I hate hospitals. Because everytime I'm into one, I see unfamiliar faces, heartless syringe traces, empty hearts, cold showers.
But, then I see you. Your fragile fingers smiling through those wild flowers.

And then its me, sitting on my bed; I'm here awarding you with lies and rootless faith.
I don't know why you're trying so hard, when we both know, all I'm left with is just 361 days.

Leaving makes you lonely, loving makes me sad
Don't put me in a dilemma like that, don't make me look so bad.

I want to paint myself into your eyes, but this isn't a love song- it's a sinister
And everyday I sleep while thinking what if I die? What if I leave like winter?

There are too many what ifs in this chapter of life's paradise.
What if you and I never met? What if you loved someone else?
What if you forgive me if I apologize?
What if I'm not able to survive?

I'm petrified when I think of what you might think when you see the true me.
Tarnishing skin, withering bones and black wings.

The snowflakes can't freeze me anymore, the door is just around.
My clock is turning back and you seem colder now.

My heart hurts when I look at your cold eyes crying and your dry lips smiling, which one should I believe?
Is this what they call karma? Will you also now, take your leave?

My book feels colder than winter, I seem to age faster and time is giving me beacons.
There are no months for me, no days, no hours, I only live on seconds.

We're both lying everytime we talk.
We both look so happy, but I know we're not.

I'm a thorny rose into your hands that will hurt you if you hold on too tight.
Why can't you see, I'm killing myself and you're the one whose dying.

I want no abject confessions
I'm just obsessed with my own obsessions.

These aberrations, these hardships have made me callous
Yet, I have a penchant for you, it's simply complicated like that.

We have to dispel now
So I'll stay here in your past and look at you move ahead.
I'll now enfranchise you forever
I'll foil it all up and love you till death

I don't want to inspire any more fears
Since we're both mendacious, I'll suffer in your stead, I'll drink away your nightmares.

I'm leaving with a dirge
You have to let go, we're both verged on our fingertips.
I'm taking all your tears with me and also all of our secrets.

You're now dressed up in a pretty precarious black veil.
We're both living in two different worlds now, sailing on two different sails.

Spring shall come again,
The fallen flowers; forgotten- new ones shall bloom
I'm glad it wasn't in vain
Sorry that I had to leave so soon

Your death has left a homesickness in me
But I will love you till the death of spring.

-Ember

Ember Helberg : 361 Days
Can't I Touch Your Heart?