9 June 2021

A set in Seoul

The last few months were punctuated by tarot readings predicting peace so Jun and I worked without worry. I listened to him ramble about the concept, the outfits, the decoration, and the lyrics as he played with Panther. The kitten had doubled in size and in inquisitiveness, stalking and pouncing on our regular guest.

As the time drew closer for the Your Choice performances and promotion, the vampire was not able to give me as many shoulder massages as he used to. Instead of hearing Justin Timberlake's voice in the café, "Just imagine, nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance", I daydreamed of my boyfriend's Chao Yin Zhan Ji collab stage instead.

I knew that the rest of Seventeen would have plans for his actual birthday so I gladly accepted his offer of meeting the day before. At first, I was rather petulant and it took a session with the company therapist to see that there was a suitable compromise. Miss Cho asked if I had been content lately and it took me a while before I answered.

"Now that I think about it, I had experienced minor inconveniences and I haven't been as forgiving as I used to be," my colleagues would regularly ask if I was feeling stressed out, annoyed, or sad. Each time, I had brushed it off. Was there a deeper, unresolved issue or was it all in my head? She then gave me homework.

"We know the opinion of the people who work for this agency but I want you to ask your family members and boyfriend," I had told her about the singer a short while ago.

"He's busy," I told a white lie. For the first time in a long while, I was apprehensive about asking him something.

"There will be a lull soon so don't be afraid. You can even plan on how to ask him while you wait," the doctor encouraged me to take the plunge and I nodded resolutely.

"You seem distracted tonight," Jun's voice tore me away from my musing.

"I'm sorry, I'm ruining your birthday," I shook my head slightly.

"Xiyeonnie, you could never ruin my day," his gaze locked onto mine, searching for something. "Tell me the cause of those troubled sighs. A problem shared is a problem halved. If something worries you, I'll be worried too." Taking in a deep breath, I finally told him of the latest developments. I felt a cool hand over my feverish fingers, the heat slowly fading away.

"My poor youngblood, you've masked the pain you've been through," the vampire exhaled and I wished I was in his embrace. As if he could read my mind, he put down the tubs of frozen yoghurt we meant to have for dessert and folded me in his arms. I circled his tiny waist with my arms, glad for the empty studio apartment he had bought for himself.

"If you ever feel like you need a quiet place, this place is at your disposal. However, I beseech you to talk it all out first. If I'm insufficient, at least with someone else," the Seventeen singer's chest felt like a pillow since he had a slow pulse. Sometimes, I was in awe that he was able to move so quickly when he was dancing.

"Only when you leave," I spied a caring look in his eyes. In the months ahead, I would be unable to hug Jun as I did now so we stood there until condensation ran down the plastic tubs. He saw that and urged me to eat the delicacy as the sugar would make me happy. I complied as the former pirate knew how food affected human psychology better than anyone I knew.

"Two of Pentacles: balancing priorities and adapting to change. Ace of Swords: achieving a breakthrough with a sharp mind. Page of Wands, reversed: a conflict will be created. Five of Cups, reversed: moving on and finding peace. The Priest, reversed: new approaches and subversiveness," I read his tarot while we waited for the stars to ascend.

He showed the telescope his family had sent so I marvelled at the constellations and planets pointed out to me. As the vampire drove me home, I sent the questions to my friends and braced myself for a heart-to-heart with my family. "Thank you for being born," I hugged him when the car stopped in front of the gate.

"I want to take all the pretty words and give them to you," I blushed as I sang the lyrics. Finally being in the right presence of mind, I handed him the gift. It was a pinecone, my birth flower, that had protection and good luck charms placed upon it. While they were ordinarily brown, this one was painted silver in order to shield the singer from the American deity.

After listening to my explanations, he thanked me for the gift and promised to keep it near him at all times. Once I was in the kitchen, I saw his car leave from the window. I poured myself a glass of peach iced tea and joined my family at the table. Once I had repeated the story a third time, I listened to what my father and the fortune-tellers had to say. I could conquer my mood swings.

Far from drawing me closer to them, what my family members said felt like a disconnection. It felt like I was shoved onto a boat, away from the sheltered paradise that represented true love. The waves were choppy so the watercraft soon fell apart. I held on for dear life to a piece of the wreckage, sinking with it.