♥║ six ║♥

Jungkook is sweating while he types in his phone number, his hands shaking. Perhaps the fact that this is Taehyung makes him more nervous, but truthfully, he would be nervous doing this with anyone. He's never spoken about his sexuality, not out loud. Hell, he's hardly even thought about it. He's never wanted to label himself as anything. He's never wanted to feel trapped.

His eyes start burning. He's angry with himself for already crying. He can't stop all the negative thoughts from circulating in his head, though. How his mother would react if she knew he liked a boy. Would he be disowned and kicked out? Would he be homeless? Would he be shunned and ignored? Being kicked out would hurt less than seeing her every day and she acting as if he's not even there.

His phone rings hardly two minutes after he sends his number. He's scared to answer. He doesn't want Taehyung to hear him crying.

It goes to voicemail. Taehyung chats him.

taelephant: please answer

it's okay if you don't say anything

i'll start worrying if you don't answer

Jungkook doesn't have a chance to respond before his phone rings again. He inhales a deep breath, squeezing his watery eyes shut while gathering his courage. Then he taps the green button, hesitantly pressing the phone to his ear.

It's quiet for a moment before Taehyung's deep voice says quietly, "I'm glad you answered."

His voice somehow calms Jungkook immediately. The younger boy settles down into his bed, tucking the blanket under his chin as he turns onto his side, his phone pressed between the pillow and his ear.

"I'll just tell you how I told my family, okay? I'll trust that you're there and listening." There's shuffling on the other end. "Okay, so basically, I realized about two years ago that I was attracted to boys as well as girls. Or I guess I've always known, but I never admitted it to myself because I was scared. I know how you're feeling right now, believe me. But it's not bad to feel that way, okay? You're allowed to be confused and frightened, but you can't ever let the people around you control who you are. Just know that for sure, okay?

"It took me a long time to get the courage to tell my dad. I was going to tell him first because I'm closer with him than I am with my mother, though I love them both the same. Anyways, it was actually Yoongi who gave me the courage to tell them. The night I talked with Yoongi, I told my dad I needed to talk to him. I think he was scared, if I'm honest. His eyes got really big and he got off the couch really quickly. I guess it's because I've never approached him like that before.

"Sorry, I know I ramble a lot."

Jungkook doesn't mind the rambling, not one bit. His tears have stopped and his heart is beating normally again while listening to Taehyung speak. He could listen to the older boy for hours and never grow tired of hearing his voice.

"I asked him what he thought about people who like the same gender. He told me it's not something he grew up believing in, but that he's become a lot more open-minded while raising me. I don't know if he was trying to subtly say that he noticed I watched boys play sports with as much awe as the females or what, but he actually asked me if that was how I felt. I broke down, I guess. It was terrifying, I'm not going to lie to you. But I want you to know what he said to me.

"He said, 'Tae, no matter who you love, you will always be my son.' I obviously don't know your parents, but I think this is how all parents feel and some are just too afraid to accept that their kid is different than majority of society, you know? My mom took it a lot harder than my dad, but after talking with him, we sat down together and talked through it so we're on good terms. I just want this to comfort you, I guess. I know the horror stories behind coming out, but you can't always assume that's how your parents will be unless they've bluntly said it before.

"I hope I at least calmed you down a little. I'm always an activist for positivity when everything else seems negative."

A silence falls between the two of them. Jungkook is scared Taehyung will hang up. He doesn't want him to, not yet.

"Thank you."

He hadn't even realized he said the words aloud.

It's quiet again before Taehyung whispers, "You're welcome."

And again, the two don't speak.

But Jungkook really, really wants to keep Taehyung on the phone, so he faces one of his biggest fears and speaks again. It's easier over the phone. "I... I'm sorry. If I bothered you."

"You didn't," Taehyung says instantly. "Pervert or not, I always try to help when people aren't feeling their best."

"You're a really good guy."

Taehyung laughs softly, a sound that makes Jungkook close his eyes peacefully. "I'm just being the kind of person everyone should be."

Jungkook is on the brink of falling asleep when Taehyung says, "Please... I just want to know your name at least."

Jungkook is wide awake then, sitting up in his bed. He doesn't know what to say.

"You go to my school, right? What's the big deal about me knowing who you are?" Taehyung asks, genuinely curious and sounding slightly hurt.

"I just..." Jungkook takes a deep breath. "You won't talk to me anymore if you know who I am."

"That's ridiculous. What makes you say that?"

"I don't... I just..." Tears spring back into his eyes. "I don't like myself." He says the words so quietly, he's not even sure Taehyung could hear. He doesn't want Taehyung to hear.

But he does. "If you've been paying attention to our chats, or even me around school, you should know I'm not like that. I don't care about what a person looks like. And yes, you were slightly creepy at first, but now... I don't know. It's like a routine now to talk to you. I want to be able to talk to you in person."

Jungkook sniffs, wiping a tear off his cheek. "I'm bad at conversation."

"So? You just witnessed how I ramble. I can keep a conversation going, believe me. And you do fine over chat."

Jungkook sniffs again, unable to stifle it though he tried.

"Are you crying?" Taehyung sounds worried suddenly. "Hey, don't cry. I'm not pressuring you, okay? Please stop crying."

Naturally, Jungkook cries harder.

"I-I'm sorry," he chokes out before hanging up quickly, too embarrassed to stay on the line any longer.

He puts his phone on silent, then sets it face down on his nightstand so he won't see it if it lights up. Which he's nearly positive it will. He shoves his face into his pillow, trying to hold his breath to stop his tears from falling as if that will work. He wishes he were more like Jimin. More like Taehyung. Confident and outgoing and a great person.

He can never be any of those.

༺༒༻

The roles are reversed at lunch the next day. Jimin is back in his usual, giddy mood, bragging that he had the strength to text Yoongi the night prior. Jungkook tries to listen to his best friend, he really does, but he's so mentally and physically exhausted that he lays his head down on the table instead. His eyes are still a little puffy. He's not sure when he stopped crying and finally fell asleep. It felt like hours.

Jimin sighs, cutting himself off. "Jungkook-ah, what's wrong? Did Tae block you or something?"

Jungkook shakes his head while his chin rests on his arms, too tired to lift himself upright.

"Do you have a maths test coming up?"

He shakes his head again.

"Then what is it?"

Jungkook purses his lips. He's never confided in Jimin about his insecurities with himself, too embarrassed. "Nothing," he murmurs. "I just didn't sleep well last night."

Jimin nods. "You should take a nap when you get home."

"I'll be okay."

"Good. Then you can answer my call later after I text Yoongi again."

Jungkook tries to be more involved, for his friend's happiness. "Did he ever reply?"

"Yes, weren't you listening?" Jimin gapes at him, clicking his tongue disapprovingly. "I'll let it slide since you're tired. But at least try to listen."

"Sorry."

"Anyways, I'm sort of in the same boat you were in with Tae at first. He called me annoying because I wouldn't leave him alone, threatened to block me, but the moment I brought up music, he sent me two paragraphs talking about how much music means to him and... Oh, Jungkook. I think that made me like him even more."

Jungkook smiles, albeit it's a weak one. "Sounds like you're on the path to becoming soulmates."

"Was that sarcasm?" Jimin eyes him suspiciously.

"Only a little."

Jimin waves him away dismissively, then says, "Haven't you noticed your phone lighting up every two seconds?"

Jungkook frowns. He hadn't been paying attention. He checks it and—Jesus Christ, there's twenty-two Snapchat notifications from Taehyung.

taelephant: hey, are you okay? you hung up on me

why would you do that when you're crying?

i'm worried now

did i say something wrong?

is it because i was talking about meeting you?

i'm sorry, i didn't mean to pressure you like that, okay?

i respect you not being comfortable enough for it

hey, please answer

look i can't sleep because of you

i tried calling you two more times

i hope you're asleep

it's morning now

are you okay?

come on, please answer me

AT LEAST LEAVE ME ON OPEN AGAIN SO I KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE

this isn't okay...

how am i supposed to go through school all day if you don't tell me you're okay?

it's lunch now.

god, if i knew who you were, i'd run up to you so fast to hug you

am i being the creepy one now?

i don't even care, that's how worried i am

please...

Another one comes in the second he finishes reading all of them.

taelephant: OH MY GOD YOU OPENED IT

OH THANK THE LORD

ARE YOU OKAY???

ANSWER ME, FOR FUCK'S SAKE

CAN'T YOU TELL HOW WORRIED I AM

THIS IS CRUEL

jeoncena: sorry

taelephant: i'm not even going to be mad that that's all you said

becauSE AT LEAST YOU FINALLY SAID SOMETHING

but really, are you okay? be honest.

jeoncena: i'm okay

taelephant: promise??

like a genuine promise??

jeoncena: yeah, i promise (:

taelephant: i don't believe you asdhsdhs

but can i start texting you instead now that i have your number?

is that okay?

jeoncena: yeah that's fine

And hardly thirty seconds later:

unknown: hi.