♥║ thirty-eight ║♥     

Jungkook doesn't leave the hospital. Even when he gets kicked out of the room by a nurse (and Taehyung's mother), he opts for sitting in the waiting room instead. He can't bring himself to go down that elevator, to walk out those doors.

His mother comes up on her break, taking a seat next to him. She grabs his hand and doesn't speak, Jungkook's eyes unwavering from the linoleum beneath them. It's killing him inside. Eating him up. He can't keep his promise to Taehyung... He just can't.

"Mom," he whispers. "I need to tell you something. You can't tell anyone else, okay? I just... I need to tell someone."

She frowns, rubbing her thumb along his knuckles. "What is it, honey?"

"Tae..." Jungkook inhales sharply. "Tae told me he hit that car... on purpose."

He says the last two words so quietly, he almost thinks his mother doesn't hear him. However, the way her back straightens and her thumb pauses its movements on his hand is enough confirmation.

"He didn't want me to tell anyone, but I'm scared, Mom. What if he does something like this again?" he asks quietly, glancing over at her with concern etched into his features.

She looks as serious as ever, her jaw clenched with her lips pursed. She thinks a moment before saying, "I can make a note in his file for the doctor to address. It'll seem like the doctor suspected something. Then it'll be up to Taehyung to tell the truth or not."

Jungkook lowers his head into his hands. "I feel nauseous."

His mother rubs his back. "Believe me, I know the feeling."

Then a new wave of guilt floods over him. He peeks up at her, sheepish. "I did this to you, didn't I? Made you terrified to leave me alone?"

She smiles, but her eyes glisten with tears. "Yeah," she whispers. "It's hard to watch someone you love not love themselves. But that's why I do my best to support you until the very end. I know you'll treat Taehyung the same."

"I don't know what to do," he murmurs, rubbing his eyes.

"Be there for him, sweetie. That's all you can do."

The door of Taehyung's room clicking open is what causes the both of them to look up. Taehyung's family is leaving; his mother still sniffling, his father seeming genuinely hurt, and Bogum still looking pissed. Jungkook's notices his mother straighten out the corner of his eye, her arm around him tightening.

Luckily, they don't spare the two a glance, heading straight for the elevator.

"Hm," his mother humphs when they're gone. "I almost wish one of them said something to me."

Jungkook grins, looking at his mother in amazement. "My shy, reserved, ever-so-respectful mother would've snapped?"

"Well, Mama Bear claws might have made an appearance."

"That's something I'd pay to see."

"Oh, please." She rolls her eyes, smiling as she nudges him. "You'd be the first to call for help."

Jungkook shrugs, not denying it. In the past, certainly, he'd never let confrontations happen intentionally. However, with his recent aggression episodes, he's not so sure that's true anymore.

His mother lowers her voice. "Go ahead in. I'll tell the nurses you have a letter permitting you to stay the night from Taehyung's therapist."

Jungkook frowns. "Taehyung doesn't... I won't question it. Thanks, Mom."

She kisses his cheek, bidding him goodbye so she can check out and go pick up Mina from a friend's. Jungkook lets out a breath as he stands, hesitating for some reason before going to Taehyung's door. He lightly knocks, waits for his permission in, then shuts the door softly behind him.

Taehyung gives him a lazy smile. "They haven't kicked you out yet?"

"My mom is pulling some strings," Jungkook says. "Unless you want me kicked out."

"The only thing I want is you cuddling me in this uncomfortable damned bed."

Jungkook chuckles. "I don't think that's allowed."

Taehyung pouts, holding open the blankets. "You're already breaking the rules. What's one more?"

Jungkook shakes his head, yet kicks off his shoes and climbs into the bed nonetheless. It's a tight fit, the bed only made for one, but the two situate on their sides, making it work, albeit quite awkwardly with Taehyung's injuries. Jungkook nuzzles his chin into Taehyung's neck, his arm around the elder's waist. He closes his eyes, simply breathing Taehyung in. Remind himself that he's here and okay. He's alive.

"Jungkook," Taehyung says quietly, like he's afraid to speak any louder."

"Hmm?"

"Are you... are you mad at me?"

"Of course not," Jungkook assures. "I'm just worried."

Taehyung curls into a ball, placing his hand on Jungkook's as it rests on his stomach. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's not your fault... Are you sure you don't want to talk to someone?"

"No," Taehyung says instantly. "I-I don't want to die, Jungkook. It was j-just a spur of the moment thought."

Jungkook frowns, unconvinced, but decides not to push the topic.

Taehyung traces the veins in Jungkook's hand gently with his fingertip. "Is it the wrong time to bring up what we talked about earlier?"

Jungkook swallows, shifting a bit. "I promised, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but... after giving you such a scare, I don't think I deserve to know anymore."

"I just, um, I don't know how you'll react."

Taehyung twists, repositioning so he's facing Jungkook instead, his big eyes peering up at him. On complete instinct, Jungkook kisses his nose.

Taehyung chuckles. "You're cute."

Jungkook flushes. "It felt necessary."

Taehyung puts his palm on Jungkook's chest. "I just want to remind you that I love you, okay? That means no matter what you tell me, it's not going to change how I feel about you. With that being said, I understand if it's too hard for you."

"You deserve to know," Jungkook whispers, but he averts his gaze all the same. "I think... I think it's why I've been acting so weird. I thought I was over it."

Taehyung listens thoughtfully, keeping his eyes on the younger despite Jungkook not being able to look at him.

"So, um. I told you my dad always thought I got between him and my mom, right? Like I was this huge burden for him to deal with... The saddest thing is that he wasn't an alcoholic so I knew he meant every word. He drank, but only occasionally. But... the thing that... uh." He squirms, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to keep his breathing leveled.

Taehyung's hand gently cups his cheek, his thumb rubbing his cheekbone softly. "It's okay, Jungkook-ah. You don't have to tell me."

"I want to," Jungkook admits honestly. "I want you to know I trust you."

"Oh, baby... you don't have to hurt yourself to prove it. I know you trust me, okay? Just calm down."

"No," Jungkook argues. "You need to know because I'm broken and I don't want to hurt you by accident and you think it's because I don't care about you," he rushes out all in one breath, borderline panicking.

Taehyung eyes widen a little as he props himself up on his good elbow. "Jungkook, breathe, okay?" He strokes the younger cheek softly before running his fingers through his brown locks. "I know you care about me."

Jungkook grabs Taehyung's wrist, stopping his motions. His eyes water. "I made a deal with my dad one night when... when I saw him coming out of Mina's room. It was so late... I went to use the bathroom. H-he acted like he didn't see me, b-but when he was gone I checked on her. She was crying."

"Jungkook," Taehyung whispers, realizing where this is going and noticing the younger getting more and more frantic. "Stop. You're here with me now."

"I-I stopped him the next day. I was so angry, but I cry w-when I'm upset s-so he only laughed at me. I t-told him I was calling the cops, a-and then..."

Taehyung sits up straighter, grabbing Jungkook's face when he closes his eyes. "Don't go back there, Jungkook."

"He threatened them, hyung. My m-mom and M-Mina, and the only w-way to get him to leave Mina alone w-was if he-he-he..."

"Jungkook," Taehyung raises his voice slightly, nearly straddling the younger just to get him to snap out of it. "Stop it. You're safe. He's gone. I'm right here. Look at me, okay?"

Jungkook opens his eyes, tears streaking his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I know I'm disgusting. I-I'm a horrible person and—"

"Jungkook, enough. Don't ever think like that, you hear me?" Taehyung stares at him so seriously, Jungkook looks away. "You did what you needed to for your sister and your mom. You are not the disgusting one by any means."

"That's not true," Jungkook snaps, shaking his head in frustration. "I let him t-touch me like that. I didn't s-stop him. I should've called the c-cops or-or..."

Taehyung brushes Jungkook's bangs to the side. "You said he threatened your family. You did the only thing you thought you could. It's not your fault."

"Hyung, I'm disgusting. I'll always be dirty. I'm a terrible person because when he died, I wasn't sad. I didn't cry like my mom did. I didn't... I didn't feel anything."

"He hurt you and Mina," Taehyung says gently. "You weren't sad to see him go. I don't blame you. It doesn't make you a horrible person. Jungkook, you're one of the most incredible people I've ever met. Don't you see how compassionate you are? How strong? You're so many beautiful things. He can never hurt you again."

"I'm not beautiful," Jungkook whispers, sniffing as he looks away in embarrassment.

Taehyung's lips softly press to his, his words brushing Jungkook's lips. "You're so damn beautiful. I think you're perfect."

Jungkook hesitates, pulling away. "How can you say that after what I just told you? How can you kiss me?"

"Because I love you. And what that bastard did is in the past. You're above him now, baby. He has no power over you anymore." Taehyung kisses him again. "I love you so much. I want you to believe that."

Jungkook closes his eyes, sighing as he starts to calm down. "I-I do."

"Good." Another kiss. "Because I'm always going to be here for you."

Jungkook returns the kiss, then meets Taehyung stare. "Hyung. Please. Please don't hurt yourself again. I don't know if I could live without you."

Taehyung blinks away the sudden tears, hiding the emotions with another kiss. "I promise, Jungkookie. I won't leave you."