Chapter 14 - Niall Horan

I choke when I hear the words and the world starts spinning around me. I feel really dizzy and it’s not in the cheesy romantic way. I really feel ill and I may throw up right here, right now. I didn’t just kiss a celebrity, I kissed one of the biggest celebrities nowadays, someone whom everyone is talking about, someone whom everyone wants. My stepsister wants him and drools over him!

Out of all the celebrities in this retreat centre I had to kiss Niall Horan. Really? It could’ve been any other! Even Harry, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and I know I’m not his style. He told me that! And we don’t have that connection outside the ball. It would be safe.

No, I refuse to believe Mystery Guy is Niall. No, any other celebrity but not him. And he has his girlfriend, Zoe!

Oh God… is that why she asked for her own room? But she’s still here, they are still spending time together. I’ve seen them. It’s not really over then, so they are still somehow together… kind of.

Oh God… I kissed a boy with a girlfriend. How wrong is that?

I may actually puke, right now. I need to go to the loo.

“Ella? Are you okay?” Liv asks and only then I notice that I’ve been holding my breath all this time since Charlie dropped the bomb and when I look at her, my expression must be of sheer panic because she runs towards me. “Ella, breathe!”

“Niall? No, it can’t be him. He has a girlfriend. I’m not a home wrecker!” I cry out. As if the fact he’s a celebrity isn’t enough.

I knew before that he had a girlfriend, but I didn’t know who she was and I didn't know who he was either; now it’s all worse. And she’s not that bad, I mean, she smiled at me nicely. Probably five celebrities have done that since this became a retreat centre for their kind.

Putting actually faces to the mystery guy and his girlfriend makes everything worse. Why did Charlie have to tell me?

“You’re not!” Charlie hurries to say but I glare daggers at him. “Technically, he’s single and he was single when you kissed him. They haven’t got back together, although they are trying to fix things. Or that’s what I got.”

“IT’S STILL BAD!” I shout and he steps back, caught off guard with my reaction. “Why did you have to tell me?”

“’Cos you deserved to know. He’s your prince charming—”

“He’s not my prince charming, he’s someone else’s. Now I know who that person is and it’s all worse. It makes me sick!”

“Ella, don’t take it like that. He’s looking for you, he wants to find you. That relationship is broken already,” my best friend insists, but I shake my head.

“And probably my presence in the drama is only making things worse. Don’t you see? If that relationship was damaged I probably killed it.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Olivia says still with one arm around me. “Maybe it was broken long ago. Maybe you only helped him to realise that,” she suggests but I can’t see it like that.

How did I end up in this place?

“No, it wasn't Niall,” I state firmly and pull back, away from Liv and Charlie. “I need air.”

I just run away from my room, leaving my two friends there. My head is a mess, my heart is beating hurtfully in my chest, not knowing how to feel with this information. I don’t want to believe it’s him, I want to go back to that blissful state of ignorance when everything was a mystery. It was easier like that, it was best.

What if I meet Zoe in a hall? How am I supposed to be in the same place with herwhen I know I kissed her boyfriend?

Worse. What am I supposed to do when I see Niall? Knowing I kissed him, that we had that connection, that he turned my world upside down in one kiss?

Thank God I didn’t have dinner.

I keep running to the only place I know I can calm down at and put my thoughts in order. And I’m so desperate for that serenity that I run as fast as I can, faster than I’ve ever ran and I don’t stop until I’m in the stables, panting and with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.

There’s no one there, only the horses and when I realise that, I can breathe again. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, letting the familiarity of that place calm me down. When I stop panting I go to Ares, because he’s my favourite, and hug him.

“Ares, I’m a bad person,” I tell him, hiding my face in his mane, still hugging him. He moves and snorts, but it’s not to push me away. I feel it’s his way to comfort me because then he stay stills, next to me, and I slowly start to feel a wee better. Calmer. “I wish you could tell me it wasn’t him,” I whisper still holding on to Ares’ neck.

Ares moves abruptly, exalted, and I pull back. I’m confused and I try to get hold of him again, but then I hear someone calling my name.

“Ella?” I turn around and I understand why Ares moved so abruptly. It’s because he was warning me someone else was walking in.

“Thanks, Ares,” I say under my breath before I look up to meet his eyes. His blue eyes that were all I focused on during the ball. “Niall,” I say to him and he smiles a little.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here at this time,” he says and I cock my head to the right, trying to understand what he means. He resumes his walking, approaching to me. I feel my heart racing in my chest and my guts twist uneasily. “I come here at this time, more or less, to see the horses. Since that day we met here, at least.” He looks at Ares with loving eyes before he finally stops next to the horse and me. His hand brushes the black hair of Ares and the horse looks actually pleased, happy to see Niall there. “They do have this calming thing, don’t they? I can actually think when I’m near and by the time I go back to my room, I feel much better.”

“They help a lot,” I say because just like him, I came here seeking for that calming effect, because I was drowning in my own thoughts.

Niall looks at me, his eyes as blue as during the ball and although it’s kind of dark in the stable, I can see his gaze perfectly. The shadows around his features kind of make him look like in the ball, partially hidden.

It can’t be him, it can’t be him, I chant in my head, hoping I’m just seeing wrong.

“Is there something bothering you? Why did you come here at this time?” He asks and I shake my head before focusing on Ares. I won’t look at him.

“I just wanted to see Ares,” I lie and I don’t know if he believes me, but I ask the question I know will make him focus on another thing instead of me. “What about you? Something causing problems?”

I hear him inhale sharply, surprised that I’ve asked that. I don’t blame him, all the other times we’ve met I’ve shown nothing but indifference in knowing his matters. But here I am now, asking what’s bugging him.

“Actually, yes. Same problem as usual,” he says and I look at him quickly, inviting him to talk. If he talks about his problems maybe I’ll stop thinking of mine. “It’s Zoe.” And again, I feel like puking. “We were so great at the beginning, you know? I really loved her and I was just protecting her, that’s why we kept it as a secret. Plus she’s a model and very proud. She wanted to make it on her own.” I look away because I can’t meet his eyes when he’s talking about his girlfriend, and if what he tells me is right, I actually admire that trait of hers. “I don't know when it happened, but our relationship just started to deteriorate. I wasn’t into it anymore. I wouldn’t call her every day, I wouldn’t mind if we couldn’t see each other in weeks. Sometimes I didn’t even want to see her.” My guts twist at those words. Their problems started long before I showed up in the picture then; if he is actually my mystery guy. “That’s why we came here. We thought that maybe some time away from the media and work would help us, but it hasn’t been the case.”

“I’m sorry,” I say because I don’t know what else to say to that.

“It’s not your fault,” he smiles. “I guess I started to fall out of love without even realising and I can’t go back to the way we were before.” He looks so resigned and sad for what he lost, but he doesn’t exactly sound broken. It’s weird. “And now she’s mad at me because she knows something changed. I mean, she’s been mad at me for a long time ‘cos she says I’m not trying to make this work as much as she is. I’m always late, I’ve stood her up ‘cos I just forgot we were gonna meet. I know, I’m terrible. She is right, I’ve been a lousy boyfriend. That’s why when she said we should break up I agreed. And that made her even madder,” he chuckles humourlessly. “And then at the ball I met this girl—” I tense when I hear those words and I see the smile on his lips— “I met this amazing girl. We just… we just had a connection, you know. I don’t even know who she is and she refused to tell me, but I can’t stop thinking of her. And since that night I can’t even try with Zoe. She asks me how I can give up on us that easily, and I can’t explain it to her. That’s why I come here, trying to find a way to tell her all this without her ending up hating me.”

I’m once again holding my breath because Niall, without intending to, has confirmed he is indeed my mystery guy. Charlie was right. I kissed him at the ball, I shared that moment with him and now he’s standing next to me, telling me all his problems with his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend —I don’t even know!— and I’m just here, standing  by, with my heart beating so fast I could have a heart attack.

I found my mystery guy. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

Niall chuckles, embarrassed with himself. I see the blush in his cheeks and he’s nervous, he starches the back of his neck. “I… I’m sorry for the rant. It’s just easy to talk to you, you know?” He tells me, looking right into my eyes and I get a bit paranoid he may recognise me. I know I looked completely different that day but my eyes are the same… without makeup, though. “I dunno why, probably you don’t even care about all this and you just think I’m a conceited celebrity.”

Weeeeell…

Once again, he chuckles. “Still, thanks for listening.”

“Relationships are complicated,” I say and he looks surprised. Probably he was expecting an ‘it’s my job’ kind of answer. It’s the kind I’ve given him, after all. “But they are worth it. Maybe you should try to fix yours with Zoe,” I suggest, meeting his eyes only for a brief moment.

“I dunno… it’s seems like it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late!” I exclaim and he looks really taken aback, but my mind is working fast, seeing how I can fix this, how I can make amends for what I did during the ball. Maybe I didn’t ruin the relationship, but I made things worse. “I can help you!” I say and his eyes are wide open. “Yes, I can help you. You can’t give up on her. Whoever this mystery girl is you mentioned doesn’t matter. She didn’t tell you her name, right? Must be for a reason so don’t waste your time on her. Focus on what you have: Zoe. I’ll help you.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” he muses.

“Of course it is. I’ll help you two to get back together,” I state, smiling. This is how I’m gonna fix all this.

Ha, look at me, Cinderella helping Prince Charming to get his rightful princess back, who’s not me.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @KitKatFelton because you're right, Ella is not lucky. There's nothing to envy about her and you're right again, Prince Charming only will make things more complicated for her, he won't solve her problems... but some troublesome things are worth it, aren't they?

Bel, xx