✶

In front of you, everything becomes out of control / It feels like everything is going to explode / Cause I can't control myself.

Can't Control Myself (English Translation), TAEYEON.

INT. STUDIO APARTMENT — EVENING.

The sun sets off in the distance, its light still lingering in the confines of her apartment. JI-HYE settles onto her bed, crossing her legs and staring out the window. A beat passes. JI-HYE opens her phone, dialling in and checking her voicemail inbox.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Playing saved
voicemail message, left by 02-XXX-XXXX
on July 24th 2024.

With her phone pressed to her ear—lightly against her piercings—JI-HYE's other hand absentmindedly fiddles with the necklace around her neck; a small silver butterfly glinting in the light of the setting sun. The recorded voicemail message starts to play, a brief moment of silence, as if hesitating to even leave a message at all.

CHO-YEONG:
Hey, Ji-hye. It's me. Your mother. You haven't answered any of my calls, I understand why. I know why, but can you call me back? At least just this once? I won't bother you ever again after.

I'm just calling to see how you are. Are you sleeping well? Eating properly? I cooked japchae today, your favourite. Have you learned to cook? Or found someone to cook for you?

Are you with someone? Maybe engaged? Well, I say engaged because. . . as much as I know you don't want me in your life, I've always wanted to see you in a wedding dress. In a wedding dress, walking down the isle, and tie the knot with a man good enough for you.

A man? JI-HYE breathes out a laugh, more so a scoff. Her phone still pressed up against her ear, she brings her knees to her chest and resting her other arm on top.

CHO-YEONG (CONT'D):
Sorry. I'm prying. I won't keep you for much longer. Though I don't think you've listened to any of the voicemails I've left before, so I don't think you'd listen to this one. . . But I can still hope.

Anyways. I won't call you anymore. Make sure you get enough sleep. Don't skip your meals.

Happy Birthday, my daughter.
I'm sorry, I should've been a better mother.

A lone tear escapes her eye, a burning in her throat. JI-HYE lets out a shaky breath, closing her eyes for a moment, her hand going over her face.

CUT TO:

INT. SNU HOSPITAL — ICU — LATE AFTERNOON.

JI-HYE stands off to the side, almost as still as a statue, her watching the frantic movements of everyone around her. All sound muffled now, a ringing in her ears. The electrocardiogram flatlining. CHO-YEONG's heart had stopped beating. BAE CHO-YEONG is dead.

DOCTOR:
Bae Cho-yeong. Time of death:
5:47 PM. August 12th 2024.

BAE JI-HYE sheds no tears. A single thought running through her mind: I'm not even crying? A sensation, a reaction that in her field of study would be classified as a response to grief. A defence mechanism known as emotional numbness. BAE CHO-YEONG may have been the woman who gave JI-HYE life, but she has never been more than that. Never been a mother to her.

JI-HYE (V.O.):
Bae Cho-yeong. Dead at 47, by a car crash. August 12th 2024. Nineteen days after my birthday. Nineteen days after leaving her last voicemail to me.

Nineteen days after being diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. She was dying. Even if the crash didn't end up killing her. . . the cancer would've eventually. In all the voicemails she had left me, she failed to mention she was dying. In all the voicemails she had left me, she left that one thing out.

And one other thing; she was in debt, by 300 million won.

300 million won that—upon her death—was passed down to me. Her next of kin.

Her daughter? Her, my mother?
Fuck you, Bae Cho-yeong.

CUT TO:

EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE — NIGHT.

Two weeks later. Sitting on the curb, cap and hood on her head, JI-HYE takes out a cigarette. The light from the convenience store illuminates the pavement she sits on, the streetlight adjacent not lit. She places the cigarette between her lips before her hands go to search her pockets, both hoodie and pants. No lighter is found.

Someone walks past, casting a shadow from behind her as they did so. JI-HYE turns her head the slightest bit, sneaking a glance. It's a young woman, hair cut short and a ring on her lip, her eyes glued to the phone in her hand. JI-HYE takes the cigarette from her lips, looking up at the stranger from underneath her cap and hood.

JI-HYE: Hey, excuse me?

A beat passes. The young woman glances around before meeting JI-HYE's eyes, faintly pointing at herself.

SE-MI: Me?

JI-HYE: Yeah, you.
You have a lighter?

ha soo-young⠀⠀✴⠀⠀Bae Ji-hye.

player 026 ╱ 1997.

won ji-an⠀⠀✴⠀⠀Yoon Se-mi.

player 380 ╱ 1998.

son ye-jin⠀╱⠀Bae Cho-yeong †
lee jung-jae⠀╱⠀Seong Gi-hun, 456
lee jin-wook⠀╱⠀Park Gyeong-seok, 246
park sung-hoon⠀╱⠀Cho Hyun-ju, 120
jo yu-ri⠀╱⠀Kim Jun-hee, 222
kang ae-shim⠀╱⠀Jang Geum-ja, 149
yang dong-geun⠀╱⠀Park Yong-sik, 007
lee david⠀╱⠀Park Min-su, 125
choi seung-hyun⠀╱⠀Choi Su-bong "Thanos", 230
roh jae-won⠀╱⠀Nam-gyu, 124
lee byung-hun  ╱  Hwang In-ho, Frontman / Oh Young-il, 001
yim si-wan⠀╱⠀Lee Myung-gi, 333

&&  more.

✶⠀DISCLAIMER !⠀⠀⠀Squid Game rightfully belongs to the Hwang Dong-hyuk. I only own Bae Ji-hye, my original plotlines, dialogue, and any other original characters that may appear or be mentioned.

✶⠀WARNINGS !⠀⠀⠀major character death(s), graphic depictions of canon-typical violence, murder, blood & wounds, use of weapons, coarse language/profanity, alcohol, drugs + smoking (addiction & substance abuse), mentions of unhealthy/dysfunctional family dynamics. as well as other themes. ⸻ warnings will be put beforehand when needed, but read at your own discretion!

me 24/7 ^^

✶⠀YVES' NOTES!⠀present to you all my squid game fic in all its glory :)) and would you look at that? yves (moi) using yves (soloist/former member of loona) as a faceclaim in a fic, well finally huh? also the fic is titled after the song of the same name by taeyeon <3

✶⠀the synopsis for this fic is rather a one-time thing and completely different to what i usually write, i felt like exploring that type of format and i think it works well with what i was aiming to convey with ji-hye and her late mother; the grief and also the crushing debt now placed on her shoulders. & also the faintest interaction between ji-hye & se-mi (mi-hye™). the synopsis serves as a prologue as i just want to jump straight into the games 🤗

✶⠀addressing the elephant in the room, i just chose one of the many korean surnames off a list and gave it to semi because god forbid this season gave us ✨nothing✨ when it came to characters' backstories ... not even how they ended up in debt in the first place?? their motivations to leave the games alive?? anyways, i'm back in my squid game hyperfixation from 2021 i fear :P

✶⠀dedicated to sora & mei love you two so much & thank you for listening to the tidbits about this fic and mi-hye™, and to my lovely mooties lara, sarah, lovett, moni, ana, rey, thena, ray, mari, kaylen ++ fellow squid game lovers rue, belle, alex, danie, karrott <33

start ⸻ december 28th 2024
publish ⸻ january 10th 2025
finish ⸻ [ ??? ]

Can't Control Myself.
✶ ⸻ YVES © 2025