"Could you find a way to let me down slowly?"

"A little sympathy, I hope you can show me."

Beneath the cold glare of the desolate dark night, and the uncountable shimmering light of the stars, Mikhail stood on the soft yet firm grains of sand. Looking at the shining crescent that reflected on the black inked ocean, while his hair softly flew by the shivery wind.

He tilted his head, perceiving my presence as he turned back and warmly gazed at me.

My heart fell to my stomach. I took few steps closer, unaware of my surroundings.

"Is that really you?" I asked him, receiving a pleasant smile from him but a really painful look in his eyes.

"Yeah." he chocked out, clearing his throat as his smile instantly disappeared.

I wanted to hug him. I wanted to hug him really bad. But my legs were barely able to move from how shaking It was.

"Where were you all this time?" I cried, shaking my head at him in heartbreak.

"It doesn't matter." he exhaled, frustratingly. "I just came here to tell you-"

"I've been searching for you since forever." I cut him off, tears running down my cheek.

He calmly sighed, as though my words to him didn't mean anything.

It was strange seeing him that way. He looked guilty and quite regretful being here with me.

He then reached to me with a frown. "Do not search for me, ever again." he commanded, in an aggressive yet protective way.

I took a step back, looking at him with disbelief. "What?"

"It's better that way." he stuttered, almost falling apart. "It's better for us to be distant."

"Mikhail, what are you talking about?!" I shouted through sobs as I reached for his arms and held it tight. "You know I can't live without you!"

"Yes, you can."

"Is this all because the way you do things with work? We talked about it many times and you're still not convinced that it's not that big of a deal as long as we love each other!"

"No, it's not what you're thinking."

"So you're just gonna leave me?!"

He put his hands on my shoulder and glared with stress, "I'm trying to protect you."

"That isn't protection. That's abandonment!" I cried out as I wandered through his eyes, only finding them to be cold and wicked looking at me. Only for me to realize one thing.

"You're not real, are you?"

He let go of me with another frown. "What?!"

"This isn't happening." I turned my back to him as I ran my fingers through my hair, trembling a bit. "This can't be real. I must be dreaming or hallucinating!"

"Evelyn, look at me!" he turned me to his direction, looking through my soul. "Listen-.."

"No, no. Stop!!" I pushed him back several times, not wanting to hear any of this, not wanting for this to be real at any cost. "You're not real. Get out of my head!!" I brokedown and squeezed my eyes shut.

I started sobbing. My eyes were still trapped in the black void of my own mind, not wanting to believe that he was real at that moment. Not wanting to believe that he was the one standing right in front of me, telling me not to ever search for him again, or even think.

That moment was a lot worse than the nightmare of me not being able to find him.

I could handle anything but not him asking me to forget about him and all the memories we created together.

Suddenly I felt someone's hand gently resting on my shoulder. "You're not real. Just get out of head." I whispered and raised my head up to the sky as I fell down to my knees. My blanket fell, too.

"Evelyn, It's alright."

I recognized his tone, the professor. I quickly opened my eyes and turned to look at him, finding him staring at me with a terrified yet a very concered gaze.

He kneeled down and held me as he rubbed my back for comfort.

"Please, let him get out of my head." I continued sobbing and looked at him with painful eyes that was asking for help and releif. "I can't take this anymore."

"There's no one there." he leant closer and whispered to my ear with a reassuring smile, pointing his finger to the place were Mikhail stood on. "Look."

Turning my gaze to that place once again, I found no one. Mikhail disappeared as though he vanished from existence, as though he was never there at all.

I raised my finger, hardly able to point at the direction since my whole body was entirely shaking. "I swear, he was there." my eyes widened as I looked at the proffessor who was silently patting my shoulder, not being able to see the worried look that was just on him few seconds ago.

"It's alright." he held my arms, helping me get up as he covered the blanket around me. "Come on, lets get you some rest."

...

Smelling the fresh breeze of air that came flying with the wind, making my body shiver, I let out a sigh and took a sip of the hot chocolate that the proffessor prepared for me.

We were silently sitting on a broken stump of a tree near the shore as we watched the water wave back and forth.

He helped me calm down a little which I felt grateful for. I was relieved with the fact that no one was awake to witness the stupidity of my mental health except him. A scandal was the last thing I wanted to be associated with.

Deciding to break the silence, I began to bring the subject up.

"Do you think that was actually him?" I anxiously looked at him, warming my hands with the hot cup. "It can't be, right?"

He was silent for a moment, as though he was filled with conflicting thoughts.

"When I heard you shouting for no reason, I didn't see anyone standing with you." he said and then he took a sip of his hot chocolate. "It must have been some sypmtoms of stress."

"But he was right in front of me." I explained, "I could even feel and touch him."

"You can also touch and feel someone in a dream, right?" he looked at me, trying to convince me that It was all in my head.

I had no words to say. Whatever the proffessor was thinking of would have made more sense than me doubting Mikhail's presence those last few minutes.

"Why would I suddenly hear him calling for me? And when I get out I'm shocked with his figure being in front of me? It all was in a sudden rush.."

"Fear of losing him made you start to hallucinate things that aren't actually there." the proffessor said as I sighed of how far ridiculous my intuitive sensations could go to. "You're getting too obsessed with him, Evelyn."

It's not my fault that I'm worried about him. And It's not my fault that everyone forces me to be more scared that he might have never been in my life in the first place.

"I just wanna know if he's doing okay." I whined, biting my bottom lip as tears welled up my eyes.

The professor frustratingly looked down and nodded. "I know. We will make sure of It." he said. Then he looked at me with a reassuring smile. "Don't stress much over it, alright?"

I smiled back and nodded with ease, then took another sip of the hot drink.

"Perhaps what happened with Liam today was the reason for your stress?" he guessed and I pursed my lips from how frustrated I get when I remember that subject.

"So you were hearing us outside, weren't you?" I asked him.

"I'm afraid it was hard not to." he smiled a bit, still looking down.

Looking at the ocean, I scratched the back of my neck in shame. "I guess it wasn't."

"I don't expect to believe those things he said, though." he looked at the ocean as he shook his head. "I assume hearing reasons from you would be the only thing I believe in."

Nodding at him, I kept being silent and took a sip of the hot chocolate.

"So, why things between you and Liam never worked out?"

I took a deep breath, "You know when your expectations on someone are quite too high, but they end up being an illusion? And that someone turns to be an absolute let down? I would call that on Liam. At first I was like, hey, that dude likes you. You shouldn't underestimate him like that. Go for it. He's cute." I stopped for a moment, blanking at the crescent, with teary eyes. "I was scared, like every other girl who is terrified to get hurt by someone. But you don't get to learn until you experience things, right?"

"I suppose you don't."

"Exactly. So I went for it. And it felt really beautiful, at least the illusion of it. You know, getting to experience what falling in love is." I chuckled at that, realizing I've never felt love with Liam, not the slightest bit of it. "I guess I thought that there was still hope for us because people told me so. I always needed people's opinion, although I should've listened to my own. I was too reliable on their beliefs, but not mine. If your mother tells you he's the right one for you, then he surely is, Evelyn. Don't even doubt it. That voice of my dependent self has always thought."

"I relied on everyone's point of view. I made people rule me, control my beliefs, tell me what was the right thing to do. Thinking that everyone was always right except for my own voice, my own mind. But you don't get to let people live your own life, do you?"

"Your own self is afraid to take its own decisions so it goes for the other's, thinking there will be no regrets by it." the professor said, and I agreed to his words.

"I guess I'm not that confident after all." I teared up a bit and then whipped it off. "Anyways, after some months of being with Liam. His actions started to be more aggressively violent. He couldn't control his anger, especially on me. Pretending to be the nice calm guy in public while he's actually a freaking lunatic."

"Did he harm you in some way?" professor asked, concernedly.

Chuckling at him, I said. "Of course he did. What do you expect from a drug addict?"

"What?!"

"Surprising to know, right?" I bit the inside of my cheek as my inner eyebrows was raised. "His personality completely changed, he harmed me a lot. But it wasn't a major thing, not on purpose. I didn't know he took drugs back then, so it was hard for me to figure out the reason for his violence. I only wanted to end things with him before he could harm me more often. And our relationship becomes an abusive one."

...

[Trigger warning]

.Flashback.

It was a sunny morning, full of joy and excitement. We were packing our bags to go on a summer holiday with Liam and his family. They had their own beach house near the shore that they used to spend holidays at.

It was the first time for them to invite us to spend the holiday all together. Mom and dad were very amused by their offer as we never had or spent the summer time at our own beach house. So they instantly accepted to go.

Me and Liam arrived at the beach house an hour before all of them, we wanted to have some time alone together.

That's what he thought I wanted.

But I only said that because I was doubting something. I wanted to find a proof and confront him for it.

Getting inside the beach house, Liam foolishly smiled at me as he picked me up and playfully threw me on the couch. I faked a giggle as my eyes wandered the house, it was all dusty and woodened. "So that's the most expensive beach house you have?"

"I never said that." Liam smirked and spilled the cold bottle of water on his sweating hair as some of his bangs were loosen on his forehead. He was wearing a white pink striped chemise and dark blue jeans.

In fact, he looked angelic, he had always been like that from the outside that I sometimes get fooled by his beautiful smile. I would've been too stupid if I had continued being fooled like that.

I smiled and twirled my hair. "So what do we do now?"

"Oh, we will do a lot of things." he dried his hair with a towel and proceeded to kiss my cheek. "You stay here. I will be right back."

I faked a smile and when he turned his back on me, I wiped my cheek with disgust.

Like I said. I can't be fooled, can I?

He headed to the bathroom as I silently sneaked to search for his room.

I first searched if there were drugs hidden in his bags, but I found nothing.

Searching in his room, I opened his drawers and finally found two pack of drugs hidden inside a philosophy book.

He is not even into philosophy, who is he kidding?

I heard the bathroom's door getting unlocked and I quickly went back to the couch.

He entered his bedroom and closed the door behind him. I suppose he was changing his clothes.

About ten minutes passed and he still hasn't got out of his room.

Getting bored, I got up and entered his room, finding him anxiously searching for the drugs, in the drawers and under his bed.

I rested on the door as I folded both my shoulders, looking at him in pity.

"Hey honey, you go get some rest until I find what I'm searching for." he said with nervousness, eyes deadly wandering the closet in a confusing mess.

"You mean this?" I raised up the pack with a neutral face, earning a furious glare from him.

His eyes dropped a desperate stare at the pack of drugs I held, then a daunting glare at me that caused my body to tense with fear, hoping I'd be able to defend myself against him.

With him glaring, and lips curling. I found his hand stretching to my direction as he was uncontrollably sweating. "Give this to me."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked him with my brows knitted, in shock. "How long have you been taking this?"

"I said, give it to me." he commanded, almost groaning. I could feel his teeth firmly gritting from the way he clenched his jaw.

"No, I'm not. Liam, what is wrong with you?"

Earning a satanic smirk from him, he got closer to me. I took few steps backwards, while he sniffed. "Alright, honey. Alright. Just give it to me, and I'll do whatever you wish." he slowly reached for my hand to snatch the pack, but I quickly flinched and pushed his chest away from me.

"I'm not giving it to you, can't you hear yourself?" I paused for a second and disgustingly stared at him. "You're going insane because of it!"

"I don't care!" he lashed out as he pushed me back with a violent force, causing my head to harshly knock into the wall, making me fall to my feet. "Just fucking give it to me!"

A whine of pain slipped out of my lips, as the pack of drugs went loose to the ground. Squeezing my eyes tightly, I rubbed the back of my head and quickly attempted to snatch the pack before he does.

I couldn't quite focus on my surroundings, everything felt dizzy and discolored. My eyes were unstoppably tearing with burned misery.

I groaned and tried to get up, but my legs were shaking as Liam's arms strongly pulled me up to edge of the bed and his body was painfully brushing against mine.

I opened my eyes, seeing his disgustingly brutal face too close to me. I squeezed my fist shut as the pack was hidden inside it.

Smelling his bad breath, I spat on his face and uncontrollably kicked his stomach with my legs. "Get off of me, you fucker!"

He gritted his teeth and slapped my face twice. "Fucking shut up!" he said and violently snatched the drugs from me. I sobbed hard as I wasn't able to believe the mess and pain he caused to me because of that pack of shit.

We heard the van pulling up, it was our parents finally arriving to the beach house.

Liam roughly forced his palm against my mouth, making me unable to breathe. Only sobbing harder and harder. I was freaking out and I couldn't know how to act, only aching for my parents outside to hear me scream.

"If you don't shut up right now, I swear I will kill you." he shouted with cruelty, as I heavily trembled, trying to again kick his stomach with my legs or at least bite his hand. Trying to do anything to hurt him the way he did to me, I couldn't. "And if you told anyone about this, I'll fucking kill you!"

I shut my eyes off, not wanting to see his disgusting face. I was in too much pain already. I only wanted him to get off of me and not hurt me anymore. For the first time in my life, I feared someone too bad that I surrendered myself to them. I just wasn't able to fight it anymore, I was weak.

Still forcing his palm against my mouth, he glared at me. "I'm gonna get out, and you'll stay locked here all day. I'll tell them you got tired and your head ached so you decided to get some rest. If you spoke anything but that, if you told them the truth, don't blame anyone but yourself."

He gave me one last glare and then he got off of me. He sniffed some of the drugs and ran his fingers through his hair. I was scared of letting them hear my sobbing so I buried my face into the pillow, while Liam got out of the room and locked the door behind him.

I stayed locked up the whole day, terrified of everything. Terrified of him and what he could do to me.

I couldn't even tell my mom about it, I didn't know what to do. I was afraid if I told anyone, he'd actually kill me. I mean, he literally could do it. I once saw a gun in his father's office, so I wouldn't be surprised if he had one as well.

His family seemed to be too dangerous to mess with in the first place. Why in god's sake did I even accept to date this piece of crappy shit. But I guess we all make mistakes, don't we?

...

"After that incident I didn't dare to see his face at all. Not because I was afraid of him, but I was just too disgusted to see him that I didn't go to school or even get out of my house for that matter."

Or maybe I was scared and I just couldn't admit it.

Professor Ethan looked at me with sympathy and pity. I took a sip of the hot chocolate as I didn't bother to let my emotions control my thoughts and ruin my mood more than it was already ruined.

"I'm so sorry for you, kid." he softly said, pursing his lips in frustration.

I looked at the peaceful darkness view of the ocean, then back at him. "It's okay."

Smiling at him, I forced back a tear and tried to show him how strong I was going to be.

He smiled back as the wind ruffled both of our hair.

Looking down, he said, "I assume you had every right to treat that guy the way you did."

I gazed at him for a moment, tired. "That's what I've been trying to make everyone understand. I had every right to do what I did. Why would they never believe me?"

"I guess people like to believe what's more interesting for them, not what's true."

"What's more interesting than a girl who gets mentally abused by everyone she crosses by?" I tilted my head and chuckled at him, grinning.

He was silent for a moment. Narrowing his eyes and questioning my behavior.

"You know." he leant his head closer to me, "Sometimes I think that you're actually drunk on something."

Leaning closer to him as though we were gossiping secrets. "Everyone must be drunk on something." I whispered with a warm smile, as I clinked our cups. "Thanks for the drink, by the way."

He let out a laugh. His smile was oddly beautiful. I was starting to consider him as a friend or an older brother rather than a boring teacher who's obsessed with science. He really emotionally helped me during these difficult times. I hope we could both succeed in finding Mikhail. I hope my life becomes peaceful, quite and normal with him again.

I hope I no longer be distressed about his disappearance.

I hope he still thinks we're worth being together.

_______

[Kadota] : to disappear, vanish ; To be lost/be missing; to fade.

....

This chapter was a rollercoaster of emotions, wasn't it? :")

Now you understand why Evelyn hates Liam so much.

I hope you all don't misunderstand her the way everyone else does. She deserves to be heard. And so do we all. <33

Don't forget to vote and comment!
xoxo.