"Secrets I have held in my heart..

..are harder to hide than I thought."

I've been wandering Mikhail in his sleep.

His honey hair ruffled on the pillow. His long eyelashes perfectly brushed his cheeks that were turning red from the cold breeze that had snuck inside the room.

I was not used to him sleeping, like at all. Seeing him finally get to rest from the exhaustion of the day had drawn a wide smile across my face.

It wasn't until a worried expression slipped down his face, making his eyebrows tremble with distress.

He had slowly started sweating, swallowing hard. His breath became heavy as time passed.

Horrified groans had escaped his lips, that was when he sprung out of bed.

"Mikhail?!!" I reached and wrapped my arms around him, reassuring him, reminding him I was there.

His eyes widened at me, heavy breaths exhaling from him.

"What's wrong?" I concernedly rubbed his back.

He cleared his throat, "Just a nightmare." He let out a sigh of relief, and rubbed his eyes.

"You get those often?" I asked him.

"Yeah, trauma and shit." He exhaled, running a hand through his hair. "Don't worry about me."

"Well, then. I shrugged that thought off, hoping for a non-depressing day for once. "Good morning." I placed a kiss on his cheek.

He smiled, getting up. "How did I end up sleeping here?" He confusedly narrowed his eyes, throwing himself on the couch.

I chuckled, "You fell asleep."

He bit the bottom of his lips, regretfully. "I must have disturbed your night, didn't I?"

"No," I giggled, "On the contrar-"

"Get the hell up, Evelyn!" Mom broke into the room, glaring at her phone. "It's already eight in the mor-"

Mikhail awkwardly waved his hand at my shocked mother with a smile.

She shot me a suspicious glance, "Am I missing something here?!"

Mikhail cleared his throat, "I just passed by to say good morni-"

"You're not missing anything, Mom!" I shot Mikhail a death stare, clinging to my pillow. "Mikhail came by last night and fell asleep watching a movie. You know, he's been... grieving."

Mikhail glanced at me with four nods.

Idiot.

But I love him.

"You know what?" Mom blinked, confusion shown all over her face. "I trust you enough to not ask about it."

"You do?" I knitted my eyebrows, surprised that she was aware of something as 'trust'.

"You two!" She pointed her fingers at both of us, "I'm going work, do not cause any mess! And definitely don't enter my kitchen! Got it?!"

"Yes, ma'am." Mikhail blurted so fast.

She grinned at him, "Have a great day, Kids!" She waved and then left the bedroom.

"Kids?" Mikhail frowned at me.

"Great day?" I frowned back, totally confused by my mother's unusual peacefulness.

"Is your mom alright?" he narrowed his eyes.

I shook my head, wondering if she actually was. "I don't think so." I then shrugged that thought off, "Anyway, ready to bake brownies for breakfast?" I smirked, receiving a refusing tilted head.

...

We had tried to bake brownies for almost three hours. Mikhail's cheeks and nose were covered with flour and chocolate, while I just sat on the counter and watched him get the tray out of the oven.

Him secretly cooking in my mom's kitchen was something I ought to forever cherish. He might have worn my mother's apron, but it still made him look attractive.

I sucked the chocolate out of the spoon, grinning at him.

"You really shouldn't have let me bake when your mother specifically warned us not to step in her kitchen." He agitatedly dropped the tray beside me, noticing the way I gazed him. "And don't look at me like that!"

"Admit it." I kicked his hips with my leg. "You had fun baking here."

"No, I didn-" He noticed he was still wearing my mother's apron, so he took it off and tossed it on the chair.

"You don't like cooking with me?" My grin switched to a frown.

"You did absolutely nothing but watch me and laugh the entire time." He childishly glared, placing his hand on both hips. "You call that cooking?"

I pulled the spoon out of my mouth, "I've already burned the first tray," I shamefully looked down. "Yours look good, though. I'm sure I'll learn better next time."

He chuckled, and then stuffed a brownie in my mouth. "What do you think?"

I chewed to it's sweetness, giving him a satisfied smile. "Even better than mom's." I licked the chocolate around my lips, while Mikhail leaned closer, dreamily staring at them.

"You should wipe off the chocolate on your cheeks." I gazed him for a moment, eyebrows knitted with irritation. "I'm not doing it for you." I leaned away to get off of the counter, but his huge hands forbid any movements.

"You're not going anywhere," His hands pulled my hips back to him, then it was fixed on my waist. "until you wipe the chocolate off my cheeks."

"Ew-" I giggled, and he was already very close to me. I couldn't breathe.

"Are these brownies for breakfast?!" Dad broke the tension, and we found him opening the fridge for some fresh berries.

I forgot he was even here.

He then grabbed a bottle of water, shooting Mikhail a 'You're not welcomed here' type of glare.

Mikhail's head slowly turned to me, "Where's the bathroom again?"

...

We'd decided to get back to the mansion and spend our day there.

I just knew my dad was not going to let us enjoy our time together. He kept furiously glaring at Mikhail and asking him a lot of personal questions for no damn reason.

Sometimes I forget they once played Monopoly together.

I waited for Mikhail to finish showering and I wandered his room.

I reached for his office, finding his journal left opened. It never came to my mind that he could actually like journaling, but I guessed it was a way to clear off his mind.

I had that urge to just take a look at it, at least one look to know if he wrote something about me, about how he felt towards me.

But I couldn't cross that limit. I couldn't cross his boundaries and read a journal that was supposed to be kept secret from everyone, even me.

Especially me.

I calmly went back to rest on his bed. I found him getting out of the bathroom, wearing just a towel as his hair slipped a couple of wet drops down his chest.

"You know it's very cold to be walking like that." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"It's nothing compared to Russia." He reached for his drawers, grabbing a hair brush.

I suddenly found myself studying the lines of his abs, and that made me shift back to reality. "Did you take your meds?"

"Oh," He frowned, looking everywhere for them. "I forgot."

I let out a sigh and crossed my arms at him. "This isn't something to joke about."

"Relax." He lifted up his medicine with a smirk at me. "I just lost them." He said, and then I found him dry swallow his pills.

"Mikhail!" My mouth dropped wide open, "You just dry swallowed your pills!"

"So what?" He knitted his brows at me, "There was no water. And I always do that, it's normal."

I shook my head, crossing my arms at him. "But don't grumble to me when you find yourself choking one day."

He chuckled, "You think I'd let myself die that miserably?"

I shrugged. "Anything is possible!"

"Well, I personally thought Marcus would die because of cigarettes." He mentioned, and a smile had suddenly appeared on both our faces. "Turned out he didn't."

I rested my chin on both my knees, wondering where could Marcus be at that time. "Where do you think he is? Could he be in heaven? Or like.. absorbed into a dark void?"

He put his meds back in the drawers, "Remember when you told me about the afterlife theory?" He reached to sit on bed next to me. "That must be it."

"Oh, so now you think it's true?" I irritatedly narrowed my eyes, remembering very well that he thought my theory was ridiculous and absurd.

"Anything is possible." He mocked me.

I giggled. "Then I wish our afterlife becomes at the same spot he is right now, so we could be relived together."

He nodded, and I found him wandering in his own thoughts. "There's actually this party he's always wanted to go to. They're throwing it up tonight." He smiled and looked at me. "How about we make his wish comes true?"

"I hate parties. I hate crowds." I pursed my lips, a smirk then appeared on my face. "But I'll do it for him."

"I'm not letting you drink anything, though." He warned with a glare. "You already fooled me the last three times."

"It was Marcus's idea, I swear-"

...

I took a sip of my cocktail, watching random teenagers dancing and drinking with extreme reckless delight. It was as if they feared no future and no commitment, just enjoying every moment of their lives by wearing a hopeful smile with welcoming arms.

Is this what Marcus desperately wanted to go to? Just a party thrown by some teenagers at their parent's mansion?

I guessed it was indeed way far from what he wanted to have, this normal youthful life. And I, an actual highschool teenager, have always wanted to try parties like that.

Marcus wouldn't have been the only one enjoying this.

"Dance with me." Mikhail offered his hand, whispering to my ears with the widest grin he has ever worn.

"I don't know how to dance the way these guys do." I muttered, shaking my head as I glanced at the dancing crowd. Dancing has always made me nervous.

"It's easy, Love." His fingers traced around my waist, pulling me to his chest. "Just feel the music." He whispered, lips almost brushing my ears.

I cleared my throat. My hands ran up his biceps, gazing him throw my eyelashes. "Show me how." I glanced at his lips that turned into a dazzled smirk.

DJ switched music to stereo love, and it was my most favorite song that I have always wished to know how to dance to. It enlivened me with passion and vitality.

Mikhail's grip tightened around my waist. His other hand grabbing my hips closer to his body, while he placed one of his knees between my thighs, making me almost die out of oxygen.

I found my leg naturally fixed down his crotch, making it a lot easier for my body to stay stable against his.

He then began to lift my hips with the rhythm, "Move with me, Sweetheart." He whispered again to my ears, his fingers running through the back of my hair.

My eyes closed shut as I let out a deep breath.

Focus.

I slowly began to feel the rhythm, as both our hips swayed with the melody. His tightened grip on my waist made me want to just let go and give him complete control over my body. It was the way he had my lungs begging for air every time I felt his fingers touching literally any part of my skin.

Colored lights sought through us as it made Mikhail's desirable gaze visible for me to meet with. I gave him a slight grin, wrapping my arms around his neck. I never had the boldness to dance between crowds of others who could simply judge or make fun of me from any move I might do wrong.

But when I'm with him. It's just us. There's no such thing as others. I'm instantly drugged by the addiction of devouring his presence into my soul.

He was my soul.

...

Mikhail picked me up as he found his way inside the mansion. My fingers were traced around his neck, resting my head on his chest as exhaustion took the best of me.

"This party was something." I claimed, my lips couldn't help but form a wide smile.

Mikhail let me down on his lap, placing his hands on my hips. He grinned, "You know, It's the first time I ever feel like an actual teenager." He glanced down, pursing his lips. "Being with you reminds me of how I should be living my age, restless and youthful."

I smiled, cupping his cheeks with my hands. "Too bad you just turned eighteen."

"Eighteen isn't old. I still got at least two years before officially reaching adulthood." He curled his lips, irritated. "Don't be this hard on me."

"I'm not being hard on you." I shook my head, "I'm gonna miserably become eighteen next year so-"

"By then you should be able to move in with me." He grinned and his eyes glowed very shine.

I giggled, not excepting his suggestion, at all. "You want me to move in with you?" I questioned, wandering his jade eyes that'd always been giving me hope.

"I want to grow old with you." He whispered, then reached for my hair to stroke. "Call me yours, Love. You're gonna need to get used to it for our next seventy years together."

Tears welled up my eyes, I could've started crying, I could've cried the whole night in his arms. He made me feel so happy, so hopeful.

I pulled him in for a kiss long enough to devour the infinite desire between our lips.

Pulling away, I felt a hard object pushing against the inner of my thighs.

I looked down with my eyes widened. "What the hell was that?"

"Don't worry, Love." He raised his chin with a smirk. "It's just my gun."

My eyes widened even more, "Is it loaded?!"

He narrowed his eyes, almost offended. "Do I look like an idiot to you?"

"Sometimes," I shrugged. "yes you do."

"Need I remind you that we're targeted to death by one of the most dangerous mafia men?" He mentioned, and I swallowed hard once I remembered. "I can't risk going out with you bare handed."

"I'm sure these huge fists will do just fine." I teased, receiving an eye roll from him.

"I'm gonna bring us a blanket to share, I think I'm getting freaking cold." He said, offered me a smirk and went upstairs to his bedroom.

I went to pour a cup of water, and as I lifted it for a sip, the electricity got cut out, which means the lights turned off, which means the whole mansion blacked out.

Which means I had a severe panic attack.

I accidentally dropped the water glass, the smashing noise triggered my ears. My breath tightened and I froze my place.

I was hardly able to swallow, my whole body started trembling to it's core. I could hear my heart throbbing and pounding through my veins.

I felt blind. Blind and powerless. Incapable of hunting down my racing thoughts that couldn't give me a chance to think straight.

I couldn't call for Mikhail's name, I couldn't scream or yell or shout. All I did was gasp and sob until his name was able to escape my trembling lips.

I suddenly felt his heavy grip tightening around me, I once again panicked with a flinch, until his voice brought me back to reality.

"Hey, It's okay. It's me. I'm here, Love." He pulled me into his chest, stroking my hair as I did nothing but try to catch my breath. "It's alright. You're alright, Eve."

I let out slight gasps, gripping tighter to his shirt, swearing not to ever let go. I closed my eyes shut and began to compose myself.

"Fuck, Evelyn." He cussed under his breath, burying my face to his chest. "You're trembling."

"I told you it was serious-" I cleared my throat, not darling to open my eyes as the place was still blacked out.

"I never thought this serious." He whispered, letting out a sigh.

He then placed a soft kiss on my forehead, and picked me up.
I clinged my arms and legs around him as we reached to the terrace.

He put me down on the couch, "Stay here."

I gripped around my knees, impatiently waiting for him.
He came back with four candles, a blanket and a lighter.

He blew up the candles, and then covered me with the blanket. Then he went back and grabbed another glass of water for me to drink, slipping inside the blanket with me.

I rested on his chest, almost asleep as we waited for the lights to come back.

And then I opened my eyes and took a look outside the terrace, finding it heavily snowing.

"Mikhail!" I sprung up, grinning with joy. "Look, it's snowing!"

He blinked for some times, and I realized I woke him from his sleep.
I didn't bother and ran outside to gaze at the sky.

"You're gonna get cold!" Mikhail rushed after me. I felt him wrapping the blanket around me.

Feeling sprinkles of snow falling down our hair, clothes, feet, I lifted up my hand, letting drops of snow fall down on it as well.

"It's so beautiful." I gazed at the snowy glittering sky, then looked at Mikhail who'd been wandering my presence with a warm smile that whole time.

"God, I'm so in love with you." He whispered with a weak low tone, as though his love for me had officially got him defeated.

Shivers ran down my spine, as my head slowly turned to his direction. "Say that again?" My eyes welled up with tears, needing to hear it one more time.

"I love you, Evelyn." The three words had finally escaped his lips, leaving me obsessed and in love with him all over again. "I love you, and it has always been killing me."

_______

[Redamancy] (n.) : the act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full.

....

I can't believe this book is coming to an end! 🥺

There's only few chapters left for the big reveal, I hope you all are ready!!!

Don't forget to vote and comment, xoxo. <33