths. Just pretend this wasn't any different. Just...pretend. It'll become reality soon enough.

I hesitantly started the car, and as I backed out of my parking spot, I squinted my eyes to see any better. I couldn't. I groaned loudly, slammed my fists against the steering wheel in utter frustration and distraught. I slammed on it again and again, and again...and again. I hit the damned steering wheel until it felt like my knuckles were broken. My lip quivered as I stared down at my now bruised hands. I heard my phone vibrate again on the leather passenger seat, and I turned my head to stare at it.

I attempted to take deep breaths as I eyed the cell phone intensely. However, that is when I impulsively jolted forward, snatching my cell phone up harshly. With the car still running, and sitting in the middle of the parking lot, I yanked the car door back open. My grip tightened on my phone, and I growled lowly. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU STARTED THIS! YOU DID THIS!" I delusionally screamed at my phone.

I swung my shoulder over, and chucked my cell phone as far as I could throw it. I panted as I watched it soar through the air, not a grain of regret present in me. The phone soon landed far in the distance with a loud clack, probably breaking terribly. But I didn't care. I stood there for about another whole minute, before walking back to my car. I hopped back in, and slammed the car door shut. I picked up my glasses, wiped them down with my t-shirt, and put them back on.

. . . .

I arrived at the police station once again, hating the sight. This was my least favorite place to be, and my stomach lurched at the idea of having to go back in there. I peered down at the flowers sitting in the seat, and I reached for them. I grabbed them, and looked out my window for a moment. I was going to get rid of these. Burn them. Bury them. Destroy them. Any of those options would hopefully take some of the pain away. I exited my car, and before I could even walk up the steps, I spotted Amethyst burst out of the double doors.

She must have seen me arrive through the transparent doors. Amethyst was running at first, but then slowed down the longer she eyed me. I stood beside my car, with the door still open. I held the flowers sorrowfully, but tried to maintain a neutral expression. It was the first time Amethyst hadn't yelled or gave me an obnoxious greeting when she first saw me. In fact, she actually said nothing, and stared at me with soft eyes. Her hand quickly took my wrist, and I didn't bother to resist.

She pulled me along to the station, and I slowly followed. Her grip on me wasn't tight at all, but it didn't feel like she was planning on letting go anytime soon. There was a door towards the end of a hall, and there was a chair against the wall beside it. Pearl was sitting in it, and she looked incredibly distressed. Her shoulders were slumped, and her head hung low. Amethyst then led me past Pearl, though I kept my gaze on Amethyst's girlfriend for a bit longer, trying to read into her better.

Amethyst walked through the door, and it led out to a courtyard. I was confused, raising an eyebrow at Amethyst. I looked around for a moment, furrowing my eyebrows as I found no point in this. However, I froze. I froze in my tracks as I spotted it. My heart sunk a little, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I blinked slowly a couple of times, and adjusted my glasses. "Peridot...the force were the very first people to get the news about Lapis' discharge from the hospital..." I suddenly heard Jasper softly claim.

"The front desk asked for clarification if you really mentioned the name, Lapis. We confirmed it...and you were already long gone. But they took us here, and told us we may wanna contact you." Jasper explained, and I continued to stare blankly. A portrait of Lapis Lazuli in her uniform sat against the building wall, along with four tealight candles lit up. Flowers sat along either side of the portrait, and my eyebrows scrunched up. "They plan to have her name and the 'dates' set in stone, and it will be placed in this exact spot. For now...this was the alternative. But...we thought you'd might wanna see this." Amethyst then explained.

I approached it closer, and stared down at it quietly. I studied Lapis' beautiful features in the picture, and I remembered vividly how she was just as beautiful in person, if not more. I felt a hand place gently onto my shoulder, and my expression didn't change. "As soon as they heard, they knew they had to do something to honor her effort and work for this team." Jasper muttered. "Though...they did give Jasper a lot of dirty looks." Amethyst chuckled, most likely trying to lighten up the mood.

However, it didn't. It didn't make me feel better. None of this...was ever going to bring Lapis back. The amazing woman that I was in love with...the woman I am still in love with. I heard the door open again. More tears welled up in my eyes, and I slowly turned my head to look behind me. Pearl had entered the room, her cheeks were tear-stained, and her hands were behind her back.

I turned my head back to look at the picture one last time, and I took a deep, yet shaky breath. I stood back up, not bothering to straighten my posture, and I spun on my heel. Pearl and I both made eye contact from a distance, and I felt a connection. She felt nearly as much pain as I did. If not more. After all, Pearl had left Lapis for Amethyst, a criminal...who was in fact Lazuli's enemy. Though Pearl could have never seen this coming...she most likely felt horrible. Terrible. Mortified.

I walked up to her slowly, and her eyes were glossy with more tears. We stared at each other for one last long moment, before Pearl moved forward and hugged me tightly. I was utterly surprised by this, but eventually I hugged back. More tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt Pearl bury her face into my shoulder, tightening her arms around me. Amethyst and Jasper watched in surprise, and Jasper looked toward the door. Amethyst looked genuinely sorry about the whole situation, and we exchanged stares.

I returned the embrace nearly just as tightly, and as I closed my eyes, all I pictured was Lapis' horrified expression as she found out I was the criminal.

. . . .

-5 weeks later-

My shoes sunk into the soft grass as I walked across the courtyard. I spotted the gravestone embedded into the ground...with Lapis' name on it. I approached it, and squinted my eyes for a moment. I had the same bouquet of flowers I had planned to give Lapis from the beginning, but they of course were dead. I bought another bouquet, but I stared down at my dead ones first. I tried my best not to cry once again, and I set down the fresh bouquet gently in front of the tombstone. I gripped the dead bouquet in my other hand, not yet setting this one down.

"...I miss you, Laz. I know that this is all of my fault...and you're probably mad at me, heh. But...to pay for it, this will follow me until the day I die. There won't be a second in my life that you won't at least be in the back of my mind. There won't be a second in my life that...I won't love you...or miss you." my voice grew shakier, but I attempted to maintain my composure. I remembered the first...and last time Lapis told me she loved me.

I let all of the memories flood my mind at once. The last time I hung out with Lapis being the most vivid.

I headed straight for my car, but stopped when I heard Lapis call my name. "Peridot, wait!" I turned my head a little. "Please come back." she whimpered, and I slowly walked back towards her timidly. I was facing her, and she picked up the two coffees. "I love you too." she then stated, handing me back my coffee. The tears in my eyes were threatening to spill down my cheeks, and I shakily took the cup. "If you really have to go, can I at least get a kiss goodbye?" Lapis looked at me hopefully, half smiling. I couldn't help but smile back, and nod slightly.

I hadn't realized that I started crying again, and my nose started running. "I miss you so much." I whimpered, dropping the dead bouquet onto the grave as well. I removed my glasses, and roughly wiped my tears. I shook my head furiously, blinking a few times. I vowed to never commit another crime again. Nothing. No matter how much my friends pleaded, I would never be able to bring myself to it.

If they robbed a bank, never would I use that money in the slightest. Never would I help in any way. If they ended up getting caught and arrested, never would I attempt to break them out. Never would I have enough money to bail them all out, because those riches are stolen money. I would just be a normal law-following citizen, as I should have been in the first place. Maybe if I hadn't started this up, I still could have met Lapis Lazuli on better terms. Better circumstances. And she wouldn't be dead.

I placed my glasses back onto my face, and sighed, feeling ultimately depressed. I read the headstone one last time, before resting my head against it softly.

Lapis Lazuli
1994 - 2019
Beach City Police Department
Killed in the Line of Duty

The End.

Hey my dudes, I had a lot of fun writing this story, and I appreciate all of the support I received along the way! Tysm you awesome human beings 👏👏👏👏