"I run away when things are good..

..and never really understood."

"What do you mean you want us to break up?!" I questioned, my body on the verge of trembling, collapsing, falling apart. "Tell me you're kidding!" My voice weakened, as my eyes burned with tears.

"I'm sorry." Mikhail swallowed, unable to look me in the eyes.

I looked away, biting the bottom of my lips. I wasn't in a functional state to realize any of my surroundings.

Not so long ago, we were the happiest, most contented couple ever. Everyone envied us for how perfect we were together. And now he can't even look me in the eyes?

Mikhail had been completely ignoring me for two days after our vacation at Venice. Every time I called to check on him, he kept telling me he was too busy with work that he couldn't have at least a five minutes conversation with me.

I knew something was off, but I had never expected it to be that heart wrenching. Wanting a break up was the last thing I could have had in mind thinking about all the odds and possibilities.

Has everything we went through been really that unworthy to say such nonsense?

Did it even matter to him?

Was this feeling ever real?

Tears of pity fell down my cheeks, it was pity for myself, for thinking that what we had actually meant anything.

"Have I done something wrong?" I hardly contained my sobs, staring at his blurry figure that couldn't dare look at my direction. "What happened for all of this?!

He stuttered for a moment, as though he had something to regret about, as though he knew he was guilty for letting me get attached to him.

I was foolish after all.

"You did nothing wrong." He slowly shook his head, gazing at the floor. "This has nothing to do with you. I'm the one you should blame."

"Blame you for what? For willing to break my heart?" I leaned closer, crying my eyes out. I could feel the ache of my chest as I gripped on his shirt with despair. "Or blame you for not wanting to stick to your promise?"

He blinked several times, to help hold in his tears. "Both." he whispered.

I closed my eyes shut, inhaling a breath. "We can fix that. Look, I'm sure whatever you're struggling with, we can find a solution for it together." I stared at him, waiting for an answer.

He shook his head, jaw clenching hard as he bit the bottom of his lips. "I can't." he stated, this time looking at me. His eyes were puffy, pale face, he seemed like he hadn't slept for days. "This is too much for me, and you don't deserve any of this. It's better if we just ended everything."

I stepped back, appalled from his absent mindset. He wasn't making any sense with that, as though he was only victimized in that relationship.

"You really are selfish." I spat out, nauseous of him and everything that had to do with us. "You're just like everyone else." I narrowed my eyes, pointing my fingers to his ribcage with much shame. "You pretend to care about me, but in reality, you're just a self centered manipulator. And I fell for it everytime."

"You're the only one I ever cared about, Eve." he shook with head, offended with my claims. "It's just not enough, not even the feelings I have for you."

"I fucking hate you." I lied, gritting my teeth, as I leaned closer to him, and stared into his soul. "And I should've kept doing that."

His eyes watered, nodding. "I'm sorry for everything." He didn't say another word, he just accepted the fact that I was no longer going to be the person who shares the euphoria and the misery of life with him.

"It was really a waste of time knowing you." I patted his shoulder, giving him a forceful neglected smile. And then I left him and walked away.

On my way to the mansion's gate, I ran across Marcus, who noticed the way I was sobbing and hardly was able to stand on my feet.

"Evelyn?" He reached for me, concernedly. "What happened?!"

I had no energy to answer that, I just kept walking and covered my face.

Marcus suddenly grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him. "I can't let you leave like that!"

My sobs became harder, and harder. I was losing control, there was nothing much heartbreaking than being abandoned by the only one you had your faith and dependency on.

Marcus pulled me to his chest, rubbed my back and gave me the chance to let everything out as his chin rested on my head.

After few minutes, I finally calmed down. He asked me what was wrong, but I refused to answer, I couldn't. So he offered to take me to a place where we can have fun together to ease the stress on me. I was not ready nor I had the power to do anything after what had just happened with Mikhail.
But Marcus insisted on sticking with me till he makes sure I feel okay.

He decided to take me fishing on a boat, but I didn't know how to fish and I wasn't in my right mind to let him teach me how it was done. So I just stood and watched him catch no fishes in the sea, while sorrowfully sank into the desperation of the rowdy waves.

Once Marcus finished, we rested on the stairs near the lagoon, gazing at the ocean as the sunset crippled in, reminding me of the time we watched sunset together in Venice.

It wasn't even that long ago, though everything had suddenly changed. From believing that life finally had hope because of that one person, to abandoning the idea of it, doubting the fondness of love, the warmth that person had afforded to you. Realizing how delusional we sometimes could be, just from how desperate we need for comfort.

And once you come to the conclusion of the brutal reality, every sense of that vague feeling fades away, as if it had never happened.

Marcus rested his arms on both knees, looking at me with curiosity and anguish. I could tell he had something he wanted to say, but was disgruntled.

He then gazed back at the ocean, and blurted. "Mikhail is suffering from Bipolar."

I quickly turned my gaze to him, heart skipping a beat. "What?" It came out as a weak whisper.

He exhaled, sorrowfully. "He got diagnosed two years ago." he cleared his throat, "It was when everything felt extremely overwhelming for him. To the point it started to affect his daily routine and relationships with people."

I closed my eyes shut, regretting the way I lashed out on Mikhail and made him feel more overly worse than he had already been feeling.

"Which type of Bipolar?" I asked Marcus, still not able to take that information as it was painfully shocking to hear.

"Type two." he mentioned, "Thankfully, it's not as mild as type one. Though depressive episodes tend to be more severe, which leads to suicidal thoughts, sometimes."

"How did I never notice?!" I hissed, eyes tearing up once again as I covered my face in shame. "I'm so stupid!"

"I never did, either." he confirmed, "He wasn't planning on telling me, until it was obvious he needed help."

"He broke up with me." I took in a deep breath to process. "That's why I was crying when I left his mansion."

"I know." he nodded, "I figured that out. Especially after he told me he was scared of being with you."

"He told you that?!" I questioned, confused.

"That's why we had a fight." he admitted, "He wanted to end things with you, so that you don't have to handle him with all the chaos in his head. I thought it was a dumb thing to do. I told him to just tell you the truth instead, but he of course reacted differently to that suggestion."

"Does he take medications or practice anything that could help with the episodes?" I concernedly asked him, a shiver or terror dropped to my stomach. All I wanted to do was run back to Mikhail's arms, tell him I was by his side, and that there was nothing that could ever do us a part, not illness, not destiny, not even death.

"He goes to therapy, and takes his pills, at least when someone reminds him to." He said, and I realized how much effort Marcus had been giving to Mikhail. To be the only one who's been able to handle someone's mental health, alone, by himself, was surely a huge strength he had to posses.

I respected him even more by that.

"Does any of that make him feel better?" I questioned.

"Sometimes it does, sometimes he just pretends to feel better." he clenched his jaw, "When in fact, he feels nothing but serious struggling with a battle through his mind every day. So yeah, most of the time, it's just an act. And you have to be fully aware to notice it."

I suddenly let out a sob of regret, digging my face into my knees.

Marcus turned his focus on me.

I looked up at him, tears running down my cheeks. "I said really hurtful things to him."

His hand reached to rub my back,
"Look, Evelyn. Mikhail's disorder is truly severe, that's why he can be hard to deal with. So it's wether you walk out of his life, just like the chance he simply gave you, or you decide to stick with him no matter what, knowing that your love for him is stronger than just an illness, which doesn't define Mikhail for who he truly is."

I bit the bottom of my lips, sobs slipping out. "What if it's already too late?"

"It's never too late." He shook his head, "Mikhail truly loves you, he always did. He's just scared too lose you, that's why you gotta prove him wrong."

I nodded, wiping off my wet cheeks. "Thank you, Marcus. Thank you for being such a great brother to the both of us."

"It's the least thing I can do." He twitched his lips, ruffling his hair.

I chuckled and rested my head on his shoulder. He responded to me as he rested his head on mine "We're all gonna be fine, everything will be fixed. I'm sure." He placed his hand on mine, stroking it for reassurance. "You won't have to worry about a damn thing anymore."

...

I had been thinking about everything Marcus had informed me about Mikhail, and it only made me feel shameful, regretful.

If I was able to take back my words, I'd have done so.

I had never realized how hurt he would have actually been from the inside. It had never come to my mind what kind of struggle he had been going through. And that made me feel negligent, an unworthy partner.

I wanted to hug him so bad. I wanted to see his face, make sure he was okay.

I wanted to ask him if ending things with me would be the solution to him becoming more relieved, more contented with himself.

Because if it was the only solution, I'd have gladly watched him let me go away from his life.

But I knew he believed otherwise. I knew he had faith in me, he had faith that I'd never abandon him in any situation, no matter how severe or drastic it was.

I was willing to risk everything for him.

He just had to give me the chance.

Next day, the first thing I had decided to do after taking my daily shower was to step by Mikhail's mansion, see if he hadn't already left for work and have the opportunity to talk to him.

I knocked on the mansion's door, until I realized it was open, and there were no bodyguards, which was quite odd for them to disappear that way.

I entered the mansion and wandered it for some minutes, only to find Mikhail in his bedroom, working stressfully on his office. It seemed very obvious he hadn't slept since the other night, which caused a crippling sense of anxiousness through my body.

I knocked twice on the door to make sure he acknowledges my presence. He glanced at me, and sighed. "What are you doing here?" his tone was unfazed, spiteful.

I had to clear my throat before I entered, "Can we have a moment to talk, please?"

He licked one finger and turned the pages of the document, "There's nothing to talk about." he harshly stated, not even glancing at me anymore.

"Mikhail, why are you making this hard on me?!" I almost cried out, it was impossible for me to argue with anyone without unintentionally tearing up. "If there's anything that's bothering you, you should just point it out!"

He let out a huge sigh, got up from his desk and dropped the documents. "There's a lot of things that's bothering me, Evelyn!" He glared at me, as I studied the clenching of his jaw. "Pointing it out wouldn't change anything, because you have no clue about me."

"What if I do have?" I crossed my arms at him. "What if I know a lot of things about you?!"

He suddenly looked away, as I noticed a river of tears rushing through his eyes. "Then you would have easily recognized me from the very beginning."

"Recognize you?" I narrowed my eyes, confused. "What do you mean by that now?"

"See," he chuckled, "You really have no clue, and I'm so sick of it." he curled his lips and took few steps closer.

"Sick of what?" I questioned, having no idea what he was talking about.

"Sick of having to convince myself everday that the girl I fell in love with is still truly living in this world, sick of having to believe that she exists till that day without seeming like a lunatic to other people." He glared, his body so close to me. I could hear his heavy breaths brush the tip of my nose, but that time it wasn't from desire, this time it was from intolerance.

I stared at him for a moment, I couldn't clearly figure what he was referring, his words were just too conflicted toward each other.

"See!" he argued with gritted teeth, pointing out his finger. "That's exactly what I'm trying to prove you. You're completely clueless!"

"It's not my problem you're not clarifying anything out!" I yelled, veins throbbing through my neck.

He stepped back and leaned his hips on the office behind him. "Just leave." he murmured, gesturing his head to the door.

"No." I insisted, getting closer to him. "Not until we find a solution to this mess."

"I am nothing but mess." he stated, glaring at me. "That's a thing you're never going to fix."

I slowly cupped his cheek, caressing the softness of it. "But I'm willing to."

He closed his eyes shut for a moment, as though he was enjoying my touch.

The other moment, he pulled his face away from me, pushing my hands down. "I told you to leave."

I blinked several times to hold the tears that were swelling up my eyes.

I couldn't just let him earn the victory of destroying our relationship due to how reckless his brain functioned.

Mikhail's phone was vibrating on the desk. He picked it up a moment after I had a glance to realize it was Rafael calling. "Yes, sir?"

Few minutes later, his eyes were wide opened, he immediately froze his place. "You're joking-? Tell me this is a joke!" he hissed, in a terrific way.

"What?" I mouthed.

He slowly dropped his trembling arm, puzzled, blankly staring at the emptiness of nothing.

"Mikhail, what happened?!" I gently shook his shoulder, grabbing his attention back to me, his eyes were full of agony.

"Marcus was shot." he hardly was able to choke out the words, as he swallowed with pain. "Don shot him."

________

[Abience] (n.) : the strong urge to avoid someone or something.

...

What do you guys think happened to Marcus?

Would Mikhail act differently when he finds out Evelyn knew about his illness?

Don't forget to vote and comment!

xoxo <33