IT was making me choose.... Daniel or Jess, Danielor Jess, DanielorJess, DanielJess. I can't! Why is IT forcing me to choose who to love? I can't. I can't. ICAN'TDOTHISANYMORE!!!! IT hit me, mad at my refusal, and it whispered that the day would soon come when I'd have to choose between the three - Daniel, Jess, or my sister, Sara. IT said the day was coming very soon. The force of its words slammed me into the wall, sending a sharp pain down my spine. IT stabbed my heart with its societal spear, sending pain throughout my body and frying my soul. I released a scream not belonging to myself as IT walked away, laughing at my pathetic self, sending the crowds after my weak body on the cold, hard, grou-

"Jonah! Jonah! Wake up! Are you okay?" Daniel screamed, shaking me out of my sleep.

I open my eyes to see his beautiful, worrisome face, instantly calming my heartbeat.

"Yeah" I whispered, wiping the cold sweat from my face, "It was just a little dream."

"It didn't sound like a dream to me" Sara retorted, leaning against my doorway, blocking my parents from entering my room in their fit of worry, "It sounded more like a nightmare. You were screaming you know, right?"

Pushing past my sister and gliding to my bed, my mother took my face into both of her cold hands, "Jonah, my sweetheart, what's going on? Is everything all right? Is there something you want to tell us? It might help get rid of these nightmares you keep having, you know, by telling us."

"No, mom. I'm fine, I swea-"

"Are you on drugs?" my dad's gruff voice cuts through the soothing atmosphere of the room, quickly bringing the nightmare to the forefront of my mind.

I glare at my sister, silently scolding her for letting him into my room. She just shrugged in response, signifying that she couldn't do much about it.

I sighed, "No dad, I'm not on dru-"

"Don't you dare lie to me son!"

"Dad!" I yell, sitting up quickly in my bed, sending a sharp pain through my head, blurring my vision for a second, "I'm not taking drugs! I'm not taking anything. I'm not drinking. I'm not smoking. I'm not doing any-fucking-thing! My, God - for fucks sake, will just lay off me for a bit! I'm not a little kid anymore, nor am I an irresponsible, experimenting, punk of a teenager! Just give my ass a break! You always think I'm doing something motherfucking wrong!"

My dad looked like he almost wanted to beat my ass in that instant, but my mother held him back.

"And I'm definitely never telling you anything!" I whisper before throwing off my sheets and getting out of bed.

"Maybe you shouldn't go to this camp, honey. It might be better if you stay here, so we can figure out what is going on with you." my mother suggested softly.

I stop making my bed, turn around slowly, and glare at her, pissed that she would even suggest such a thing.

"No, I'm going to this camp that I got myself into, without any of your  rich ass help, in case you didn't know. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to finish cleaning my room and packing my bags."

"You know Jonah" my father says, taking a step forward, "I'm almost really sorry-"

"Yeah, yeah... I'm sorry you had a son like me too." I say, looking coldly up at him, "You need to get a new punch line, son, especially since you have made it very clear that I'll never be enough for you. Now please leave, before I have to force you too."

My mother takes a step back, and taking my father's boiling hot hands, lead him out of the room. I slam my door behind them, only to hear my sister sigh.

"Jonah-"

"Shut the fuck up." I say before turning around to face them.

Daniel is sitting on my bed, head down, with his hands nervously fidgeting.  Sara is standing by my desk with her arms crossed, tapping her foot.

"You know blowing up isn't going to help anything else, its just going to make it -"

"Would you like to shut your smart ass up, or will I have to kick you out too?!"

"I'm just trying to help." she grumbles, throwing up her hands before sitting down in my chair.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and let it out through my teeth, running my fingers through my hair.

"I know... I'm sorry... It's just, he really make me mad sometimes... most of the time."

"I get it." she says halfheartedly, spinning around in my chair, curling a piece of her hair around her finger, looking up at my dark orange ceiling, "But you can't keep doing this.  Is there something on your mind? You don't have to tell us, but you need to let it out of your system."

Without responding, I go to my closet and pull out my bags, "Wanna help?"

"Jonah-"

"I just simply asked if you wanna help?"

Sara glances over at Daniel before getting up to help me finish packing.

I look up "Daniel, you wanna help me-"

"-What did you mean by "Don't make me choose between them!"? You screamed that when I came into you room." he asks, lifting his head looking straight into my eyes.

I freeze, as that one look brings a flood of memories times with my best friend, one of the two people who I consider to possibly be more than a friend to me, and one of the three people in my nightmare.  My mind flashes back to all the first times we had together - the first time we met on the swings, the first time we had lunch together, the first time he really made me blush, the first time we went to a party together, the first time we went on a "date", the first time we kissed, the first time he made me think about loving someone other than my sister or mysel-

"Jonah?" he asks, bringing me out of memory lane.

Was I really ready to tell him? What about Jess?

And in that instant, he made me think of the first time I ever fully lied to his face.

"It was nothing. I was just dreaming about choosing between ice cream and pie for dessert." I turn away and bite my lip, cringing at how fake I sounded, "You know how I love sweets."

My sister scoffs, stuffing my socks into a bag.

"Are you sure?" he asks, getting up from my bed.

Closing my eyes I breathe out slowly, "Yes... Now help me finish packing. I need to leave this hell-hole asap."

💠

A few hours later, my and my sister's playlist is blaring through my surround-sound system, and I'm jumping on my bed, trying to imitate an epic air-guitar solo while terribly singing along with Sara and Daniel.  As the song ends, I flop down on my bed, out of breath, as Sara bursts into a fit of giggles, causing Daniel, and then myself, to break out laughing.

"I'll be... right back" Daniel says, standing up while trying to catch his breath, "Lemme go... go grab.... something from... my house."

I wave a small goodbye to my neighbor who lives right next door, which is really on the other side of the building, since we live in a high-rise with two apartments on each floor.

Sara smiles like she doesn't care about a thing in the world. (Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care - shameless P!ATD segment- okay bye ; )

Looking out the window, she sighs, wiping the smile from her face before turning back around to face me.

"You know you can't lie to Daniel, right?"

"Who said I was lying?" I ask, with a defensive tone creeping into my voice.

"You really had a dream about choosing between desserts that made you scream and thrash around like you were trying to fight some horrible monster? I just have a hard time believing that, don't you? I can see right through your act, and I'm pretty sure Daniel sees too, he just let you off the hook this time."

"Sara-"

"All I'm saying is to not making lying a habit in your relationship- whatever stage it is at right now.  If you do, you might loose it all before you realize. Then it will be way too late, and you will end up living your life in regret. And I don't feel like seeing my older brother cry anytime soon, I think I've had enough of that to last me a few more months, if not years."

"Haha. Very funny." I respond, avoiding what I think she was implying and looking away from her piercing gaze, afraid that she would read my mind and my soul.

"I'm serious Jonah."

"I know... its just-"

"-I'm back! Did you miss me?!" Daniel yells, busting back into my room, seeming not to notice the heavy atmosphere.

"Yes we did!" I exclaimed with fake enthusiasm and a smile, "Now what did you go get?"

Sitting down between me and Sara, he handed me a small package wrapped in pale orange wrapping paper, "Don't open it until your birthday, since you won't be here, I decided to give it to you early."

"Thanks Daniel." I say, tucking the gift into my last bag before zipping it up.

We all sit silently, enjoying each other's company for at least a few minutes. Then my grumbling stomach interrupts the peace.

"Anyone want something to eat? I'm honestly starving right now." I say, jumping up and leading the way to the kitchen without a second glance.

Sara and Daniel sit down at the marble-topped counter as I take out breakfast foods from the fridge, deciding to make ourselves the most lavish breakfast I could muster with my meager cooking skills.

After minutes of light, warm conversation, I set the plates down in front of my two "guests" before getting a plate for myself, "Here we have some crisp, lightly peppered and sugared turkey bacon (trust me- this type of bacon is soooooo good... id have it every morning of I could) along with waffles, pancakes, raisin bread, Greek yogurt and fresh fruit, a small side of oatmeal, all topped off with a warm morning cup of tea..." I raise my glass into the air, "cheers to more times together!"

"Cheers!" they say in unison.

We were little kids again.

We eat in a peaceful silence, and I can't help but be glad that my parents left for work early today. I didn't need them to say goodbye, they never really seemed to care about me anyways.

💠

"I can't believe you're leaving already!" Sara exclaims as Daniel and I carry my bag to the front door.

"Don't get all mushy on me" I huff, throwing the impossibly heavy luggage on the floor.

She playfully punches me in the arm, but being the strong fighter that she is, it still hurts very much.

"I have to say I am happy that you're leaving. Not only will it be good for you, it will be great for me as well. I love you Jonah, but sometimes I need a break."

I bring her into a hug, "Yeah, I do too."

As I leave, I feel that my family's dynamic is off. I'm sure tons of other kids had sweet familial farewells to this South-lake Camp, while I'm leaving my sister behind to fend for herself in a house that I will never call a home.

Daniel helps me carry my bags until we reach his door. Stopping, a heavy silence hangs between us, with him fidgeting and me overthinking.

"You know you could have come with me." I say, taking a step towards him.

He turns the clean, silver knob on his door, avoiding looking into my eyes.

"Nah, I don't do camping, I'm more of an indoor kind of guy, you know that. I'm not as daring or as adventurous as you. Anyways, wouldn't it be kinda boring if we had the same experiences- if I went through the same struggles as you did?"

With that, Daniel gives me a pat on the back and closes his door behind him, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

That was the most unceremonious goodbye in history, I'm sure of it.

As I drag my bags toward the elevator down the hall, I can't help but think that my sister might be right, that Daniel knows a lot more than he tends to let on.

I push the down button of the elevator, awaiting its harmonious ding, as the boy who turned my life upside down consumes my thoughts, and the girl who threatens all stability in my life, builds precarious mines underneath them.

I begin to contemplate taking the stairs as I hear footsteps echoing in the nearby stairwell.  The footsteps stop, and I feel two pairs of eyes staring at me.

"Is that who I think it is?"

The darn elevator wouldn't come fast enough.

"Yeah, Brady." I hear the other voice whisper loudly "It is him."

I close my eyes and pray that they would go on their way. I already have enough shit to deal right now.

I feel them close in around me, standing on either side, breathing their stinky breaths onto my neck. I nervously tug on the sleeves my grey oversized sweater.

The elevator dings, revealing golden mirrored walls inside. I take a step forward with my bags as the boys snicker and follow close behind me, the doors closing us inside.  I avoid all eye contact, but I feel their piercing gazes searing through my protective shield.

"So, Jooooonaaaah" they say in a mockingly sweet tone while making very inappropriate gestures with their hands.

"Jooooonaaaah..." Brady reaches his filthy hand out, caressing my face.

I curl my hands into fists.

The elevator dings again, and they get off, snickering like the demons they are, and walk over to Brady's house.

"Bye, lovey!" they sneer, grinding against the silver doorknob as the golden doors close on them.

I let out the breath I was holding in, relieved to be out of their presence.

I finally step put into the busy lobby, carrying my bags with me until I reach the crowded streets outside.  I smile to myself, excited to start a new adventure with new people, but I can't help but be a little nervous - what if they are all like Brady and his minions?

I try not to let my worries consume my thoughts and take a deep breath of the polluted city air. I hear the cars zoom by, the people talk loudly on their cellphones, the hiss of steam around me in the big city, the balcony open above me-

"Hey faggot!" Brady yells from above me, ruining my dreams of avoiding further confrontation, "Did that boy shove his dick up your ass yet?"

I pretend to ignore him.

"Oh, and does your father know you're a fucking freak show? Oh wait, he doesn't, because if he did, you'd probably be on the streets sitting in your own piss begging for scraps."

The South-lake bus pulls up and I help pack my bags into the compartment as he continues to rain insults at me.

I take a step on the bus as he launches a bullet that breaks right through my barrier, about Daniel. Instantly, I imagine myself beating his ass to the ground right there in front of the high class apartments, using what my self-proclaimed street fighter of a sister taught me.

"Huh! You not gonna come up here coward? You just gonna run away like the pathetic son of a bitch you are?! Go run off to your little daycare that your mama and papa sent you to, not because they love you, but because they hate their son!? Huh!"

I decide to take the highest moral ground possible, slowly turning around and flipping him off, before boarding on the bus.

The rest of his words are muffled by the now closed doors as I make my way to a seat.

"That guy must be some dick." the girl in the seat across from me says, clutching a guitar in her lap, "I'm surprised you didn't beat him up."

"Yeah, well I thought about it." I respond, sinking into my seat, glad that no one is sitting right next to me, "but I'm more of a writer, not a fighter."

"That's good. It is a beautiful craft with wise power." She says with a small smile, before looking out the window at the quickly passing cityscape.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. 

All I want is peace of heart and mind.

I may be running away, but I hope I'm running towards something too.

💠

Hello!

This chapter was  another longer one... but I'm not sure if it is one of my best...

Also, PLEASE let me know if you see any other mistakes (i.e. grammar, punctuation, etc.)

Question:

What do you think of Jonah?

Don't forget to answer, vote, and comment. 🗣👍🏾💬

ATCAgainstTheCurrent ✨