Rachel

" You don't love mama?" Matty asks.

I look at Jacob. I'm scred to hear the answer. Would he tell the truth? Would he lie to his son? I guess i should know the answer, Zoe's still here. She didnt leave. "I have a special place in my heart for your mama. That will never go away, but sometimes life takes us in seperate diecrtions." Jacob answers. My heart aches. I was foolish to think that Jacob would choose me. I'm still the small town girl from his past, who now is the co-parent with him.

Matty looks at him, " So i have two mamas?'

What?!? My inner mother instinct reacts, You have ONLY one mama!! I hold my breath and my tongue, if this is going to work i have to get use to the idea that Zoe will be a mother figure to Matty.

Jacob chuckle, " you have your mama right her. Zoe would be a step mama for you, but don't worry about that now. Zoe's happy to have you in our life too."

Matty stretches for me, wrapping his arm around my neck and his other arm around ...his daddy's neck and pulls us all into a hug, " My mama and daddy." tears fall down my cheeks as i close my eyes squeezed into Matty's sholder. This will all work out now.

"Daddy?" Matty says, " Are you and Zoe coming to live here?" i look at Jacob.

Jacob smiles as Matty, " well I have my job in the city and I need to be there, but I will come to everything you have here. And im a phone call away. You need me you call me. Okay?"

Matty smiles nodding his nead.

"In fact. I asked mama if you can come with Zoe and I today to the city for the week. Would You like to come?"

"YES!: Matty cheers.

Jacob picks Matty up and throw him in the air. The giggles from his chest, becomes my faveiourt music. Watching Jacob getting up and turning Matty in his arms playing with him warms my heart. For just a second im going to pretend that this is us. The three of us. My heart breaks and it fills with illusional peace and happiness.

"He will be a great father." i look at Zoe standing by my side. She sits in Jacobs spot on the swing, "Jacob use to talk about wanting to have children. Who knew he had one the wohle time."

"Im sorry Zoe. i never intended to hurt you." I stutter.

Zoe smiles at me, " we weren't planning to have children yet, but i guess we can't plan everything." Zoe says looking at Jacob playing with Matty, "We fly out tonight. We have to be at the airport at ten tonight."

I nod my head.

"Matty's going to have fun. Dont worry about that." Zoe asys.

I nod my head.

"But he made his choice." Zoe's words sting. I look at her as she smiles at me, " Respect that."

I stare at Zoe nodding in understanding. I'm not Jacob's priority. I'm his son's mama.

"We should have a family dinner before we go." Jacob comes up the stairs with Matty hanging upsidedown in his arms. " Rachel, invite Hayes too."

I look at Matty hanging, trying to compose myself, " He's busy today. Plus, i dont know if Katie will want to come over, after everything."

"Nah dont worry about her. She'll come over  dont worry about that." Jacob puts Matty down and tickles him.

I smile watching Jacob. I heart torn. Would he have been happy, if he knew about Matty then? Maybe he wouldnt have felt tied down but embrace being a daddy, " I'll put dinner together." i quickly go up, making my way to the door. Oh Matty needs to take his epipen. I turn to talk to Jacob and Zoe. I gasp to the scene. Jacob and Zoe kissing as Matty wrestling with Jacob's arms.

I fight back the tears, Thats what you get for trying so hard to be good. My mind scols me. My shoulders drop as i open the door and walk in the house.

"How did he take it?" Mama Jane voice filled with hope.

"Good. his happy knowing that Jacob's his dad. He knows he's going to the city too." I continue cutting the chicken.

"And how are you?" i hear an uncertainty in her voice. I fight back the tears, regretting that i didnt fight harder for Jacob, " I'll be good. It's going to take time to get use to sharing Matty and coparenting with Jacob."

"Take the time and focus on your relationship with HAyes."

"Actually, Hayes and I are going to take a break too."

" Rachel. Why?" Mama Jane gently grabs my hand, " He's so good for you."

I quickly wipe my eye, " i need to sort out Matty first. I have to make sure he's adjusting to all these changes."

" ANd you too." Mama Jane adds.

I smile at her. She always knows how i feel, " Thank you."

Mama Jane snaps her head back, "For what?"

"For always being a great person in my life." i lean down hug Mama Jane.

Mama Jane puts her hands around me, cheering, " Oh my dear, i feel in love with you since you were born. My little Ray of sunshine."

I squeeze tighter. Mama Jane hadnt called me her ray of sunshine in years. I needed that.

"Okay, lets' make the best dinner ever!" Mama Jane cheers.

I give her the plates as she makes her way to the table. I continue to prepare the food and put it in the oven.

"Mama Jane. I'm going to pack a few things for Matty." i wipe my hands on the dishtowel. Mama JAnes smiles and me and nods.

I pack some Of Matty's clothes, towel and Mr. Muffin.

"What are you doing Mama?" Matty jumps on the bed next to me.

I quickly force a smile, " i'm packing your things for your trip."

" can you come with me mama?"

I heart breaks into pieces. I look at my little man. His hair still show evidence of the play he had with his dad. I keep my smile, " Right now, your daddy wants to spend time with you." i fix his hair stains, " you'll have a wonderful time. Maybe daddy will show you the houses he fixes up."

Matty smiles.

"Hey, is there room for you aunt?" matty and I look at the doorway and see Katie, with eyes filled with tears leaning on the door frame.

I rub my eyes, " of course."

Katie walks in and sit beside Matty. She takes him in, " my God, i never saw it, but you do resemble Jacob." Katie squeezes Matty's face and gives him a big hug, " i love you." Katie whispers. Katie let's go of Matty, " now your cousins are downstairs."

Matty's eyes bean open, " i have cousins?"

Katie and I chuckle through our tears, " Yes silly. You daddy is my brother, making Declan, Charlotte and Gavin your cousins."

"Yeah!!" Matty shouts and runs out tof the room.

Katie lounges at me with her arms wrapping around my neck, " im sorry I was mean to you earlier."

I smile wrapping my arms around katie, " it's okay."

Katie pulls me back, " i had secretly wanted Jacob with you. I mean you mad him calm and at peace."

"And he has Zoe to help him feel piece." i reminded KAtie.

She looks at me with a sore face, " she brings out his drive and hungre for success."

"Katie. He has a son now."

"And what does ZOe say about all this?" katie asks looking at me intently.

"She's looking forward to MAtty coming to the city. She'll be good." reassuring Katie... and me.

"Hey, dinners ready." Jacob says leaning at the door.

Katie looks at him, " My little brother is a father. Who could have imagine that." Jacob looks down shyly and smiles.

"MAMA!!!" Declan's voice shouts, "MAAAAAA! Gavin wont wash his hands after touching the rabbits!!"

Kaite signs, " Oh guys enjoy them small."  Katie quickly gets up and walks pass Jacob, " GAVIN, MAMA'S COMING!!"

I smile as i close Matty's bag, "Here, i'll take that." Jacob reaches for MAtty's bag. I dont let go. " Rachel," Jacob whispers. I close my eyes fighting back the tears. He just took a shower and the smell of his soap fills my lungs reminding me of the mistakes i made all these years, " Are we good?"

I force myself to look at him because thats the right thing to do, " of course we are. I feel confident that we can rise Matty together."

Jacob holds my arms and pulls me towards him. I hitch my breath, filled with confusion of what Jacob is doing.

He looks me in my eyes. I see pain in his, " I mean our feelings for each other."

I search in his eyes, trying to figure out what he really means, " it you mean us to be togeth—,"

"I mean, we wont let any feelings get in the way of each other's lives and we co parent MAtty in a mature collective manner."

My heart sinks, again, for the millionth time if feels since Jacob's been home. I nod my heard, " Yeah. Of course, not sure what feelings your talking about." i try to wiggle out of Jaboc's grip.

He grips me tighter, making me look at him, " Rachel i loved you so much, years ago, and nothing, nothing will take it away. I love you now, for being strong and determine young women and raising Matty, but our lives... our lives are at different levels and we need to respect that our time has been done for a long time."

I tighten my lips, having flashbacks of the last few days of moments where Jacob didtn't seem to keep his feeling in the past. "Yeah. of course, i didnt think of it any differently." i codly glare at him and i press Mattys' bag up against Jacib's chest. "The back-up epipen is in his bag and the other you will carry on the plane in his fanny pack. Make sure you have it with you EVERYWHERE you go."

"I know."

"Make sure if you go outside keep note of the bees in the area."

"Yes i–,"

"I'll give you the bug spray and maybe a puck that can hang on the fanny pack."

"Rach–,"

"Make sure Matty wears the pack and—"

"RACHEL." Jacob shouts my name. I look at him, "I got it. I'm not dumb. I love him. I have always since i met him. There was always a feeling of connection. I will not let anything happen to him and we will have a wonderful week and i'll bring him back in a week."

I break our eye contact. I hate how he can still read me, "I just want to make sure we don't have any miscommunication." 

"And i know this is the first time that Matty will be separated from you," i look at Jacob. He smiles at me, " he's my son too and i will make sure he and you are taking care of from now on. Even if Hayes becomes his step dad."

I stop breathing, " Oh let's not go too far ahead."

"Rachel you should consider finding someone too. Hayes really does seem like a great guy, regardless of what i have said in the past." Jacob said with a tight smile.

"Hey!" We hear Zoe at the dor, " Dinners ready."  Zoes tone sounding serious.

Jacob looks at Zoe with a smile. A familiar smile that I remembered years ago, " Coming sweets. Just packing Matty's bag." 

Jacob looks at me with a happy smile. He is truely happy now. A father, a soon-to-be -husband. Everything i wanted him to have... with me.
I watch as Jacob grabs Matty's stuff and walk to Zoe. they both left. Living me alone in Matty's room.