Unfortunately, I am not able to ignore Ava's messages and leave them unread like Henry's ones. I knew she would start calling to make sure I'm alive tomorrow if I didn't respond or open them while Henry on the other hand would just hear me making noise and know that I am alive. The only way to get through this is to rip the bandaid aid off and open them. My peace was already disturbed.

So much for a social media detox aka my excuse for ignoring all my notifications until I feel like replying to them.

I open WhatsApp, ignoring all the other unread messages and decided the voice notes is the lesser evil of the two and pressed play. I never understand how people make voice notes, let alone long ones. I turn up the volume of my phone and lower the tv's volume.

'Hi, Evelyn, sorry for the long voice note but I have so much to tell you about [rustling noises] and I'm just coming home from the ballet studio and I need to cook so excuse the noise. Anyway, I know you've been waiting to know the details of the big day and I've kept them under wraps until I was hundred per cent sure we could pull this off. James and I are having our wedding in SOUTH AFRICA. EEEEEK! — I flinch at the sound of her extremely long and excited squeal of joy, tempted to pause and call it a day. I open the pdf while the voice note is still playing to confirm that the venue is indeed in South Africa. If I'm honest, I don't think I've ever seen a venue address so large on an invitation before that I rivalled the name of the couple.

'As you are well aware... James has a family vineyard and it was just the perfect place to host our wedding. He's always dreamed of having a wedding there... [pots clashing] Whoops! Sorry, sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah. So I went to his cousin's wedding in March and it was just the most beautiful thing I'd ever witnessed. I had literal tears in my eyes [blender noise and muffled talking] so that's how we managed to figure out a plan to get everyone here from the UK. Isn't that great? The details are in the invitation. Also, your parents are invited too but you have a plus one... if you've found the love of your life recently. What's going on with you these days? I feel like we hardly have time to talk anymore. Oh! I have to go, James just walked in, love you, byeeee.'

I am stunned and still stuck at the part where the wedding is going to be in a wine yard in South Africa. Ava really outdid herself this time. She always loved to have big events. Each of her birthdays got more and more extra when each year. This year she gave us all part bags with personalised items. The perfume bottle on my nightstand is the one from that party bag since she knew my favourite perfume. That was one of the many items. It was like I got a birthday present on her birthday. She is extremely detail-orientated and thoughtful like that. I should've guessed that her wedding is going to be a destination wedding.

The wedding invite pdf wasn't a simple two page and was actually a whole booklet. The next page held an itinerary for the trip, with details of each activity, the accommodations, website links and even a contact page with multiple numbers. Nearly every detail you could think of was in this invitation in the pink invitation. The colour theme of the wedding was without a doubt, pink. I made a mental note to stay away from pink so I don't clash with the decor on the day. There are far too many details for me to fully absorb what's going to happen during the trip. Maybe when I was less tired and closer to the time I would actually care what time breakfast is scheduled.

Since everything is so perfectly planned and organised, all I need to do is be there at the right time. There is only one nagging issue while scanning the invitation. It's the glaring one plus. I didn't want to third-wheel my parents the whole time. That isn't even the worst part. I did not want to meet James' parents while still single.

James is my last serious long-term boyfriend and I met his parents went they were on a trip here to visit him. We spoke of one day visiting his family vineyard but between our conflicting work schedules and studies, we never got the chance. There is nothing more humiliating than attending your ex's wedding and receiving a bunch of pity looks. It will only be worse since this will be a whole week with the same people. That's a long time to survive in such an environment. I'm sure my parents will get tired of me at some stage too and the alternative of third-wheeling Ava and James sounds even worse to me. There is always a slight underlying awkwardness when we are together.

I groan, kicking off my blanket, the sound of FRIENDS fading into the background as I pace up and down. The only reasonable solution is to find a date for the wedding. I cannot go alone. It is something I don't want at all. I doubt I'll find the love of my life in time. It's not like I can even ask Ava to set me up with some cousin of her significant other since going from James to his cousin is just so messy. It sounds like the start of a family drama tv show where the evil ex never leaves and just dates every single person in the family. That is not a reputation I need, even if his family lives in South Africa.

On the other hand, there is declining the invitation. That isn't even an option. I have known Ava for years that I even lost count of how long we've been friends. Long enough to make friendship brackets, that's for sure. She even invited my parents. It is not a bridge I can simply burn. There's nothing like letting a person know where you stand in their life like a wedding. She is making it clear that I'm a priority in her life. I can already hear my parents telling me to honour her invitation and not overthink everything. It's easy for them to say when they've been happily married since forever. Some of us are facing a dilemma that I saw coming as soon as Ava got engaged.

I just thought that she would do a simple weekend wedding. How stupid of me! Ignoring something doesn't make it disappear. Overthinking something doesn't make it appear either. Gosh, life is unfair.

My thought is broken up by the sound of cheering from next door. I am glad I didn't go now more than ever or else I would've had to act like everything was fine when nothing was fine. I probably would've done something dumb like ask the brown sugar guy on a date. He would probably ditch me halfway through the meal if I used the wrong fork or something.

In the midst of my panic, I forgot to even reply to Ava. I got another generic fake WhatsApp news from a group chat that reminds me to reply. I reply with a bunch of lovey-dovey stickers and a simple 'words cannot express how I feel.'

The worst part of this all is that I could not even go to Ava, my best friend, for advice. My mom would just say I'm being over dramatic and to relax and enjoy the sun for a week. A simple pro and con list tell me I need to go.

Pro: free trip to South Africa.

Con: seeing ex-boyfriend's family looks of pity and possibly becoming a social pariah.

Solution: find Prince Charming in whatever tree he got lost in.

I smile at my humour. My backup career as a meme page admin is available if the social pariah thing doesn't work out I suppose. Ava doesn't take long to reply. Thankfully, it's not a voice note, 'let me know if you need the plus one or not by the end of the week... for logistic purposes.' with a dozen flower and heart emojis. What started as a joke from her side, became one of her typing habits. I reply with a thumbs-up emoji without truly processing the message.

The pressure was worse now as the deadline got tighter. It's Friday evening, where was I supposed to find a date for this wedding in two days!? The idea of disappearing off the face of the earth and assuming a new identity in the Maldives is starting to look more and more tempting right now. This would probably get rid of most of my problems.

I stop my pacing, flopping onto my bed in despair. I can't even argue for an extension with all the logistical planning that Ava is putting into this wedding. I grab my pillows burying my face in them, wanting to scream in frustration, messing my made bed. I held back since I'm sure my neighbours would call 999 based on the fact that they would think I'm being murdered. These stupid thin walls.

If only it could start raining men at 10 pm. Then I would not need to end my evening of leisure to seriously start searching for a wedding date for a week. I simply could not think of any other logical answer. I turn over on my bed to stare at my familiar white ceiling. If another logical answer did not come to me in my dreams then tomorrow I would start searching high and low for a date for Ava's wedding. There has to be someone out there willing to go with me. The universe can't hate me that much, right?

~*~

Are you an overthinker? What would you do? 

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