Tobias' POV

Dead...

Dead...

Not dead...

Dead...

My mind is running wild as thoughts of Tris flood in. She's dead - I know she is - I have her urn and engagement ring, Marcus gave them to me. Marcus. When has he ever done anything decent for me? He wouldn't stoop, that low though... Would he?

Dead...

Dead...

Dead!

My Tris is dead.

She isn't real, none of this is real.

I'm dreaming... dreaming. I'm having a nightmare! Wake up. I need to wake up, I have to wake up.

I clench my fists tight and let the nails on my fingers cause little crescents to appear in my palms. Nothing happens... This normally works, the pain is usually enough to wake me up. It doesn't work.

What is that last thing that happens during a nightmare? Someone dies...

I make my way through to the kitchen and search through the draws. My hands move subconsciously, rummaging through various objects trying to find something suitable.

"Four?" A males voice calls as a blurred being enters the kitchen."What are you doing? Why'd you leave the game?" I look up at the speaker but his features and unclear.

"Four?" More voices join in. Females.

Silhouettes continue to pour into the kitchen and surround me. They each chant my name. "Four?" Another calls. These aren't cheers of encouragement though; these are bewilderment.

My hands grow warm and through the racket, I hear a dripping noise. Drip, drip, drip. I wipe the sweat from my palms, off on to my jeans but leave behind a trail of red.

My hands have blood on them.

My hands hold a knife.

"Four?"

"Four?"

"Tobias?" Tris.

"Tris?" I croak and a shadow steps forwards. "Tris?" I repeat again as a small hand wraps around my own.

The thin fingers pry the silver knife from my hands and almost instantly, the dripping noise turns into a heavy stream.

"Tobias, It's me... I'm here... I'm-"

"No!" I scream as tears flow freely down my cheeks. The shadow's hands reach up to my face but I swat them away and stagger backwards, crashing into everything that is in my path.

"You're not real!" I scream again and the words feel like agony in my throat.  "Why? Why did you leave me?" The sobs become hysterical as I crash into the counter. "What happened to 'forever and always'? You're gone and I can't deal with it anymore, Tris!"

The shadows grow darker as they close in on me. "I'm here Tobias! I never left you!"

It's time to wake up. Wake up now before you break. I reach behind me and grab another cold metal object... another knife. "I need to wake up." I croak and hold it out in front of me. "So that means, you need to leave."

The ear piercing scream of a girl floods the room before all blacks out.

"Get Tris to the infirmary, now!"

"Tobias! No, you need to help him! That wasn't him. Something's wrong... Ahh!"

"Tris?!"

"It hurts."

"Peter, do something!"

"What?!"

"Anything!"

"Will?!"

"Christina?!"

"Uriah?!"

"Dauntless Cake?!"

"Four? Four, can you hear me?"

The light floods in and the scene around me is clear... I lay crumbled on the floor of Zeke's kitchen in a pool of blood. Zeke and Will, hover over my head and once in a while, smack the side of my face to make sure, I stay conscious.

"What the hell happened to you? One minute you were sobbing and then you suddenly attacked Tris with a knife!" Zeke shouts and smacks my face again.

"Tris isn't here." I stress, hoping that he gets over the stupid fantasy of her still being alive. I have, because I know that there is no possible way that she could have survived that fall... It's what we tell the initiates during the tour. 'The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy! A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life.'

"Of course she isn't here!" He shouts at me again. "Peter just had to take her to the infirmary because you stabbed her in the collar bone!"

His words sink in and I feel a knot in my gut. "Peter? Why Peter?"

"Because his title of 'number one asshole' has just been taken by you!" Lynn chimes in but her tone is a million times more angry than Zeke's; at least he sounded somewhat worried, Lynn is just furious.

"No, no. You're all wrong." I state and try to sit up, only to be pinned back down by Lynn's foot on my chest.

"Listen up, Four." She snarls and brings her face closer to my own. "Tris. Isn't. Dead. Get that through that thick skull of yours before you try to kill anyone else!" She jabs the heel of her boot in harder to my chest and I wince in pain. "You feel that?" I nod as she continues to dig her heel in deeper. "That pain you feel right now, that is real. Now picture when Tris comes back, and you see her face again, remember that pain, remember how real it felt." She removes her foot from my chest and my lungs fill with the much needed air.

"I'm going to make sure that Peter got her there okay." Lynn says in a much less aggressive tone before quickly leaving the room.

I look around at the remaining faces and they all read one emotion, and one emotion only... Disgust.

I tried to kill her...

I tried to kill my Tris...

What have I done?

The grief floods my body and I can't stop the tears from rolling. It doesn't matter if she is real or not anymore because even if she is, she'll hate me.

A/N -IMPORTANT, MUST READ-

Apologies are needed... I am sorry that this update is so incredibly short and probably makes no sense BUT it is one of the most important chapters so far. It is perfectly fine if you didn't understand 99.9% of what was happening (that is done on purpose) because then you have read it correctly. (if you understood what is happening then you're confused... no offence) This chapter is designed to show Tobias' state of mind and how everything is confusing to him... he had been grieving for ages and was now told that there was no need to because his future wife is actually alive after surviving a drop that has ended countless lives beforehand - You would be emotionally stressed out also.

The reason that this chapter is short is because I have rewritten it so many times whilst trying to get it to a suitable standard to then upload without hating myself. The original was so ridiculously long that when I reread it afterwards that even I had no clue what was happening and I wrote it for God's sake! So... I cut out some of the various forms of 'hallucinations' and confusing descriptions so that it was SOMEWHAT understandable.

As always, I don't own Divergent or any of the characters associated with it.