The following morning, Cassie taught Michael how to practise the bodywork on his own, but the serene, gentle nature of the exercise somehow ended up with both of them competing who could wrap themselves up with the blanket more times than the other (Cassie claimed victory).

But even as she laughed and mocked Michael's fruitless attempt at breaking her record, she couldn't shake off the empty, lost feeling that rose within her since morning dawned.

She was leaving today, and him to some other city in the afternoon; times like this may never happen the next time she came. Getting Queen and Mr Tubs back to her tiny apartment, driving back home ... it was as though an invisible preset alarm clock was ticking towards the time where it would make a ringing racket, and this was all merely a wonderful, happy dream she would have to wake up from.

She didn't show it, but Michael realised afterwards anyway.

"It's like waking up, and I don't want to," she told him with a sad smile. She was already in her car, Mr Tubs was secured on the passenger seat and the oxygen pump in his mobile aquarium bubbled away.

"It's okay to miss me," he said in a teasing tone.

Cassie gave a short laugh and rolled her eyes at him.

"No ... I can't do that, Michael," she mumbled, more to herself than to him. In a way, it was true that she couldn't go around missing people all the time. She liked him very much, but she couldn't afford to feel as though someone had slackened their hold on her and she was teetering over the edge of a high cliff each time he was gone.

"You can visit the ranch anytime you want, even if I'm not here," he said.

"I know. It's my problem. I'm fine, Michael."

A still moment followed where he looked into her eyes, searching, as though trying to figure out something about her. He held her gaze, seemingly wanting to ask questions but decided against it. He touched her hair, took an imperceptible, small step back, and said nothing more.

* * *

As though to put a rightful balance to the warm, cheerful times she had at the ranch, barely a week had passed before various forms of pressure began to surface.

There were several new rescues at the shelter. Funds, however, were low and for some ever unfathomable reasons, people were holding on more tightly to their cash; donations were currently not trickling in as generously as they hoped.

Once again, numerous times a year, money had to come out of the volunteers' own pockets; everyone pooled in to raise the sum.

Things were severe enough with the pathetic funds and the aggressive dogs they brought in. But three days later, a cardboard box, stuffed with a dozen puppies who were all near-suffocation, was dumped right outside the shelter.

Marinell the vet sat quiet and motionless in the office one night, while a couple of the volunteers were cursing the injustice of all they have had to face. They weren't exactly one big happy family, even with their common passions and aims.

The desperation and pressure from the tight funds were closing in.

Compared to those who had rigid day jobs, Cassie was better off when assigned to help out on weeknights, but the rescue was sometimes not the best place to be, and this was one of those bottleneck times.

Cassie's hands reeked of cage rust and dogs and the unavoidable stench of ammonia combined with cleaning detergent when she returned to her apartment. Here, back at her own place, she had to deal with Yvonne.

Yvonne had long moved out and joined her brother, Jake, after a short stay at Cassie's. The thing was, Jake seemed to have acquired a new girlfriend lately, which in turn was a very pressing and disturbing issue for Yvonne.

"He keeps yapping about her being his soulmate! I can't pay the rent alone if he moves out!"

Yvonne was in a funny, irritable mood. The blossoming of Jake's new relationship, it appeared to Cassie, could not possibly impact Yvonne in the dramatic way she was describing. Yvonne could easily move in with Cassie; they could work something out. She could only deduce that it was because Jake was Yvonne's older brother, and as the little sister she was currently undergoing some sort of jealousy crisis ...

Cassie's shoulders ached from all the cleaning earlier, and there were bite wounds on her arms. She had been careful, but she was still bitten when she tried to lure the Pinscher mix out to clean the cage. She simply did not have the strength to talk sense into Yvonne, and allowed her friend to drone on while she replied a half-hearted "Yeah" or "That's not right" into the receiver.

Going to work was now a form of escape to Cassie. Walking down the streets, talking and explaining about everything else not related to rescues or people relationships, she felt that she could finally breathe properly. One of her latest clients was a couple, Rainee and Andrew, whom Cassie hit off with reasonably well. The couple was fond of animals and had coincidentally adopted their three terriers from Marinell's rescue.

Andrew was the typical, pleasant, big-sized guy. He had a considerably quiet voice for his large figure. His girlfriend, Rainee, was the complete opposite. She was a loud kind of young woman who followed the latest fashion trends, even if they didn't quite fit her style due to her slightly plump figure. But underneath all that thick and somewhat mismatched makeup, she had a warm, honest and passionate personality which Cassie admired. Rainee was also rather strange in a way; she often cracked unusual jokes and laughed at odd things like burglar alarms. All in all, they were an interesting distraction from her current problems.

Refreshed from her photography work, Cassie felt lighter than she had been for the past few days. There was only so much she could do for the rescue as one person ... she could easily pretend to miss the phone the next time Yvonne called (her convincing excuses ready) when things took a definite downturn.

Queen fell ill.

Queen was lethargic and refused to eat her usual portion of food. For two days, Cassie had to leave her home for scheduled photography sessions and come back as soon as possible. She couldn't take her to the vet. Queen was a tough one but she was frightened of blood tests, and that was the first thing vets did if there weren't external symptoms ...

Marinell couldn't understand, Cassie thought angrily. That woman probably anaesthetized herself against normal emotions ...

Marinell snapped at Cassie when she told her she had to leave early because of Queen, then yelled at everyone for their glum faces and insufficient contribution when one of the volunteers, Nathan, kicked a large bag of kibble onto the floor out of frustration and Eve, a high school student and the youngest among them all, broke down from the stress and cried. Amidst the confusion and raised voices, there was a howl and a whimper which meant that a fight among the aggressive dogs have broken out in the background ...

Cassie felt buffeted by all the things that needed her attention. In present circumstances the last thing on her mind was Michael. Of all the nights he could call, he chose to ring up today. Exhausted and fuming about people in general, Cassie lied about a sore throat, hung up the phone within thirty seconds and slumped back onto the couch, feeling ten times worse before she had heard his voice.

His voice. Normal, usual, indicating just another common night – accepting that small ray of comfort screamed betrayal. Making herself happy when everyone else was miserable ... Queen ...

It wasn't the first time Queen was ill, but throughout the week things came one after another. Piling up on top of each other they formed a heavy weight of anxiety upon her. That night, tired, defeated and a dull pounding on one side of her head, Cassie climbed into bed, willing herself to sleep.

* * *

Michael popped in, overjoyed to know that she was having a child. That couldn't be. (Where were Prince and Paris?) Cassie told him that there must be some sort of mistake. Michael looked confused and upset at this answer, but then a noisy crowd closed in, and his figure vanished amidst them.

"That's all right, Cassandra, you can share Andrew with me!"

Cassie turned to see Rainee waving enthusiastically at her. Andrew spluttered, incredulous at Rainee's suggestion, which was about the only thing that made sense to her.

"No, Rainee – I don't think –" she began, but again they seemed to have left, not waiting for her answer.

An odd, artificial coldness sunk into the air around her. She felt an uneasy prickle around her arm. She had to get away. She couldn't stay here. Everywhere there were shouting voices and dogs barking ... She didn't know where to run ...

The emotionless expression of a ghost-like, hospital nurse came striding towards her mechanically, a needle in hand. Cassie tried to move her legs, but they felt weak from over-exertion, as though she had run five miles already. Out of the shadows, cousin Alica and her husband Adam (the latter had somehow not aged in the past fifteen years) pinned her to a hospital bed. The sterilized sheets were crisp. Too white. Forbidding.

"How are you, Cassie?" Alica said soothingly. To boys, Alica had the most attractive kind of voice. Not too girlish, just the right amount of spunk and playfulness. Cassie wanted to be just like her, but no, not this ...

"I don't want to, I don't want to –" she shook her head repeatedly.

They forced her on her back. She kicked and struggled, but she couldn't move under Alica and Adam's grip. Then, a cold palm pressed upon her bare back, and the tip of the needle made contact at the very centre of her spine –

There was a loud clap of thunder as she took in a sharp breath and awoke with a start.

She blinked several times in the darkness, slightly confused and disoriented. The weight on her body was the blanket which had coiled itself around her. She sat up, pushing the blanket away as if it was a dead poisonous snake.

It's not real. It's not real. The childish assurance washed over her. It's not real. Just a nightmare.

But the fear was real.

Cassie's hand inched up her forehead. There was a sheen of cold sweat.

It was a late, dark night. On other nights, she could hear next door's occasional quarrel, kids running up and down, refusing to go to bed ... but now, all she could hear was the consistent, raining din. The steady downpour drowned out every other idle sound of human activity. She didn't want to be tempted to look at the clock – what if there were still many hours before daylight?

Queen was curled up tightly next to her bed, not stirring or moving. Cassie stared at her cat for several moments before being reassured by the soft rising and falling of fur.

Of course she's breathing ... she said to herself. If Queen died, Cassie couldn't imagine moving on by herself. Maybe she could get another cat, save another life at the same time ... No! Queen was Queen. What was she thinking? Queen wouldn't die. It was just a mild stomach ache ... She would be as right as rain tomorrow ...

Rain ... Rainee ... Vague flashes of the dream replayed itself in her head. Everything uncomfortable and unpleasant that Cassie ever experienced seemed to be spinning restlessly in her mind.

The nurse, the needle on her spine. That was how Cassie had picture Alica's last moments ever since she was told the news.

Alica, in labour, was in so much pain. The doctor hadn't arrive, so it wasn't safe for her to give birth yet. Painkillers were requested. What followed was a nurse's blunder and a mis-jabbed needle. Both her cousin and the unborn child did not survive.

Cassie had met many happy couples through maternity photography. Maybe one day, she assured herself again and again. But she knew there wouldn't be that one day. A growing belly was a dreaded occasion. The moment her eyes fell upon Alica's pale, lifeless body, it was as though an irreversible switch in Cassie's brain was flicked on. She couldn't undo what she saw, and there was no turning back.

The tragedy made it into the local newspaper the day after. None of her schoolmates really knew Cassie was related to the poor dead girl – they probably don't read the newspaper, at any rate – but the whole happening was a surreal, perverse period in the family.

There it was, the fear she could only keep to herself. Cassie drew her knees close to her body, hugging them protectively, wanting to shut everything out. Yvonne thought Cassie over-sensitive, and she knew her friend was still waiting for the day to tell her "I told you so" when Cassie invited her to the baby shower or something ... but she would not take any chances. She would not have a child inside her.

Yet, though stubbornly firm in her life's decision, she allowed Michael into her life! What had she done? She had never doubted his desire for more children ... She had known this before she even knew him ... Hadn't she heard it first-hand in that interview? It felt so far away now. Before Michael, her fear drove Tyler away ... Oh, why was she thinking about all this? There was Queen, and the dogs at the rescue ... There was so much she had to take care of besides herself ... But the images kept surging to the front of her mind's eye, haunting her. Please, stop. Please, leave me alone ...

The loneliness was all-consuming.