"I don't think I can do this, Wafiyya." She lamented and held more onto her bag. They were already at the airport, and she was finding it hard to get out of the car. She didn't tell Wafiyya that they had won that couple package because if he had acted the way he did when she lied to her mother about being married to him when he knew it was sole because of ballet, she didn't know how he would act if she told his cousin they had won the couple quiz and would stay in the hotel for two days. Did that even count? Maybe they were only taking the free flight and abandoning the hotel stay.

Wafiyya nudged her shoulder with an encouraging smile, "Come on, I assure you that you can do this, Jalilah. What happened to your old self? You were courageous!" She wished she was now. But he had crushed her self esteem to the point that she felt even Wafiyya that was speaking to her now was only doing her a favour. She bit her inner cheek and looked away, she didn't want to cry again in front of Wafiyya after all the tears she had shed.

Wafiyya hissed softly when she saw that, she hated the way Jalilah acted. She didn't know what was Yazeed's response to that, but she was sure it was something bad. Because someone as lively as Jalilah was, couldn't act the way she was acting now because of a mere fight. She wished he hadn't done the damage he could never get the chance to repair. She walked out of the car and to the door side of Jalilah. She opened it and gently pulled her out of the car.

"There, have you seen there are no monsters around? Get a hold of yourself, Jalilah. I don't know what he said to you, what he did to you..." She let her words trialled off and placed her hands on Jalilah's shoulders. "But I want you to discard his words, yeah, sometimes some words are so hard to forget, I know. But don't let them define you, don't let those words be who you are, okay? You're a freaking goddess, a beauty, an art moulded in the greatest perfection. Don't ever look down on yourself or feel like you're not good enough, okay? I want you to raise your head, discard all he had uttered or done, and live your life the way you came to Abuja; knowing you're an art made by the greatest artist and wallah there's someone out there that would kill to have you in his life. Adjust your crown and walk as if you own the freaking world."

The ends of Jalilah's lips began stretching into a smile, and when Wafiyya saw that, she smiled as well and pulled her into a hug. "Now, that's so much like the Jalilah I knew. Go to him, okay? But don't voice a word out, ignore him for as much as you could, unless it's a do or die matter, don't you ever speak to him first. You can live on yourself, tell yourself you're only going there to fulfil a wish you've had since you were born, would he matter? No. You have to do this for yourself, I trust in you."

With one more last hug, Jalilah collected her two trollies that were now in Wafiyya's hand and she waved her goodbye before she disappeared into the departure, where Wafiyya confirmed to her he was waiting. She pulled out their tickets, she knew not to be asked first. She saw him from a distance and something got lost in her as if all the words Wafiyya had uttered to her were being drained down and she felt weak. He was on a phone call, and she needn't be told who he was having a phone call with, it was either Sulaiman or a business call. And right now, from the way he was scrunching up his face in an angry way, only that he couldn't end the call on Sulaiman, she knew it was him.

"But that was how your miserable self said that you loved me in front of your mother. You love me, for real?! Were you this cheap? This pitiful that you have no other choice but to push yourself on a man?!" Like a thunder, these words struck into her heart and she had to stop right in the track. What kind of mistake had she done, she felt tears pooling the brink of her eyes but she fought them so hard. No, she couldn't do this, she had to go back. She would rather be killed by Uncle Yusuf than face him. The words he had said, the disgust she had seen in his eyes when he was uttering the words, everything.

She was about to turn back and get a taxi back home when the announced called out for their flight, and at the same time, he turned to look at the entrance when their eyes fell into each other. She quickly looked away from him and ducked her head down, silently wheeling her trolleys to where he stood. They moved and boarded the plane, ever since she handed their tickets, they kept getting smiles and congratulations that Jalilah wished she hadn't put their name on that game. They were given a special seat in the business class with a congratulatory message on the table and their picture which was taken on that day on display.

She sat down and ducked her head down, not wanting to look up at him while he was sitting right opposite her. Whenever she briskly looked up at him, she would find his eyes intensely fixed on the magazine he was reading, and quickly, she would duck her head down. Successfully, she had done a good job of controlling her thoughts, because if she let them be, she would have been crying by now. His words would have been resonating through the walls of her mind that she would have no choice but to cry the pain out.

They were about to land when one of the attendants walked up to them with a wide grin on her lips, "Mr and Mrs Bunza. I want to congratulate you once again and here's the card you only have to show at the reception, they will let you into the suite we've booked for you. You'll have a free spa, swimming, restaurant, gym and everything you'd like as long as they offer the service. We have also organized a chauffeur that will take you to the hotel after we land, you don't need to stress yourself. Please accept our warmest congratulations on your wedding." Jalilah wanted to scream 'stop! Stop adding more salt to my wound, stop making me more pitiful than I am. I'm miserable, can't you see?' But she took a hold of herself and when her eyes wandered at Yazeed to see if he could reply the woman, he acted as if he was in his house, alone.

She looked up to the woman while she successfully mustered her charming Jalilah smile and nodded her head, collecting the card she was handing. "We will surely enjoy our stay. Thank you as well." She smiled again and walked off. Jalilah heaved a sigh, she didn't care if he heard that or not, because the condition her heart was in had surpassed that of a sigh, she was supposed to even scream her lungs out.

After they landed, as the woman said, they got the chauffeur arranged for them. Without sharing a word, they both hopped into the car and left. She loved the chilly wind that caressed her skin, the evening-early hours of the night that looked so calming and consoling. She closed her eyes and managed a smile on her lips. Of all the chaos that was happening right now inter life, at least she had something to be happy about. She was alive, Allah gave her more chance to rectify her mistake.

At the thought of that, she brought out her phone from her bag and dialled Mama's number, but like always, it went unanswered. She bit her lower lip to avoid herself from crying and decided to call Fareeda, she was sure they were together. She looked at the driver and by the looks of it, he would never understand what she was saying if she spoke in Fulani, Yazeed didn't know a word too.

"Hello, Fareeda?" She spoke in Fulani, trying to calm herself not to break in tears.

"Addah, good evening. Have you landed already?" She asked back in Fulani as well and added, "I've been wanting to call you since but I thought maybe you haven't landed yet. How was the journey?"

"It was fine, Fareeda. Are you together with Mama? She's still not picking my calls." Her voice broke at her last word and she closed her eyes to feel the breaking sound of her heart.

"Yes, I'll give the phone to her, I pray she answers." She heard the shuffling sound as Fareeda walked into Mama's room and the next thing she heard was a distant sound of Mama's voice as she yelled at Fareeda when she told her who was on the phone.

"She isn't going to answer it, right? Put the phone on speaker please." She wasn't able to control her tears now, she let them flow and her voice shook when she spoke.

"Okay, I've done that. I'll place it on the bed before I go out, she'll hear you if you speak. Please be strong, Addah." Fareeda's voice broke as she spoke and Jalilah heard the sound when she placed the phone on themed and waited until she heard the door closed before she began to speak.

"Mama, I've never imagined a day would come that you'd hate to speak with me. I know I'm wrong, and I regret every action of mine, I'm so sorry. Mama please you should forgive, listen to me. It isn't easy for me, I can't do anything, my tears are tired of cascading. I have nothing and no one apart from you. Will you please talk to me, Mama? My heart can't take this any longer, it's too painful that I feel like giving up on life itself. Please, I beg you in the name of Allah..." She wasn't able to finish her sentence when the phone went off, Mama had ended the call. This was the hardest it could get for Jalilah, she couldn't control her tears to the point that she let out a wail and placed her head on her knees, crying with so much timbre that he whole body shook.

She didn't know when they got to the hotel until she felt the driver tapped the space beside her as he spoke, "Madam! We don arrive wo. Oga don de enter am already." She looked up at him and cleared her tears. She wanted to ask him if he had ever experienced what pain felt like, but she chose not to.

She apologized, thanked him, and got out of the car. She took her two trolleys and walked into the reception, where she met Yazeed, obviously waiting for her because he couldn't enter without the card, and it was with her. She moved to where the receptionist stood and handed her the call. She smiled at her and gave her the key to their room. Jalilah didn't look at him when she wheeled her trolley to the elevator and waited until he came in before she hit the button. Silence prevailed in the elevator, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of her cries as she palmed her face while her body shook with her cries.

After they got to the floor, she wiped her tears and walked until they both stood in front of the room. She knew they had told them that it was a grand suite, but Jalilah felt nervous. She felt like getting down and booking a room for herself, but she knew it wouldn't be possible, she would only give them the idea that they weren't a couple and if they wanted, they would sue them for lying. She opened the door and walked inside first, Woah!

There was a living room, a small dining area and when she got into the only bedroom in the room; apart from being the only bedroom, it had only one bed. She turned to look at him and he was still in the living room, she didn't know what she was going to do, this two days would be the most grievous two days she would ever have to spend in her life. One bathroom as well, god, please kill her already. What kind of people designed this room? How could you not- she stopped her train of thoughts, remembering that they were supposed to be a couple, not some stranger hurting over the over thing.

She took one of her trolley, which she was sure she wouldn't need anything from it for the two days they were going to spend here. She put it in the wardrobe and left the other one at the corner of the room. She knew she had to sacrifice her sleep for today and sleep in the living room even though she was sure she couldn't sleep comfortably. She froze when he entered the room and she could see the way his demeanour changed when he noticed what she had been thinking a way out for. He hadn't spoken to her even when he put one of s trolley into the wardrobe as well and kept the other beside hers.

"I'll give you some time to shower." Her crying voice croaked before she silently walked away. She was still hurt over what Mama had done. She didn't know what she was feeling until she moved to the balcony and got one of the most amazing sights of the busy streets of Lagos. She sat there as the cool wind was caressing her skin, trying to lift her veil off her hair but she was so fast at having a hold of it. She sat down on the resting chairs she had seen and closed her eyes.

She felt the urge to voice everything she had been holding out, all the lies, all the hurt, every single thing that was weighing her down. She was sure he might be in the bathroom by now, and she tried setting her soul free. "Baba," she called out, making her tears to pour down in a rush, something that nearly frightened her. That was among the reasons that whenever she was hurt, she didn't want to think about her father unless she wanted everything to be a double for her.

"Baba, I'm a mess right now. You've once told me that whenever I feel like giving up on life, I should not hesitate to talk to you. You might not be here with me, but your soul will always be with me, Baba. I feel like that now, I feel the exact way I've felt before, it hasn't gotten to some point but I have a feeling it might hurt more than it did before. I've made yet another mistake because of ballet, do you think it's high time I let go of that dream, Baba? It's taking me only where pain lives." She clutched onto her chest and cried even harder. She hated it when she was having a flashback of her painful memories, everything became so hurtful that she felt like dying right at the instant.

"Mama hates me now, I know what I did was so uncalled for, but I need her. I want her warm hands to hug me, I need a shoulder to lean, Baba. Is it that I'm so unlucky or that's the destiny that was written for me? That I can't get whatever I want to in my life? Baba, I'm so tired, I want to sleep for eternity so I wouldn't feel anything again..." She kept crying while imagining she was sitting next to him while she narrated all that choked her soul.

She could feel the way speaking to Baba even though he wasn't together with her was silently draining her soul. She felt relieved, even though not much but it felt like the shoulder she had been craving to lean on. She felt relieved, set free and whatnot.

❤︎

He had already ordered for their dinner, even though it would be so hard to choose what she would like to eat, he could see that she was finding it so hard. He hadn't spoken a word to her, but the way she had cried, he needn't ask who she was speaking to in Fulani. It was evident that she was speaking to her mother, and it wasn't a good conversation. It felt like she hadn't even said a word to her. He heard as probably the one that brought the food from the kitchen knocked on their door. He walked out of the room and went to the door.

"Who's there?" He asked, tentative to open the door without knowing who was at the door.

"It's from the kitchen, your food is delivered." He answered from the door and Yazeed unlocked it. He collected the tray from him and curtly nodded his head at him before he walked back into the room with the tray in her hand.

He went to the dining area and placed the tray down before he walked to the balcony. The first word he heard her uttered while she was heavily crying was, "I can't take it anymore, Baba. The only thing that's stopping me from taking my life is because I know I'd dwell in hell if I do that. And as much pain as the world I'm living now is, I'd prefer it to that hell..." He got stuck, what she was thinking? She kept crying, and he listened to all that she had uttered, there was no significant thing she spoke about, it was solely about how she was feeling and tired of everything.

He watched as she cleared her tears and just sat down, heaving breaths whenever she felt like and finding it so hard to not to cry again. She made mention that her father had died, right? How was she speaking to him them even though she was sure he wouldn't hear her. Maybe that was her only way of getting comfort? Yazeed shook off that thought in his mind and walked into the balcony because it was already getting late and she hadn't prayed yet. Plus she needed to eat, he could see the way she had looked, she needed to eat something to be strong.

She didn't know he was in the balcony until he spoke, "You should go and take your shower, dinner has also arrived." Those were the only words he had uttered to her without even staring at her. Before she left, Yazeed was sure she had stared at him longer than a minute and walked out of the balcony. He sat down on the other chairs and stared at the streets, he loved the view, the hotel in whole.

His phone rang and he brought it out of his pocket, "Hello, Sulaiman."

"Yazeed, I hope you've arrived safely?" He asked and Yazeed nodded his head as if he could see him. The kind of phone call they had with him in the airport still stuck into his throat but he had no other choice. He knew he had to outgrow, and Sulaiman was only asking, wanting to be sure about what went wrong that they were, or rather, he was acting the way he did.

"Yes, we did. Thank you for asking. How's Yazeed? I hope he's fine?" He asked, wanting to divert their conversation on the little boy they both loved a lot.

"He's fine, here's Wafiyya wants to ask you something." He handed the phone to her before the words registered to his brain and he got to say yes or no.

"Yazeed, where's Jalilah? I've been calling her number but there was no response, I hope she's fine?" She asked in one breath as if she was expecting something bad to happen to her. "Or you didn't take the plane with her? She went back home, right?" She asked again when there was no response from him.

"She's fine, I think. But right now I'm in the balcony, she has left to the room to take her shower, anything?" He couldn't help asking, because the way she sounded was enough evidence that Wafiyya either knew something or Jalilah had told her what she was planning on doing.

"No, it's nothing. I just want to make sure if she's fine. You did her bad, you know? But I won't judge you either, you've had it bad as well. Just find a way to figure everything out, apologize when you should and I assure you, it will all be well." She handed the phone back to Sulaiman because she knew he would likely reply to her, which he didn't.

"I think we'll have this conversation some other day. Take it easy on yourself too, okay? Don't think too much about it, both of you will be fine." Sulaiman ended the call, and that gave Yazeed the chance to think about it as hard as he wanted, even though he knew it would only risk his heart more than he could ever imagine.

He moved to the railing and rested his elbows on it, staring down at the vehicles that were passing at a speed. He wished that was the way grief passed in one's life, so fast that you could barely notice unless it left a string attached, maybe like the lights of the car, to show that it had just passed. But that wasn't how it worked, and this process for humans was the only thing he hated about being human.

He heard the sound of the door opening while he was so deep in thoughts, and when he turned to look at her, she was in her long sleeping trousers and a shirt with long sleeves, her head was wrapped in a cap. She was fully covered unless one looked at her face, that was when you would notice the grief she had accommodated. She walked directly into the living room and he was sure she would serve herself. Funny how for a split second he thought about going there so they could eat together, from the same plate as they used to. He restrained himself and waited until he was sure she had served herself before he went there.

She was seated on the three sitters while she somberly stared at the television, one hand shuffling through the channels, the other playing with the spoon in her hand. He walked up to the tray and served himself, walking back to one of the sofas, Jalilah slightly looked up and their eyes met, they were so fast at looking away. For the minute Yazeed had the chance to look into her eyes, that was when he noticed how bloodshot it had turned due to the number of tears he had shed and also, she had never looked this sad in her entire life that he knew.

He sat down and began eating his phone, while he fixed his eyes to the television without taking them off. After some time, he noticed that she was just staring at the tv without knowing what was happening there, she was deep into her thoughts. And second, her brush was only making a screeching sound as she moved it around the plate. It got to the point that she dropped the spoon, sipped from the cup of her drink and laid on the sofa, resting her head on the hand. She kept sighing, evident that she had cried to some point, and fixed her eyes to the tv once again.

While he was done with his food, he brought his phone out and began surfing through the internet. He knew he was telling himself that he had to eat away his time for a bit and let the food digest before he would go and sleep. But deep down, to the deepest corner of his heart, Yazeed knew he only stayed there so she wouldn't cry. He had noticed that unless it burst out of her unknowingly, she would hardly cry in front of him. Hours had passed, and he knew he had to leave and rest. He stood up to his feet and let his eyes wandered to her face, to his shock, she was asleep. He wondered how someone could cry as hard as she did and could sleep that same night.

He moved back to the room and was about to turn off his lights when he got a perfect view of her from the sofa, she was shivering in cold. He turned at the bed and noticed there were two blankets. Without hesitation, Yazeed took one of the blankets and walked back to the living room. He had to fight himself, tell himself that just because he wrapped her up when she was feeling cold didn't mean anything. It only meant that he had a heart in him, and he was sure if she was the one, she would do exactly or more to him.

He spread the blanket on her and made sure it had covered her in whole when he noticed that her face was covered, he knew at some point it would be hard for her to breath, and for him to tuck it right for her, he had to lean in a little. He did, he uncovered her face and tucked it but before he turned, she had already taken a hold of his hand, she wa fast asleep, that was when he noticed the tears in her eyes.

"I've apologized to him, Baba. I knew I was wrong, but I don't know what more to do or say. I'm so sorry, I feel so hurt, so degraded, so embarrassed that my self-esteem was crushed. No, you can't turn your back away from me, Baba! Please!!!" She screamed at the pitch of her voice and agitatedly woke up from her sleep. She kept looking around the room with her tears intensifying, "You can't leave, Baba! Not now, please wait, I need you." She kept crying profusely, so heartbreaking that Yazeed had to sit beside her, she was still holding onto his hand.

It looked like she didn't know where she was, to her, she was still in her dreams. She turned to look at him, "Baba hasn't left, right? He's just angry at me like Mama is. He can't leave me, he promised to do all it takes to make sure I'm happy. My Baba will come back, right?" She cried, shaking his hand to force an answer from him.

Yazeed didn't have the right words to console her with, he had noticed that everything was too much for her. Without knowing he did, he brought his other hand and wrapped around her arms and brought her to his body. She leaned onto his shoulder while crying, her whole body shaking, crying with so much grief echoing all over the walls of the room. He kept tapping her arm in a way to console her, but it seemed like she didn't even know what was happening beside her.

It was until nearly an hour, resting on his shoulder with her hand clutching onto his that Jalilah finally knew where she was and who she was together with. She quickly pulled away from him and began shaking her head, "I'm so sorry, I didn't do that on purpose, I promise I didn't know how I got close to you. Please before you say something, I beg you in the name of Allah, believe me, wallah I can't take any more hurtful words from you, it will tear me apart." She was shifting away from him, her tears coming back to her in a rush. She didn't know what had gotten into her head, how could she be that close to him? Resting on his shoulder and to let him console her? Had she forgotten all he had said about her? Or she was in for more heartbreaking words that will traumatize her more than she was now?

Yazeed sighed and palmed his face, he didn't know what she was feeling right now, but from the way she was acting, shaking her head as fresh new tears rolled down her cheeks, he had one word for her; she was traumatized. And no, it wasn't just about what had happened, there was more to this grief that enveloped her whole. He felt bad, real bad that she was trying to get herself away from him.

With her body shaking in fear, Yazeed wondered why she was afraid. Or was she afraid of what he would say about her? She beat at his thoughts and spoke again, lifting her hands in a begging gesture, "I know, I'm no one in your eyes, but trust me when I said I didn't think of myself as anything. Please don't add more salt to my wounds, don't hurt me more than I am now. I'm not a wayward girl, I promise, I'm not pushing myself on you. I don't know how this happened, I had a dream. Forgive me. Even about Mama, I didn't know you'd think of it that way, please."

Will she stop already? She was breaking every wall in his heart. He held her two hands and pulled her closer to him, she was trembling as he did that. Why was she afraid of him? What did she go through? Or did his words implemented this on her? "I know I'm miserable, you could see that too, right? I don't deserve anything good in this life, pain looks good on me, I know. I should have been called a bad omen when I was given birth to, you said I'm pitiful, I believe you, wallah. I'm pitiful, filthy, whatever you said was real. I just wanted to shun your words out of my mind, I wanted to feel alive. Like every other girl, but when I realized I couldn't be like them, my life is attached to a destiny so messed up, you gave me the right name, I'm cheap..." He wanted her to stop saying this things about herself, he hated himself just hearing the way she was talking ill of herself. Crying, her whole body trembling in fear and pain, what had he done? Or rather, what had he unveiled in her soul?

She opened her mouth to speak, but Yazeed knew he would not forgive himself if she said another word about herself, and the only way he could seal her up was by kissing her. He stared at the way her luscious pink lips were trembling as she tried to force out words from it. He didn't wait any longer before he leaned in close her to her and merged their lips in a slow, yet painful sync that rhymed with the grief in their hearts. He could feel it from the way her breath hitched, she had never thought something like this would happen, and he was certain if he let go of her now, she would be more devastated than she was; rambling on how bad she was. So, he pulled her closer to him, slowly increasing the pace at which he kissed her, up until she wrapped her hands around his neck, Yazeed knew he had to drain out all that pained in her soul.

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