A//N:
Angst.

Everyone laughed as they canoes back to camp. They had had a successful trip and slept surprisingly well in the tents.

John glanced at Alex, Peggy, and Maria. Peggy was shaming the canoe a bit, teasing the other two. They all laughed without any real fear of falling in. They knew if they did fall in and get wet then they'd just have to hang their clothes and sleeping bags up. They wouldn't feel like they were drowning. They wouldn't feel like John.

Alex caught John's eye and dramatically blew him a kiss. John giggled and rolled his eyes at his boyfriend.

When they got back (no, no one fell in. Not this time) they all spread out to their separate cabins before lunch.

"Herc! Mon amiiiii! Nous sont back!" Lafayette said as they walked in. Hercules smiled at them, not looking up from his book.

"Welcome back. How was the trip?" He asked, glancing away from his book.
"Hella cool!" Alex said, hopping onto his bed.

"Thats nice. Are you guys hungry? Lunch is about to start." Herc said, putting down his book.

"Yeah! Im starved. All we ate was roasted hotdogs and hershey kisses!" Alex sighed. John laughed and the group of boys left the cabin as the lunch bell rang.

"Yesss! Friday! Mail day." Alex said as they walked into the mess hall. Every Friday was mail day. If your parents or friends or even siblings wrote you a letter or sent a package, you had to wait until Friday at lunch.

Since it was only the third week and John hadn't gotten any letters the last week, he was content on accepting his parents didn't care.

They say down for lunch with the Schyler sisters, Maria, Burr, and Theodosia. "Hey guys!" Eliza smiled, she was holding Maria's hand.

"Hey 'Liza." Alex sais, grabbing a sandwich from the table. John did the same and put it on his plate.

Mr Washington, or just George, walked to the table and smiled at us.

"Alexander! How was your overnight trip?" He asked. Alex swallowed some of his sandwich and replied "It was great! What have you got for us today?" He asked, gesturing to the letters Washington had.

George laughed and shifted through the letters. "One for the schyler sisters from their father," he said, handing them a letter.
"Another one for Theodosia from her brother." He handed her a letter and Aaron looked at it  over her shoulder.
"A package for Lafeyette..." he gave Laf a letter that was attached to a small box that fit in his palm.

"And lastely. A letter for John." He said handing John a letter that made John confused. Who would send him a letter?

Washington walked away and everyone checked their mail. John looked down at the letter and relization hit him at the front of the letter.

It was a light pink envelope with a nice little turtle sticker in the corner. The back and front were covered in cute little drawings and stickers. The front had the address, return address, and names  in nice and neat writing.

John Laurens
Camp freedom, *Address*

From *Address*, South Carolina.
From Martha (Patsey) Laurens

"Who's that from?" Alex asked, seeing John smile at the letter.

"My little sister, Pasty." John said simply. Alex laughed at the envelope but went back to ready whatever spicy thing Lafayette's letter said.

John gingerly opended it. He expected some little update, about his turtles she was watching, about Patsey's best friend and her adventures, about being excited to come to camp and see him, heck, he would have even taken her long rambled about her crush, David Ramsey. Anything about what she actually write about.

Dear Jackie.,
It's only been 2 weeks but I miss you! I have bad news. It's a tradgic and I can barely muster the strength to write to you, but you deserve to know. Let's start on a happy note first! I went on an adventure with Lacey, my best friend. Of course you know that. We went down by the river and spotted a wild horse! We named it Bella. We saw her twice now.

Enough stalling. You better sit down if your not, this may be a shock.

There were wrinkles on the paper. Evidence of tears. John felt a rush of fear. What could have happened? He's only been gone two weeks? It couldn't be his turtles, Oatsey wouldn't seem to serious. She was young but she knew when not to joke. This was no joke.

A few days after you left, Mom got in a car crash. She's in the hospital. She's been asking for you, saying she wants to talk to you before you die. Dad refuses to bring you home, says camp was too expensive for him to take you home so soon. Mom says she wants you to know she loves you and she was a fool to shame you. She loves you Jackie. She loves you for who you are. I don't know if she's going to live.

That's not the worst of it. She's pregnant! We might loose a sibling! Jackie, i'm scared. Dad is still sending me to camp. He says he might make them take me in early so he can have time with mom. She's real bad. She may die. I know I said that already but it's True! Please, have fun at camp.

I love you.
Love, Patsey.

His mother was possibly dieing. She smiled at me before i left.

Patsey was probably crying when she wrote this. Probably? No. She was definitely crying. Their are wrinkles in the paper to show.

She's pregnant.

Dad didn't care. If she dies he won't let John come say goodbye. He may even get rid of Patsey sooner than he is supposed to.

She smiled at me before I left.

She forgave him. She said she was foolish to shame him for his sexuality.

She loves me.
And she might die.

"John? John, whats your letter say?"

John's head shot up to see Alexander looking at him. His brain was like a big mush and he couldnt process anything.

"I...i...i..." he stuttered. Peggy looked up from smiling at her own letter to look at him with concern.

"What's wrong, John?" She asked.

Little Patsey suffering alone.
I'm suffering alone.
This isn't fair.
Nothing is fair.
I'm alone.
I'm always going to be alone.

John looked back at the letter and felt tears well in his own eyes, just like they did in his sisters. He let out A sob and stood up, running out of the mess hall.

He felt like he was suffocating, he needed to breath, he couldnt breath.

He ran away. He didn't care who followed him. The pink letter was held in his hand like it was his life line.

He couldn't do it, he just couldn't do it.