Jacob

Hearing the kettle blowing, I pour the boiling water into my mug.

"Good morning Jacob." Mama greets coming into the kitchen.

I quickly run to her, "mama! I wish you would call me to help you." I say as I bring mama to the table, " a coffee mama?"

"Yes please." She says looking at me move back to the kettle, " you're in a good mood despite yesterdays revelations."

I pour the boiled water in her mug, " well i've been up all night. I'm on my tenth coffee, I finished my 2 packs of smokes and rolled up dried grass and smoked a few of those too."

Mama looks at me with a mortified expression, "WHAT!?!?"

I place her mug infront of her, " oh dont worry mama, i feel fantastic." i said sitting beside here, " and you know what? I learned a few things."

mama takes a sip of her coffee without taking her eyes off me, " Go on."

I straight myself up, " first of all. I love you mama. And i thank you for raising Katie and I with  love and kindness. With you and Dad, we had a wonderful life. This town was too small for me and everyone was in everyone's business, which, by the way, points for Rachel in managing to keep me a secret in Matty's life." mama's still staring at me, " second that women sleeping in the room next to us, still wants to be with me... and I love her so much for that."

" and Matty?" Mama searches my eyes with concern in her eyes.

"Yes. we will co parent with Rachel. I will bring Matty to the city for visits. I'll come to all his school events and milstones in his life. In fact, this morning i already called my bank and set up a meeting to open an account for Matty."

Mama smiles, " thats a good start." she says.

I nod my head, " yes it is. Its going to work. I have my wife-to-be, a son, my job, the tv show... everything i need."

Mama sips her coffee, still staring at me. " im happy to hear."

I look at mama, Wait... "Mama, did you know that Matty was my....son?"

Mama gently straights herself in the wheelchair, " I did."

An adrenaline shoots me out of my chair, " I KNEW IT!!" I yelp. I lean on the table, " why didn't you tell me?" disappointment rushed over me.

Mama places her hand over mine, " it wasn't mine to tell. Rachel had her reasons to not tell you and i respect that. It doesn't mean I didn't want her to. I did and Rachel knows how much i tried to convince her to tell you. And she tried. But you didn't tell us about Zoe and i guess.... Things unfolded the way they did."

I hang my head, " It's because of me, isnt it?"  i look into my mama's eyes.

She smiles at me, " she didn't want to be a burnden in your life. She didn't want Matty to be the burden in your life. She was scared you'd want another Abortaion."

Tears roll down my face. I move to my mama for a hug, " I'm sorry. I"m sorry for screwing things again." my heart pounding in my chest. Although Rachel lied all these years, some how i feel the responsibility for rachel's lie.

I feel mama's face close to my ears, " She loves you Jacob. She always has and always will. Matty was all she could have of you. She will co-parent with you, but the two of you will have to make it work."

I wipe my tears and clear my throat.  i smile at mama, "i'll make this work for Matty." I sit back down with my coffee and hear the front door open. Katie zooms in stiff and swift.

"What the fuck is going on Jacob?"

"Katie?!?" mama shouts.

"Sorry mama, but im fumming. Arent you?"

"Not Now KAtie." I grab ny coffee and take a big gulp..
   
Katie drops her purse on the table, shaking our coffees. " Not Now. when than Jacob - five more years?"

"HOw are you sitting there relaxed? How did you and Rachel do it? What does Zoe think of this? –"

"If you dont know how Rachel and I did it, than i dont know how you got your three kids."

Katie looks at me with fire in her eyes, " leave my kids out of it. I mean when did you and rachel start your love afair?"

I straighten myself preparing to reveal a few months of dating and a few years of secrets when...

"Help!!!" matty comes running into the kitchen to mama. "Grammy, mamas not waking up. I keep shanking her."

We all look at each other. I look at Matty....my son. I smile, "Hey little man. Aunt Katie will check on mama. She wasn't feeling well last night and probably needs more sleep."

I lift  Matty on my lap, but it's different this time. I feel a connection. I feel a love a proudness that i have never felt before. I feel full. "Why don't you and i go fishing for a while?"

Matty's worried watery eyes looks at me, " but mama."

"Anutie KAtie will watch her," i say looking at my sister. " she'll make her tea and a hot bowl of soup. Okay."

Matty nods his head.

I lean into Matty's head and press my lips against his head. I fight back the tears. I don't want to scare him any more than he is now. I look at Katie, "you can stay awhile right."

Katie plomps herself in the chair next to her, "yeah."

Matty jumps off my lap, " okay." he says.

"Great." i say with a smile, " i'll get Zoe too." I say walking to the next room.