♥║ forty-three ║♥     

Taehyung is laying in bed, curled into a ball with no motivation to move when his phone pings. He doesn't even have the strength to sigh, but the mere thought that it could be Jungkook provokes him to lean forward and check. He frowns a little in confusion. It's a Snapchat notification, but the two haven't used to app in a long time to communicate.

jeoncena:

Despite his sour mood, seeing Mina's face makes him grin. He sits up to reply.

taelephant:

jeoncena:

He frowns, switching to chat.

taelephant: of course not. why would i be mad?

jeoncena: jungkookie thinks you are

because you haven't been at school

taelephant: does he know you have his phone?

jeoncena: that's not important taehyungie

are you mad?

taelephant: no, i promise. i've just been really busy...

is he around?

jeoncena: i'm hiding in the bathroom

taelephant: maybe you should give him his phone back :)

jeoncena: but i miss you too :(

Taehyung pauses with his thumbs hovering the keyboard, his chest tightening. He knows avoiding the problem is never the answer. He's only making things worse.

taelephant: i miss you too mina

ask your mom if it's okay if i come over today, yeah?

jeoncena: i'll tell her you're coming she won't care

are you gonna hurry?

taelephant: only if you give kook his phone back

Taehyung doesn't get a response, so he presumes the girl did exactly as she was told, which makes him chuckle. He sighs, forcing himself out of bed. He's practically been in it for three days straight now. He showered this morning, so he only worries about switching out the hoodie he's worn to sleep every night, certain it's in need of a wash. He doesn't really have the motivation to leave the house, but Mina has made him really realize what's on the line.

He can't ignore Jungkook. He can't forget about him. Just because he can't control what's happening in the future doesn't mean he needs to let go of his present now. Especially when he cares so much.

He tiptoes down the stairs, listening to Bogum and his mother talking in the kitchen. Bogum had brought home some tramp last night and woke the whole house, but Taehyung is just grateful he isn't the son in the spotlight anymore. For a little while, anyways. It makes it much easier to creep out of the house unscathed.

He decides to walk, if only because the idea of taking longer to get home appeals to him. Jungkook is a couple streets down, so it'll give his mother enough time to hear of Taehyung's arrival in case he isn't invited. He can't imagine that being the case, however, he doesn't want to just assume he isn't a burden.

He isn't too sure why he's let three days go by without any contact. Maybe because of the conversation he had with his mother, and he isn't exactly sure how to explain to Jungkook or the boys that he won't be back at school. Or maybe it's because the last time he saw them, Mina was in tears because of the way her brother gets treated. And, in a way, Taehyung knows it's his fault Jungkook gets that sort of attention. He doesn't ever think about how the slightest PDA could hurt either of them. After all, straight couples do it all the time without conflict; why should he consider his relationship different?

He's in front of the younger's house before he realizes it, inhaling a sharp breath. He has a lot to explain, a lot to throw at Jungkook that he isn't sure the younger will want to catch.

Maybe that's why he's been ghosting the boy...

What if Jungkook doesn't want him anymore after this?

He's just about to lose his nerve and run home when the front door swings open and Mina comes barreling out. She must've been watching for his arrival. She smacks into him, nearly making him lose his balance.

"Wow," he says with a laugh, though for some reason a lump swells in his throat. "You really did miss me, huh?"

"Of course I did," she retorts, squeezing him tight.

"You act like it's been three years," he replies, but he kneels to hug the girl nonetheless.

"It feels like it!" she says firmly, pointing a finger at him. "You aren't allowed to do that again, okay?"

He smiles at her, but his eyes catch on Jungkook standing in the doorway, chewing his lip as if he's uncertain in greeting the elder. Taehyung stands, shoving his hands into his sweatpants pockets before shamefully walking towards him.

"Hi," he murmurs lamely as Mina bounds past him, rambling about her school project he needs to see.

Jungkook smiles, but Taehyung can tell it's strained. "Hey."

Taehyung pinches his eyes shut as if the blunt reply physically pained him. "Jungkook, I--"

"See, Taehyungie," Mina shouts as she comes back, a splotchy blue and green sphere made of styrofoam in hand. "I had to make the earth, and I outlined all the continents all on my own!"

"It looks amazing," he tells her, gawking at it, for her sake. "I'm sure you had the best model in the class."

"Well, duh! I'm an artist, of course."

"Mina, why is your paint spilling on the table?" Jungkook's mom yells from inside, causing mina to flinch as she mumbles, "Coming..."

Jungkook turns to go inside, but Taehyung catches his wrist. "I need to explain," he says quickly, as if he expected the boy to slam the door in his face. "I have... I have a lot to tell you."

A bit sadly, Jungkook stares at him. "You're getting really good at avoiding my existence, you know."

Taehyung's lips part, his heart certainly cracking down the middle. "I don't mean to," he whispers, squeezing his hand tighter. "I just..."

"Let's go upstairs," Jungkook suggests, not returning Taehyung's hand hold, but not pulling away either.

Taehyung follows him like a scolded child, scared to let go of the boy in case he really does leave him. It would be Taehyung's fault, he knows that, but that only makes it harder to bear.

When Jungkook closes the door, a tear subconsciously slides down Taehyung's cheek. He swallows, turning away before Jungkook can see. He isn't the victim here. He doesn't want Jungkook to think he's trying to guilt trip him into forgiveness or anything. He needs to stop being so selfish and sensitive. He needs to stop playing with Jungkook like a puppet on strings--he can't always expect the younger to be waiting for him when he finally comes to his senses.

One day, he'll get tired of always having to wait.

And that's what Taehyung is terrified of.

"Taehyung," Jungkook says, speaking up with a trace of fear underlying his tone. "If you don't want to be with me, I understand."

Out of shock, Taehyung turns to him, gaping. "What?"

"It's not the first time you've just... disappeared on me," he murmurs, looking to the floor. "I understand. You don't have to try and spare my feelings or anything. I don't want you to be unhappy."

Taehyung blinks at him, stumped as to what else to do. He finally manages to wipe his cheek, shaking his head. "Is that how I make you feel, Jungkookie? Like I don't want you?"

Jungkook clenches his jaw and doesn't reply.

Taehyung grabs Jungkook's hand again, lifting it so the two can see the ring still on his finger. "What is this for, Jungkook?"

Jungkook shakes his head slightly. "Hyung..."

"It's a promise. A promise that says no matter what happens, you're the person with my heart. Whether I deserve to have yours or not doesn't matter--but you will always, always have mine."

Jungkook interlocks their fingers, keeping their hands in the air. "I always feel like I've done something wrong when you just go ghost on me, Tae."

Taehyung looks down, lowering their hands as he spins the ring around Jungkook's finger. "It isn't you, Jungkook. It's me. It always is because I never... I never know how to just tell you things."

"Why? You know you can tell me anything."

"You say that but..." Taehyung purses his lips, refusing to cry. "You're going to get tired of it someday. Tired of me. What if all of this isn't worth it? What if you would be better off moving on?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"My mom convinced the principal to let me graduate early," he whispers. "That's why I haven't been at school. And next month..."

Jungkook uses his free hand to tilt Taehyung's chin up, their eyes locking. His eyes are so sincere and so thoughtful that Taehyung chokes on his next words.

"Next month is the wedding."

Taehyung can see Jungkook gulp, though he does his best to act nonchalant. "T-that's okay, hyung. We knew it was coming... We'll just... we'll figure it out."

"How?" Taehyung is full on ugly crying now. "Aecha's dad already bought us a house. They already expect us to plan on children soon, for God's sake. I don't know a way out of this, Jungkook, and you don't deserve to be dealing with any of this shit. It's making me exhausted and I can't treat you properly when I'm constantly terrified you'll walk away. But I wouldn't blame you. The universe just doesn't want us to be together and--"

"Taehyung."

He pauses at Jungkook's soft voice, sniffling as the younger wipes his tears.

"It's not permanent yet. There's always a loophole, right? If you think I'm going to walk away just because your mom is trying to force you to be straight, you must not know me at all. Haven't I already said that I can't live without you?"

"Stop," Taehyung whispers. "Stop being so sweet and romantic when I don't deserve it."

"Stop blaming yourself," Jungkook says, pulling the elder into his arms. "You don't have to make yourself the bad guy, you know."

"Jungkook... You could be so much happier," he says, albeit muffled, into Jungkook's shoulder.

"Fine." Jungkook pulls away. "Tell me you want to break up. Tell me you want me to forget all about you. Tell me you want me to move on."

Taehyung can't bear the intensity of Jungkook's gaze and turns away. "I'm too selfish to tell you any of that, but it doesn't make it less true."

"Would you just shut up and realize you're going to be dealing with me a lot longer?"

Taehyung presses a hesitant kiss on Jungkook's lips. "I don't deserve that."

"I have a condition, though."

Frowning, the elder raises a brow.

"No more ghosting. Not hearing from you for days is more torture than seeing you married off.

"Deal." Taehyung lays his head back on Jungkook's chest. "By the way, did you know Mina had your phone?"

"Huh?"

"She Snapchatted me and--"

"Mina!" Jungkook yells, already throwing open his bedroom door and storming down the steps. "What did I say about touching my phone?"

All Taehyung hears is a young girl's scream in response.