Advisory: Some swearing.

Berk didn't have enough cells. That was the only conclusion it was possible to draw from the fact that Hiccup, Astrid, Snotlout, Elias and the entire crew were squashed into two cells because the third had been transformed into a plush hotel room for the treacherous Lord Hofferson. Hiccup glanced around: unfortunately, it hadn't actually been the entire crew because the crew had fought the invasion ferociously and the twins, Sven Two and Bjarne were gone. Roar and Mulch were both wounded and Jorgen was unconscious from a blow to the head. But Arild wasn't in the cells: he was in Magne's house, at the man's mercy and a hostage against any escape attempts.

At least Astrid had sat at his side, though devastated, her shoulders slumped in defeat and hands clasped around her legs. Mind utterly chaotic, Hiccup had gone completely quiet after being captured, head down and entire posture beaten. Elias had hunkered down by the pirate and gently tapped his arm.

"My fault," the pirate murmured softly. "My fault. I should have guessed he would be watching. I should have known..." Almost unconsciously, Astrid gently rested a hand on his arm and pressed quietly against him and he mustered the energy to twist his head slightly and offer her a small nod. Elias narrowed his eyes. To him, the Captain's 'definitely not wife' was certainly acting like one and it was clear the pirate had more feelings for her than he admitted-maybe even to himself.

"Not fault," he had told the pirate firmly. "Him..." he gestured to Jorgen. "Him watchman. Say nothing, nothing when come. Blow to head by mad man." Hiccup frowned, looking up at the former galley slave.

"Mad man?"

"Boom!" Elias grinned and Hiccup glanced across at Fishlegs.

"Tuff hit him?" he asked. Elias nodded.

"Went over side. Poof! Gone!" he said. The pirate half-turned and winced. Then he felt Astrid grip his wrist as the door opened and footsteps closed. Gritting his teeth, Hiccup rose to his feet, facing Eret as the General began to laugh. Astrid scrambled to her feet by him, her fists balling. Hiccup carefully lifted a hand and caught her wrist.

"Hello, you faithless slut!" he sneered.

"And I hardly know you," Hiccup interjected lightly before Astrid could open her mouth, his grip restraining her with difficulty. "I have a prior claim, you lying coward!" Immediately, Eret grabbed the bars and leered through.

"That bitch is MINE!" he snapped, pointing at Astrid. "My wife. And hence...my possession. And she owes me her duty as a wife!"

"You can go fuck yourself!" Astrid shouted.

"You will do your duty, daughter!" Lord Hofferson commanded from the next cell. She turned to him, her face locked in rage and eyes flashing furiously.

"YOU!" she snarled. "You were prepared to send me to a-a whorehouse if I admitted my feelings for Hiccup five years ago. But you still turned me into a prisoner and sold me to this coward to whore for you anyway! And guess what? I won't do it! You like him? YOU sleep with him!"

"You will obey your father and your legal husband!" Lord Hofferson shouted, advancing to the bars between their cells, Astrid pulled away from Hiccup and glared at her father, blue eyes meeting blue eyes in a furious contest of wills.

"NO!" she snapped. "You made me deny my best friend and my heart. But I never stopped loving Hiccup and when I had a choice, this time I made the right one. I chose Hiccup over Eret. So I'll stay here."

"Take her," Hofferson commanded the General. "And do what you will. As of now, she is disowned and you inherit everything that should be hers!" Oozing triumph, Eret gave a small bow and smiled.

"Thank you, my Lord!" he oozed and grabbed opened the door. Five men with naked swords burst in, beating the crew back. Without hesitation-or thought-Hiccup stood between them and Astrid but they battered him to the floor with relatively little resistance, his injured shape no match for their brutal tactics. He felt the impact of a sword-hilt across his face and he folded with a heavy groan as Astrid was grabbed. She howled, limbs thrashing and kicking out. All her combat skills coalesced as she fought furiously, one man doubling up and another landing hard on his ass with a bleeding nose. Breathing hard, Hiccup lifted his spinning head and stared at her, seeing the brief despair flash in her face...and then anger. She landed another hefty punch on one of the unwary guards, breaking his nose. The second managed to scramble to his feet, still wincing at his bruised middle and gripped her wrist harder than he needed. Struggling and howling against his grasp, she struck out again but he finally twisted her arm painfully behind her back. Even so, she was still fighting. Arms shaking as he tried to get up, Hiccup blinked and struggled but another guard kicked him in the gut and he curled up with a groan, his green gaze flicking up at his ferocious but captive Valkyrie.

"HICCUP!" she cried as two burly men dragged her back, still kicking and struggling. "NO! Damn you, Eret! Let me go!"

"Only when I'm done," the General said coldly, grabbing her and forcing a kiss onto her face. Hiccup forced himself to his feet as the door was slammed shut.

"Astrid!" he shouted. "I am coming for you. I PROMISE! Savvy? I will come for you!"

"How touching!" Eret sneered. "But she's my property and there's nothing you can do about it!" Hiccup looked up from under his bangs, his eyes suddenly cold, as they left. The door slammed.

"Yes there is," he muttered. "I can kill you."

oOo

It had taken them about two hours to sneak inland, sticking to the denser forest. Tuff falling down a gulley and having a unsuccessful argument with a bramble patch had slowed them down as well as they crawled to the edge of the forest. His sister grabbed him and they hunkered down as a coach rolled by, heading for a mansion north of the town. As one, they both grabbed spyglasses and saw the pale face and dark hair of Magne...with the smaller struggling shape of Arild in the cabin with him. As they watched, the man lifted his hand and dealt the boy a heavy blow. Both winced.

"He's got little Toothless," Tuff said in a cold voice.

"How the Hel did he know where we were?" Ruff asked. Lowering his spyglass slowly and peering at his distorted reflection in the lens, Tuff cast her a thoughtful glance.

"Halvard betrayed us to him before," he mused. "Guess he must've told him where we usually moor." Brow furrowed in consideration, Ruff stared at him, then nodded.

"Bastard must've been watching out for us," she sighed. "It'd be easy to post a watch on the bay. And Jorgen...betrayed us as well, didn't he?" Her twin nodded.

"He was watching them row towards us," he said grimly. "I looked up-he'd already stabbed Bjarne at the wheel to stop him raising the alarm. So I shouted and brained him!"

"Which is why we're here," Ruff finished. "I just wish we'd grabbed little T on our way out!" Hearing the unfamiliar self-recrimination in her tone, Tuff automatically punched her on the arm to cheer her up.

"Me too," he admitted. "But we only just got outta there ourselves, sis. We need a plan."

"Captain was our plans man," Ruff lamented.

"Ah-hem! And who came up with the plan to steal back the ship, sis?" Tuff asked in a hurt voice.

"Yeah-but that only worked because Astrid and Snotlout walked in and did the confidence thing," his sister told him seriously.

"Fair point," he admitted. "But this time, we have all the crew missing and no one to help us. I could do with some help, Butt-elf!" Ruff frowned and then stared at him.

"You know, I can't see that ass of a General leaving his precious wife in jail with the Captain," she said thoughtfully. "And she's a badass with that axe. So maybe...if we rescue her...she can come up with a plan to rescue the others?"

"Yeah!" Tuff said and they head-butted each other. Both winced and rubbed their foreheads.

"Maybe we should get helmets?" Ruff asked her brother as she winced. Tuff stared at her.

"What would be the fun in that?" he asked her in a dazed voice. She grinned.

"See your point, bro," she admitted. "Now...which way to Astrid's House...?"

oOo

After a busy morning, Gobber had been surprised when a retainer from House Hofferson, dressed in full livery, had delivered the elegant and deadly axe he knew well. The old blacksmith looked up, his eyes calculating.

"Same as usual-sharpen and polish?" he asked cheerfully. The man gave him a stony glare.

"My master, the General, wants you to melt it down," he commanded curtly. "His faithless wife won't be needing such a thing again. Her days of pretending to be a man, a warrior, are done!" And then he left, leaving Gobber staring at the Hofferson family axe and weighing it thoughtfully in his hand.

"But Astrid is a warrior-and anyone trying to take that from her will stop her being Astrid Hofferson," he murmured, laying the axe gently aside. There was no way on Midgard he would destroy the axe. He'd heard the news, of course-that Astrid had run off with Snotlout, shaming and dishonouring both-but the fact that their disappearance had coincided with the loss of the captured pirate ship and the subsequent reappearance of Fury/Hiccup meant only one thing to the blacksmith. Astrid was finally where she belonged-with the pirate.

I love her, Gobber. I have since I can remember. She's my best friend, my closest confidante, my heart. I couldn't renounce her...and Dad would never forgive it anyway. I still love her...even though she threw me aside. I...I think, no matter what she says, she did love me...but when her father asked her to give me up, she agreed.

Yer a disgrace, boy! Yer couldnae ha' disgraced yer father more if ye'd planned it. Git out of my forge!

PLEASE! I...I haven't eaten for four days, Gobber! No one will even give me water! I-I can't go on much longer. And I hoped...you of all people...

I've bin yer father's best friend since we were wee laddies, boy! D'ye think I'd choose ye over him? If ye betray him, ye betrayed me as well. So git! I never want tae see yer agin!

"But ye came back," Gobber sighed. "Ye risked yer life for people who want yer dead and willnae listen!" He shook his head. "Stubborn as ever, laddie."

His conscience was jolted even further when the jail brought him a bundle of weapons from the prisoners from the captured pirate ship. No one in the port had been talking about anything else and they were wondering when the Governor would hang the pirate...if he would. There were rumours going round-no doubt started by Magne-that the Governor had gone soft on his cutthroat son and helped him to escape. And that he had let the man go again the previous night, leaving it to Magne to protect Berk and recapture the menace, Fury. There were already rumours-almost certainly started by Magne himself-calling for the Governor to stand down in favour of his nephew. Gobber could already imagine Berk under the younger Jorgensen and shuddered.

Idly, he sorted through the maces, axes and swords...and then stiffened as he lifted one sword. The blade was made with great care, perfectly balanced and finished and the expert blacksmith narrowed his eyes as he unconsciously judged the weapon. The handle was bound carefully with leather and the blade was delicately etched and decorated with old Norse runes: the unholy offspring of Lightning and Death. Unable to help himself, Gobber smiled: he recognised the classic description of the legendary Night Fury dragon, the name Hiccup had adopted for his ship...and himself. This was his blade, made by his own hand and a weapon fit for a king, far superior to anything else on Berk. Without a thought, he put the weapon aside, by Astrid's axe. And then he glanced down the hill at the jail. A shudder ran down his spine. Somehow, there was a deep sense of foreboding filling his gut. He glanced to the back of the forge where a dozen 'floating shot' sheets lay ready. Gobber had almost completed his part.

Grabbing the axe, the Night Fury sword and the other weapons, he slammed down the shutters and began a very rapid gallop down the hill...

oOo

Hiccup suddenly lifted his head. Dawn had come and gone and the noise from the town outside was rising. he knew they would execute him and his crew today.

His mind was a mess, struggling with guilt for getting his crew captured, despair at having the things he cared most taken from him and anger at the treachery of Magne and Jorgen and the intransigence of his own father. But as he had stared at the door, hearing the murmurs of his remaining crew, his mind had finally snapped into gear and he achingly clambered to his feet.

"What've you got?" he asked them. There was a pause.

"They took all our weapons, Cap'n," Mulch said miserably. Controlling his disappointment, Hiccup turned slowly to look at him and sighed.

"Anyone?" he asked. There was shaking of heads all round. He rolled his eyes, then hissed in pain as he bent forward, sneaking a small knife from his boot. He cast his scorching glance around his suddenly silent crew, not needing to remind them that they were supposed to be pirates, not pushovers. "Belt!" he snapped. Suddenly, everyone hastened to get his belt off: Snotlout won and handed his over ashamedly. With barely a grunt of acknowledgement, Hiccup limped to the door with the belt, fumbled with the buckle until he had the metal post standing proud. With a wince, he leaned forward, leaning against the bars and using the metal post to deftly pick the lock. There was a small click and the door opened.

The entire crew looked at him in shock. "What?" he asked sharply. "I built and serviced all these locks for years. Picking them is no problem..." He limped to the next cell and released the rest of the crew.

"No, I'm just shocked you didn't do it before," Fishlegs commented with a frown.

"No point getting out until I had a plan," the Captain said, turning his attention to Lord Hofferson's cell and opening the lock. "Fishlegs-grab him!" he snapped. "If he makes a sound I don't authorise, you can either gag him or knock him out-I really don't care!"

"With pleasure!" the husky man said, an unfamiliar scowl crossing his genial features. Elias stared at the pirate and frowned. The thin and persecuted man he had helped escape was full of surprises and while the alien couldn't understand the subtleties of the situation, he could sense that the man was furious and dangerously close to exploding.

"What bout him?" he asked, indicating to the still unconscious shape of Jorgen. Going ominously still, his face blanking, Hiccup stared and cast his cold green gaze across the crew.

"I know what I would do but I need to hear your views, men," he said quietly. "I wasn't there..." A long silence yawned over them until Mulch stared at the man, then shook his head. The hairy little man seemed genuinely upset at the verdict he had to pass-but Roar was less conflicted as he winced and scowled as he moved his badly slashed arm.

"Let me get my hands on him," he growled, his eyes murderous.

"He lied to me," Fishlegs said coldly, finishing tying a strip of sheet tightly around the struggling Lord Hofferson's mouth. "He swore he'd no idea of Halvard's treachery." Without hesitation, Sven One shook his head. Hiccup turned to the others and all shook their heads.

"He betrayed us," the Captain said simply, looking up to meet Elias's dark gaze: the former slave had never seen justice by committee before. Even in such a fraught situation, the pirate had his own unique style. "We leave him to his fate. We have more important concerns..." And he limped towards the pinned Lord Hofferson. The man's eyes widened as the pirate lifted his knife. "Now..."

"Ye know, I was wonderin' if ye mebbe needed a hand escaping, laddie, but I see I was nae needed!" Gobber said from the door, carrying a bundle of weapons. Hiccup turned to him with a small smile.

"Oh, you're needed, Gobber," he said roughly. "In fact, I was counting on you coming to help!" The blacksmith stared at him and Hiccup gave a shrug. "I know you, old man. Despite the fact you cast me out like trash, you know I am telling the truth. Berk is in danger-and this man and Magne are as great a threat as Drago!" Gobber hobbled up and started handing the weapons around. Hiccup grasped his sword and stared at the blade with a small smile.

"What next, Captain laddie?" Gobber asked with a grin. Slowly...implacably...Hiccup turned his icy green gaze on Lord Hofferson.

"Now we go fetch my son," he growled.

oOo

Eret had been shocked at the fine coach that rattled at top speed up to his gates and the two elegant persons who hopped out, their finery stunning for Berk. Observing subtlety from his room on the upper floor, he saw a blonde woman who wore her long hair piled on her head and a moss green silk gown walking arm in arm with her male partner who was sleek in a tailored dark suit with green cravat and kerchief. Theatrically, the male rapped the door firmly with his cane.

The liveried young footman who opened the door to the Hofferson residence gaped as he was swept aside by the male, who walked in unselfconsciously. "Announce the Count and Countess of Wilderwest!" he commanded imperiously. "We come to pay homage to the courage of General Eretson!" His proclamation could be heard through the entire house.

"We hear tell that he assisted in the recapture of that foul pirate Fury and reclaimed his errant and faithless wife!" the woman added, grinning. The footman stood aside and escorted them into a very nice drawing room, the furniture clearly quality and imported from he mainland. Gracelessly, the woman sat on a couch by the marble fireplace, the bright morning light filtering in through the four fill length windows, thought she fidgeted a lot while the man paced back and forth, twirling his cane.

"Dear sister-are you ready?" he asked. Ruff calmed her breathing, trying to overcome the overwhelming compulsion to blow something up or hit someone.

"Indubitably, dear brother," she replied smoothly and rose. "I shall request the tour with all due alacrity. I trust you will engage our host in a suitable duration of social intercourse to facilitate the successful conclusion of our tactical enterprise?"

"Have no fear, dear sister," Tuff said with a wicked grin. "One bout of social intercourse coming up!"

Ruff rose and walked confidently to the door, opening it and gliding to the nearest footman, tapping him with her gloved hand. "Excuse me," she said confidently. "May I have the tour of the House? The Hofferson Residence is famed across the Archipelago for the quality of furnishings, classical architecture and proportion and of course, the unparalleled vistas across the extensive holdings." The man looked scared: Ruff was trying to look friendly but this translated into invading his personal space and leering unsettlingly. He backed away urgently.

"Of course, your Ladyship," he said in a worried voice, knowing that it was extremely bad manners to refuse any sort of valued visitor a tour of the property, no matter the time or state of the household. "Where would you like to start?" She paused and smiled.

"Upstairs," she said. "I would really like to appreciate the vista across the park..."

After donning his full dress uniform and straightening his smoke grey silk cravat, Eret walked in to the morning drawing room to see the Count of Wilderwest poking a stuffed yak and frowning. The General feared his throat as the guest straightened up with a scowl. "That is a remarkably well-groomed yak," Tuff commented. The General sighed and walked forward, bowing.

"General Eret Eretson," he introduced himself. Elegantly, Tuff snapped off a curt half-bow.

"Terje Thorston, Count of Wilderwest," he introduced himself brusquely. "My sister-who is touring the house-and I felt we had to come when news of the recapture of the pirate Fury circulated the town and your heroic role was made clear. And your recapture of your faithless wife!"

As predicted, Eret immediately responded to the completely unwarranted flattery and preened. "Well, my part was integral in the recapture of the crew and the felon!" he said untruthfully then adopted a wounded expression. "But I was devastated at the betrayal of my wife and now that she is home...I can finally train her to be the wife I require." Tuff felt sick but forced himself to smile .

"Of course," he said. "I look forward to hearing the full report of your courage in recapturing the pirate and of, course, your plans in teaching your discombobulated wife to conform to appropriate societal norms for a woman of her class and status. Shall we take a turn in the grounds?"

Upstairs, the retainer was twitching as Ruff leered at him again. "So which room has the best view?" she asked as they wandered along the long, comfortably carpeted upstairs corridor. Crystal windows with stained glass decorated both ends of the wide and comfortable hallway, the balcony overlooking the elegant entrance hall making the whole area feel airy and spacious. But the retainer was feeling very cramped as Ruff backed him onto a corner and he gulped, trying to cringe into a small ball.

"Well...the master's room has the best view," the man said nervously. "But Lord Hofferson's room is locked up while he is away. General Eret has the next best room..." And he gestured. "And of course Lady Astrid has a room with exceptional views..."

"That will do nicely," Ruff suggested, eyeing the door thoughtfully. The man looked horrified.

"I'm afraid it is impossible!" he squeaked. "She is to be restrained there. I am afraid the General feels she has become hysterical due to too much exposure to masculine pursuits of weaponscraft and politics. She is to be confined until she becomes a docile, appropriate wife..." Ruff's fist curled into a tight ball and nodded as she made her decision.

"When Helheim freezes over!" she growled and punched him out. He hit the door of Astrid's room with a thud and slid to the floor.

"GO AWAY, ERET!" Astrid shouted through the door. "FUCK YOU! YOU CAN ROT IN HEL! I AM NEVER BEING YOUR WIFE, YOU RANCID BASTARD!"

Glancing over her shoulder to ensure no one had heard her punch, Ruff swiftly unlocked the door and wrenched it open, ducking to avoid a swing of the fist from the enraged Hofferson. "It's ME!" she hissed, dragging the unconscious retainer in and dumping him on the rug. "Have you got anything we can tie him up with?" Dishevelled and bootless, Astrid stared at her twice then gaped.

"Ruff?" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here dressed like...that?" Ruff scowled.

"Duh! Rescuing you!" she explained though her expression softened at the surge of relief on the other girl's face. "Now can we truss this guy up before we get outta here? We need you to help us rescue little Toothless...and then the crew..." Pulling her boots on, Astrid's smiled and grabbed the rest of her gear. A pile of rent gowns were strewn across the floor and she grabbed a large strip of very expensive silk to start binding the hapless retainer.

"Really? You've come for me?" she asked. "We...we thought you were..." The female twin sighed.

"Tuff and I got out...just...but we know Bjarne was dead and the others were fighting a hopeless battle when we went over the side," she said. "It was a trap. We had been betrayed and they let the soldiers on. So we reckoned...someone had to be free to rescue you all." She sighed. "Magne has little T. We need to get him out of there." With a shudder at the prospect, Astrid ran her fingers through her hair then nodded.

"Eret has put men on the windows to prevent me clambering out again," she said heavily. "The stable and back door are heavy guarded as well!" Ruff gave a grin and finished securing the retainer before turning to the passage.

"Then we go out the front door!" she grinned. "Follow me!"

oOo

Magne Jorgensen heard the rap on the door of the Jorgensen house and the low voice of Kjetil, the doorman. Pausing at his desk for a moment, he allowed himself to smile. A fixture in his home, the man had served his father for decades and was reliable: the younger Jorgensen knew that he would send away any irritating visitor and allow 'Master Magne' to continue his work uninterrupted. Then the door opened and he heard two sets of footsteps. Paying little attention, he contained digesting the papers that had been brought to him from the office and the intelligence he had gleaned from his agents. The visit by Fury to the Governor's house was a great opportunity to finally impeach and remove his Uncle from the office and grant Magne the power he so craved and he was strategising hard to find the exact right way to execute his coup d'etat.

Then there was a rap on the door of his office and he snapped for the visitor to come in. Kjetil opened the heavy oak door and entered, bowing slightly. Magne looked up from his giant wooden desk over the leather blotter and laid his quill aside. Kjetil gestured to the two large shapes behind him.

"Governor Stoick Haddock and Mister Gobber Belcher," he announced.

"Who're ye callin' 'mister'?" Gobber growled as they entered confidently. Magne looked up at his Uncle and Stoick's best friend and rose, offering a small, formal bow and then his hand, which Stoick took.

"Uncle, Gobber!" he greeted. "To what do I owe this honour?" Stoick stepped forward and glared into his eyes.

"I've come for my grandson," he said.

oOo

A/N: I've always though that under their totally goofing around exteriors, the twins secretly have flashes of brilliance (eg the Eel Effect) except they can't be bothered to try! I thought it would be worthwhile getting them to try...though using that many long words may cause Tuff to have a headache.

It used to be accepted practice that travellers 'touring the shires' in the late 18th and early 19th Century could just drive up to a stately or grand home and ask to be shown around (think Pride and Prejudice). No such thing as entrance fees or the National Trust in those days...