The moment he felt her hands into his hair, Yazeed knew he had to slow himself down unless he wanted something to happen, which he was sure they would both regret later. He eased off, and she slackened on him as if she was butter and him the fire that had successfully melted her with his lips. He broke apart from his lips, and thankfully, she had calmed down now. She wasn't crying nor did her body trembled. She looked calm, shy, and peaceful altogether. She just stood there, close to him as she fixed her hands now that were on her laps. He didn't know how he found it in him to smile, but he did. Because he had realized the calm and don't forget, shy Jalilah will be the most beautiful thing he could ever see.

They stood there in silence for minutes until she felt the silence slowly trying to burst her thumping heart. It felt like a needle getting close to a filled balloon. She couldn't take it anymore, she lifted her face and found that he was just staring at her. Not with the disgust, she had seen before, the hatred, the angry Yazeed she began to be afraid of, but he was looking at her with an expression she couldn't fathom. There was a certain calmness in him that successfully washed away the remaining grief his kiss hadn't washed away. Oh my amazing god! No, she wouldn't think about this now. She quickly took her eyes off and to her surprise, Yazeed pulled her to himself once again.

She didn't budge when he placed her head on his shoulder and said nothing, she had no words either. They stood there in silence, only the racing beats of their hearts until he found it in him to speak, the time he felt he could speak without any fear of what he would say to her. "You'll be fine, okay?" He whispered, and just a like a baby, Jalilah nodded her head and closed her eyes. She wanted to stay like this forever. Yes, she knew he was the cause of her grief, out of 100% of it, he gave more than 70%, but right now, Jalilah wanted no one but him. Just to stay like this with his hand stroking her arm in the most consoling way she had ever felt, and his shoulder being the most calming comfort zone for her.

They sat there in utter silence, the kind of silence that had surpassed a thousand words. When Yazeed felt the way her breath rhyming had changed, he leaned closer to her face and found that she had already slept off. He smiled, not knowing his reason for smiling. At least he was happy for now, even though he knew he would hate himself for what he did tomorrow, but that would always wait. He wanted to have the feeling of it all, and so he set himself free. What he had realized about her was, she loved sleeping. And there was no way he was going to let her sleep on this sofa if he felt he could do that at first, he couldn't do that now.

But thinking about it, he realized that if he woke her up to go to the room, something might happen, she might have her traumatic attack again and feel bad upon herself. The only option he had was to carry her to the room, and he scooped her into his arms with just one swift. He thought that she would be heavy to carry, but now that he did, he could remember how easy it was for her to move her body the way she wanted when she danced ballet. He laid her down on the bed and brought the duvet to her neck. He sat beside her and recited some sleeping supplications for her and couldn't stand up.

He just loved to stare at her while she slept, it gave him one of the most beautiful feelings he had never imagined he could feel again. He knew even if he tried sleeping, there was no way he could, a lot of things had happened which he knew wouldn't let him sleep even if he wanted to. His hands naturally went to his lips and he couldn't believe he had kissed Jalilah. The same Jalilah he had a huge fight with yesterday. As much as he didn't want to ponder over it, he knew there was no way this kiss would skip his mind. She had the most luscious lips he had ever known, and without doubt, she was a good kisser.

His eyes wandered softly to her lips and he quickly stood up, what the hell? He clasped his eyes shut and walked out of the room. He softly closed the door behind him and walked to the sofa they had just left. Everything got back to him in a rush, all the words she had uttered, the way she had cried and her body shook with her pains. The way she trembled with fear, everything that had happened just a few hour or hours ago in the exact place he sat. He wished she didn't have to experience that, she looked so vulnerable and so much in pain that at some point, Yazeed felt as if what he felt before could never match she had felt.

His index finger touched the tip of his lips and he shivered slightly, thinking about what he had done. He didn't know what he was thinking to kiss her even though that was the only option left for him. He kissed her because she only made him miserable with her words, which he was sure he was the cause of everything, and he so badly wanted her to keep shut but there was no way he could do that except by kissing her, and he still didn't figure out what he was feeling about that kiss yet.

He closed his eyes and forced himself yo feel numb to everything that surrounded him. He wanted to forget about his present life for once, he wanted to devour on his past. How he had felt, and how he had acted to some certain situations that happened before this. But all that he had in mind was Jalilah, and how traumatized she acted. He clenched his eyes shut and forced himself to sleep, even though that will be the last thing he could do for today.

❤︎

She stirred softly on the bed and her eyes jerked open, giving way for her throbbing headache to remind her that she was indeed alive. She didn't know how her heart still coped to beat, although it was the heaviest it had been in a very long time. She stifled a yawn and say upright on the bed, resting her head on her brought up knees and sighed. What she was afraid of had happened, as much as she tried to pull herself out, she had indeed dwelled into her past body. The person she used to be. She hated that Jalilah, she despised herself, but there was nothing she could do now that she had already dumped herself into that body she had discarded years ago.

She heaved another sigh and looked around the room, where was she? That was when everything dawned on her, she was in Lagos. She came here for ballet, and what had transpired before she made it to Lagos. She was currently in a hotel room, sharply, she turned to the other side of the bed and figured out it hadn't been creased a bit, that meant he wasn't here yesterday. What was she thinking? How could he be here? He found her disgust...ing...

No, that wasn't what exactly happened. She was sure she had cried an ocean of tears yesterday, but at least, she felt the presence of Baba with her. And also...the moment she remembered what had happened, the kiss, how she desperately spoke ill of herself and the only mechanism Yazeed had that will prevent her from going on with what she was saying, Jalilah jerked and stood on her feet. No, it didn't happen. She was sure this was one of her crazy illusions. She might have thought that he kissed her but in the most real truth, he didn't. How could he? When he found her as disgusting as Yazeed did? No. Softly, her index finger began grazing the soft skin of her lips and she shivered. No, she wasn't going to ponder over this for long, she had a lot to think of. That might be just an illusion, and she was sure even if he did kiss her, the way he would treat her today, words he would say to her would determine whether it happened or not.

She slumped back on her the bed with her eyes the colour of red. She had to take her shower before he came into the room, she wanted nothing but to be out of the room, the state, if possible. She walked into the bathroom feeling the weight of her soul, making it so hard to take the next step but she did anyway. After she came out of the bathroom, she made sure she locked the room before she got ready and performed the prayer she had missed, that was when she felt a little bit at peace. She sat down on the prayer mat, in the position she loved the most after she had prayed, which was resting her head on her brought up knees. As much as she wanted to think about something, one thing or the other, she felt empty. Just like she had done before, and even though she enjoyed that feeling not knowing it was the worse thing that would happen to her in life, she knew it wasn't a good sign now.

She took her phone out of her bag and saw there were numerous missed calls from people that cared about her just not the one she needed the most, Mama. She gulped down the chord in her truth because tears seem to have deserted her now, maybe she had cried to the point she had no more tears in her? Who knew? She wasn't in the mood to talk to any of them. She sent Wafiyya a message telling her that she was okay, she wasn't close to the phone and texted Farha, not replying a single message of hers which was all inquiring about how it was going with Yazeed and Mama.

'Farha, I'm fine. How have you been?' She knew this was a sick lie which she was certain Farha wouldn't believe of, but she just wanted to be away from everyone. She put her phone on silent mode and put it back into her bag, didn't even bother to put it to charge or keep it close, her sole reason was to avoid contact with any human, she suddenly preferred her alien world than anything.

A few minutes after that, a soft knock came through, but she just lifted her eyes to the door, not having it in her to make any sound that will imply she was awake. It came again and again until she stood up and walked to the door, it was 5:40 in the morning, he might want to pray, she had to. She unlocked the door with her head ducked down and her fingers instantly began playing with one another. She was silently waiting for a yell, a word to be thrown at her or anything that will force her tears out, but when it didn't come, she lifted her shrinking eyes to look at him.

He had a sleepy, tired look on his face that made her wondered, 'Didn't he sleep at night?' Because all that his expression spoke about was lack of sleep for the whole night, and he looked so tired to even lift a limb. She pulled her eyes away from him, "Good morning." She whispered, and Yazeed nodded his head at her, staring at the way she looked worn out.

From the way she aimed at the door, he knew she wanted to go out of the room and he shifted from her side. She walked out without a single word shared between them and went directly to the balcony. Even though she was sure nothing could uplift her spirit now, she had already made the mistake of dwelling into her old body, making sure all the curves and cleavages had fitted in perfectly, no one could pull her out, but she could at least enjoy the sunrise, without thinking about anything, just sighing as she felt overwhelmed by the heaviness in her chest.

She sat down where she sat yesterday and the feeling of deja vu rushed over her, just that she knew no matter how she tried now, she couldn't cry even if she wanted, speaking a word or two would be so difficult for her because she had lost that strength. She just hugged herself and as the painter, she was, perfectly painted a smile while fixing her eyes on the sun slowly unveiling itself from the darkness of the sky. It was such a beautiful sight to behold, she wished she could be able to lift herself from the dungeon she had locked herself in, once again.

❤︎

She only took her breakfast for the sake of having breakfast and also for the eyes Yazeed fixed on her. Even though they hadn't shared any more words since the time she had greeted him at dawn, he looked like someone she had a memory of. Not the Yazeed she had boarded the plane to Lagos with, he was changed slightly. But sadly, that change wasn't appealing to her eyes, she preferred the cold him, the heartless Yazeed that could rift open her heart with just a word a too. She wanted to escape from this torture of sitting together with him even though he seemed occupied by his phone. She took out the list of services offered by the hotel and noticed they had a spa. As much as she felt nothing could bring her old self back until she fought it herself, having a spa could only be good to soothe her body and mind.

She stood up and walked to back to the room, taking their card and also her phone, at least she would act like a normal human being. She was walking toward the door when Yazeed spoke to her, and when she turned, he had this uncertain look on his face. She wished she could laugh, did she ever look suicidal to him? "Where are you going?"

She looked at the door then back at him, "I'm going to the spa, in case you need one of their services too, the other card is in my bag." And out she was, not even waiting to see whether he had acknowledged what she had said or not, she just wanted herself out and that was what she did.

Yazeed kept staring at the door she had silently closed and wondered if this was the Jalilah he knew for the cost of all those months she had worked in the company. She seemed unusually quiet today that he couldn't help but notice, what was wrong with her? Yeah, he knew she had every reason to be sad about, but he had never thought this was her way of absorbing her sadness. It didn't look good, he turned his attention back to the television but he couldn't peel off the look she had on her face while walking out of the room. What was this all about? This girl should better not harm herself in any way or the other.

He pulled his phone out of his breast pocket and dialled Wafiyya's number before he could even realize what he was doing. She picked at the second ring, "Hey, good morning, Yazeed. Feeling any better?" She knew unless he wanted to ask something or just wanted someone to push him to do something or change the perception at which he viewed something, Yazeed couldn't call her in the morning.

"Wafiyya, yeah, I'm feeling better. But I don't think she is, she seems as if she's going to harm herself, any idea?" By Allah, up until he spoke those words out, he didn't know he did. Because man, she looked scary, like someone that had given up on his or her life, and he didn't forget all that she had uttered yesterday. She better not act up to any crazy thought in her mind.

"What?" He could tell, he had raised an alarm in Wafiyya. "What happened, Yazeed? Have you done something wrong again? And how does she look? Please tell me! And what are you doing that all you can think of is calling me? What should I do now that we're not together and I couldn't easily come there as I wish?!"

He sighed and softly hissed in the way he was sure she wouldn't hear him, but this was among the reasons he wished he had thought about calling her in the first place. Just that he didn't want to call Sulaiman because he knew he would only act worse than she did, and they were the only people he could call. "Will you please calm down a bit? That's the sole reason why I don't like telling you things, Wafiyya. I didn't tell you that she had a rope tied to the fan nor did she have tons of pills that will likely end her life. I'm just curious, she went out claiming she wanted to go to the spa, but the look in her eyes was scary, that's all." His mind stopped working for some time, he had forgotten that they didn't know about the whole couple thing and he wished she wouldn't ask further. Only glad that he didn't give too much away. She might think there was a spa shop closely or something.

Wafiyya was silent for a while, but when she opened her mouth, Yazeed wanted to smack her so hard. "Yazeed, what have you done to her? Tell me the truth, how worse have you treated her?"

"What are you talking about? Wafiyya..." She cut him off without letting him finish his sentence.

"No, don't Wafiyya me, Bunza. I don't know how she let your words to have such a huge impact on her, I mean, she could do better. But what you've said to her in Adamawa had crushed her, it affected her self esteem to the point that she found it so hard to walk around people. I just want to know how bad you've done it this time so I can know the best way to get with it. Will you tell me or not?" No, he didn't hear her right. Yeah, he knew what she did was bad, so bad that he still cringed when he thought about it. And also the way he acted towards it was wrong, just like Sulaiman had said, but he didn't think he had such a huge impact.

"Yazeed! Will you answer me or not? Maybe I can know how to help, I'm sure Jalilah wouldn't hurt herself but she needs mental help now, I might help her with words or two." She cut him out of his thoughts and he softly sighed.

"I don't know, but I'm sure I didn't do anything. Like, I hardly spoke to her since we came, what will I say to her then?" He scoffed and looked away as if the sofa he had kissed her on was teasing him and giving him a flashback. Maybe she was feeling more disgusted at herself because of the kiss? Or maybe she was afraid of what he would say to her after he remembered what had happened? What would be his perception of her?

"I'll call her now to see if there's anything I can help with. Just make sure you keep your phone closely because if something happens to her or if she did something to herself, you'll be the first person they'd call." And she ended her call without waiting for a reply from him. It was evident that Wafiyya was pissed at him, so pissed that she didn't wait to hear from him as she had always done.

Her last words terrified him, but he dared not show it because he didn't know where to start from. He wanted to call Sulaiman, but he didn't. Because, one, he was sure Sulaiman was at work right now and he didn't want to bother him. And maybe Wafiyya had even called him or had gone to his office to convey the news to him, and he would proudly say, 'Just wait until he calls me, I'm sure he will.' That was what he wanted to prove wrong. But sadly, Sulaiman knew him so much to know he wouldn't keep on the act for long.

Meanwhile, Jalilah having a pedicure when she saw her screen flashing and she wondered who was calling her. She took the phone and wondered why Wafiyya was calling her now that she was sure it wasn't lunchtime. Maybe she had something to tell her? She picked the call and tried to smile but failed. "Hey, good morning." She whispered, and she didn't miss the sigh coming out from Wafiyya's lips.

"Jalilah, how have you been? I've been calling you but there was no response, I called Yazeed and he told me you're out. I hope you're fine?" She asked tenderly, which had somehow soothed Jalilah's mind.

"Oh, yeah, I'm out for a spa. I'm fine, Wafiyya, you don't need to worry. How have you been?" Her words outweighed the other whenever she spoke, she wished she didn't have to voice a word out. She wanted to forever dwell in this deafening silence that filled her soul.

"Jalilah, you can talk to me, okay? I won't judge you, I won't criticize, either. We all have our choices to make in life, which will be good and bad at some points, but it's not fair for your to dwell into that darkness for that, and far miserable for you to walk through the darkness alone. Talk to me, tell me everything, I'd just listen. If you want advice, then I'd do that for you. But please, don't do this to yourself, okay? I can't see from the way you sound, you've already given up in life, don't. That's not the end of the world, there's always light at the end of the tunnel."

The way the soft voice of Wafiyya was getting to her soul would forever be a mystery to Jalilah. She had never thought there was someone that would crack this shield that had surrounded her heart. Because when it happened before, she had no one by herself until it was too late, but now, maybe it wouldn't be as worse as it was. "I don't know how to say it to you, Wafiyya. I wish I could tell you everything, but I can't describe the way I feel, myself. But it's slowly taking me away, locking me in a dungeon I'm sure would take a lot of time and effort before I could finally be out. But in the end, I'm sure I'd be fine."

"I know at first it will be hard to explain, but please, whenever you feel the words raking at your brain, just give me a call, okay? And don't do anything to harm yourself, no one deserves that from you, not even yourself. Try harder to love yourself, give yourself time to heal at your own pace, forgive yourself. And please, I can notice you're already hiding away, don't to do that, okay? As much as you think you don't matter, you do. Those people you feel like they don't care, they deeply do. Just focus on yourself, okay? Everything will be much easier for you if you've finally figured yourself out."

After she was done with the phone call, Jalilah realized that a conversation with Wafiyya is what she had been needing. It didn't ease her mind off, but out of the hundred thoughts that choked up her brain with every moving second, she had loosened seventy out of them, which Jalilah was sure a single phone call with Farha will do the rest for her. She walked back to the room after she was done, feeling soft, fresh and somehow at peace. Because one thing she had realized was, she couldn't change the past, she couldn't control the way someone had a perception of her, she had no control of their hearts, she could only do that on herself. She could only try to make the future better, she only had to believe in herself and everything will be much better for her.

She swiped the card and unlocked the door, but before she did that, she noticed the room was unlocked. With eyes full of confusion, she pushed it forward and walked into the living room. There was no one there, but she could discreetly hear heavy breaths coming out of the bedroom. Someone was in pain, and that someone would likely be Yazeed because they were the only ones in the room. What happened to him while she was gone? She threw her phone on one of the sofas and ran into the bedroom, behold, she saw him there. Lying lifelessly on the floor as he wheezed for air. She rushed to where he was, moving in agony while his chest pounded so hard that it scared Jalilah.

"Yazeed, what happened?" She slurred, staring at him not knowing what she could do to lessen his pain. But the way he kept panting, moving while it was becoming too unbearable for him scared her to life. He couldn't speak, his eyes slowly began moving upward that she didn't know when she began shaking him, "Yazeed! What happened? What's wrong with you?" Tears had already begun trailing down her cheeks in a rush, funny how she thought she had exhausted her tears just a few hours ago.

She ran back to the living room and picked her phone, she dialled Wafiyya's number and kept looking at him with fear evident on her face as she waited for her to pick the call. "Wafiyya, what's wrong with Yazeed?! He's having panic attacks and he couldn't breathe! Please tell me what I can do him!" She cried, kneeling to his face while she watched him wincing in agony.

"Oh my god, what's wrong with Yazeed? I'm sure he did something. He's asthmatic, Jalilah, you don't need to panic even though it's worse. But you have to look for his inhaler, that's the only thing that will ease him down. I don't know whether he has carried it with him, because he's never serious about his health. But I'll call Sulaiman now, he was at his house to help him pack his clothes. Check his luggage first, okay?" She ended the call after rambling in one breath and Jalilah stared at him before she ran back to where he had kept his luggage.

She searched the one in the wardrobe but there was nothing in it, all the small zippers had nothing. She was getting out of her mind, and with each passing minute, his agony increased. She searched the other and she couldn't find the inhaler as well. She ran back to him and knelt beside his face, "Yazeed, please tell me where your inhaler is, please?" She was profusely crying, shaking her head and urging him to speak, but he couldn't.

A call came through the phone, it was Sulaiman. "Hello? Sulaiman, I couldn't find it," She wept.

"Calm down, Jalilah, I know it looks scary when that happened, but you can't help him like this. Luckily, I've kept it in his bag without knowing because he refused to carry one. Just check the back zipper..." He described where he had kept the inhaler and thanked Allah for the mind that came to him to buy it in the first place. Knowing so well that he was having it bad, Yazeed didn't make it mandatory to calling his inhaler along, he even made it formidable carrying one. And Sulaiman knowing that, he bought one and took it to him, hiding it in his luggage so he couldn't take it out.

Jalilah ran back to the trolley and as Sulaiman said, she saw it. She rushed back to Yazeed and wiped at her tears, calming herself down because she can only do it when she was at peace. She lifted his head and placed it on her laps before she sprayed the inhaler as Sulaiman told her to. She opened the windows and increased the pace at which the air conditioner moved. She sat there staring at his lifeless face, even though his breath was slowly getting back to normal, her heart still pounded beneath its ribcage.

It looked like he wanted to sleep, and she knew he had to get on the bed. She softly tapped his face, "Yazeed, can you please get on the bed? You can't sleep on the floor."

He laboriously looked up at her and tried to stand up, Jalilah knew she either help him or he fell again. She squeezed her eyes close and helped him on the bed before she spread the quilt over him. "If you need anything, I'll be in the living room, okay? You can call my name, but if you can't, just dial my number, here's your phone." She placed the phone on the bedside drawer and walked out of the room, adjusting the temperature of the AC before she closed the curtains and walked out of the room.

She sighed when she sat in the living room and palmed her face, those minutes she had spent in panic were horrendous, she still had tears in her eyes. She thought he was dying, or it was an illness that she didn't know what she would do to him. Seeing Yazeed in that situation proved to her that no matter how she thought she hated him now, no, she can rephrase that. No matter how she thought she was mad at him, she wanted to distance herself from him as fast as she could, she couldn't. She needed him alive and healthy more than she could ever think of.

But the question was, what did he do to instigate the attack? Or maybe it naturally came? She couldn't wait for him to wake up so she could ask, and if he didn't answer her, she would have to ask Farha the causes of asthmatic attacks, at some point, Farha was her encyclopedia living in a human body.