(this is a short filler with a cliffhanger... i'll try to update again soon! i've been getting swamped with work :P

it's also unedited, my apologies! i feel like such a flop :// )

♥║ thirty-six ║♥    

The anticipation is killing Taehyung the rest of the day. He can't sit still through the final period of school. However, Jungkook has two hour detention after school the rest of the week because of the fight, so Taehyung has to wait even longer to know. He's a little worried when he says goodbye to Jungkook, watching that emotionless attitude take him over again as he steps inside the class. It bothers him all the way to his car.

Something else has been bothering him. Something he's been trying to ignore—his brother.

He supposes he can't ignore him forever. His dad texted him the previous day and said he's been trying to talk with Bogum, get the hyung to open up to his younger brother. Taehyung doubts it's working, but he doesn't want to go to Jungkook's house and burden his mother either. There's not much else for him to do while he waits for Jungkook's detention to end.

A bit dreadfully, he heads towards his own home, his breath stuck in his lungs practically the entire way. His mother's car is gone, so she must be at work. Taehyung is still driving his father's vehicle since his father can mostly work from home. He pulls into the driveway nervously, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel before he gathers enough courage to shut the engine off and get out.

Does he knock? Does he just use his key?

Is he welcome in his own home anymore?

He raises his fist to knock, then decides that's ridiculous. This is still his house too, right? His mother is gone, at least. He knows his father would never chide him for showing up unannounced.

It's quiet when he steps inside. He gulps, as if he's entering a random stranger's home and hopes no one comes at him with a baseball bat. He glances around, figuring his father is in his office. He peeks up the stairs; Bogum's door is shut, a telltale sign he's occupying it. It's easy for Taehyung to decide to surprise his father first.

He knocks on his father's study softly, poking his head in. When his father looks up, his eyes widen and a breath of disbelief leaves his lips. He's instantly on his feet, stumbling around his desk to get to his son.

"Oh, Taehyung," he murmurs, engulfing the boy in a tight embrace. "You barely answer my texts. I've been so worried about you."

"It's only been a couple of days," Taehyung says, a bit sheepishly, but he understands where his father is coming from. A lot can happen in a couple of days to someone who's been broken inside.

"Your face is healing nicely," his father remarks, tracing his fingers along Taehyung's cheek. "Jungkook's mother is a nurse, didn't you say?"

Taehyung nods. "She's been taking incredible care of me, Dad."

"I'm relieved to hear that."

Hesitating, Taehyung parts his lips. "Dad... Mom hasn't mentioned me at all, has she?"

His father averts his gaze. "Of course she's wondered about where you are..."

"That's you assuming. You aren't a mindreader."

"And neither are you. She could very well be troubled every day with thoughts of you," his dad snaps. "I know she isn't the most open-minded, son, but she is your mother. She does love you."

Taehyung clenches his jaw, biting down on his tongue to stifle harsh remarks.

"I've been speaking with both of them," he continues. "Your mother's heart is still set on you marrying Aecha, but Bogum has started to listen to me."

Taehyung doesn't believe that, but he keeps quiet.

"He asked about you last night." His father's eyes look so sincere, Taehyung can't bear to look at them. "I think he feels bad, Taehyung."

"He should," Taehyung grumbles.

Suddenly, Taehyung's dad looks up, his shoulders straightening. "Bogum."

Taehyung freezes, his heart sinking to his toes. He can't even manage to turn around. All he can do is hang his head and focus on leveling his breathing.

Bogum clicks his tongue. "He's not welcome here."

"This is not your house to decide that," Taehyung's dad says firmly. "Last I checked, the bills come to me."

Bogum snarls. "You shouldn't want him here either. I can't believe it."

Taehyung's dad matches Bogum's stare. "He's my son just as you are. Would you suggest I put both of you on the streets?"

In bewilderment, Bogum scoffs. "We're entirely different. I'm not the one carrying a damn disease."

Stealing his nerve, Taehyung turns around, though he still can't manage to lift his gaze. "Do I look diseased to you?"

Bogum takes a step forward, uses the inch or two more of height he has to intimidate Taehyung. "Have you kissed him? Slept with him? You've probably got every fucking STD known to man—"

"Enough!" their father shouts. "That is quite enough out of you."

"Just hit me again," Taehyung says quietly. "If you're that desperate to hurt me."

Bogum's nostrils flare, his fists balling at his sides.

"Do not even think of it," their father growls, stepping between them. "You lay a hand on him, and then you'll truly find yourself on the streets."

"You're defending this scum?" Bogum gapes at his father. "This... this... sinner?"

Their father doesn't waver. "You are the one sinning; we are meant to be kind to all and love everyone. Especially our own blood."

"It's disgusting, Father. Downright repulsive."

"What? That Taehyung is in love?"

"With another man. It's morally wrong!"

"What's wrong about being in love?" Taehyung asks, scoffing in disbelief. "He makes me happy. That's what matters to me."

"You're sick," Bogum mutters. "You need help, Taehyung."

Taehyung laughs humorlessly, starting for the door. Bogum jumps out of the way as if Taehyung is carrying the Black Plague.

"Careful," Taehyung grumbles. "Wouldn't want to catch the disease, would you?"

"Taehyung," his father calls.

But Taehyung is already slamming the front door.

***

He shouldn't be driving. Not since he's crying. Not since he can only focus on Bogum's words over and over: "disgusting," "sinner," "sick." He's not sick. He doesn't need help... does he? No, he's in love. Being in love is normal. He's supposed to experience love. But... with another boy? That's not wrong. That's not disgusting... is it?

Why is he thinking this way? He's never doubted himself before. He's never hated himself for his sexuality. Or maybe he has and he's only been masking it with fake positivity. The type that wears down the strongest people.

He'll wait for Jungkook to come out of detention. That's how he'll spend the next two hours. In the school parking lot. For the boy he loves.

The boy he shouldn't love.

"It's disgusting. Downright repulsive."

Bogum is right, isn't he?

He's filthy.

No amount of showers would be able to wash off how scummy he is. The lowest of the low. The grossest of the gross. He's sinning. He shouldn't be thinking this way about a boy. He'll never be forgiven. He needs help.

He pulls to a stoplight, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He's sobbing so hard he can barely breathe. He reaches for his phone, his fingers shaking as he finds the nearest walk-in clinic. He needs to be seen. He needs his brain scanned. Something must be horrifically wrong with him.

"You're sick."

He's sick.

He's sick he's sick he's sick.

The light turns green.

He's driving, trying to keep his vision from being so blurry. He contemplates pulling over to calm down, but this can't wait. He wants his family back. He wants his mother to hold him and tell him she loves him. He wants his brother to take him to a basketball game, even though he hates basketball, he wants to be able to have that bond. He wants to walk into his home without feeling like an intruder. He wants to walk near his family without being scorned at.

He wants to be loved again.

"You need help."

He knows that now. He can't keep acting proud of himself when he isn't. He can't be someone he's not anymore. He's so fucking exhausted from that.

There's a reason you don't see gay couples walking down the street. It's morally wrong. It's disgusting. Bogum is trying to look out for Taehyung the only way he knows how. Bogum had been perfectly happy being Taehyung's brother when he thought the younger was straight. It makes sense. He has to get help.

His chest is aching from how short his breaths are. He's letting the tears fall now, not bothering to wipe them off. He's starting to calm down, now that he knows it's been him that's the problem all along. He kept denying it, but surely all of these people wouldn't be against him if he got help. His family would've never abandoned him if he got help sooner.

Even his father hates the way Taehyung is. He doesn't have to say it aloud for Taehyung to see it now. The disappointment has been there all this time.

He thinks he runs a stoplight, but he can't be too sure.

He closes his eyes briefly, just for a second, to relax more.

His eyes don't open afterwards.