(just know that four songs always means a switch in POV, okay. idk why I feel that's necessary to say. love you all & enjoy x)

SONG(s) FOR CHAPTER: 

♬ Paranoid by Black Sabbath ♬ 

♬ Mad World by Gary Jules ♬  

♬ Fix You by Coldplay ♬  

♬ Demons by Imagine Dragons ♬  

CHAPTER 16

♕ HARRY STYLES ♕

I WAS FEELING bad again. Now just a random spurt of sadness that the ordinary person feels when they're merely bored. It's the other kind of bad. The kind where my own mind was falling into an abyss without my capability of halting the process. There was never any stopping it.

It was Friday morning, the day Grace was leaving to go with that Evan kid and the night before my next fight. Grace would get back Sunday just as I would be leaving. Could the possibility of us not surviving a second chance be what's dragging me back into the dark hole?

I stumbled into the kitchen, blinking multiple times to get the sleep out of my eyes, and—all too hopeful—try to get the voices out of my head. I should've seen this coming the day I had my episode. It always goes straight downhill after an episode. Why did I think a little happiness could fix that?

Opening the draw in the hotel kitchen where I stuffed the pill bottle Dr. Miles gave me. I gripped it tightly, glaring at it as if it were the Devil himself taunting me. I remembered Grace's plea for me to take them, for me to trust them and her and the doctors.

But then I remembered the dizziness, the clouded vision, the feeling of floating and not being able to keep my eyes open. The feeling of being unaware, incapable of defending myself if I need to. I don't like not being alert. I don't like not being in control.

Clenching my jaw, I popped open the lid. I stared at the little white tablets for what seemed like ages, praying Jacob wouldn't ruin his streak of sleeping late. I didn't want him to start asking questions. I didn't want him to give me the look that everyone knew was the confirmation of insanity. I wasn't crazy.

I wasn't.

A migraine forming, intensely throbbing in the back of my skull, I grumbled under my breath before tilting the bottle over the sink and watching each pill glide away from me. Down, down, down the drain. I turned on the water after, let it run for a bit to get rid of any evidence in case someone were to look in the pipes. Call it paranoia, but I let the water run for five minutes exactly before shutting it off.

After tucking the empty bottle into my suitcase, I wandered back into the kitchen and pressed my forehead against the cool steel of the refrigerator. I closed my eyes, tried to focus on a thought other than the pain in my head. I measured my breathing, counting the seconds it took for my pulse to slow.

Knots twisted tightly in the pit of my stomach, making me scrunch my face as if it could subdue the pain. I hated myself at that moment. Why couldn't I be normal? Why did the previous actions of my father so long ago continue to haunt me? Why couldn't I just forget everything that ever troubled me?

The sound of slippers lazily sliding across the hardwood flooring made me straighten, throw on a stoic expression, and pretend everything in the world was utterly fine. That I was utterly fine.

"Up early, again?" muttered Jacob, groaning as he rubbed his forehead. "I really hate mornings. Did I ever tell you that?"

I busied myself with the coffee maker to avoid his eyes. "Only every morning." I tried to laugh, prayed he couldn't hear the falseness of it.

Jacob pulled a chair out, slipping into it. He rested his elbows on the table, tiredly watching me pour him a cup of coffee. I could feel his stare boring into me as if he were purposely trying to penetrate into my thoughts.

The ache in my head grew. I inhaled and exhaled slowly. It continued to grow. I pushed it away the best I could as I grabbed the creamer and began to pour it into Jacob's mug. The pain didn't subside. It intensified. More and more and more until—

"Hey, did you forget the creamer goes in the coffee?" Jacob nearly yelled as he jumped up to grab paper towels. I hadn't realized I'd pinched my eyes closed to try and ignore the stupid damn migraine.

"S-sorry," I murmured, setting down the creamer to walk to the other counter, letting my head fall in my heads. I bit my bottom lip as if it would help prevent me from having an episode.

Jacob suddenly stopped cleaning the mess to place a hand on my shoulder. "Harry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I sputtered out through gritting teeth, huffing in frustration. "Just a headache."

I could imagine him frowning, though didn't dare to look and confirm my prediction. Instead I heard him ruffle through a bag before shoving four pills under my nose.

"Ibuprofen," he said. "Take them."

"I don't need—"

"Don't argue with me, child."

In frustration with myself rather than Jacob, I swiped them out of his hands and grabbed a water bottle, downing them quickly. They wouldn't help, but I couldn't tell Jacob that. He'd only insist they would until he would give up and ask me why. It's bad enough Grace knows about my... problems. I don't need Jacob to know as well.

It's all far too embarrassing.

Jacob continued the morning in a grumpy state (not out of the ordinary) while sipping his coffee and yelling at the television (also not out of the ordinary). I laid face down on the couch with my eyes closed while the pain ever-so-slowly faded away.

"Do you still want to fight tomorrow?" Jacob asked, as if he truly believed I would back out.

"Of course," I snapped. "I can handle a headache, Jacob."

I hadn't meant to snap. Honest, I didn't. But Jacob also didn't seem too disheartened by it. Instead simply letting out a calm laugh, and jokingly saying I was off my rocker.

But with the truth underlined in the joke, I couldn't bring myself to force a laugh in return.

And sooner or later, I fell asleep in a hazy mess of jumbled memories that had become scarring nightmares.

❀ GRACE WALKER ❀

"What are you supposed to bring to meet a friend's mom's boyfriend's dad?" I asked Audrey, frowning as I skimmed my closet one more time.

Audrey raised an eyebrow. "Got confused there for a moment. Just bring whatever."

"Wow. The award for most helpful friend goes to..." I gave her a look to which she grinned at me in response.

I threw some random clothes in my suitcase, of course making sure they at least matched. Mostly jeans and t-shirts. It was only three days—two, really, if you excluded the Sunday when we were supposed to leave. I wasn't so much nervous per say rather than antsy. Or were they considered the same thing?

Zipping up my suitcase, I looked to Audrey who sat quietly on my bed with a magazine. I pointed a finger at her. "Don't burn the apartment down trying to impress your lover while I'm gone."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Don't worry. Dylan knows how to cook." Then she furrowed her eyebrows. "At least I think he does. He's gotta know how to put out a fire, right?"

"You aren't making me too confident in leaving you alone," I said, only half joking.

Audrey laughed just as the three knocks sounded at the front door. "I'll be fine," she emphasized, pushing me out the room. "Seriously. Just have fun and be careful, okay?"

I smiled, sharing a hug with her before opening the door to meet an equally, if not more so, anxious looking Evan. "Hey," I greeted, the word surprisingly easy to say considering the nerves twisting in my stomach.

"Hey," he breathed, looking relieved. He shoved his hands in his pockets before doing a double take and reaching for my luggage. I went to argue, but he already had it in his hands. "Thanks again for coming, Grace. It really, you know... means a lot."

Smiles yet again were exchanged before we headed down for his car with a final goodbye to Audrey. I checked my phone out of habit to see if Harry had tried to reach me, but came up short. I pursed my lips, feeling the need to at least send a quick text.

leaving now. good luck with your fight tomorrow! love you x

I pushed away the thought that it was too cheesy just as I slid into the passenger seat. Evan gave me another smile after putting my suitcase in the back with his and then we were heading for the interstate.

"Where do they live again?" I asked, placing my phone between my knees so I could feel it vibrate in case Harry were to text back. The weird desperation for him to was overwhelming.

"Hagerstown. Only about an hour and a half or so." Evan licked his lips. "They kind of live on the outskirts of town, so to speak."

I nodded, leaning my head back against the seat. "Anything about them I should be aware of?"

Evan laughed some, though it was more of a cold laugh rather than an amused one. "Bitterly judgmental. Thrives off of ridiculous drama. Provokes said drama. Oh, and his mom is incredibly old-fashioned. Any skin showing at all on a girl and she goes crazy."

I puffed out a breath. "Sounds simple enough."

He smirked a little but something was obviously bothering him. "I really do appreciate this, Grace," he said in a near whisper. "The last time I saw them... things didn't go so well."

He didn't elaborate and I didn't ask him to. I respected his secrecy and refused to violate it. If he wanted to tell me, he would.

I checked my phone over and over. I didn't want to be that clingy girlfriend, but why wasn't he replying? Chewing the inside my cheek, I dared to call him, telling Evan that it would be quick and I just needed to let him know I had left. He didn't mind.

Needless to say, relief filled me like helium does a balloon when he answered. "Hey," he said, voice groggy as if he had just woken. "I was just about to text you back."

"I was just making sure you knew I left," I said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just took a nap," he replied, sounding a little distant.

Probably overreacting, I asked, "Are you sure you're okay?"

He managed a chuckle on the other end and I tried to convince myself it wasn't forced. "I'm okay, Grace. I promise." There was a slight pause before he spoke again. "So you've already left, yeah?"

I let out a breath, smoothed my free hand down my thighs as if pushing away my doubts. "Yeah, about twenty minutes ago or so. What time is your fight tomorrow? I'll see if I can catch you on TV." God, it was going to take a while to get used to this newborn fame.

"Seven, I think." I heard him ask Jacob in the background before coming back to the phone. "Yes, seven o'clock."

I laughed. "Okay. Well, I should probably go. I don't want to be rude." I sideways looked at Evan who shook his head some but didn't object.

"Of course. I understand, love."

Worry still coursing through me, I quieted my voice a little and said, "Take care of yourself, please?"

The word hardly spoken as a whisper did little to convince me. "Always." But then Harry was silent for a longer moment before saying tentatively, "I love you, Grace."

Knowing I would apologize to Evan later, I didn't hardly care at the moment with the smile tugging at my lips. "I love you, too, Harry."

(I'll probably update tomorrow or Sunday, too. really excited for these next couple of chapters. love you lots x)