"Is this the place we used to love?..

..Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

"Was that the last conversation you ever had with him?" Ethan questioned, focusing his gaze on me.

"Yeah, yes it was." I anxiously cleared my throat, "That's pretty sure everything I remember."

We were on our way to the orphanage Mikhail grew up in, looking for any evidence to prove that I'd actually met Mikhail six years ago.

Maybe there were any signed papers proving it, or camera clips, we'd sure ask the principal about them.

We first walked through a temperate forest, I assumed it's where Mikhail tried my mother's chocolate brownies for the first time, or where he had tried any sweet at this point.

It's very ironic I'm starting to believe I've actually been there before. I still have no clue but somehow that memory awakened hope in me, in us.

We finally reached to the orphanage, it's a huge dusted building, looking a lot similar to prison, several old trees surrounded the building's walls.

Me and Ethan reached to the gate, he tried to open it but it couldn't open.

"It's abandoned." He said, whipping off the dust in his hands.

"Looks like it." I frustratedly turned back, kicking a small rock with my foot.

"What now?" He turned to my direction with a disgruntled sigh as he placed his hands on his hips.

"I don't know." I narrowed my eyes as I looked at the building, sun burning me alive. "Maybe we shou—"

And suddenly, I remembered.All the memories I had here with him, it rushed like an endless waterfall.

The way he smiled at me after a long hard try for him to do so, the way he touched my hands and I instantly felt my heart throb through my ribcage, the way his jade green eyes continued to deeply gaze me, study me as though there was nothing else worth staring at, the way he saw future through me, future and hope, safety and comfort.

For him, I was an escape from a harsh, cruel world. For me, he was a way to be lost through a beautiful one.

We both needed each other, we both had nothing but each other. It was as though I created this fantasy to escape to whenever I needed him. And he was always there, except that I  weren't.

I remember memorizing his name as though someone whispered it to me, as though it was the smoothest word to slip out of my tongue, it's like everything was planned from the very beginning.

And I remember being covered in blood. I remember opening my eyes, to a torturing feeling, to my heart wrenching million times as though someone has ripped it off alive.

I remember feeling paralyzed on the ground, my body spreading with the color of red, a very dark one.

And I remember his terrified look, the terrified look of a twelve year old boy who for a second in his life, thought a beautiful moment could last forever. But that moment was stolen very soon for him. He stood there and trembled. He stood there and did nothing. In the end, he was a little kid, what could he have done to save my hopeless soul?

I remember finally being able to stand on my feet, feeling a bit lighter than I used to. I remember the fright I had on my face the moment I turned around and saw my sober body, dead  on the ground, as though my soul had finally abandoned it, abandoned my life, my world, my brimful existence.

I fell to my knees, covering my mouth.

"Evelyn?!" The professor kneeled down beside me, concern devouring him.

I half parted my lips, hardly able to speak, only letting out painful sobs. "He was right—Mikhail was right."

Ethan reached for my back to rub. "What happened?!"

"I think–I think the first time I unconsciously teleported was at the orphanage, six years ago–" I squeezed my eyes shut, "I remember having a dream about this when I was eleven, about meeting him here, and having the accident."

"Isn't this good news?" He smiled, trying to reassure me, give me hope. "You've finally understood everything!"

"No–No! You don't understand!" Tears covered most of my face, not daring to stop. "I killed her–I killed my own clone. I ruined a beautiful moment by interfering in it, I messed everything up."

"Evelyn, what do you mean?" Ethan concernedly asked.

And I realize now, that none of it I had ever deserved. She was supposed to live, if not because of me, she'd have been happy with him, Mikhail wouldn't have been alone right now.

I ruined everything. This was never my home, it's always been someone else's. He was supposed to love her, not me.

But I was too broken to understand, I was so hurt by what my world offered me. The world has offered me a hurtful guy, hurtful friends, hurtful family. I did not deserve any of it either, and that's why I found my conscious seeking for something that wasn't mine, thinking I truly deserved to be this happy.

I deserved Mikhail, but so did she. And by interfering in a universe that I was never supposed to live through, I ruined a chance for someone else to have. It's as though I've broken the law of nature, just because I was selfish and heart broken.

I killed her. My own self. The closest person to my very being.

And I'll never forgive myself.

"I need to meet Mikhail, right now!"

...

We went back school, I had to attend my final exam for senior year. The very last one and then I'd never have to come back here again.

I explained to Ethan everything I figured out when we were at the orphanage. He responded with a nod and left to his laboratory, saying there was something important he had to do.

I decided not to give a single thought about that multiverse power thing I realized I had and just focus on my exam. Maybe until Ethan finds out a solution to meet Mikhail again.

I just need to see him, one last time. And I'll never ask for anything again.

I need to apologize for everything I said to him, I need to apologize for taking away the love of his love, for making him suffer almost six years.

Suddenly I felt the anxiety crawling through my body, Liam is grabbing my wrist.

He pushed me against the locker, the whole hallway was unfortunately empty. "What the fuck?!" I yelled.

"Where's my sister?!" He glared into my soul, gritting his teeth.

"Now she's your sister?!" I curled my lips with disgust, my chest beginning to ache.

"She told you everything, didn't she?" He questioned with genuine rage in his eyes, rage I've never noticed from him before. It was extra doubled rage.

"That you're a freaking piece of shit?!" I pushed him away, still yelling. "I already know that!"

"You've begun to be very impulsive lately." He clenched his jaw, leaning closer to me. "Be careful when you talk to me, Evelyn."

"Let me get one thing straight," I stared back at him, taking few steps closer. "I don't give a shit about what you do anymore. Neither me or my family are slaves to you or your sick father. And for you sister, she's not going back there again, not until you drop dead and we firstly make sure of it."

"You're gonna regret this, Evelyn." He growled, "You and everyone you care about!"

"I'm already regretting everything." I pulled my wrist away and clenched my jaw. "Which includes ever being with you."

I made my way through the door's exit, leaving him both furious and agitated. He's a criminal, he and his father. I wish they get the punishment they deserve.

As I entered the professor's house, I found Camila and Ethan holding a birthday cake, a candle with the number eighteen was on it.

"Happy late birthday!" Camila yelled with a grin as Ethan blown into a party horn, causing my ears to trigger.

"No way, guys!" I smiled as I placed both hands on my heart. "You remembered me?"

"It was Camila's idea," Ethan grinned for the first time, fixing his tie. "I didn't know it was your birthday."

"That I do know." I pointed my finger at him with narrowed eyes.

"Happy birthday!" Cami reached to pull me in a hug. "I hope this year becomes better for us, with no abuse."

"No abuse, I hope too." I rubbed her back, resting my cheek on her shoulder. She was the only one who understood what it felt like to be hurt by the closest people to you, the ones you much cared about.

Her father, her brother.

My family, my friends. All of them hurt me, betrayed my trust.

Camila understood how that felt.

We both rested on the couch, eating from the birthday cake and watching a very lame tv show that Ethan has suggested.

I took a bite of my birthday cake, looking as miserable as ever. Camila seemed to notice that the moment I realized she has been frowning at me.

"What's with you?" She questioned with frustration.

"Nothing." I forced a smile, taking another bite of the cake. "I'm fine."

She placed her plate on the table and crossed her arms at me. "Are you done acting?" She paused and pursed her lips at me with a tilted head. "Now tell me what's wrong!"

I let out a deep breath, and placed the plate as well. "It's just that–" I sorrowfully looked down, playing with my fingers. "After all of what I've figured out, I don't know if me and Mikhail were ever real. That feeling we have—"

"Are you serious?!" She ironically knitted her brows at me. "That's what's bothering you?"

"How can it not?" I narrowed my eyes, irritated. "In my world, Mikhail doesn't exist. For me, it means my feelings for him never existed either." I swallowed hard with a painful reveal to a miserable reality.

"What makes you so sure he doesn't have a clone in our world?" She narrowed her eyes back at me.

"If he did, I'd have already met him." I pouted with agitation. "I'd have already fallen in love with him. Instead, I chose to fall in love with the one I could never have."

"It doesn't matter, Evelyn." She pursed her lips at me, as though she was disappointed by my frustration. "What only matters is that you fell in his love. Real or not, he has left a peaceful impact on your life, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did."

"Then it doesn't matter."

I cleared my throat and looked down, still playing with my fingers. Camila let out a huge sigh and reached to sit next to me.

She was silent for a long moment, until she proceeded to speak. "I once had an imaginary friend, when I was nine years old." She muttered to me, and I found my attention suddenly focused on her. "I was always convinced that when we grow up we'd get married to each other." She chuckled, then sighed and looked down. "Growing up, I've always been avoided by my parents, they never cared to talk to me or ask me anything about myself. They knew nothing about me, and it made me feel so lonely that I had to create an imaginary world where everything was good and peaceful, a world where Peter existed."

"Peter!" I shrunk my nose and cringed by his strange name. "Ew, Camila!"

"I know!" She covered her mouth to hide her giggles. "I was so childish to pick such name, I had no time to rethink."

"Duh!" I knitted my brows with pursed lips. I then grinned at her, "What kind of goof would fall in love with a guy named Peter?!"

"Unless he's Peter Parker." She muttered with a chuckle and I instantly smiled.

"That we both agree on." I nodded.

She laughed it off, resting her head on my shoulder. I rested my head on hers, blankly staring at the television with an empty mind. "Thank you." I found myself whispering.

"For what?" She whispered back.

"For accepting me for who I truly am," I informed, playing with my fingers. "For not judging me like everyone else."

"It's because we're alike, Evelyn. You're exactly a reflection of who I'm afraid to show from the inside." She pulled away, offering a welcoming smile. "I can't judge my own self."

________

[Paracosm] (n.) : a detailed, prolonged imaginary world created by a child.