Rachel

I don't know why Jacob's hanging around me right now. I guess he's got nothing better to do, but I hope he finds something to get him out of my hair. I stick with my plans for the day. I decided a few months ago to help update Mama's house. She loves the idea of adding her favourite colour throughout the house.

"Ray, are you the one decorating Mama's house?" Jacob asks with a surprise reaction.

"Just little touches to update her house and bring out Mama Jane's personality," I answer.

"A little? Rachel this is fucking amazing," I couldn't  help but smile at Jacob's reaction to my decorating skills. " I mean, I have been impressed since I got here. You have a good eye for colour."

I found it hard to not be swept by Jacob's compliments. Stay focused Rachel. Keep your distance, so you don't get hurt again. Jacob's not moving back. He already said he would visit more often.

"Thank you." I said.
   
"Do you want a drink? I'm finding it hot in here." Jacob said, fanning himself as he makes his way to the kitchen.

I was feeling hot myself, moving around and sorting, "Yes please. I'll have the water in the pitcher in the fridge with the cucumber and mango in it."

Jacob starts laughing, "Really? And you thought putting chicken on my pancake was weird?"

"What's wrong with cucumber and mango together?" I ask as a giggle escapes to my surprise.

Jacob puts two glasses down on the counter, "Nothing. Nothing. Just some small-town cocktail mix I'm guessing, right."

"Shut up," I said laughing as Jacob hands me my glass.

"There's that smile I missed." Jacob's eyes pop open realizing his comment slipped out. I quickly gulpe my drink to break eye contact between him and I. His smile and personality are becoming less of a memory and more real. I can't fall for him again. I have to stay strong. Too much has happened since I last cried for this man and I don't think I can survive it again.

"See Rachel. We can be mature and civilized." Jacob said, "And this beverage isn't bad either."

I smile at Jacob, "Yeah I guess chicken in pancakes can be good."

"You'll have to try it one of these days." Jacob teases watching me set up the pillows on the couch, "Abby why don't you go to school for interior decorating? It's in high demand right now and from what I can see, I think you have a gift in that niche."

"Thanks but I'm already in school," I say feeling defeated. I have been taking an online course to help me get my teacher's diploma to work in Nursery programs with infants and small children. As Matty gets older he won't need me as much and Katie said when I graduate she and Gilbert will adjust as well.  I smiled at the Bridgestone family creed, always helping family.

"Mama told me you were in school. I can see you being a teacher. You're so kind, gentle and..."

I look at Jacob as he stutters on his last words, "Well. I still need to finish four courses but it's on hold right now."

"Why?" Jacob questions.

I smile, "Well for starters I have a five-year-old boy and your Mama needs me. I do some assignments here and there, but nothing consistent. It's too chopped up."

"I'll help." Jacob says with excitement..

"What?"  I said involuntarily, my eyes fixed on Jacob.

"While I'm here. Like right now. I can stay with Mama and pick up Matty or all the kids. Just tell me what needs to be done, and I'll do it."

Crap!! That part inside me that I wanted to kill and bury is finding its way out. I want to kiss him right now and let him do whatever he wants with me.

"Rachel?  What do you think?" Jacob said waiting for my answer, I could stay a day or two longer if that would help.

A smile escapes my face. The time would help me catch up on a few assignments and a couple of tests I missed. " Okay. Ah. I'll get Mama's pills ready and she likes Mac and cheese for lunch. It's in a pot in the fridge. I made it yesterday already. And the kids are to be picked by 3 and drop Declan, Charlotte and Gavin to your sister's floral shop and bring Matty home."

Jacob smiles at me as our eyes lock, and for the first time, I felt happy to look into his eyes, "Perfect."Jacob says, not moving a muscle.

I uncomfortably smile at Jacob, "You can start with warming up lunch for your Mama and taking the pills."

Jacob blinks back, "Yes. Okay. You go do your school thing." Jacob said breaking the hold between him and I.

"Thank you, Jacob!" I said going upstairs to my room.

I turned on my computer and set it up. I starting writing a list of assignments I have missed. I sit on my chair in front of the desk that once belonged to Katie. It's in front of the window, which I opened to let the warm breeze come in. I pause for a moment to put everything in perspective. I smile thinking about Jacobs' kind gesture. But I'm sure it's more for him to be with his mama. Why else would he offer this chance to me? 

__________

       Jacob had gone and got the four kids. Katie had called saying she had great news for me, so Gilbert and her are coming over.

      I had finished my schoolwork in about four hours. I emailed my teacher that I had some free time to send assignments in and more. I closed the laptop. I l see Jacob feeding the chicken along with Charlotte, Gavin and Matty outside my window. I smile at how good it is for Katie's kids to have their uncle visit.  At the same time, I feel sad for Matty that things didn't work out with his Papa. Apparently, our love wasn't enough. David was a good man. But not for me. I respected him and he too with me –  but the love. There was no love between us. Not one that sends fireworks out from your heart or makes my lungs want to sing so loud for all to hear. David was sweet but I didn't feel the passion. Not like I did with Jacob. I broke from my thoughts. Dinner!

"Sorry. I was catching up with some assignment and didn't start dinner yet." I fraek out as I practically running in the kitchen to Katie who was fixing herself a drink.

"Don't worry about it Ray," Katie said leaning on the counter smiling at me, and holding her drink with confidence, " Jacob made all kinds of pizzas for dinner."

"I look around. The table's set with pitches of cucumber and mango water, lemonade and wine. The counters were tidy and organized and the smell finally caught up to me of melted cheese and pepperoni.

"I think Miss Ray, you have a positive effect on my little brother,"Katie said with almost a singing voice looking at me.

I tried to ignore eye contact with her, "No no, I  think he feels guilty for not coming around more often and is making up for lost time."

"Mmm - maybe," Katie said, not believing a word I'm saying.

The back door flings open as the kids and Jacob tumble in with such a ruckus.

"Okay okay okay. I'll tell you guys ghost stories tonight, but first, wash your hands for dinner." Jacob cheers. The kids cheered and went to wash their hands.

"Ghost stories?!" Katie question, looking at Jacob..

"Don't worry sis. It won't be scary. A PG 2 level." Jacob said laughing looking at me, "Hey Ray. Did you get some schoolwork done?."

I stand straight from leaning on the counter, "Yeah. I did. Thanks again." I said.

Jacob smiles at me as he washes his hands.

"Hey, Jackie. You're really good with the kiddies. Have you ever thought of any of your own?"

"Well," Jacob states, looking awkward,  as he put on the oven mitts, "One day yeah. Maybe 3-4."

Katie looks at me smiling,

I turn around to find something to do on the counter behind me, ignoring what I hope Katie isn't implying.

"Oh, Rachel." Katie jumpes, "Your surprise! You have to make 5-6 of your strawberry rhubarb pies." Katie demands

"Why" I huff.

"I entered them into the taste tables at the Summer Breeze fair tomorrow night."

"WHAT!!!" I blurted out. "Katie, why did you do that?!?" I question feeling upset.

"The Summer Breeze fair is tomorrow!?" Jacob pipes up, with excitement.

I glare at him to not get involved.

"Mama can't make any pies this year. So your pies are the next best thing." Katie explaines as she organizes the kids to their seats. I love Katie but sometimes she thinks she's everyone's big sister.

"How am I going to have 5 pies ready by tomorrow afternoon?"

"I can help."  Jacob pipes up again.

What is wrong with him? He's gone for years and now he thinks he's Mr. Fixer Upper?  

"Great!" Katie says. " It's settled. Jacob will help you."

"What about you? You put me in this." I said upset.

"Nope. sorry I can't. We have the shop to set up for the fair. So I'm busy. Jacob will be all you need." Katie said with a smile.

"I can't wait to go to the fair tomorrow night." We hear Mama Jane say as she rolls into the kitchen.

"Mama,says why didn't you call someone to help you?" Katie scolds as she walks to Mama Jane and helps guide the wheelchair to the head of the table.

"There was a time when I was independent, you know." Mama Jane said. She smiles at her grandkids, "I heard Uncle Jacob made dinner tonight." Mama Jane said as she looks at me, "Rachel, did you catch up with your schoolwork?" 

I smile and nod my head as I sit down on the chair between Mama's and Matty. My heart starts beating fast as Jacob sits across from me. I notice him making a glance at me as he settles in his seat next to Declan. Declan starts to chat with Jacob about wanting to hunt like his Papa. Katie went on about the flower shop stand at the fair. The younger kids excitedly chat about the rides and food they would try.

The fairs in PineBrooke are, without a doubt,  the best entertainment. There are four major fairs. The Spring Fling, The Summer Breeze, The Autumn Harvest and The Wonder of Winter. There's live music, animals, shows for the kids, rides ........

I have gone almost every year with my parents. But, this one time I went with my friends, changed everything. I was fifteen years old...

"Hey, nerd. Surprise to see you here." Jacob said. I remember he was wearing his baseball team jersey and blue distressed jeans. His hair was wildly messed around, with a big grin on his face looking at me.

I went to the fair with my two best friends, Molly and Tresea. I was hoping to bump into this nice boy in my class, Robert. I styled my hair into big curls, and held it back with a red hair band. I dressed up. I had my blue dress, short too my knees and wore some makeup to look a little more grown-up.

But I wasn't expecting Jacob Bridgestone to talk to me outside his house. 

"Hi, Jacob." That was all I could say. Then my best friend Molly grabbed me and spun me around, " Look. It's Robert."

And sure enough, walking towards us was Robert and his friend Hayes. My heart was beating fast. I had a much better chance with Robert than I would have ever had with Jacob.

"Hey." Robert greeted us, "Do you girls want to hang out with us tonight?"

"Yes." Molly and Tresea both jumped.

We all started to walk when I felt my arm being pulled back, "Hey,  I got to talk to you." Jacob said when I looked at him. " Mama Jane saved a piece of her apple pie for you and wants you to grab it fast," Jacob explains.

I rolled my eyes, "Hey guys, I'll have to catch up to you." I said to my group. Mama Jane doesn't wait and neither will the piece of apple pie if I don't get to it soon.

"God Ray, could you have looked any more desperate tonight," Jacob said as we walked.

"Desperate?" I said offended by his comment.

"Is that the reason you wanted to know how to kiss?  it's all for that guy? Don't bother with him, Ray.  I know what guys like him want, and he's not getting it from you." Jacob said, now sounding jealous and stupid.

"Jacob. I can take care of myself. I'm 15." I said as we dodged around the crowd, "And, what if I like boys like Robert, so what? Are you going to stop me?" I challenge him. Upset that he took me away from possibly being Robert's girlfriend by tomorrow.

Suddenly Jacob grabbed my hand and pulls me between the trailers that were parked to the side of us. He aggressively pushes me back up against one of the trailers and pinned me between his defining arms, feeling his breath on my face.

We stood like this for a moment. I swear we both realized how close to the threshold we were. Jacob was 19 years old. I remember I couldn't think. The boy that I had a crush on for three years was a horse hair thickness away from my lips.

"Do you really want a boy like that Rachel?" Jacob whispered as his lips softly rubbed against mine.

"I - I." I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe.

Jacob let out a slow low laugh, "What? You don't know what to say now?"

I didn't answer.

Jacobs's eyes locked onto mine. I saw that he was not playing a game. He was real and I can't get away from him.

He looked at my lips and followed my hairline to my eyes, "Why don't you start with the boy you always wanted."

I honestly don't know what happened to me at that moment. Maybe I had spent too much time with him already that I was so comfortable with him that I leaped up and kissed his lips.

************

"Rachel dear." I snap back to the dinner table with Mama Jane's voice. I look at her feeling dizzy. "Are you okay?" She asks.

Everyone was looking at me. I politely wipe my mouth. "I do feel tired. Probably getting all the assignments done. If I may, I'd like to be excused,"

Mama Jane nods as I pick up my plate and placed it on the counter. Everyone starts talking again as I grab my shawl hanging on the banister and made my way outside. I walk around the porch and sit on the swing chair. I look out to the fields as dusk settles in. The birds chipping their evening songs and the night breeze settling in.

My mind and heart are having a battle. A part of me wants to forgive and forget and take Jacob back, but he hasn't said anything to me. For all I know he could be looking at me feeling pity, or wondering what he ever saw in me. But. The other part of me remembers the pain of never hearing from him again. Never checking in on me or even asking about me. I wipe the tears quickly, taking an over-exaggerated deep breath.

Grow up, Rachel. I coached myself, he isn't worth going through all this again. I have to think of Matty and protect him from any more of my mistakes.