Ever since the squires lived in Erwin's manor, the place has been full of sound and enjoyment. Of course, this meant more things to do and take care of for Martha but she had no other choice. It was her job after all.

Levi was seated on his window sill, enjoying the breeze and breathing in the calm scent of lavenders. Faint on his lips was a smile. His hair was ruffled by the wind, the same as his mother did it to him.

The sun was bright yet gentle and sheep-looking clouds were spread throughout the light blue sheet above called the sky.

He was moving his legs and made his ankle tap on the concrete of the wall, making beats that were both irregular and regular. He was barefoot and his pale feet rejoiced as the wind tickled them sweetly.

Looking at the lavenders, he remembered the stool that he and Erwin were designing. Where could it be? Is it still in the attic?

He turned and leapt back to his room. He tied the curtains together, created a small decorative flower out of it and tied it with a string he randomly found and he left his room, closing the door behind him.

He climbed the stairs to the attic and opened the trapdoor. Surprisingly, Martha was not there sleeping like she always did on hot afternoons. Levi stepped inside and looked for the stool which sat at the far end of the room. Levi crawled to there and admired it. He traced the lavenders with his fingers, feeling the embossed wood and the cuts and curves of it.

Erwin has been so busy again with the other squires and it is starting to irritate Levi. He was feeling lonely. Too lonely.

His insides feel hollow as the engravings that cut through the wood. He blinked, thinking about the time when he and Erwin carved this stool. They spent a good amount of time decorating it but now, it is locked away up in the attic, possibly forgotten.

Sadness bit his heart as he began to tear up. He has never been this emotional in years and he hates it. He does not understand why he tries so hard to catch Erwin's affections and attention. For a short period of time, he did not think he will fall in love and to think that he is loving a man, it disgusts him and society is disgusted of him too.

No one would want him.

Neither would Erwin.

He bit his lip, trying to mask his sniffles and gasps. He covered his face in shame with his shaky palms. He took deep breaths before breaking down in sobs again.

He held onto his chest, clutching the fabric that covered it. It was painfully clear like the sun that shines bright. He leaned to the stool as his tears fell down from his eyes, traced his nose and cheeks and down to the floor.

He might not be able to interact with Erwin as much as he used to. The stool they spent time with together is probably the only hope he has but how can he do that when it is almost forgotten?

As the quick fainting scent of lavender passed through the small window of the attic, Levi's hope to earn Erwin's love is growing faint as well. Still, it is fragrant but his hope for it is faint.

He stood up, wiping away the snot and tears away with his sleeves. This disgusted him but he did not want to be seen with tear-filled eyes. He inhaled and exhaled before going down back to his room.

Despite the number of people that were currently staying in Erwin's manor, it was quiet in the hallway as his shoes tapped on the floor, making short and rhythmic sounds with every step he took.

He twisted the copper knob of his room and to his surprise, Erwin was there. The tall blonde man sat on the chair before the window that overlooked the endless lavender field.

He was about to say something when Erwin noticed him first. He turned and saw Levi by the door post.

"Ah, Levi!" He smiled, like he always did. He does this quite a lot that Levi can memorize how it looks like. The lines that would appear, the twinkle in his eyes, the way his eyebrows move... Levi knows it all.

"How are you?" Erwin asked and as Levi looked at Erwin's face, it seemed like everything just slowed down as if Chronus put a chain on the wheels of time to make this moment last a little longer than it should in reality.

Erwin's lips seemed to move slower and the curtains behind danced slower too. His eyes blinked once in a while and it made his long and curled eyelashes look more attractive than they are.

Levi went in and closed the door, still silent because...

Because the next thing he might do will be something he will regret and not regret at the same time.

Levi kept his blank face as he walked slowly towards Erwin.

"Do you not feel good—" Erwin tried to ask but he was stopped when a pair of soft lips met his.

Who? Erwin thought in shock.

He stared at the person and realized it was Levi who kissed him. Levi was closing his eyes as his lips moved slowly against Erwin's and in response, Erwin panicked and pushed Levi away.

"Levi, why would you—" He said in disbelief as he covered his lips with his hands. "Why?" He asked again in confusion.

Levi smiled sadly. "Forgive me. I knew it was wrong but I could not stop myself." He looked down to the well-polished floor. "But I..." He paused as he thought about his decision thoroughly.

Everyone would hate me. Perchance, I will be burned on a stake like witches. But I love it. I love him.

He looked up to Erwin whose eyes were filled with disorientation. His eyebrows were knitted together and he still kept his hand on his lips.

He looked cute, like a shy little boy and the thought made Levi smile.

"I..." His lip quivered as he locked eyes with Erwin. "I love you..."

And then he looked down, ashamed. A creature like him should love a woman not a man.

"Do you happen to dislike me now?" Levi asked as tears started to spill from his eyes.

Why did I have to be like this? Why me? He thought as he sniffed. Apollo had Hyacinthus, then why can I not have Erwin?

The knight stared sadly at the gentleman. There was nothing wrong with Levi, in fact, he was the squire that Erwin sees to be closest to perfect.

Erwin touched his soft lips in ponder about what had happened. Levi gave him a passionate kiss and he could feel the sincerity of his feelings but Levi is a man and so is he.

Closing his eyes, he racked his brain on how to deal with this situation. He did not want to break Levi's heart because doing so would make Erwin upset too since he does not tale pleasure in hurting the feelings of the young man but the fact that Levi is a male changes everything.

He does not dislike Levi for his preferences. It was fine but Erwin is a knight and he has his honor to uphold.

"Levi," He said softly and Levi lifted his head to meet his warm but blue eyes. "I do not dislike you for who you are and I appreciate that you love me with sincerely but I have a status to uphold and so do you." He stood and walked to Levi and embraced the short man.

On Levi's cheeks was a huge of pink that lingered even after Erwin pulled away from the hug.

He was unsure of what was happening. Was he rejected or not? No one knows.

"You may still hold on to your affections for me," Erwin said as he ruffled Levi's dark hair. "Maybe in the next life, somewhere...We will be together."

Levi's eyes widened. He did not expect Erwin's response to be like this. It still made him confused though.

Erwin smiled at Levi and Levi could not help but to love that face. And his voice, his voice is what drives Levi insane.

It is like a song that the birds sing as they awaken from their slumber from the night. It is as mysterious as the rhapsodies that the greatest musicians had played.

His voice was simply canorous.

When Levi hears it, he feels soothed and safe.

It is like the lullaby his mother used to sing for him when she was still alive.

Erwin's voice simply makes him feel warm, fuzzy, and loved.

Levi managed a small smile. He looked up to Erwin, "Hange...do you miss her?"

The man's eyes looked glassy upon hearing the name of his late wife.

"Yes, yes I do." Erwin swallowed back his tears and looked at Levi as he sat on the boy's bed. "How did you know? Please tell me."

Levi sat beside Erwin and laced his fingers together. "Martha told me." He huffed. "She is very concerned about your emotional well being. And I offer my condolences toward you late wife."

Erwin gave Levi's shoulder a pat.

"Also, could you tell me what she looks like?" Levi asked politely.

"Sure."

•••

Mikasa looked at her hands. They were not bloodied anymore unlike weeks ago. She covered her face with her hand as guilt consumed her heart and mind.

She killed an innocent child and she actually was happy about it.

But now, she wanted to vomit in disgust because of the heinous crime she committed. No one else knew besides Martha, Levi, Erwin, and the doctors that treated her yet she fears someone staying on this manor will know.

"Mikasa?" Eren called out from her door. "I kept knocking a lot but you still did not answer. Are you alright?"

Mikasa gasped as she threw away her covers, stood up, and opened the door.

"Eren?" She said as she opened the door.

Eren waved to her with while wearing his very optimistic smile on his face. "I was wondering if you wanted to talk to me and Armin but seems like you are busy—"

"No, no, no." Mikasa insisted as she shook her head. "I am not busy and aye, I would be glad to spend time with you and Armin."

"Sweet!" Eren interjected. "Let's go!"

Mikasa followed reluctantly. Her thoughts were still messed up but she forced herself to be fixed again.

You are fine, you are fine, you are fine, you are fine, you are fine. She chanted in her head that was filled with nothing but pure and absolute chaos.

She followed Eren who walked casually and as for her, she took gingerly steps since her wound still hurts her.

Eren seemed to notice and he turned around to ask her. He walked backwards as he did, "Why do you walk like someone just kicked you on the balls?" He asked as he rested his hands on his head.

Mikasa laughed and lied, "It was because I was sliding down the railing of the stairs and I hit the circle thing that adorns the end of it." She laughed sheepishly.

Her lie was awfully convincing.

Eren winced. "That probably hurt a lot—hey!" He yelled when he bumped into someone.

Severino stood firmly while glaring at Eren. "Excuse me?" He boomed. "You were the one walking backwards. It's not my fault, you apologize!"

Eren frowned in defeat. Severino was way persuasive than he was so he just had to cut some slack and apologize. "Fine, forgive me." He huffed.

"Wow, so sincere." Severino remarked sarcastically. "Anyway, you can do that backward walk thing when you have eyes on the back of your head like Argus!" He said as he walked away.

"Who's Argus?" Eren called out to Severino who was going down the staircase. "Is he a new squire?"

"This is why you need to read once in a while!" Replied Severino.

Eren squinted his eyes as he thought. "What does that mean?" He mumbled and looking at him made Mikasa smile.

She walked to him and gave his back  few pats. "I guess you will know if you read the book where Argus is mentioned." She began to walk.

Eren sprinted, following her. "But books are boring for me!" He complained.

"You should ask Armin about that then." She adviced the boy whose green eyes gleamed with frustration and curiosity.

"That's actually a good idea!" Eren said cheerfully. "You're a genius, Mikasa!"

Mikasa smiled and somehow, forgot about the hardships she went through. As long as she is with the right person, she'll be alright.

I'm sorry, baby. She addressed her unborn child that she killed. She still walked with beside Eren but she was still thinking about the child. But I promise you that if I will meet you someday, somewhere, I will love you with all I have because that is what mothers do. Please forgive me but I was only trying to save you. Mama loves you.

And with that, she hoped that her child's soul is at peace, wherever he is.

Hello, guys.

Thank you for reading this chapter and I know I did not update for a while but I promise, I will.

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