For many years, London has been trying to make a decent cup of coffee. However, all tries have been... Well... Failures. Even when he uses instant coffee. These are the tales of his attempts.

Attempt One

London: Okay

London: I have this coffee pot

London: And some Nescafé coffee

London: Let's do this

London: Okay, so they say fill the thing with water...

London: Then put it on the "carafe" thingy or whatever--

London: Oh God

London: Oh God

London: No no no no no

London: Don't sparkle like that

London: nO NO NO

London: STOP IT

Coffee Maker: *bOOM*

London:

London: I don't think it was supposed to do that.

London: *sighs and goes to clean up*

Attempt Two

London: *stares intensely at new coffee pot*

London: I have survived the Black Plague

London: You are nothing

London: You piece of rubbish

London: Pour the water...

London: No wait, I should put the coffee in now.

London: Okay, coffee's in the water.

London: Probably should have put it in that first try.

London: Okay, put it on the plate...

London: Success! Now to turn it on.

London: ...

London: ... Wait.

London: Are you supposed to boil like that

Coffee Maker: *bubbles angrily*

London: Okay, maybe I should remove it--

Coffee Maker: *bOOM*

London: Not again

Attempt

London: *on the phone with DC* Okay, are you there?

DC: *sigh* Yes. Why?

London: I'm making coffee. And I need your help.

DC:

DC: Why do you need my help with making coffee

London: Because I do! Okay, so what do I do?

DC: Um... You put water in the pot thing??

London: ... Done. Now what?

DC: You get the grounds or whatever and put them into the machine.

London:

London: In the machine?

DC: Yes?

London: Not in the water?

DC: No...?

London: Are you sure

DC: Wait, are you serious? Did you not know that?

London: ... Maybe.

London: Okay, but anyway, just pour them in the machine?

DC: Yes.

London: *pours half of the container in the machine*

London: Done.

DC: Okay. Now turn it on or whatever.

London: ... Done.

DC: Okay, you're done.

London:

London: OH MY GOD

DC: What?

London: The thing's making sounds

DC: Yeah, I think it's supposed to?

London: No

London: This sounds dangerous

DC: Wait...

DC: What are those sounds

London: I DON'T KNOW

London: I THINK IT'S GOING TO--

Coffee Maker: *bIG BOOM*

London:

DC:

DC: Seriously

DC: How can you mess up making coffee

London: I don't know??