Jacob

        I'm chain smoking in the stallion. What a Deja vu to my younger years except, I'm not here to pick up a wildflower, I came early to sit just outside the school property to figure shit out. I blow smoke out the window. I need to sort out my feelings. No. Actually. I need to kill the feelings that I have for Rachel. I'm restless today knowing that Rachel's at Hayes apartment, doing God knows what. Actually I know what. The way I've been pushing Rachel away, I bet she's falling' into Hayes arms and letting him persuade her to let him do everything to her body. I hit the steering wheel with my fist. FUCK!! I should not have come to town. I should have ignored Katie's calls and pretend I was busy. I should not have helped Rachel or even stayed at Mama's house. Billy. I should have stayed at Billy's than....

In my rant I see Rachel walking across the street. All anger and regret vanishes and confusion sets in. What did the fucker do to her?!?!

"Hey. Hi?" I say meeting up to Rachel, " why are you here? I said I'd pick up Matty." I question

"Yeah. I know. I just... wanted to talk to Matty's teacher about Father's Day." She stutters.

I take a deep breath, " you know, Rachel. I can come to Matty's fathers Day —,"

"No!" Rachel jumps, looking unsettled, " I have this all figured out, before you came." She looks at me with confusion.

"Rachel, did Hayes do anythin —,"

"No. No this has nothing to do with Hayes. Or you."

"Me "

Rachel shakes her head, " no not you. just ... I need to be alone, sort things out." she said walking past me.

"Yeah me too." I say walking next to her, "Hey Rachel, can I ask you something without you getting mad?"

Rachel lets out a cunning laugh, " Do you really want to ask?"

I put my hands in my pocket, " do you regret it...I mean, we were young, we didn't know, right."

Rachel stops, looks at me exhausted, " say it Jacob. For once in all these days, just say what you want to say."

I look at Rachel, "Do you really regret it?"

Rachel stares at me. I'm having difficulty swallowing, trying to keep my composure.

"Regret what?" she asks.

"Us."

Rachel's eyes widened in shock, " No, I mean, I don't regret our ... relationship... from back then." Rachel looks at me confused, "Jacob, it had been years. When you left, you took everything with you, including my heart. Now, you brought it all back.

"The memories?'"

"Yes," Rachel weeps, " and the pain, the hurt, and none of it will go away. I was just with Hayes and I can't be intimate with him, without thinking of you!" Rachel stiffs up.

I look at her not sure if I hear her right, "what ?" I involuntarily say.

"Yes!!" She blurs out, " And with you helping with your mama, Matty, and me, your support for my school and encouraging me to get into interior decorating. I can't do this any longer Jacob. You need to leave."

"Because you hate me?"

Rachel looks at me with tears going down her cheeks, " because I love you.'

I catch my breath, looking at Rachel in shock.

"MS. GAIN!! MS. GAIN!!" a woman's voice is screaming from behind us. An older lady in a black skirt and blue t-shirt comes running out of the school, waving her hand in the air, calling Rachel by her last name. But the urgency in her voice gets our attention in a bad way.

"Mrs. Potter, what happened," Rachel asks, shaking.

"Matty was stung, we believe by a bee. He's wheezing and swelling, we called the ambulance –,"

I didn't wait to hear the rest. I run up the school stairs and inside the school the first door on the left is open and I run in, "MATTY!!" I scream.

I hear commotion from a room to the right. I run in and see Matty bending over fighting to breathe. Another teacher is holding him so he doesn't fall.

I grab Matty and pick him up, "I got you little man, just hang on." and walk out of the room and Down the school hall to the exit. I glance at Matty's face as he struggles to breathe, "stay with me Matty." I repeat over and over as Rachel frantically runs into me.

"MATTY!!! OH MY GOD!!!" Rachel screams trying to grab Matty.

"I got him," I scream at Rachel, " get my keys from my pocket." I instructed her as we speed-walk out the school doors, "unlock my truck." I say. Rachel does as I say and opens the back doors. Rachel goes in and grabs Matty. I close the door and round my truck and drive off.

*******

Beep.....beep...... beep.....

Is all I hear right now. The only escape I have is the darkness that I see inside my eyes. The murmur of the nurses and doctors marching around like ants vibrates my body and the echoing of Rachel saying she loves me on repeat in my head. I glance at Rachel who's bending over in her chair next to me, weeping as slightly as she can. I lightly rub her back. I feel her flitch but she continues to cry.

I lean into her ear, "Hey Ray, do you want a coffee or something?"

"No." She weeps. I want to hold her in my arms. I want to take all the pain in her heart away from her. I want to feel free to show her... how much I love her too. "I'll be back." Is all I say. She nods. I get up quickly and walk to a small room with a fridge and a microwave and kettle on the counter. I make my coffee. I lean on the wall and burn my lip as I take a sip. I sigh, debating what the next move will be. How Matty and Rachel's lives will change after this. How holding a lifeless boy in my hands nearly killed me, knowing how much I love that kid. I throw out my coffee and walk back to Rachel. The doctor is talking to her. Her face in shock, a Mama's nightmare written on her face.

"He's stable now. We're going to keep Matthew for the night for observations. Tomorrow I will go over with you the epi pen instructions and resources to help you through this."

"Okay. Thank you." Rachel says weakly as I stand beside her.

"Doctor, can we see Matty?" I ask.

"In another 30 mins. I will come and get you." Doctor smiles and nods before walking off.

Rachel sits back on her chair. Looking better then before.

"He's going to be okay Ray. He has your strength." I smile reaching for Rachel's hand.

"Thank you so much for being here, Jacob. I don't think I could have done this without you." Rachel says looking at me.

I smile, breaking our eye contact, " I would do everything for you Rachel. You know that, right?"

Rachel let's go of my hands, straightening herself, "yeah. I'm sure you would help anyone Jacob. It's who you are. That's what makes you...special."

I look at Rachel, " Ray I have a confession. After what you said earlier about... not being able to... with Hayes —,".

"Not now Jacob. I wasn't thinking before." Rachel says brushing off what she said earlier.

"I think of you too. At times when I should be thinking of Zoe."

Rachel looks at me,"Jacob. What —"

"Im just ... I'm trying to let you know you're not alone in this. I'm feeling the same thing and I don't know what to do about it either." I say, looking into Rachel's red eyes with her sitting so close to me, " but I think we need to figure these feelings out. I mean. Talk about how we feel... about... each other."

Rachel laughs, " and that's going to do what Jacob? Make Matty better? Make Zoe disappear or Hayes. Make your Mama walk again. Or do you go back to the city and break my heart again?"

I stare at Rachel. She paddling backwards, "what couldn't you do with Hayes today?"

"What?" Rachel hisses low

I lean into her ear to whisper, " Did he touch your breast? Did he finger yo —,". Rachel slaps my face. I feel the heat exploding on my cheek. I look at Rachel and notice a few patients looking at us through my peripheral view.

"My son nearly died today and you want to talk about my body. You know, thank you Jacob. Every so often you remain me of why I will never be with you again."

"Bullshit Rachel. You want me. You said it already. You can't take it back. You can slap me, hit me, hurt me all you want but you will never hate me."

Rachel looks at me. I can see she's fighting her feelings. That's the same look she gave me when I took her away from her friends and I kissed her years ago. I lean into Rachel ready to see if sparks will fly again between us when our lips tou—,"

"JACOB!! RACHEL!!" Katie's voice fills the busy hallway.

Rachel and I jump back in our seats in time to see Katie and Zoe pushing through the people in the hallway.

"Where's Matty!?" Zoe asks.

"He's resting right now. We're just waiting to see him"
Rachel explains with exhaustion.

"What happen?" Katie asks.

"Anaphylactic attack from a bee sting. Matty's allergic to bees now." I explain.

"He will be okay. He's a strong kid." Katie reassures, "Jacob you can go. I'll stay with Rachel." Katie says moving closer to me.

"No I'm going to see Matty." I demand. I look at Rachel.

"You should go home with Zoe." She says with a double meaning in that sentence. Rachel's good at using words as code. I glare at her. She's not going to talk to me tonight.

I surrender by nodding my head. I look at Zoe and smile, " let's go?" I ask.

Zoe nods, " Rachel is there anything I can do?"

Rachel looks at Zoe, "Thank you Zoe, not right now but tomorrow we have to start setting up for the engagement party," Rachel looks at me, " We wouldn't want to ruin the special day with any more delays."

I smile. Shit she's good at getting a message across.

"Don't worry about the party. You focus on Matty tonight." Zoe says and hugs Rachel, "see you later."

Zoe walks on. I lock eyes with Rachel. She doesn't look away. Not tonight, I tell myself. Katie and Zoe's here. But tomorrow I'm having this conversation with Rachel, weather she likes it or not. I follow Zoe past the people in the hallway.

"Hey. Where's Rachel?!?" Hayes asks standing in front of us.

"Why are you here?" I growl at him.

"I called him. Told him what happened." Zoe says.

" I'm glad I didn't stop her from walking to the school. I just wished I drove her. I could have helped." Hayes says.

"Don't worry. I was there. I did everything for Matty." I pounce towards Hayes.

"Jacob!!!" Zoe's shouts pulling me back from Hayes.

"What happened that Rachel left you?" I ask.

Hayes straightens himself, " none of your fucken business." Hayes says standing straight in front of me.

"Hey, Hey boys!! This isn't the place," Billy jumps in, eyeing me down, "hey Jacob. Let's go outside. I'll buy us coffee." Billy looks at Zoe, " and you must be Zoe. I'm Billy. Jacobs oldest, wildest friend."

Zoe trying to smile, " Hi Billy."

Billy focus on me, letting his kid brother walk past me, "hey. It's been a scary day. Let's get some coffee and take a deep breath."

I look at my old friend. He's my rock and right now that's what I need.

"What size coffee?" The lady at the hospital cafe asks.

I look at her, " the biggest cup you have and black."

"What a day?" Billy sighs, standing by my side. I nod my head. He continues, "I get a call from my brother, worried he screwed up his chances with this new girl. Then I get a call from my Mama that Rachel's son is in the hospital and that you and her are with him. My brother calls me after, telling me the same story about his girl's son is in the hospital and asks me to come with him to be by Rachel's side, who is his new girl. Which is the one you were worried about hurting. Did I get all this right?"

I take a gulp from my hot coffee, " Yep." The burning does nothing to soothe the pain and confusion I'm feeling.

"And that beautiful, stunning woman sitting at the table over there, is your fiancé?" Billy confirms.

"Yeah." I sigh.

"Shit my friend. You're fucked if you don't figure this shit out fast."

"Thanks Billy."