anyway i saw civil war again and honestly i'm so emotional about bucky barnes???? well i always am but still?????
like in the scene where steve shows up in bucky's apartment and he turns around and sees steve there and he keeps his eyes on steve, doesn't take them off him for a second until he takes the glove covering his metal hand off. honestly bucky looks so open and innocent and wide eyed in that scene because you can sort of tell that he wants to talk to steve but he doesn't know how and he doesn't know what to say because he's afraid to tell steve about it??? i'm so interested in how that scene would've played out if he and steve weren't on a time limit
and when steve tells bucky that the people coming for him aren't planning on taking him alive and bucky says that that's good and smart. that KILLS me because he knows what he's done as the winter soldier and he has to live with it everyday and his first reaction to finding out people want to kill him is "that's smart" like he's in so much pain and i think that's, at least in some part, where sebastian is coming from when he says that steve is the only reason that bucky's alive because he would've committed suicide otherwise. because he doesn't seem to want to fight and he says it's smart to come after him to kill him but would he still fight if steve hadn't showed up? he seems so nonchalant about dying but yet he still fights like hell to run away. which makes me wonder what would've happened to bucky if steve hadn't showed up?
and when he's being held in the cage and he's restrained and bucky looks so tense and upset but he also looks so tired. and when zemo keeps calling him james and you can see some of bucky and he looks so uncomfortable and irritated when people call him james and he demands to be called bucky. which makes me wonder why he seems to hate james so much?? then zemo is saying the winter soldier codes and bucky looks so pained and is telling him to stop and you can see bucky try to fight it but he knows he's not able to and you can see the moment he becomes the winter soldier
then he comes out of it with his arm in the vice and he says "oh god what happened? what did i do this time?" and he looks so tired and pained because he can remember being the winter soldier and he can remember what he did and to not only see himself become him again but to know that there's someone out there who knows a handful of words and can easily manipulate him and turn him any chance he wants must be terrifying for him. because you can tell that he doesn't want to do this anymore, he doesn't want to fight but he never seems to get a break and he's just so exhausted
and then saying that he remembers every person he's killed as the winter soldier. if he remembers all of the kills then i'm sure he remembers being the winter soldier and what he went through and what he's endured. and he has tears in his eyes watching himself kill tony's parents. i think that's such an overlooked line "i remember them all" because you know what bucky must be going through? as someone who is trying to move on with his life after 70 years of constant never ending abuse, brainwashing, and torture, he remembers being the winter soldier, he remembers all of the kills. when bucky says "i don't think i'm worth all of this to you" he really means it. imagine what bucky's self worth is right now. he questions whether he means all of this to steve, he says it's a smart move for the police to kill him when he was in his apartment in romania, and he remembers all of his kills while being under hydra. bucky must be in a constant state of pain and exhaustion
while i might not have loved civil war as a cap movie (and i might be questioning the mid credits scene from the writer's comments) i really loved what they did with bucky in civil war. they started off the movie showing the audience that bucky is a victim and ended the movie with t'challa flat out calling bucky a victim. because that's what he is: a victim. he never asked for any of this to happen to him, he never had any say in anything that happened to him for the last 70 years. he never asked for his arm to be replaced with a metal weapon, he never asked for his brain to be constantly fried, he never asked to kill dozens of people, he didn't bomb the embassy in vienna, he didn't want or ask for any of this to happen to happen to him. yet he's the one that's gotta deal with the aftermath. he's the one that's gotta deal with people being after him, he's the one who's gotta deal with people blaming him for the murders that he was forced to commit in a time when he didn't even remember his own name because a terrorist organization burned him and everything else about him, out of him. he's the one that's gotta deal with the nightmares and the ptsd and anxiety and having his brain hardly even belong to him because there's a book out there with words that have the potential to make him the winter soldier again. bucky never asked for any of this to happen to him yet he's being blamed for murders that he committed while he was being brainwashed and abused by a terrorist organization and being victim blamed. bucky doesn't fight anymore, doesn't want to fight anymore. in civil war he only fought to protect people or for self defense. bucky is an incredibly interesting character and sebastian plays him so amazingly and i don't think he nearly gets enough credit for essentially playing three characters in one. i love his character and will continue to defend him from all of the victim blaming that people throw at him and i don't care if you think that he's not worthy of defending or that it's ridiculous to defend him because i don't think so and he's such an interesting character who i hope gets the screen time and story that he's absolutely worth in the mcu

Credits to Tumblr: buckycap 

I think? But anyways......if you're a Bucky hater and just read that entire thing, I hope you aren't a Bucky hater anymore. Because I believe this 100% and that's just exactly how I feel from what this person wrote up above.