01 November 2015

Pledis Studio

Seven of the trainees, including myself, had been summoned to the CEO's office. I doubted that it was to announce that we were debuting, as the expression on Mio eonnie's face was anxious, not congratulatory. There was barely a whisper as the elevator moved up several floors, built on the newfound success of Seventeen.

Before they debuted, there were fewer employees in the building and the drop of a pin could be heard in the silence. Once the repackaged album, Love and Letter, dropped, the company posted vacancies. My thoughts were pulled to my other sunbaenim, like a magnet. The investment hadn't extended to Nu'est and the remnants of After School.

The members of Orange Caramel were paid their salaries every three months but they hadn't had a comeback recently so I worried about them, having danced on their televised stages. Despite releasing more soulful songs, Nu'est weren't bringing any awards home. The popularity they received internationally was higher than that at home, resulting in the disparity.

I pushed these thoughts aside when the door opened, revealing both the President and Vice President of Pledis. Although the whispers were hushed, I could sense the trepidation. Mr Han greeted us and began, "MNet will be broadcasting a survival show, Produce 101, which you will enter if you elect to do so."

"The members of Nu'est, excluding Kwak Aron, will be joining the men's version of the same show. He won't be able to dance due to his injury and as you all know, choreography is just as important as vocals. I'm sure you are wondering why the seven of you have been chosen to participate," Vice President Kim continued.

Seungcheol seonbaenim trusted him more than our CEO, due to him selling his house to debut Seventeen, so I did too. "Kyla Massey is not old enough to handle the fat-shaming that will be directed her way. I have encountered these judges, one of whom was an After School member before she left. The tiniest ounce of unnecessary weight will be criticised."

"The same will be said of the audience: are you sure she's an idol? Put her on a diet, give her more exercise, schedule liposuction, are what they'll say. Pledis has committed wrongs in the past with our idols, in respect of the first two but we stopped after we were rightly criticised by fans," he continued.

He wasn't lying: neither pre-debut Seventeen nor we had been placed under the same unhealthy diet regimens that After School and Nu'est had had inflicted on them. Some girl group trainees were weighed daily and I could only imagine the additional stress they were placed under. If companies had their way, all female idols would be less than size 6.

"I want to keep her rap talents a secret for now, also," the President took over. "The same can be said of our power vocalists, Sungyeon and Yehana. While Miss Bae will probably imitate the voice of the body-shaming bullies so offensively that they retire from airing an opinion in public ever again, I believe in keeping a poker face before revealing the royal flush."

The leader of Seventeen had told me that Mr Han would often coat his hidden agenda with logical reasons and I realised I had just witnessed that now. "You have a week to decide and from then, a month to pack and prepare. The exact location of the show will be revealed at that time. Think carefully about it," they bowed and left the room to attend other business.

Our manager led us out soon after, knowing that our best thinking was done at the dorm. I had left my tarot cards at home, not wanting the higher-ups to think less of me. Besides, this environment was not conducive to fortune-reading, as it was infused with the cut-throat tactics of trying to succeed in a tough environment.

Four of Swords, reversed. Two of Cups. Page of Pentacles, reversed. Temperance, and Five of Wands. Although I would experience stress and burnout, I would make partnerships and connections. I would be victorious, but not in the obvious way, having found meaning in the middle path. Mio eonnie received my confirmation of participation.

"An adorable girl as refreshing and invigorating as tangy fresh pineapple," I read the headline of my profile on the company website and continued. "A new rising star of Pledis, Miss Park caught the eyes of many men before her debut, through her appearances in the music videos of Orange Caramel and After School. Her performance in the 2012 HAPPY PLEDIS album also created a sensation. Wither her charismatic personality and perpetually smiling eyes, along with a wholesome charm, Miss Park is a talented and versatile underground entertainer. This cute and lively girl is on the radar of many who are eager to watch her development." I found it interesting that they hadn't mentioned that I was the video girl of Nu'est's I'M BAD MV.

They took my nod of approval at the profile submitted and as I filled my documentation, I reflected on what the staff thought of me. I hoped that the audience and my fans would share the same image of me, once I was on the stage and afterwards. Tomorrow, the 7 trainees who chose to participate would meet to discuss a way forward.

"So, all of us are competing," Roa eonnie tried to cut the tension with the observation. Although we had lived together for five years, we were all still hungry for that chance to debut. Desire is sometimes stronger than friendship. Truth be told, I was closer with these girls than my actual, younger sisters.

"Why don't we choose a song to cover?" I diverted the negative energy towards something productive. "They didn't tell us which After School member was judging but I know it's not someone from Orange Caramel. Let's choose a powerful song from their discography and make it our own. Any ideas?"

"BANG! The first time you and I met," Nayoung eonnie smiled at the memory, as did I. We were half the height we were now, and we had grown so much since then. "If everyone agrees, you can rearrange it for us, Ddi-ddi. No one else could do it better. Everyone, raise your hands if you're in favour of the song selection."

All hands went up and she then tasked Pinky eonnie with changing up the choreography. Once I had remastered the lyrics to our modern age, I then had to distribute the lyrics fairly so that each member had a chance to show off her talent. Audition pieces were shorter than regular stages and there were a lot of members to divide them amongst.

A week later, the President and Vice President watched our rehearsal in the training room. I tried to ignore the tile I was dancing on- it was shinier than the ones around it, as it replaced the tile Junhui had accidentally broken off when Seventeen were filming the AJU NICE dance practice. Luckily, it didn't affect my performance in any way.

"Nice work," the CEO clapped. "Mio, get them in-ear mics to practice with for the next couple of weeks."

Having a microphone next to our mouths threw off our performance the first few times. An amplified volume meant that the harmony was disrupted with some voices overshadowing and some not ending on the right note. The feel of tape near our lips was a sensation that had to be ignored as we danced.

A week later, once we were deemed to be in absolute sync, we were given some time off to be with our families. Our manager visited the cluttered dorm to pack our suitcases. She left our audition stage outfits in the stylish carrier pieces and, while we were gone, she would pay special attention to Yehana, Shannon, and Kyla.

That week went by too quickly, I mused, when my family dropped me off at the dorm. I looked at the asterism of the sky, the pearlescent shine of the moon revealing a silhouette that had just appeared at the gate. The height was a giveaway- "annyeonghaseyo, Jun seonbaenim". The broken rainbow of milky opal above had no match for the stars in his eyes.

"I know that you have the stress of your survival show coming up," he nodded as a greeting, "but there's something I found out from my guardian deity. As we speak, Jieqong is revealing to the others the venue where you'll be participating. The higher-ups of all companies haven't said where, as it will only create panic."

"Is it not in Seoul?" I was wondering if it would be somewhere rural, so as to avoid paparazzi getting information illicitly. Also, why was I thinking and speaking sentimentally?

"You know that the moon has a dark side," the vampire gazed at the selenite coin waxing above, perceiving my nod somehow. "That's where you'll be going. Hindu scholars of millennia ago spoke of harmonious dance and song creating life on Earth. This is the true purpose of hosting Produce 101 there. Trips back home will occur every now and then."

I expected him to claim me as his and use the guise of eternal love to keep me from participating but this short-circuited my brain. "There is enough oxygen for 500 people on the dark side of the moon but if capitalism is to survive, it needs the energy emitted by the show's activities to become a better place. Hong Kong, which has 1 millionaire out of every 16 people, initiated this project."

"I, uh, would have thought that the USA or Russia would have come up with this plan," my lisp kicked in, making me look like a nervous wreck.

"Pfft," his facial muscles finally contorted into a positive expression, "American astronauts left human waste on the lunar rocks, expecting the bacteria to grow from there. My home country, on the other hand, is growing plants from moon dust. As for the Russians, under their current dictator, they won't be giving a stellar performance in respect of their stellar activities."

In any other context, I would have laughed at the space nerd's pun but I had so much to ruminate that I thanked him for his advice and mumbled, "good night" before walking past the gate. For some reason, I was fixated on why he hadn't used my going away as an excuse to get a little sucky-sucky from my neck. Shaking my head, I resolved that sleeping would make me forget the weird chat.

A week later, the eonnies started calling me "giraffe" since I was always craning my neck at the skies, looking for UFOs (I, like every female idol contracted under Pledis, was taller than the average female in South Korea). I pouted, saying that they could at least call me a "sunflower" as that was cuter.

As the final night at the dorm finally drew closer, I began to wonder if Pinky and Jun were having a laugh at our expense but she seemed too serious. I looked at the clock on my bedside table: the digits finally changed to 00h00 hours. A breath was loosed from a chest that I had not observed tighten- until the room turned cyan.

Our luggage floated up under the pull of a lower gravity. Yuha eonnie grabbed my hand and I stopped panicking. A few seconds later, my feet touched terra firma, or more accurately, lunar firma. The building before me looked like a campus from the college dramas I sometimes watched. Plants had managed to grow and there were statues in the style of ancient Greece, sans bright colours.

We joined the rest of the trainees and our dancing machine revealed that tonight; we would sleep while the audition took place tomorrow. I didn't know if it would be possible to repose in such a state. Then again, after taking a good look around, there was quite a resemblance to Earth, with the rambling gardens. Once we entered the new dorm, the doors closed behind us.