I listen to my little brother climb down the bunk-bed ladder and creep silently across the carpet. I can tell he doesn't want to wake me up, but its already too late for that. I barely sleep anyways.

I try to force myself back into a half-sleeping state of blankness, but the thoughts of my brother creep through.  Why should this happy kid have to live with a anxious, depressed, silent, moody, crazy teenager - as everybody else decides to describe me. I should be teaching him positive life lessons, not how to cope with someone like myself.

I roll over and put my face in my pillow. Sometime I'd just wish I could suffocate - but what stops me is my little brother. I don't want him to come into our room to find his older brother dead in the sheets, that would be too much for him - so I don't.

Quite frankly, he is the only thing that keeps me going ever since Noela died.

Fuck, his name is even just like hers - Noela - and my little brother - Noel.  I swear this haunts me every goddamn day.

But what else do I have to do with my life?

I hear Noel return to our room and open the window curtain. I feel the sun warm the back of my neck and I already know its a beautiful day - or at least it very beautiful day to everybody else. For me, its just another day filled with more memories.

I feel him pull the sheets off of me, removing my cocoon of warmth.

He taps my shoulder and whispers, "Noah. Wake up. You're leaving for South-Lake today. Wake up."

Just give me ten more minutes I say in my head.

"Anyways, I have a surprise for you." he says before darting out the door again.

I turn over and sit up, pulling the sheets back over my legs again, and rub my eyes in an effort to wake myself up.  When I get a whiff of breakfast, my mouth begins to water.  Noel pushes the door fully open, brings the tray stacked with food into the room, and sets it down on my bed.

He walks back and closes the door again before climbing onto bed, unknowingly sitting on my feet.  I point at the foot of the bed and wiggle my toes to tell him to get off my precious feet before they are crushed forever under his weight.  He shifts his position closer to the wall, giving my feet relief, and hands me a plate before grabbing his own.

"I'm going to miss you very much Noah." he says softly, piling food onto his plate.

I nod in agreement.  Although in one sense, I am going to miss him even more than he could ever imagine, I also think he needs a break from me, some time off to be a normal middle school kid enjoying his summer without a care in the world.

"Is there anything you are excited for? Looking forward to?"

I shrug, taking another bite of food.  I don't really know what to expect, so I try not to think about South-Lake too much.

"That's okay. I'm sure you'll find something that interests you there, something for you to do, or something for you to explore. You just need to keep an open mind.  Promise?"

What if they don't like me? the old part of me wonders before the new part reminds me to not really care because No one is going to like me. Especially after they find out its all my fault and figure out I'm a fucking basket case.

"And don't worry about finding people to like you.  I'm sure someone will give you a chance, and if they don't, its their loss for not getting to know you.  If not, just know that you weren't put here for people's approval anyways."

Its like this kid is really some wise, old, motivational, mind-reading man trapped in a little kid's body.  He just knows some of the right things to say at the right times to try to cheer me up, and he knows not to lecture about it. 

And most of all, he seems to be the only person who knows not to try to make me talk, because I won't.  I'm grateful he understands that.

I hope the people at South-lake don't try to make me talk.

"And don't let them try to force you to do what you don't want to do - be it talking or anything else for that matter. Follow your own heart."

💠

I sit on my bed with my feet on my suitcase, ready to leave for South-lake, while listening to the sounds of my brother showering in our bathroom.  I lean back to grab a book off my nightstand, flipping through the pages to find where I left off. I smile at the doodle I made on the page, reminding me that the one thing that helps keep me from forever spiraling downward in myself, other than Noel, are books. I used to hate reading (I avoided it like a plague), and I still hate assigned reading, but now I love reading what I find interesting.

Especially since books are another way for me to talk to my brother.  When I read a book, I look for parts of it that I feel connect to something I would like to say to him, then I pass it on for him to read.  Over time, we even developed a code for notes so its easier for him to understand what I want him to learn from the book.

My mother used to ask about why I read so many books and passed them down to my brother instead of just telling him what it was about, but she eventually gave up looking for answers that weren't there.

I think she was just happy that he loved books as much as I did.

I finish the last page just as my Noel walks out of the bathroom.  After writing a quick note, I close the book and hand it to him before grabbing a few books to take with me to South-lake.

He quickly flips through the pages before turning to place the book on his bed. I stand up with my bags and start to head for the door, but I sense that he isn't following behind me.  I turn back to see him still facing away from me with his shoulders slightly shaking while trying to take deep breaths.

He's crying.

I lean against the doorframe making it creak, letting him know that I was still here.  Suddenly, he turns and runs into my arms.

"Thanks Noah." he whispers, "For everything."

I pat his back with a small frown on my face. Why would he thank me for anything?  I ask myself All I've done is make his life harder.

When he finally pulls away from me, I wipe some of his tears off my sweatshirt before giving him a small smile.  Picking up my bags, I begin to head down the hall to the door.

"Bye Noah!" Noel yells from our room behind me.

I turn make to make one last wave to him just as my mother's head peaks out of her bedroom.  I close the door as I see the tears beginning to well up in her eyes.

I can't deal with anymore crying.

As I walk down the side of our house, I see the South-lake bus pull up in front.

After helping to pack my bags into the bus, I look back through the window to see Noel trying to comfort my crying mother, and for a second, I almost run back in to say goodbye.

But I don't deserve to talk. If Noela can't talk, why should I? Talking has never helped anything for me anyways.

So I don't.

I tear my gaze from the house that I brought so much pain to and board the crowded bus.  As I sink into my seat near the front, I see a girl with a long brown braid down her back. Although I can't see her face, she reminds me so much of Noela - she always wore her hair like that.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to let the memories take over my head, while gripping onto the book in my hand.

I hope South-lake will help me close the page of an old story.

And let me start a new one.

Hello!

I am happy to say that we are done with all the character intros! YAY!

Also, PLEASE let me know if you see any other mistakes (i.e. grammar, punctuation, etc.)

Question:

What do you think of Noah?

Also, is there anything you want to happen at South-lake?

Don't forget to answer, vote, and comment. 🗣👍🏾💬

ATCAgainstTheCurrent ✨

P.S.

The external link leads to my story playlist for Camp -  which you can also access through my bio. It will be updated as the story proceeds.