15 February 2018

SOPA

Whenever I would look back on this day, I would remember the melting snow and the chilly breeze. I filed past the entourages that the various entertainment companies sent to their graduates. A Pledis entourage wasn't in sight. I bit my lip and thought about Yehana having her photos taken by the photography wall just last week.

It seemed as if no one from Pristin would show up today, not even our manager. Although I spotted some of the girls I'd competed with on Produce 101, I couldn't ask them to leave the members of their agency to cover up the embarrassing omission by my own agency. I'd have to keep my chin up and my tears unshed.

When I left the high school for the last time, I saw my fan club. I almost cried again, this time, out of joy. Xireals congratulated me, handing me flowers, candy, cards, toys, and letters, which I hid in my empty school bag. They took out photos and I heard some of them berate my agency for not having a proper greeting committee.

I was validated by their statement, having thought that I overreacted. When the car came around, I was sad to see them go, and promised with the next comeback, that I'd work even harder for them. Tonight, I'd pray extra hard for Kyla's return and I'd never complain about being exhausted from working with very little sleep.

"After reading Kyla's recent medical reports, doctors have concluded that choreography is too dangerous for her," Mio eonnie spoke up at the meeting. My mind flashed back to our maknae taking a tumble. It had happened so quickly, that no one could have reacted in a way that would have prevented the concussion.

"Since her guardians have informed us that she will no longer be a part of the group, it's time to focus on the comeback as 9 members," President Han steamrolled on. I was left gaping like a goldfish as he explained that this time, he'd like to introduce our sexy side. Nobody noticed my imitation of a koi carp, silently reacting in their own ways.

The PowerPoint on the large TV screen showed the sets of the MV and we listened to the instrumental version of the title track and B-side. I loved the latter but felt apprehensive about the former. Girl groups either debuted with a racy concept from the start or after years. I felt that I hadn't had enough time to enjoy the girl crush concept.

We were dismissed, after being advised to give serious thought to the new direction. My heart felt uneasy so as soon as we were back home, I opened the chest of drawers and selected the wooden box. The familiar silver inscriptions and the feel of the varnished pine soothed me. All of the cards felt solid and had me grounded again.

Ten of Swords: Pristin would eventually collapse. The cause was... Six of Pentacles, reversed: The stinginess and domination of the President. Six of Cups, reversed: I MUST leave the studio that had become my home to move forward. The Empress reversed: at first, I would feel empty and dependent on my new agency. Nine of Wands: I had to use my grit and resilience to be successful.

At breakfast, I decided to reveal my decision instead of blindsiding them at the meeting. Roa eonnie tried to dissuade me, saying that her crystal ball had shown that the comeback would be successful while Nayoung eonnie said that I had to follow what my heart showed, even if it was different from anyone else's.

Some of the other members followed my lead, revealing that they would also leave Pristin. Some would stay with Pledis, in different capacities. Some of us would dance and sing or rap, some of us would compose and write songs, and some of us would act or become models. Some of us would further our studies. All of us hugged.

At the very least, I didn't have any debts left with the agency. I had enough earned to pay my college fees and decided to move back in with my family. My parents, older brother, and younger sisters would be happy to see me after what felt like years. I packed my things into those big trolley bags which didn't weigh as much as the sorrow in my heart.

I had been with Pledis for 10 years and didn't have much to show for it. Part of me hated myself for abandoning the women who had become like sisters to me as well as my fans. I hoped that Xireals would understand: after all, they stood by me a week ago. Since they believed in me, I would become the best actress I could be.

The Nu'est oppas were sad to see me go: I had had my MV appearances before they did. Raina eonnie had left shortly before I did and she had made me promise her that we would keep in contact. Seungcheol and Joshua oppas wished me good luck, and I decided to meet with the 4th eldest member of Seventeen.

I went to his haunt, the dance studio. Jun was watching The Last Blossom, his first performance with YanAn of Pentagon, on his phone. "Flowers bloom within my heart but it's the last to ever bloom." His partner slowly unmasked him, ignoring the broken gramophone on the floor. When the video ended, the vampire turned to me.

"You have a chance to escape without leaving a single breadcrumb, yet you walk into the house of candy and cake," he studied me under the microscope of his gaze. I saw that this time, the singer would be earnest with me, and not treat me like a guileless child. So, I returned the sincerity when meeting his gaze.

"Besides mocking me for what I am, a teenager, you haven't toyed with me. You've been straightforward in telling me that you won't sink your fangs into me now but rather, when I have the necessary life experience," I raced through the explanation, "so I consider you as someone I can trust."

"For now," the singer qualified.

"You have so much self-control that I can't imagine you as an actual vampire," if I weren't standing, I would have shoved my sneaker into my mouth just to stop talking.

"When the ones I loved died, I sank like a stone into whichever emotion I felt at the moment, be it rage or repentance. Our separation, I have no idea what I feel. All I know is, the final stage of my monstrous transformation is at hand so it's best if you avoid me," his cheeks puffed out from the intake of breath.

"Time to buy a kilo of garlic," I joked.

"Garlic is an anticoagulant," Jun stopped when he saw the puzzled expression on my face. "It makes the blood thinner. That's why when you go for a blood test, doctors tell you to eat garlic the day before. In reality, you turned the glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice with pulp into a can of Fanta Orange."

"How are you able to eat and drink so much, considering what you are?" it was my turn to interrogate him.

"I was created differently, out of love and a desire to improve," he patiently explained. "The deities of other countries modelled their vampires to achieve a goal, not usually in a benevolent way."

The vampire's answer caused me to circle back to my original question: "Why should I fear you then?"

He exited YouTube and went to his video gallery. "This is footage that wasn't shown on CYZJ," the singer held the phone up for me. From the outfit he was wearing, I recognised it as the scene where the underground rappers reneged on the deal to work with The8. After they left, the action began behind the stage.

The Seventeen singer rampaged: equipment was destroyed or discarded. While Minghao tried to stop him, Jun injured himself. The wounds quickly healed but blood was splattered everywhere, making it look like a crime scene and not a music show. It was only when someone played a note with a low frequency that he stopped.

"That day was somehow not enough to trigger the human-hunting predisposition in my DNA," he sighed. "Although we resolved not to fall in line with Caishen's plan, I guess you're going to become dearer to me, and nothing I do will stop that. I don't want you to become tangled up in the web of murder I'm likely to weave."

"You should be wiser than me since you have been on Earth for a millennium," I shrugged off his concern. "There are 12 men who consider you to be their brother. And we," I pointed at the vampire and myself, "are friends with a vampire hunter. We'll do our best to prevent you from becoming a bloodsucker and Aron oppa will stop you if we fail."

He nodded, finally seeing the light, I guess. Whenever I felt anxious on stage, I didn't think about past performances, knowing that would increase the pressure. Instead, I thought about the future, how it could be better. The singer did not give himself credit for his humanity; he wanted to eliminate his flaws. A villain, on the other hand, lets their flaws take over.

I left the studio, leaving him to ruminate on his way forward. Our paths would meet again and I was curious as to who I'd meet at the end of the road. Now that I was free from Pledis, I had a chance to rediscover and reinvent myself. For far too long, I was Princess Xiyeon. It was time to become Park Junghyun again.