•|Dedication|•

[♡]

This book is for the people who lock their feelings inside their hearts because by expressing it, they get misunderstood.

[♡]

This is for the overthinkers who wake up everyday and wonder if they have a purpose in life.

[♡]

To all the dreamers out there.

This is for you.

And me.



....

As I slowly opened my eyes, vision blurry, I lead them on an exact four figures, still blurry. Feeling every slightest bit of pain rushing through my body.

What's wrong with me?

As my vision gradually cleared, I found myself lying in a bed, it's a hospital bed.

I'm in a freaking hospital.

Carefully trying to get up, I felt heavy hands pushing down my shoulders, forcing me to lie back again.

"Mom?" I said with a confused look on my face.

"Why am I here? What happened?" I nervously scanned the room as I found my dad, my ex boyfriend and the doctor standing on the other side of the bed.

Wait.

My Ex boyfriend?

What the hell is he doing here?

"Don't worry dear, everything is alright." mom said while caressing my hand with her thumb as I hardly was able to think.

"Thank god you're okay! We've been worried about you so much!" dad sighed with relief, reaching out to me, he kissed my forehead several times.

As I started questioning what's happening, with an intense feeling of daze and exhaust, the doctor captured my gaze with a reassuring smile.

"I know these words that I'm going to say won't relieve you much, but I don't want you to worry. You've been in a stroke-induced coma for the past six months due to a several reduced blood flow. And you just woke up from it fifteen minutes ago." he claimed, writing notes on the document.

A shock of panic hit me as I squeezed my mom's hand tight. She responded with a slight kiss on my forehead as she gently rubbed my back.

A coma?

For six months?!

That makes no sense to me.

"What are you talking about? I remember every single detail that happened to me before finding myself in a hospital, as if it was yesterday!" I questioned, voice shaking. "How would I end up here?"

"Well, most people don't usually realize the amount of time passed while unconscious." The doctor explained. "It's perfectly normal to feel this way."

I always believed that if you get into a coma you'd feel sick or aching. But I feel just fine. Why am I here?

"What do you mean? I never felt that I was in a coma in the first place!" I argued as my mom kept rubbing my back to comfort me.

I had spent my life living how any teenager would. Mostly a fun life that is full of entertainment, still able to socialize and meet with friends. Everything felt completely normal.

Why are they trying to convince me otherwise?

Memories slowly rushed through my brain until I remembered the most important part of my life.

I remembered him. The man I fell in love with. My soulmate.

"Mom, what about Mikhail ? Where's he?" I asked as I again scanned the room, hoping he would show up.

"Who's Mikhail?" she questioned with confusion shown all over her face.

"My boyfriend, mom?" My tone began to weaken as I over thought every damn detail in my life.

"Honey, I don't know who you are talking about." she stated with a strange look on her face as she concernedly glanced at my dad.

Don't freak out.

Don't freak out.

"Dad? What's mom confused about? You would remember Mikhail. I know you would... right?" I looked at him, desperately waiting for an answer, for him to agree with me. But he didn't speak, instead he oddly stared at me.

"Dad!" I waved my hand at him trying to get his attention. "Mikhail, who used to visit us all the time? We would have dinner, and then watch a movie all together."

I then looked at my mother. "Mom, you'd even make him chocolate brownies every time he came by! He'd talk about his interests and life problems and you'd gladly give him advice. Don't you remember?" I once again looked at dad, waiting for him to agree with me. "Why are you guys looking at me like that?!"

Dad glanced at me with a sorry look on his face as he sighed with angst. "My dear, the only boyfriend you've had is Liam. And you broke up month and a half before you got into the coma." he said as my brows knitted in stump.

"Honey, maybe you've had a dream about this." mom glanced at dad and then back to me. "Because as your dad said, Liam was your only boyfriend."

At this point, my heart started to race and my hands trembled. I was shaking out of fear. Not only the fear of my parents not remembering the guy I truly fell in love with, but also the fear that I might never see him again, or might never have.

But no, I'm not going insane, I'm sure all of these things had actually happened. I'm sure Mikhail isn't just a dream or some hallucinations. He exists.

Are they lying to me? Are they somehow trying to trick me into not believing that any of this existed in the first place? Why would they?

I mean, Mikhail's relationship with my parents was somehow complicated and they didn't really agree on me dating him, but would they really lie to me just for the sake of my safety from the man I truly love? They must be so cruel then.

I could barely manage to put together a sentence. "If you guys are being honest–If you guys are actually saying the truth, how come I felt that all of these dreams were true? And that they actually existed?" I asked, painfully.

"Because that's what your brain wants you to think, but in reality, they were all just hallucinations and illusions." The doctor clarified, and I froze my place. "Everything you thought you did in the past six months were all dreams, none of it was real."

"No, this can't be happening. What's that bullshit? April fools?" I said with sarcasm as I nervously looked at the doctor. "Haha, alright you got me! Now tell me where Mikhail is..."

"Sorry, but it's not an April fool. We're actually in August fourth." The doctor declared as I found mom and dad face palming from embarrassment.

"How the hell do you want me to believe that shit?!" I argued. "I don't believe any of this-, and you're a liar. I don't believe you!" Tears ran down my cheeks as I quickly whipped them off.

Am I going insane?

How could I possibly believe any of this?

I was just fine yesterday and I'm pretty sure of that. No one else could convince me otherwise. Not even a doctor who surely knows much everything than I myself do.

"Evelyn!" Mom called, frowning.

"What?-" I replied, my voice cracking.

"Enough!"

Silence filled the room as the doctor carefully closed his folders with my documents, clearing his throat. "I'll leave you all to catch up." he glanced at my parents sympathetically before closing the door.

I sighed. Getting tired of all of this.

My mom glared at me with a straight look of disappointment, like I had no right aşkım whether I was awake in the past few months or not.

I looked back at her, eyes full of tears, trying to process what was happening as dad and Liam were watching me in deep silence.

Mom shook her head. "I understand you may be a bit unsettled, so we'll let you get some rest." she said, heading to the door as Liam and dad quietly followed her.

I didn't respond and just rolled into my side as I shut my eyes off.

Not wanting to think about any of this, I slowly began to sleep.

This has to be a nightmare,
please be a nightmare.

----

[Hiraeth] (n) : A homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was.